Why are girls so confused about signals that guys like them?

The single most common question on this site has to be "Does he like me?"

Men are not nearly as subtle with their signals as women are. If he touches you, he likes you. If he flirts with you, he likes you. If he teases you, he likes you. If he makes eye contact and smiles, he likes you. If he stares at you, he likes you. If he goes out of his way to talk to you multiple times, he almost certainly likes you.

I don't know why girls here are so confused about this stuff. Men are very obvious about liking girls.


Most Helpful Girl

  • Well men confuse us, because you guys go "hot and cold" on us all the time. Us girls get to the point of " ok I am pretty confident he likes me" but then you guys will go and do something that indicates to a woman " Oh maybe I was wrong"..so in which case then the woman will be more cold to protect herself...Why can't you men just say it...then none of this wondering would go on with us women, we would know because your actions and words would speak...I think the problem is men do either one or the other, and/or more of one thing than the other..meaning a man will do and say things that indicate like...then he will not make contact for a few days which case a woman is then thinking " well if he really liked me, he would want to talk to me"..( just an example) there sometimes is not continuity with you guys..like I said you are hot and cold all at the same time...Hard to read

    • I agree 100% because I'm going through something like that right now. I've only said "I think I'm starting to like you from the more I learn about you." Right now for me it's the "Ok, he does," later on it's "Ok, maybe he doesn't."

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    • I think part of the confusion is someone that girls protest loudly, but secretly enjoy in a semi-twisted sort of way. If you didn't have to agonize over a guy you wouldn't feel like you "earned" him or vice versa. I've seen (and sent) women running for the hills if I fall for them "too easily". Girls may say they don't like the chase, but until proven otherwise, guys will continue to send mixed signals.

    • But at what point is enough enough? when does the hot and cold phase stop? say they guy is too shy to ever come out with the fact that he likes you, what do you do? in my situation, I don't refuse to be the one to just go for it, but I'm worried that I'm going to bombard him/send him running for the hills even though he has strongly indicated that he likes me...

What Girls Said 43

  • Its called mind games. Almost every guy likes to play them, so those signs don't really apply if a guy is using a girl.

  • I don't think it's so obvious, especially when the guy in question is a friend. Several times, I've gotten to know a guy as friends, then fallen for him. Then I found myself wondering if the laughing and singling out and teasing was flirting or just him being friendly. The only way to really know is to ask, but that takes a little bravery.

  • Men are tricky. They may say things that make you think "WOW HE LIKES ME ALOT" but then their actions continuously contradict what their words... So you start thinking, 'Maybe he's just lying to me and putting me on a pedestal to get me in bed' or 'Maybe he's just playing mind games with me and having fun with it..."

    We have to be very alert also because men seem to lose feelings easier than women do.. One day, they will tell you how you mean sooo much to them and how they're so happy to have you in their lives... The next day, they're arguing and breaking up with you...Its tough but we need to constantly be reassured so we're not being mislead...

    • P.S. IF men would just stop giving so many mixed signals, we wouldn't be so confused. So I blame those types of men for our confusion...

  • There's a difference between the guy being sexually interested and actually liking us. Just because a guy smiles and flirts doesn't mean he likes us. It could just mean we look or seem easy. It doesn't mean he has an emotional interest. Girls very rarely are interested in a guy just for sex and a lot of guys are only interested in sex. We need to know the sure fire signs that he's after our hearts and not our bods.

  • simple - we are emotional creatures. while you sometimes flirt just to play games, it readily appealed to us but we wanna make sure we're bot being played on so, we ask :)

    • We are emotional creatures or at least, most of us are :)

  • How about if the guy flirts with a lot of girls! It would be like he likes all of them! Yet, from what I've heard from people on this site and elsewhere, "He is just complimenting the girl. He is a flirt but he does not like her." It's so confusing with some guys.

    • I can answer yes to everything this guys said about signals....but he has a girlfriend...he does it with every girl. lame.


  • Because every guy does that even if they don't like you!

