Why are girls so confused about signals that guys like them?

The single most common question on this site has to be "Does he like me?"

Men are not nearly as subtle with their signals as women are. If he touches you, he likes you. If he flirts with you, he likes you. If he teases you, he likes you. If he makes eye contact and smiles, he likes you. If he stares at you, he likes you. If he goes out of his way to talk to you multiple times, he almost certainly likes you.

I don't know why girls here are so confused about this stuff. Men are very obvious about liking girls.


What's Your Opinion?


Most Helpful Opinion

  • Well men confuse us, because you guys go "hot and cold" on us all the time. Us girls get to the point of " ok I am pretty confident he likes me" but then you guys will go and do something that indicates to a woman " Oh maybe I was wrong"..so in which case then the woman will be more cold to protect herself...Why can't you men just say it...then none of this wondering would go on with us women, we would know because your actions and words would speak...I think the problem is men do either one or the other, and/or more of one thing than the other..meaning a man will do and say things that indicate like...then he will not make contact for a few days which case a woman is then thinking " well if he really liked me, he would want to talk to me"..( just an example) there sometimes is not continuity with you guys..like I said you are hot and cold all at the same time...Hard to read

    • But at what point is enough enough? when does the hot and cold phase stop? say they guy is too shy to ever come out with the fact that he likes you, what do you do? in my situation, I don't refuse to be the one to just go for it, but I'm worried that I'm going to bombard him/send him running for the hills even though he has strongly indicated that he likes me...

    • I think part of the confusion is someone that girls protest loudly, but secretly enjoy in a semi-twisted sort of way. If you didn't have to agonize over a guy you wouldn't feel like you "earned" him or vice versa. I've seen (and sent) women running for the hills if I fall for them "too easily". Girls may say they don't like the chase, but until proven otherwise, guys will continue to send mixed signals.

    • I think am going through that stage...

      "OK I'm pretty sure he likes me...so I think I'll start responding to his actions now"


      "Um..HOKEY.. I think he's avoiding me.. maybe I was wrong.. he DOESN'T like me.. why the heck did I say that?!?" -slap forehead-

      -thinks "Now what?! Do I wait.. Call first.. or what???"-


    • Show Older

What Girls Said 41

  • i`ve had a guy doing all these you keep saying.in the begining I didn`t want to bcs he is several years younger than me.he showed lots of interest for about 1 month and was very kind with me,i never gave him any hope in the begining bcs of the reason I wrote above, but I was really kind to him.then when I was ready to act differently he started dating a girl.at that time he saw I became jealous and understood I also liked him.he broke up with this girl after 3 weeks and started to date another girl which actually was aware he was with another one when she allured him.now they have been together for 1.5 month.they look better together then he did with the ex girl, they kiss and hug and look like a good couple.but he still keeps looking at me and has this strange interest look, caring look.he is sometimes flirty with me , sometimes stays like more apart, but still he looks at me with interest as I said.

    now what can you say to such a guy?

    i know he likes me somehow , but then why does he do that?

  • What if that is your ex-boyfriend that you dated a year ago and you're now friends again. How would I know if it's him not knowing how to be friendly again or if he just really likes me that way again? You see why this isn't always clear.

  • Yes but we are so confused because a guy I know does that stuff but says maybe something will happen Later when I ask him

  • Yes, I heard that guys are much easier to decipher because there's nothing to decipher on the first place. Yet, how many time I've seen guys DELIBERATELY paying more attention to the girlfriend of the girl they actually like ( which they admit later) Why do the do that? Absolutely no idea. So much for being easy to understand.

    • I see your point. It makes sense, except... it defeats the purpose. It makes us angry and want to get back- not give the guy the time of the day.

    • Jealousy usually. we're making you jealous to get you to admit you like us first. remember its all a game in who gets who to tell who first that they like the other one. jealousy is just one of those tricks men AND women will use

  • the reason we ask that question so much is because we want reassurance that he indeed likes us...I personally look through these questions, just to see if the guy I like is doing them...

