Why are girls so confused about signals that guys like them?

The single most common question on this site has to be "Does he like me?"

Men are not nearly as subtle with their signals as women are. If he touches you, he likes you. If he flirts with you, he likes you. If he teases you, he likes you. If he makes eye contact and smiles, he likes you. If he stares at you, he likes you. If he goes out of his way to talk to you multiple times, he almost certainly likes you.

I don't know why girls here are so confused about this stuff. Men are very obvious about liking girls.


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Most Helpful Girl

  • Well men confuse us, because you guys go "hot and cold" on us all the time. Us girls get to the point of " ok I am pretty confident he likes me" but then you guys will go and do something that indicates to a woman " Oh maybe I was wrong"..so in which case then the woman will be more cold to protect herself...Why can't you men just say it...then none of this wondering would go on with us women, we would know because your actions and words would speak...I think the problem is men do either one or the other, and/or more of one thing than the other..meaning a man will do and say things that indicate like...then he will not make contact for a few days which case a woman is then thinking " well if he really liked me, he would want to talk to me"..( just an example) there sometimes is not continuity with you guys..like I said you are hot and cold all at the same time...Hard to read

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    • I agree 100% because I'm going through something like that right now. I've only said "I think I'm starting to like you from the more I learn about you." Right now for me it's the "Ok, he does," later on it's "Ok, maybe he doesn't."

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    • I think part of the confusion is someone that girls protest loudly, but secretly enjoy in a semi-twisted sort of way. If you didn't have to agonize over a guy you wouldn't feel like you "earned" him or vice versa. I've seen (and sent) women running for the hills if I fall for them "too easily". Girls may say they don't like the chase, but until proven otherwise, guys will continue to send mixed signals.

    • But at what point is enough enough? when does the hot and cold phase stop? say they guy is too shy to ever come out with the fact that he likes you, what do you do? in my situation, I don't refuse to be the one to just go for it, but I'm worried that I'm going to bombard him/send him running for the hills even though he has strongly indicated that he likes me...

What Girls Said 43

  • Its called mind games. Almost every guy likes to play them, so those signs don't really apply if a guy is using a girl.

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  • I don't think it's so obvious, especially when the guy in question is a friend. Several times, I've gotten to know a guy as friends, then fallen for him. Then I found myself wondering if the laughing and singling out and teasing was flirting or just him being friendly. The only way to really know is to ask, but that takes a little bravery.

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  • Men are tricky. They may say things that make you think "WOW HE LIKES ME ALOT" but then their actions continuously contradict what their words... So you start thinking, 'Maybe he's just lying to me and putting me on a pedestal to get me in bed' or 'Maybe he's just playing mind games with me and having fun with it..."

    We have to be very alert also because men seem to lose feelings easier than women do.. One day, they will tell you how you mean sooo much to them and how they're so happy to have you in their lives... The next day, they're arguing and breaking up with you...Its tough but we need to constantly be reassured so we're not being mislead...

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    • P.S. IF men would just stop giving so many mixed signals, we wouldn't be so confused. So I blame those types of men for our confusion...

  • There's a difference between the guy being sexually interested and actually liking us. Just because a guy smiles and flirts doesn't mean he likes us. It could just mean we look or seem easy. It doesn't mean he has an emotional interest. Girls very rarely are interested in a guy just for sex and a lot of guys are only interested in sex. We need to know the sure fire signs that he's after our hearts and not our bods.

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  • simple - we are emotional creatures. while you sometimes flirt just to play games, it readily appealed to us but we wanna make sure we're bot being played on so, we ask :)

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    • We are emotional creatures or at least, most of us are :)

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What Guys Said 10

  • Because they don't necessarily mean 'like me' in terms of is he attracted to me.

    A guy can do all the things you said when they are attracted to a girl, but not necessarily like her.

    Or in other words, they want sex, but not much else.

    Remember there are guys that are players and lie to girls. Given that girls are hit on a lot (and thus will be hit on by players as well as normal guys) it can be confusing.

    However, if a guy isn't a player, especially the questions about if a friend likes them or a shy guy or whatnot, then guys are not subtle. Even when we try to be 'cool' we are not subtle.

    The hot and cold is because guys know that coming on too strong will scare a girl away, but we also are expected to pursue. So we try to be 'cool' and then when we think we are losing the girl we come on strong, then play it cool to not scare them off.

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  • A lot (not all) women try to apply female thinking to male behavior. It doesn't work. If he tells you that you look attractive, it means just that. Unless you have strong reason to believe that a man is lying, he is going to be literal almost all of the time. The reason why most men don't say such obvious things too often is because we are mostly afraid of rejection and SHOW BY OUR ACTIONS that we like a girl instead of always spelling it out loud. Men are much worse at reading girls signals than vice versa IMO. Girls, on the other hand, WAY OVERTHINK what a man DOES. Pay attention to his actions, as they aren't that confusing most of the time.

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    • Oooh, well said. It's so hard for women to realize that we're looking at this from the wrong perspective. We analyze everything to death, while men are much more literal as you said. Granted, there are exceptions to the rule, but this works 90% of the time.The big problem is when his actions and his words don't match. I've noticed that a few times!

      And how sad is it that I just realized what IMO means.

    • The 500 character limit for comments is annoying!

    • The Digital Saint - - This is beautiful advice. I am glad you wrote this comment. Thank you! Such awesome points!

  • Love this point, haha. SO TRUE.

    Not only are men unbelievably more obvious (unlike women's subtlety)... Almost no man on the planet plays hard to get.

    Its simple, if a man does even just *one* thing indicating interest. He's interested. Case closed.

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    • Hah. Then please explain situations where a guy insists he 'seriously likes' us, yet he can't date us because [fill in excuse]. Yes, men are so uncomplicated. Or do they just lie to confuse us on purpose?

  • It's not the gesture that is confusing, it's that the guy himself is confusing. They don't know whether to weigh anchor or stay put.

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  • Because women falsely assume that *we* think like they think.

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