    So yeah it's kind of confusing nowadays with "players" or whatever. To me I think almost every guys does whatever just to get there way and see how far they can get. Yeah guys can be confusing at times.

  • But how can you tell if he likes you romantically vs likes you as a friend?

    Because "friends" also do the same...

    If he doesn't ask you out directly, then generally to a girl, those signals aren't so clear.

    What would you advise then?

  • What about if a guy touches you, invites you to dinner frequently, and pays, calls frequently, picks you up, lets you drive his beloved truck, gets jealous of other guys around, and grabs your hand. Everyone insisted that he liked me (even his mom), but then he rejects me saying "I don't like you. Maybe if it were 2004..." I got that exact line. After nearly a year of him acting like a casual boyfriend. 2004 was when we had first met. Apparently things had changed since then. :shrugs:

    Yes, most mature guys are obvious in their interest, but once in a while you get a guy who sends ALL kinds of contradictory information. It sounds pathetic, but there are some seriously strange guys out there.

    • He doesn't want to admit it I think. If he does not like you why would he get jealous of other guys??? That's the confusing part you know.

    • Well, that's no longer an issue... he moved and immediately found a girlfriend. I'm happy for him, and I'm happy that I wasn't stuck with a guy that couldn't send clear messages. It was so much drama.

  • well in my situation he has done that...but off and on. Its never constant and he's never asked me out yet he'll do all of those things...and yet there are some days where he won't even talk to me at all and it hurts so I never am sure "(

  • Well. I'll give you a situation.

    There's a guy I like. We talked a bit. Exchanged phone numbers. Hung out. Laughed. He did all of the things on your list of signals except for touch. (But he's shy around girls according to his friends) And things seemed good, but seeing as how we don't live near each other and see each other only every few weeks, things have been going downhill. I've initiated conversations with him on Facebook chat and he keeps them going, but never initiates them. I was so sure he liked me when we were around each other for a week, but now I'm confused.

    I got those signals, got super amped about it! Then got confused. So maybe you can clear that part up for me...

    • I'm in the same exact situation! can anyone shed a light?

  • hmm nice to know...thanx

  • Yes, I heard that guys are much easier to decipher because there's nothing to decipher on the first place. Yet, how many time I've seen guys DELIBERATELY paying more attention to the girlfriend of the girl they actually like ( which they admit later) Why do the do that? Absolutely no idea. So much for being easy to understand.

    • Jealousy usually. we're making you jealous to get you to admit you like us first. remember its all a game in who gets who to tell who first that they like the other one. jealousy is just one of those tricks men AND women will use

    • I see your point. It makes sense, except... it defeats the purpose. It makes us angry and want to get back- not give the guy the time of the day.

  • Women have more emotional point of views then men, if a guy likes me, then he should go after me! :)

  • Well do you know how many times I am told well some guys are touchy feely. All the damn time I am told "Oh he couldn't possibly like you, he touches me too or I have seen him touch others, or here's the best one. "He's gay" couldn't possibly like you. I have heard it so much I acutally believe no guy could ever like me. All boils down to he don't like you. I am a very attractive girl and no guy likes me according to many. So when I ask that it is because I have everyone kicking me down. Funny thing is I get hit on all the time. But nobody likes me according to all the ladies I talk to.

  • I love reading this post. I totally get mixed signals, but then, now I realize that men don't necessarily WANT to tell us things straight out, since they fear rejection.

    My current male "friend" says many romantic things one night, and then gets back to "business mode" the next day. It's like TWO different people. When he is open and romantic, I love it and I feel very much as tho he likes me ALOT. But as soon as he becomes business like I feel that he is distant and cold, and that he just used me for the night, and that the things he said to me were all lies just to get me to bed.

    Now, I could be right. BUT, in all fairness to men, we need to give them the space to initiate calls to us, tell us they like us "when" they WANT to tell us, and we also need to understand that men clam up again and go back into their caves to rejuvinate, think, get work done, etc...

    It's not a bad thing... it's just how men are!