  • For me, two words: mixed signals. When a guy seems interested in you but acts distant and aloof... probably trying to stay "manly" and not show his feelings and/or come on too strong. But it is so very confusing...

  • Well. I'll give you a situation.

    There's a guy I like. We talked a bit. Exchanged phone numbers. Hung out. Laughed. He did all of the things on your list of signals except for touch. (But he's shy around girls according to his friends) And things seemed good, but seeing as how we don't live near each other and see each other only every few weeks, things have been going downhill. I've initiated conversations with him on Facebook chat and he keeps them going, but never initiates them. I was so sure he liked me when we were around each other for a week, but now I'm confused.

    I got those signals, got super amped about it! Then got confused. So maybe you can clear that part up for me...

    • I'm in the same exact situation! can anyone shed a light?

  • Well It's confusing because in my case I flat out told him I was interested. That got his attention and he's around me more but he runs hot and cold. It's frustrating and CONFUSING!

  • Now a days, guys treat almost every girl the same. For some apparent reason, we are to them a bunch of tramps who are willing to do anything and anyone.

    It is unfortunate, but true. Trust me, I am in high school and I see a bunch of really nice girls being treated like tramps because they are too insecure to stop the guys from doing so.

    I know I am getting a little bit off topic, but girls must stand up for themselves. We are not all the same, and we are definitely not interested in being treated like so.

  • girls are isecure

  • There's a difference between the guy being sexually interested and actually liking us. Just because a guy smiles and flirts doesn't mean he likes us. It could just mean we look or seem easy. It doesn't mean he has an emotional interest. Girls very rarely are interested in a guy just for sex and a lot of guys are only interested in sex. We need to know the sure fire signs that he's after our hearts and not our bods.

  • Women have more emotional point of views then men, if a guy likes me, then he should go after me! :)

    • Wrong, women should be asking men out, get off yer ass!

    • Exaaaactly.

  • How about if the guy flirts with a lot of girls! It would be like he likes all of them! Yet, from what I've heard from people on this site and elsewhere, "He is just complimenting the girl. He is a flirt but he does not like her." It's so confusing with some guys.


    • I can answer yes to everything this guys said about signals....but he has a girlfriend...he does it with every girl. lame.

  • Because usually signals have double meanings to us. I wish the genders would use words instead of actions, it would simply things in SO many ways.

  • I would say it's because we are best at reading our own gender... I can tell when my friends like a guy, but none of us can tell when a guy likes us.

  • I know this is a really old question but I randomly came across it.

    Cool to know those things... BUT is it possible that .. well I had this thing with this guy , liked each other SO MUCH, I did.. and he said he really did, but I think he got sick of the fact that I would never go up to him at school..but neither did he! were both very stubborn.

    And after that we drifted apart ALOT , and he still looked at me at school a lot. He would turn his head and look at me, and I caught him looking at me but he still looked. was that a sign he still liked me? or was thinking stuff like " did I actually like her" " I wonder how she's doing" ..uhhh I don't know how to explain myself. :) well?

    • Really?!

      I guess its to late., and if he liked me enough he would have just came up to me or talk to me again,right?

    • Of course he likes you. Usually when a male is staring at a female from a distance, he is either admiring her or hoping that he will be caught doing so.

  • simple - we are emotional creatures. while you sometimes flirt just to play games, it readily appealed to us but we wanna make sure we're bot being played on so, we ask :)

    • We are emotional creatures or at least, most of us are :)

  • I love reading this post. I totally get mixed signals, but then, now I realize that men don't necessarily WANT to tell us things straight out, since they fear rejection.

    My current male "friend" says many romantic things one night, and then gets back to "business mode" the next day. It's like TWO different people. When he is open and romantic, I love it and I feel very much as tho he likes me ALOT. But as soon as he becomes business like I feel that he is distant and cold, and that he just used me for the night, and that the things he said to me were all lies just to get me to bed.

    Now, I could be right. BUT, in all fairness to men, we need to give them the space to initiate calls to us, tell us they like us "when" they WANT to tell us, and we also need to understand that men clam up again and go back into their caves to rejuvinate, think, get work done, etc...

