Why are smart people usually socially awkward?

[Anonymous]

You'd think that because they're so smart and can solve problems and such, they can solve the problem of communicating with others? I mean, I know people say there are different types of smarts (book smart, socially smart, athletically smart, etc) but why is it that those that are book smart seem to often greatly lack social smarts?

[Anonymous]

Well, I think I can explain this from personal experience. My IQ is really high and I always was considered as socially awkward in school. I used to be very quiet and observant at that time. I could not understand them very well because they always behaved in what seemed to be very illogical ways to me. Their conversations were really uninteresting and I had to dumb things down for them all of the time. So, It was tiring being around my classmates So, I escaped from them by reading books.

But what you say about them is true. If they are so smart, they can indeed solve their communication "problem" but maybe they don't want to for whatever reason.

When I got to college, I decided I had to solve this kind of thing because it was not good anymore for me to behave as I did before. And I actually got over all of that awkwardness. I am actually quite good making friends now, I have been told I am a great communicator, I give self-help speeches some times and I've even been able to make some people shed tears with my speech... and I have learned a lot about the human nature in the process. For me it did really help reading books about human interaction, about EQ -Emotional Quotient-, and some good self help books.

I really don't think "social smarts" as you call them are something too difficult to attain for any normal human being. Actually all of the aspects of EQ, that are very related to how you act socially, are subject to change.

[uuhhhh]

That's just one way to see it. Really you're assuming that non-smart people are who smart people should strive to be accepted by. A little weird, isn't it? I guarantee you that any extrovert clubbing idiot would find himself very 'socially awkward' within a group of smart people discussing what they're interested in or behaving the way they do. Well rather they'd think like you and judge them for being so different and lame, since that's the standard.

Really a big part of the problem is that smart people often are 'socially' smart and can see through the odd and often fake and empty ways in which most people interact with each other. And that's exactly why they don't see the point in doing the same.

Or maybe they're big shy nerds. That happens too.

[bittersweet17]

Their focus would have been on studies - math, science, etc. Instead of hanging out with people a lot.

[Pirho]

This is not necessarily the case. Personally, when I was younger, I spent far less than average amount of time studying... my puberty kept me napping a lot. The difference is the manner of thought. I stated somewhere here... ask a random person and a doctor to describe a migraine, probably very different an neither is overthinking. Those smart people don't overthink, that is how they think. They say "be yourself".. When ur -ur overthinking... if you try to like everyone else-ur awkward because it is unnatural. The result is many times they avoid people, not for dislike but the "awkwardness"... n in the process probably get more free time to mess themselves even more through learning many things as others "party"... and now he is REALLY awkward... see the point?

[HannahC]

I'm not smart and I'm socially awkward. Curse my quiet toned voice.

[MrOracle]

A few reasons:

- Their peers weren't at their intellectual level, so they tended to choose information-gathering over hanging out with friends most of the time. It limited their experience.

- They didn't/don't see social interaction as being as important as learning or academic accomplishment.

- They know they are inadequite, but don't know how to solve the problem on their own, and don't want to admit their problems to others.

Watch The Big Bang Theory, and you'll get lots of perspective on how all that works.

[Pirho]

It's an irritating penalty by society for "thinking differently"'. You are dismissed as an obsessive over thinker. Your attempts to socialize fail for if you are yourself, blank stares, if you try to adjust to fit; awkward. Humans are "Mob thinkers" unquestionably; go against the mob ur sidelined and called arrogant-not ur intent at all. Not sure if this is personality or intellect factor: hypersensitive to rejection and humiliation. Inability to fit, and extreme discomfort/sharp pain when ur attempts fail naturally cause "isolation". The SINGLE thing that most painfully stings, and erases our happiness, is rejection by WOMEN. It stings very painfully u hate being alive. I'm an alcoholic/sleeping pill abuser; to escape n suppress misery. Alcohol, when blacked out, u"act" out all ur piled up frustration>Get into trouble n scolded severely>Feel 50 times even worse-into bitterness and anger. Honestly wish I was average n socially ok than empty intellect.

[wesley555]

Not to sound egotistical, but I am smart and I suck at a social interactions, particularly with girls. I know now that the main reason is because I over think the whole situation. While people of more average intelligence tend to just go with gut feelings.