    So, I've recently employed the technique of accepting my new man friend's words as reality ("I like you", "You're nice", "I'm so into you", "We fit so well together", "You're so beatiful", "I miss you", "I want to see you". I take all of his words literally, and try not to think (illogically) that perhaps he "could" be a player. Because what if he ISN"T a player, and now I've ruined things with my paranoid thinking!

    Anyway, my point is that there's definitely a difference in how men and women relate. And YES we both play games (even when we don't want or mean to). Men and women play the game of "courting" eachother, and then pulling back again just to re-assess the situation, and MOST importantly, we pull back because we each fear rejection.

    l loved the comments by "TheDigitalSaint". They are excellent points! Everyone could really benefit from his posting.

  • Because usually signals have double meanings to us. I wish the genders would use words instead of actions, it would simply things in SO many ways.

  • okay so how do we get them back after they have disappeared and they def liked us but thought we were trying to get rid of them( because I'm afraid of getting hurt and push people away as soon as they get close) I MISS HIM! but I f*ing sucked because I'm afraid of getting hurt

  • Yes but we are so confused because a guy I know does that stuff but says maybe something will happen Later when I ask him

  • mainly because we get rele happy inside and want 2 keep hearing the same thing over and over again! lol 4 real :) it boosts up are self esteem. :)

  • Because men do this and send mixed signals afterwards...by not calling showing less action and being aloof is why men confuse women!

    • This is exactly it. it's all of the mixed signals. he may touch you, he may flirt with you, he may have kissed you, but after all of that he hardly talks to you for a while. during which time you assume he doesn't like you any more but then he texts you again...guys make NO sense.

  • I would say it's because we are best at reading our own gender... I can tell when my friends like a guy, but none of us can tell when a guy likes us.

  • well we are don't want ot get inberessed or anything so we just want to be sure!

  • That probably refers to guys we girls aren't really good friends with.

    When a girl is really good friends with a guy, some and probably most of these signs could be misconstrued as liking her, even though he's just a really good and close FRIEND.

    And there are guys who do that kinda stuff to ALL girls he knows, so what makes him staring at you or teasing you any different from him doing that to another girl? How would girls know the difference?

    • If he is such a good friend like you claim him to be, then most definitely he would have already talked with you about a girl or girls he likes (or if he is gay then he would be talking about guys he like). If such conversation is so strangely absent, then you must be sure that his object of desire is you.

    • Not unless this good guy friend is also a shy guy when it comes to his feelings. I may be wrong, but I'm pretty sure there are guys out there who won't do anything blatantly obvious (to the point of exposing his crush) simply because he fears rejection.

      About what you said...Usually, guys talk to guys about girls they like, and it's the same with girls. This may be because when you reach across that gender barrier to talk about someone you like, it can get awkward. So they avoid it.

  • If it wasn't as obvious to girls as it is to you, we wouldn't ask.

    Obviously the two sexes are basically "enigmas" to the other.

  • i became confused as it said "men are very obvious about liking girls" but that just only for a day. the following day he became like a different guy. it seems like he don't know what he was said yesterday. one moment he's sweet and the next hour he seems like he don't know you.. how come i can't confused about it? he just keep staring straight to me.. no word no smile at all! what's that mean?

  • i`ve had a guy doing all these you keep saying.in the begining I didn`t want to bcs he is several years younger than me.he showed lots of interest for about 1 month and was very kind with me,i never gave him any hope in the begining bcs of the reason I wrote above, but I was really kind to him.then when I was ready to act differently he started dating a girl.at that time he saw I became jealous and understood I also liked him.he broke up with this girl after 3 weeks and started to date another girl which actually was aware he was with another one when she allured him.now they have been together for 1.5 month.they look better together then he did with the ex girl, they kiss and hug and look like a good couple.but he still keeps looking at me and has this strange interest look, caring look.he is sometimes flirty with me , sometimes stays like more apart, but still he looks at me with interest as I said.

    now what can you say to such a guy?

    i know he likes me somehow , but then why does he do that?

  • What if that is your ex-boyfriend that you dated a year ago and you're now friends again. How would I know if it's him not knowing how to be friendly again or if he just really likes me that way again? You see why this isn't always clear.