    It's not a bad thing... it's just how men are!

    So, I've recently employed the technique of accepting my new man friend's words as reality ("I like you", "You're nice", "I'm so into you", "We fit so well together", "You're so beatiful", "I miss you", "I want to see you". I take all of his words literally, and try not to think (illogically) that perhaps he "could" be a player. Because what if he ISN"T a player, and now I've ruined things with my paranoid thinking!

    Anyway, my point is that there's definitely a difference in how men and women relate. And YES we both play games (even when we don't want or mean to). Men and women play the game of "courting" eachother, and then pulling back again just to re-assess the situation, and MOST importantly, we pull back because we each fear rejection.

    l loved the comments by "TheDigitalSaint". They are excellent points! Everyone could really benefit from his posting.

  • i think girls look into the subject a little more. sometimes its just doubt, disbelief, or thinking their not good enough for them. its always good to have assurance like having one of his friends tell the person. also, some people give mixed signals like flirting all day then saying your a great friend.

    personally I'm never sure unless one of his friends tell me or he asks me out no matter how much he flirts or goes out of his way to talk to me

  • I don't think it's so obvious, especially when the guy in question is a friend. Several times, I've gotten to know a guy as friends, then fallen for him. Then I found myself wondering if the laughing and singling out and teasing was flirting or just him being friendly. The only way to really know is to ask, but that takes a little bravery.

  • well in my situation he has done that...but off and on. Its never constant and he's never asked me out yet he'll do all of those things...and yet there are some days where he won't even talk to me at all and it hurts so I never am sure "(

  • That probably refers to guys we girls aren't really good friends with.

    When a girl is really good friends with a guy, some and probably most of these signs could be misconstrued as liking her, even though he's just a really good and close FRIEND.

    And there are guys who do that kinda stuff to ALL girls he knows, so what makes him staring at you or teasing you any different from him doing that to another girl? How would girls know the difference?

    • Not unless this good guy friend is also a shy guy when it comes to his feelings. I may be wrong, but I'm pretty sure there are guys out there who won't do anything blatantly obvious (to the point of exposing his crush) simply because he fears rejection.

      About what you said...Usually, guys talk to guys about girls they like, and it's the same with girls. This may be because when you reach across that gender barrier to talk about someone you like, it can get awkward. So they avoid it.

    • If he is such a good friend like you claim him to be, then most definitely he would have already talked with you about a girl or girls he likes (or if he is gay then he would be talking about guys he like). If such conversation is so strangely absent, then you must be sure that his object of desire is you.

  • well we are don't want ot get inberessed or anything so we just want to be sure!

  • Well do you know how many times I am told well some guys are touchy feely. All the damn time I am told "Oh he couldn't possibly like you, he touches me too or I have seen him touch others, or here's the best one. "He's gay" couldn't possibly like you. I have heard it so much I acutally believe no guy could ever like me. All boils down to he don't like you. I am a very attractive girl and no guy likes me according to many. So when I ask that it is because I have everyone kicking me down. Funny thing is I get hit on all the time. But nobody likes me according to all the ladies I talk to.

    • They're just jealous.

  • Because men do this and send mixed signals afterwards...by not calling showing less action and being aloof is why men confuse women!

    • This is exactly it. it's all of the mixed signals. he may touch you, he may flirt with you, he may have kissed you, but after all of that he hardly talks to you for a while. during which time you assume he doesn't like you any more but then he texts you again...guys make NO sense.

  • But how can you tell if he likes you romantically vs likes you as a friend?

    Because "friends" also do the same...

    If he doesn't ask you out directly, then generally to a girl, those signals aren't so clear.

    What would you advise then?

  • okay so how do we get them back after they have disappeared and they def liked us but thought we were trying to get rid of them( because I'm afraid of getting hurt and push people away as soon as they get close) I MISS HIM! but I f*ing sucked because I'm afraid of getting hurt

  • If it wasn't as obvious to girls as it is to you, we wouldn't ask.

