Is it bad to stop caring about appearances so young/or at any age?

Question

I'm nineteen and I'm already giving up on appealing to men or trying to look good and have genuinely stopped caring. Is there any merit to looking good?

If I got fat I honestly wouldn't care regarding how I looked but would be bothered by my health deteriorating.

Is it important to look your best or to make yourself more attractive or is it just a social formality

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

For me, personally there are several reasons why I'd want to lose weight.

1) My clothes don't fit as well as they used to. I want to wear clothes that I can't fit in right now.

2) I give a lot of speeches, and I'm on stage a lot.

3) I'm at a point where I don't trust if I could physically defend myself. I've had a few scary occasions (especially in the past year) with creeps - heck, even "friends" have grabbed me without warning just to be jerks. I want to be able to get myself out of being pinned to the ground. I want to be able to fight back if necessary.

4) I've having health issues - minor ones, but still, I would think that the less weight I have on my joints, the better I would feel.

5) If I ever have kids, I want to be strong enough to play with them, to pick them up, etc. Some of these SUPER obese parents will scream at their kids to do things for them that they should be able to do for themselves (I even have family like this). I don't want to do that to a child. I don't want to have to make a 6 year old vacuum the house because I'm 400 pounds over a healthy weight and have gotten lazy. I mean, making a kid do chores is fine, but making a 6 year old do the laundry because you can no longer get up on your own do to laziness is not good.

7) Yes, there is the "impressing girls" element. But that's last on my list.

It's like... breaking a habit simply because of a significant other. If that person breaks up with you, or you lose that person, sometimes it can be too tempting to "fall off the wagon" if you don't have an interest in doing it for yourself.

So you work out to impress guys... and if guys don't care, it's a lot easier to say "I've got no one to impress" and "no one cares, so I can do whatever I want." Some of that can be empowering and uplifitng... but it can hurt you, too.

People should want to be healthy for themselves... not for a man/woman. BUT... if that's the only way to keep a person healthy... then at least it's something... but it's a "bandaid" at best.

abzence · Accepted Answer

Be the genuine you.

If it feels fake and wrong to change your appearance just to appease others then don't do it.

I'm sure you will radiate way more beauty if you just focus on your health, happiness and be your natural and genuine self. Many have lost their way and lost their sense of self. Hiding behind tons of make-up or fancy things. Placing your happiness or your sense of value and beauty in external things is a sure way to loose yourself.

Not caring how others perceive you is what I would consider a strength. Of course not to be confused with not caring about others.

You can decide yourself what you want to attract into your life.

Going the "natural" way will repel many but will also attract equally as many.

If you are your genuine self you will actually attract people who like you for YOU.

iluvchewbucca · Accepted Answer

I actually love to look at myself in the mirror, (I might be vain to some extent) and If I saw something I didn't like, I'd try to change it to something I DO like... I don't really do it to look good for men in particular... Of course partially it is for others to see but honestly, I like to look good mostly for my own eyes! and I suppose that's the reason why I don't understand why so many people are so fat and they don't care to change that, not only for health purposes but for self esteem issues... but I also realize that it might be because that's what they like to look at when they look in a mirror... and if that's what they like then why would they change it right? So if you don't really care about appearance then don't, as long as you're not putting your health at risk.

For me it's very important! because I love to have everything tidy and clean as well as appealing to my liking.. just like how I love to have a beautiful clean home with eccentric yet admirable decor, a garden with beautiful flowers and bright green lawn and waterfalls, just the same I love to have a very nice body to my own eyes, more-so than to someone-else's.

I personally think people who give up on looks are those who primarily only cared about appearances to impress other people.. as oppose to those who care about appearances for their own personal value and self worth. That's just how I see it though. It's not bad to stop caring, as long as you recognize the reasons as to why you have stopped caring..

Hidden_P · Accepted Answer

From other questions people have posted I think a lot of women stop caring during the winter seasons about how they look.

I think it's important to still care a bit... I don't mean caring to the point where you bounce out of bed at 5am to get in the shower and put your face of make up on before ironing your underwear or whatever, but I think it's good to take some pride in your appearance. I would hope that my other half would take the same attitude as me. A lot of it is hygiene yes, but even dressing to suit your shape in my book is caring about your appearance.

I went through that phase as well. It didn't bode well for me haha.

Sim0nSay5 · Answer

Please note that this is an opinion.

If all that matters to someone looking for a date is physical appearances, then obviously they are not looking for a healthy relationship. The people that care about your qualities as a conscious human being are the ones you're going to want to attract, and hopefully the most attractive aspect those people are looking for is what's "on the inside." However, this does not mean you should disregard your physical appearance entirely. A big part of making a first impression is your physical appearance, as unfair as that may seem. If someone has never met you before and you look like a piece of garbage, they're going to think, based on your appearance, that you're a piece of garbage! To avoid this, try to look presentable. You don't have to look flashy or sexy, etc. You just need to present yourself as a respectable person. After your first impression and/or date, then you should be free to dress more casual, and even more so the more comfortable you are with the other person. So to answer your question; yes, at first. Make sure that people know what you're all about before you disregard dress code. Unless you don't care what people think in that moment, then do what you want.