  • the reason we ask that question so much is because we want reassurance that he indeed likes us...I personally look through these questions, just to see if the guy I like is doing them...

  • For me, two words: mixed signals. When a guy seems interested in you but acts distant and aloof... probably trying to stay "manly" and not show his feelings and/or come on too strong. But it is so very confusing...

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What Guys Said 10

  • Because they don't necessarily mean 'like me' in terms of is he attracted to me.

    A guy can do all the things you said when they are attracted to a girl, but not necessarily like her.

    Or in other words, they want sex, but not much else.

    Remember there are guys that are players and lie to girls. Given that girls are hit on a lot (and thus will be hit on by players as well as normal guys) it can be confusing.

    However, if a guy isn't a player, especially the questions about if a friend likes them or a shy guy or whatnot, then guys are not subtle. Even when we try to be 'cool' we are not subtle.

    The hot and cold is because guys know that coming on too strong will scare a girl away, but we also are expected to pursue. So we try to be 'cool' and then when we think we are losing the girl we come on strong, then play it cool to not scare them off.

  • A lot (not all) women try to apply female thinking to male behavior. It doesn't work. If he tells you that you look attractive, it means just that. Unless you have strong reason to believe that a man is lying, he is going to be literal almost all of the time. The reason why most men don't say such obvious things too often is because we are mostly afraid of rejection and SHOW BY OUR ACTIONS that we like a girl instead of always spelling it out loud. Men are much worse at reading girls signals than vice versa IMO. Girls, on the other hand, WAY OVERTHINK what a man DOES. Pay attention to his actions, as they aren't that confusing most of the time.

    • Oooh, well said. It's so hard for women to realize that we're looking at this from the wrong perspective. We analyze everything to death, while men are much more literal as you said. Granted, there are exceptions to the rule, but this works 90% of the time.The big problem is when his actions and his words don't match. I've noticed that a few times!

      And how sad is it that I just realized what IMO means.

    • The 500 character limit for comments is annoying!

    • The Digital Saint - - This is beautiful advice. I am glad you wrote this comment. Thank you! Such awesome points!

  • Love this point, haha. SO TRUE.

    Not only are men unbelievably more obvious (unlike women's subtlety)... Almost no man on the planet plays hard to get.

    Its simple, if a man does even just *one* thing indicating interest. He's interested. Case closed.

    • Hah. Then please explain situations where a guy insists he 'seriously likes' us, yet he can't date us because [fill in excuse]. Yes, men are so uncomplicated. Or do they just lie to confuse us on purpose?

  • It's not the gesture that is confusing, it's that the guy himself is confusing. They don't know whether to weigh anchor or stay put.

  • Because women falsely assume that *we* think like they think.

  • Agreed!

  • i think its got to do with if they don't like us back, they refuse to believe he does all this BECAUSE he likes her

  • haha yeah

  • The thing is most of them know that the guy likes them. But, they continue on to ask the question because they want people to reassure them of this, even though they know. Guys do it on this site also, but girls even more so because this site has a lot more girls on it and, in general, girls think about relationship stuff more.

    • It's hard to think they do when everyone around you is telling you it can't be possible. I am so sick of hearing that I want to scream, guys touch me but no way could he like me. I hear he does that to everyone, he's gay, he this, he's that. etc. etc. etc..

  • Instead of answering this one, I'll give you a question to think about.

    Why are some guys ignorant to the signals from girls that they like them?

    • Because women's signals are super-subtle. Scientific studies all confirm that 93% of men can NOT read women's "sex-signals"... These are the physical hard-wired, biological universal signals that all women on the planet use. And 93% of all men born can not even see them (too subtle). As in physically unable to perceive them. Almost like missing that part of the brain.

    • I'd say that 92% out of that 93% don't use google too much.

      Most of the igns are covered online, tbh. Although, I learned them from a book called (number) things a bright boy can do. Two small pages sure hold a lot of info :P

      But when you have a girlfriend for long enough, you start to teach your intuition anyway.

    • Spelling: "...of the SIGNS are covered..."