    Obviously the two sexes are basically "enigmas" to the other.

  • Its called mind games. Almost every guy likes to play them, so those signs don't really apply if a guy is using a girl.

    • Nice, a cynic for once!

  • I asked a man I know out on a date recently as he was showing all those signs you wrote of. He turned me down. So that's why us women are confused by men's actions.

  • well, I mean it's because maybe we're so worried about what he thinks about our hair, cause honestly I'm so into how he likes my hair and make up and stuff, I guess I get dumb when ireally like a guy and flustered that I worry too much and miss his signs

  • Because every guy does that even if they don't like you!

    So yeah it's kind of confusing nowadays with "players" or whatever. To me I think almost every guys does whatever just to get there way and see how far they can get. Yeah guys can be confusing at times.

  • I know when a guy likes me. I never wonder because the signs are pretty out there. Its all black and white. BUT here's the situation I'm in:

    The guy I like shows all those signs, but even before I read ur question I knew he liked me. BUT he asked me to hang out last weekend, but blew me off..He then said maybe next week but I have yet to hear from him about this weekend. Now, enlighten me.. what the hell is he doing? lol

    • At first I thought it was losing interest .. just to soon discover it wasn't.. I think its the whole 'playing it cool' which is a stupid thing. I LOVE how guys are like 'don't play games' 'dont play hard to get' when they turn around nd do the same thing..double standard much?

    • See that is exactly what I am talking about with men.....You were pretty certain that he liked you, then he turns around and does something that makes you question how much he really did like you.,,,,Since I am not a guy I guess I can't answer properly as I have no idea why he would do something like that,,,To me it is looking like he is losing interest, that would be the first thing I would think, but he probably isn't..just being a guy

  • lol because we have all run into guys, who seem to like us, do all of those things, then all of a sudden its:

    im not over my ex

    im not ready for a relationship

    lets take things slower

    im confused

    or they disappear

    • That's very true, I voted you UP----> BUT, none of these things mean he doesn't like you!!!

      We (both genders) show signals of interest when we find you attractive, and most of these signals are automatic. The signals don't mean however "we're hooking up for sure".

      The signals just mean "I find you physically attractive"... Not "I think you're the one". Signals only mean, "you're in the maybe category".

  • What about if a guy touches you, invites you to dinner frequently, and pays, calls frequently, picks you up, lets you drive his beloved truck, gets jealous of other guys around, and grabs your hand. Everyone insisted that he liked me (even his mom), but then he rejects me saying "I don't like you. Maybe if it were 2004..." I got that exact line. After nearly a year of him acting like a casual boyfriend. 2004 was when we had first met. Apparently things had changed since then. :shrugs:

    Yes, most mature guys are obvious in their interest, but once in a while you get a guy who sends ALL kinds of contradictory information. It sounds pathetic, but there are some seriously strange guys out there.

    • Well, that's no longer an issue... he moved and immediately found a girlfriend. I'm happy for him, and I'm happy that I wasn't stuck with a guy that couldn't send clear messages. It was so much drama.

    • He doesn't want to admit it I think. If he does not like you why would he get jealous of other guys??? That's the confusing part you know.

  • Men are tricky. They may say things that make you think "WOW HE LIKES ME ALOT" but then their actions continuously contradict what their words... So you start thinking, 'Maybe he's just lying to me and putting me on a pedestal to get me in bed' or 'Maybe he's just playing mind games with me and having fun with it..."

    We have to be very alert also because men seem to lose feelings easier than women do.. One day, they will tell you how you mean sooo much to them and how they're so happy to have you in their lives... The next day, they're arguing and breaking up with you...Its tough but we need to constantly be reassured so we're not being mislead...

    • P.S. IF men would just stop giving so many mixed signals, we wouldn't be so confused. So I blame those types of men for our confusion...