Thanks for reading my answer.

Levin · Answer

Well, I suppose it depends on your underlying reasons for giving up on appealing to men. Is it an indication of some deeper kind of hopelessness?

I happen to think, that the only way to be free of the anxiety and narcissism associated with interacting with society in an unconscious way, is to actively expose it; and thus to modify one's behaviour and relationship with it. On the other hand, if you 'dwell where others disdain to dwell', as the Daoists say, you also have to be prepared to lose some of the social benefits and pleasures that are associated with taking it seriously. For example, most people wouldn't break out of the rat-race, just because their concern for status, security, a lovely house, and how others' perceive them is far too strong (of course, most would never acknowledge this, it's all subconscious).

I think there's a lot to be said for balance too. Just some general upkeep and concern so one is clean and tidy, and leading a healthy and wholesome lifestyle, will generally keep you more youthful and your eyes shining, especially into your later years; rather than fretting about the opinion's of others, caking yourself with make-up, fake tan, tacky clothes, etc! Most people have no conception what a healthy lifestyle contains, thus, they burn out quickly! Yes, one's eyes do certainly shine, when you 'be as you are'!

It's probably also quite easy, for a young attractive girl, to get compliments and male attention without even making much effort, and perhaps to take it for granted too!

EdibleCaramel · Answer

Society has fucked up how we're supposed to view humans. extremely well dressed  health looks is all that matters which is a load of shit. I mean yes you want to be attracted to the person your biting flesh with but to a degree. I too despise how if a man doesn't have a suit or very well dressed clothing and nice shoes he's a bum or doesn't have money so he's not worthy to most women.  Hygiene is important no matter what the size. I noticed some bigger girls tend to give up completely and just let there hygiene go to shit and wear the same messy clothes for days out in public that's not cool. but if you wash up and comb at least I notice that on women in any size and that's attractive I've dated a larger woman and her hygiene was maintained and I liked that. I somewhat dated another but she was very filthy and I had to let her go. I actually enjoyed one of my exes when she didn't shave her legs in the winter It turned me on to be honest. Felt like she was at her most rawest most natural womanly state even her snatch bush I dove in there like a Olympic  diver gave me the hardest boner.   If you go out don't wear dirty clothes sauce stains on your chest and torn holes all through hair nappy and cheesy crumbs side of mouth and ear wax sticking out like an ice cream cone.  Be your self maintain hygiene.  The truest answer is do what you feel be how you want to be its your life don't give a shit about what I or anybody else says or thinks.

Hans222 · Answer

Personally, I think the heart inside the person is priority one. Girls should never feel "ugly" or "fat" and should not exagerate when using make-up.

What I believe will make things go wrong in love, is not being your spontaneous self towards the guy.

The nice dress, stockings and make-up will help but the "click" and the chemistry should occur when your hearts meet. If it is only the result of you looking pretty or sexy, the chances of a lasting relationship are slim.

Don't think the problem is that you don't appeal to men... it's a question of patience until you meet THE man. I'm 38, double your age, and I've met a very nice girl about 2 weeks ago...

Stacyzee · Answer

You're letting yourself go.

It's only a matter of time before your lack of effort reflects on the outside.

I don't think it's right at any age to let yourself go.

You shouldn't try to look good for others, but it is something you should do for yourself.

When you feel good about yourself (internally).

It shows on the outside.

You make those efforts to look good.

I think you have it wrong.

People don't only try to look good to impress others...

they do it because it makes themselves feel good.

When I get dressed in the morning and I get myself dolled up,

it's not because I want 100 men to stare at me.

It's because It's something that makes me feel great.

Xillia · Answer

I've realized that I've gained insecurity of my appearance. However I realized that I can't really get anywhere with my image being the main thing (overall in life)

I think it isn't bad to give up on your appearance at any given point of your life. I don't even think it matters at all.

I want to be many things. Singer, actor, musician, director.There's so many people that don't care about their apperance and they archived so much success. They just do what they love to do... I want to be like that!

Then there's the other side that people are very biased that they only care about image...

(And only that, which is why I don't intend to be some model)

Main point is that forgetting about the image is actually a good thing because you can focus on your priorities more often.

BondJamesBond · Answer

If I see a person in public who looks like crap(wearing pajamas, not showered, smells, dirty clothes) I think they're lazy, and I would not want to associate with them. Plus in my experience(as limited as it may be) I find people who don't take care of themselves to be bastards.(Not saying a well maintained person is necessarily a nice person.)

I can't change your mind, but If the girl in your profile picture is you,it would be a sham to see you stop trying.

Hope you end up happy with the choice you make.

