What is the best way to get a guy to talk about how he feels if he's not that kind of guy? My boyfriend doesn't like to talk about how he feels on a lot of topics (ranging from his past, to even present situations) especially when it comes to relationships. He seems to only express himself when he's drunk... but how do you get your boyfriend to talk about how he really feels about you without you bringing it up? I don't want to feel like he's only saying things because I asked him specifically... I want to know if he's serious or if he just wants a "lady friend" but he isn't good at talking about how he feels. Maybe that's my sign that this relationship won't work if we can't talk about our feelings? Communication has been our biggest issue during our almost 2yr relationship. Makes me feel insecure or needy to ask how he feels... I want him to just express it without me asking.
Most Helpful Guy
it is something which I believe is gonna be difficult and anyway won't happen overnight. If he does not talk about his feelings, in my experieence it's very likely that that is associated with a very deep seated, underlying fear, which he is likely not even aware of. The fear is not related to one thing only, but an example of it being (and very likely applies to your boyfriend too as this is a pretty typical case) his fear of not being a male if he has feelings and, worse, weaknesses. Males are socialized and gorwn up this way: a man is string, a woman does not want a weak man. So you can imagine in a sense, in this specific example I made, opening up isomehow could literally mean for him an identity crisis, which in his mind can play, unconsciously, almost as a life threatening situation. So, I believe it will take time, TRUST in you not to leave him if he opens up, and also a little bit perhaps changing his world view and the view of what a man is or is not supposed to be. Don't mock this and approach it with a sense of superiority or males are a bit dumb, because you would be the dumb one if you did so. The way you should approach it is a lot of UNDERSTANDING and compassion, patience and closeness0
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