When my boyfriend & I first started dating he used to tell me how beautiful I was & compliment me. We've only been dating 5 months & he doesn't do it anymore. I'm starting to feel less desired because he'll be quick to say oh she has on a nice dress about another girl, but he never tells me that I look nice, or that I'm beautiful. I've told him about it & asked him why & all he did was try & make me feel bad by saying, "Oh, I wasn't aware you NEEDED that." The fact is everyone needs to be reminded that their significant other still finds them attracted or notices when they try to dress up. that's why I make it a point to always tell him that I think he looks nice or something positive like that. Today, he said that what was the point of telling me how I look since we're already dating, and I know that he's mine. It makes me feel bad because I always feel like he notices other girls except me. Recently, a guy from my past has been trying to contact me nonstop & I can't help but to be reminded of the way he used to always tell me I looked nice, and how beautiful I was. I wish my boyfriend would listen to me & not make me beg because it makes me feel pathetic. Sorry for the rambling, but what should I do? & any thoughts?
Most Helpful Guy
Have you ever heard of the Five Love Languages?
Check out the book here:
Basically people need different types of expression to feel loved. Some need gifts, some need to be touched, and so on. Yours sounds like it's "Words of Affirmation." You might want to read that book and then see if you can get your boyfriend to read it. Maybe then he'll understand you have different languages and you need him to speak yours. And also you can figure out what his is. You may be assuming that since yours is Words of Affirmation his is too. But maybe his is something else and if you can both learn what the other needs you can make each other feel more loved.
If he is completely dismissive and won't even talk about it, that's a really bad sign of his lack of empathy for you.
Most Helpful Girl
Hi there. First off please don't feel bad for telling your boyfriend about what you feel. You did that respectfully and you communicated reasonably, so all is well.
The lack of giving compliment to the partner when both are well into the relationship happens. It doesn't mean that he has completely lost interest in you IF he has been showing effort/commitment in being your boyfriend (such as spending time with you etc). Some guys just find it a complete hassle to keep complimenting their girlfriend often. The chase itself is tiring, and they probably find themselves in a comfort zone that (in their opinion) there is no need to compliment about their girl friend's look. Here's an example: Our parents or older couple do not compliment each other much anymore as their relationship mature. Some still compliment once in a while, some not so much. But the guys sometimes will still look into girls (say celebs or anything) and find them hot. That's the nature of girls. However, the whole wanting to compliment or not is just a matter of preference. So don't take it too personally when he notices some other girls' clothes but not you. (maybe in a way you can take it a compliment that he's too comfortable in being with you and that he feels that your relationship has already matured).
I know you would LOVE to hear him compliment you, and you've already made your point across, but it's his choice ultimately and you can't force it. Just don't take this too heart too much and embrace what you got with him. Don't ever let your insecurity or his behavior make you unhappy. If in doubts on whether he still is alright with you, as I said just observe whether he still puts in effort to spend time with you and whether he has any "hiding" intentions in his actions. If he still does, I reassure that he's still fine and well into you :) Hope this helps! feel free to type to me if you still want to talk about it :) xx