HandsomeRaj · Answer

Someone who takes care of themselves may it be of either gender comes about as someone (a) who can or does care for a lot of things, (b) a go getter (c) optimisic (d) confident (e) has eye for detail (f) meticulous etc. Hence, I'd say it's a good thing to continue caring about appearance :)

There's nothing wrong in caring about oneself it doesn't change who you are and what it does is for the better :)

Make up, countenance / appearance is not about only attracting someone, it's also how it makes you feel - confident generally? ;)

DaKila · Answer

You seem like a really down to earth girl which I appreciate a lot. No, I don't think it's bad to stop caring about appearances. To me you seem to be the kind of person to know what they think and thus, I believe that someone like you is capable of achieving this feat.

Unfortunately, in today's society, looking good is rewarding and so you may not care about appearances but others do which I find to be annoying. Many statics show that people who are better looking than their counter parts are "genetically healthier", earn more money, more "such successful" etc. From this, you can take whether this matters to you or not (to me it doesn't).

I think you should not necessarily not 'care' about appearances, but don't really add it by superficial means. I hope this helped.

talloak · Answer

You're under no obligation to make yourself look good for the general public. I know people who feel like those who dress down do a disservice to others but I find that attitude snobbish. That tends to be more cultural than personal. I'm a bit concerned about your reasons for this. For example if you realized that you've let the opinions of others have too much influence over you, then this can be a good way to counteract that. If this is a reaction to a believe that you will never have a relationship, that's not so good. Appearance does matter in that regard. Think about your reasons for losing interest in your appearance and whether those are healthy or not.

mykeedd · Answer

A bit of both. I won't insult your intelligence and mention the plethora of health benefits of taking care of your body. But there is definitely something to be said a far as presenting yourself well. You know how important first impressions are and while it is not fair to make judgements based off of ones initial appearance we are all guilty of doing it. It's hard to talk to people or make any type of connection when the other person wants nothing to do with your unwashed clothes/body or unbrushed teeth. In terms of style, I respect any person's sense of fashion. Suit & tie, jeans & t-shirt, tutu and tank top, whatever. What you wear should be an expression of you. Some people will be into it. Some won't. Just don't disregard basic hygiene. That how I feel about it anyway.

Curiousbeginner · Answer

I have phases when I just want to wear my painted stained clothes with out make up and do what I want and then the next day I am dressed to the nines with heals and everything. Its part of being a women and having the choice to not want to live up to what society says we should look like.

beastman88 · Answer

i used to be that way, depressed, still am in a way. I paid a price for my gluttony, aching back mostly, knees got really sore, I have more stretch marks some loose skin. I take pride in my appearance now. nobody is going to look after your health for you. don't attain a good looking appearance just to try and attract men, do it for yourself. believe me when you're 100 pds heavier you'll start to care. you just sound depressed, get help for it

noisychicken · Answer

Well the shaving legs part is pushing it for me, but yeah like abzence says it's okay to look good for a meeting or party, but do it to your comfort level, and within the bound of any dress code given, outside from that, its fine. I know you ladies go through a lot more maintenance than we do to look good, one girl complained all I have to do is roll out of bed and do my hygiene routine, apparently I have nice hair compliments of my parents.

martyfellow · Answer

Nothing wrong with opting out of makeup and so forth; those things aren't important uless you need that business look for your job.

Guys, except for a few player types, either won't care, or will appreciate the more natural look you sport without all the pretense.

kambo_trick3y · Answer

Vanity can be such a cruel thing, on the one hand, it allows the most beautiful souls to go unnoticed in the world, and on the other, it allows beautiful monsters to thrive.

There's nothing wrong with looking good, so long as a person remembers the things that TRULY matter, like character integrity.

You're a pretty cute girl lafemme, and you seem to be pretty introspective, I don't think you'll have much of an issue either way you choose to go about it.

lumos · Answer

No, it's not bad, especially if you're not looking for a relationship or anything like that. To hell with shaving to be honest. Why waste your time on getting all perfectly dolled up if you don't have anywhere to go or anyone to meet. As long as you're happy, who cares. :)

confugirl · Answer

Nah. But just make sure you're happy with not caring about your appearance. Not just the act of dolling up, but you should also make sure that you're willing to accept the consequences. If you hate putting effort into your looks, but you thrive on male attention, then you might want to rethink this strategy. So many girls want it both ways, but that's not possible. But if you don't need that to be happy, then go ahead and let yourself go.

523206720 · Answer

You will regret it if you don't take care of your appearances at your age because when you are older it will be a lot harder to change your appearance. You don't have to be extremely flattering just take minimal caution when it comes to your appearance and you should be fine. I don't want to be so overweight that I'm excluded but don't want to be so good looking that people hang out with me for my looks. Somewhere in between is where I'd like to be.

kheserthorpe · Answer

It gives you social power.

Given you are not currently looking to get a husband, get laid, or captivate a boardroom it's not that surprising.

Some attractive but unhappy people, often young women, wish to be less attractive because they want to be more invisible.

in any case I don't think there's any point trying to convince someone to try to look better unless they want the opportunities it provides, or they are down because they are unhappy ABOUT their appearance.

Is it bad to stop caring about appearances so young/or at any age?

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