[Asker]

I think I'm the same way. I overanalyze EVERYTHING. and feel extremely self-conscious as a result

[wesley555]

Me too. I know now what's going on but that doesn't seem to help much

[NonchalantBro]

yup

[Pirho]

Society penalizes the smart for not "conforming" to the norm because our lives are dictated by "mob mentality" meaning people unquestionably follow established precedents, and when you pin point an absurdity you are shunned as "arrogant" , "you think you are better than everybody else"... There is no such thing as "overthinking" and too much evaluation. That "overthinking" is how you think.. and above average we are forced to try and converse and evaluate things like the average, which is just as strange to you (in the same way they find you to be overthinking)... in trying to do it like average people too u fumble over and over because its simply unnatural. Plus knowing some of the vindictive tendencies in people, those who can't approach close to you in academic and job performance, typically will rub some of our notoriously unsuccessful sides i. e. socialization and more specifically for men, the preponderant difficulties in attracting ladies meaningfully, right in our faces.

[Pirho]

Society has taught you to think that you are overanalyzing... until you believe it... you are analyzing things in your natural state, which is too detailed for most, so they will try steer clear from trying to follow along with you... and ur left looking like a weirdo through no fault of your own... but rather the way your mind is structured. It indeed is PRECISELY that "overanalysis" that separates you from the average, because you can dissect significantly more complex things than average using that trait... and be just equally as incompetent in the obverse that is socialization... mother nature is not in any way short of such paradoxical anomalies.. You are made to feel out of place by all the "labelling" and many end up isolating themselves to cut down stress of failure to fit, then learn even more things (especially beneficent for the sciences and heavily technical fields)... and therefore sound even more awkward than u sounded before... welcome to the matrix...

[FaceInTheCrowd]

I think it has to do with studying the truth, being honest with yourself and the learning gradient in general.

My impression of dishonest people is that are firstly dishonest with themselves and consequently dishonest with others. Even though this gives them an advantage socially, a person that cannot be honest with themselves will never learn from mistakes and never improve intellectually.

[Moloch]

Maybe they focus more on intellectual pursuits rather than interpersonal relationships. Also, smarter people tend to overthink things, and overcomplicate socializing. I've noticed that social butterflies tend to be people that rely on emotion and immediate sensations rather than strategic and rationals. Overthinking helps smart people tackle complex ideas, but using your brain too much doesn't help when you're trying to be social.

[Pirho]

A a random person on the street and ask a medical doctor to describe a migraine. The answers will likely be very different, but neither is overthinking. The smart person is not overthinking anything, that is how they think. So he is himself-now he's overthinking; he tries to do it like everyone-you say they're awkward coz its not natural for them. A lady friend of mine complained good guys are hard to get. I asked her to describe the perfect man; She opens invisible female script: tall, handsome, confident alpha. How many r like that? few. A player/womanizer is somebody created by the ladies. They use the same scripts, so they mostly fight for few guys;Those guys know this and ladies make it easy for him to replace them and there is your womanizer. And he gets then dumps all of them. I asked the player question differently but everybody was poking at me.. he thinks he is so good... yet its the bitter truth. Human beings generally "mob think". Question "normal" stuff n ur pushed away.

[Belgie]

Usually it's because they spent so long of their formative years with their head in a book, instead of interacting with other children, learning the basic social skills that we all take for granted.

[Pirho]

This is a commonly used inference and a very wrong one. The crux of the problem here is that the above average "think differently". The average perceive this as "overthinking", and the above average have equal if not more difficulty perceiving things like the average do, and in trying to adjust those discrepancies in perception by "thinking" like the average it always fails and they seem "socially awkward", because of their pressure to see things like the average and they can't! They end up avoiding social situations to avoid the stress and awkwardness, get time to learn much more in isolation, perfectly explaining why the thrive a lot in the sciences and highly technical fields, and become even more social awkward... There you have it now.

[Belgie]

@Pirho I don't agree with that point of view at all. High intelligence is not some sort of autistic non typical overthinking that can't be turned off.

[aMuse]

Why do you assume this to be true?

[Asker]

Personal experience, I guess. I kind of fit in that smart-but-socially-awkward category.

[aMuse]

I would say I'm different, maybe essentially, but it works. I'm not socially awkward in groups of people. I tend to do quite well. That's assuming I'm smart. =P

[Anonymous]

eett

[Opinion Owner]

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