  • mainly because we get rele happy inside and want 2 keep hearing the same thing over and over again! lol 4 real :) it boosts up are self esteem. :)

    • Yes that is the truest thing on here lol

  • we wanna know: does he actually like me or is he just playing with me/tryna get in my pants

  • some men are like that with all girls even if they dnt like them.what do you think?its the flirty time that confuse me but anybody else is like you said clear to me no problem

  • hmm nice to know...thanx

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What Guys Said 10

  • Agreed!

  • It's not the gesture that is confusing, it's that the guy himself is confusing. They don't know whether to weigh anchor or stay put.

  • Love this point, haha. SO TRUE.

    Not only are men unbelievably more obvious (unlike women's subtlety)... Almost no man on the planet plays hard to get.

    Its simple, if a man does even just *one* thing indicating interest. He's interested. Case closed.

    • Hah. Then please explain situations where a guy insists he 'seriously likes' us, yet he can't date us because [fill in excuse]. Yes, men are so uncomplicated. Or do they just lie to confuse us on purpose?

  • The thing is most of them know that the guy likes them. But, they continue on to ask the question because they want people to reassure them of this, even though they know. Guys do it on this site also, but girls even more so because this site has a lot more girls on it and, in general, girls think about relationship stuff more.

    • It's hard to think they do when everyone around you is telling you it can't be possible. I am so sick of hearing that I want to scream, guys touch me but no way could he like me. I hear he does that to everyone, he's gay, he this, he's that. etc. etc. etc..

  • i think its got to do with if they don't like us back, they refuse to believe he does all this BECAUSE he likes her

  • Instead of answering this one, I'll give you a question to think about.

    Why are some guys ignorant to the signals from girls that they like them?

    • Spelling: "...of the SIGNS are covered..."

    • I'd say that 92% out of that 93% don't use google too much.

      Most of the igns are covered online, tbh. Although, I learned them from a book called (number) things a bright boy can do. Two small pages sure hold a lot of info :P

      But when you have a girlfriend for long enough, you start to teach your intuition anyway.

    • Because women's signals are super-subtle. Scientific studies all confirm that 93% of men can NOT read women's "sex-signals"... These are the physical hard-wired, biological universal signals that all women on the planet use. And 93% of all men born can not even see them (too subtle). As in physically unable to perceive them. Almost like missing that part of the brain.

  • Because women falsely assume that *we* think like they think.

  • Because they don't necessarily mean 'like me' in terms of is he attracted to me.

    A guy can do all the things you said when they are attracted to a girl, but not necessarily like her.

    Or in other words, they want sex, but not much else.

    Remember there are guys that are players and lie to girls. Given that girls are hit on a lot (and thus will be hit on by players as well as normal guys) it can be confusing.

    However, if a guy isn't a player, especially the questions about if a friend likes them or a shy guy or whatnot, then guys are not subtle. Even when we try to be 'cool' we are not subtle.

    The hot and cold is because guys know that coming on too strong will scare a girl away, but we also are expected to pursue. So we try to be 'cool' and then when we think we are losing the girl we come on strong, then play it cool to not scare them off.

    • Lol damn dude you got your facts straight .

  • haha yeah

  • A lot (not all) women try to apply female thinking to male behavior. It doesn't work. If he tells you that you look attractive, it means just that. Unless you have strong reason to believe that a man is lying, he is going to be literal almost all of the time. The reason why most men don't say such obvious things too often is because we are mostly afraid of rejection and SHOW BY OUR ACTIONS that we like a girl instead of always spelling it out loud. Men are much worse at reading girls signals than vice versa IMO. Girls, on the other hand, WAY OVERTHINK what a man DOES. Pay attention to his actions, as they aren't that confusing most of the time.

    • The Digital Saint - - This is beautiful advice. I am glad you wrote this comment. Thank you! Such awesome points!

    • The 500 character limit for comments is annoying!

    • Oooh, well said. It's so hard for women to realize that we're looking at this from the wrong perspective. We analyze everything to death, while men are much more literal as you said. Granted, there are exceptions to the rule, but this works 90% of the time.The big problem is when his actions and his words don't match. I've noticed that a few times!

      And how sad is it that I just realized what IMO means.