He can't picture himself marrying me?

[Anonymous]

out of the blue my boyfriend of over 3 years told me that he felt like I had more feelings than he has for me. he said he just can't picture himself marrying me. everything in our relationship has been perfect and we never fight. up until the day he broke up with me obviously. do I need to move on or is there hope? trying not to contact him, but what if communication is the problem?

Updates

+1 y

as I said about everything was great. I mentioned in August about moving in together, but didn't pressure him (or at least I didn't think so) he said that's when he started thinking about things. he acted completely normal up until the break up. we even celebrated our anniversary mid October and he showered me with a fantastic dinner, roses, and heart charm for my bracelet. if he was planning on breaking up, why did he go through with the anniversary? we also had an AWESOME vacation together at

Updates

+1 y

I gave in and texted him this past tues to drop off some more things of his at his door. he said to wait and he didn't need anything else back. He said he would like to get dinner with me and talk. I asked when he was thinking about dinner and he said in a few weeks. He told me not to worry and we would get together.

We shall see!

[TheThirdSeason]

Move on, don't waste your time on someone who only wants to waste your time till he finds a girl he wants to marry. He is only wasting your time, trust me.

When you be in your 30s it will be more difficult for you to find a guy but he will for him it will be even easier for him to find a girl. He only wants you for his sexual needs but then when he finds another girl who he feels like marring her, he will drop you for her, he won't care or think about the time you wasted on him. Don't think twice about him, if he never wants to marry you one day, leave him now, forget him and find another guy who will want to. If he keeps giving you the I love you and this type of talk, don't fall for it , he is selfish and only thinks about himself, you don't want to be with a guy like that.

[TheThirdSeason]

You better not have your hopes up. Don't expect anything from him in the future. He made it clear that he won't marry you. Don't waste your time or at least. Don't expect something out of his dinner invitation , so you won't get hurt.

[wkwan81]

If he said he can't see himself marrying you, then that's usually a sign a can't see a long term future with you, i.e. you are a part of him in this moment of time, but doesn't seem his feelings are strong enough to be with you forever. Some men are like that. I had a friend like that, who also told his girlfriend he didn't want to marry her, and eventually broke up.

As for the anniversary celebration, that's another thing guys do, unless they've broken up with their partner, there is that sense of duty to honour whatever special occassion it is that he is supposed to remember (i.e. valentines, anniversaries, birthdays etc). I've personally experienced similar myself in the past from all my (3) exes.

[Anonymous]

Move on

He's made it clear he doesn't want you in his life or future

Don't waste any more energy in him

[amameninas]

Move on now. Dispose of his belongings. Don't bring them to him or call him to get them. He planned to dump you and would have taken anything valuable. Remove him from phone and Facebook. Dispose of clothes he bought, you bought together or were specifically for him. Change any grooming tailored to his tastes including if you shaved or waxed, grow it out.

Your attempts at contact will fail unless he wants a sperm catcher. The quicker and cleaner you sweep him out, the better. Better now than a divorce later. He may some time have second thoughts but it will be loss of power and sexual opportunity not repentance. Don't look back.

You won't follow my advice because you have to think there is still a chance he loves you deep down. He doesn't.

[Asker]

i know he cares about me. you can't fake a 3yr relationship. (tech 3.5 yrs) its just impossible. not completely sure about the love thing. not to make excuses for him either, but I've talked to his mom about all of this.she was beyond shocked.she said every time he talked about me he was absolutely crazy about me. growing up he watched people he loved walk away from him.

my ex said he would like to get dinner with me in a few weeks since its all new rt now. he hates talking to me let alone seeing me

[3boys4me]

This is great advice, but you're right she most def won't follow it cause the heart wants what it wants. It's so much easier to hold out hope that he's gonna come around then to face the bitter truth that he's never coming back.

[MrOracle]

If he broke up with you, then you MUST assume that it is over for good, and start moving on with your life. If there was a communication problem, it was on his end, and it would be up to him to come to you, not the other way around, and that probably isn't going to happen.

At least he was honest with you BEFORE you spent a bunch of money getting married, and had all of the legal entanglements that comes with that. But you need to accept this reality and not put your life on hold waiting for something from him that will probably never come.

[Confused232323]

I've been noticing most girls, including myself, have been broken up with because the guy says "you have more feelings for me than I have for you"----what the hell is that?

[Confused232323]

Am I supposed to act like I barely care about my boyfriend in order for him to be attracted to me? ..

[MrOracle]

No. And in most cases, I don't think this is the girl's fault in any way. Often, it's the guy confusing infatuation and companionship for love, at the beginning of a relationship, and then taking a while to realize that, in fact, it isn't actually love. That commonly happens with younger guys (teens and early 20s), and less so as guys get older.

In modern times, I'd speculate that the average guy is 3-5 years behind the average girl in emotional/relationship development, especially in 20s.

[Confused232323]

My ex recently dumped me because he said he didn't fall in love with me so it's "never going to happen"...Keep blaming myself for saying "i love you" first and pushing him. ugh

[MrOracle]

Something to understand about men: for the most part, they either fall in love with a girl almost immediately, or they never do. It's highly unusual for a guy to know a girl for a while and not have feelings for her, and then to develop those feelings over time.

This is why it is SO important for girls to be up-front about what they want and what they're looking for, so if that's not what the guy wants, he can move on before she gets attached.

[Confused232323]

It's so weird. Well, he was always the one who gets dumped so he's been heartbroken by his exes. When we first met he was really into me. We were in an exclusive relationship. I said I love you 5 months into the relationship and he didn't say it back, he said he's happy with me but "something is missing." At 10 months he said he's never going to feel it for me. I don't know what I could've done differently...I felt we had a real connection, always had good times, good sex, cared about each other

[MrOracle]

It wasn't you, it was him. He has issues of his own that he's never addressed. Don't feel like this was anything you did; it wasn't.

[Confused232323]

Thanks :) I appreciate you taking the time to respond. He does have a lot of issues...I still love him. Ugh. I want him back...But if he never felt love feelings for me then he won't realize he misses me, right? It's probably better to not be with him though. I get scared I won't find someone else I love as much as I loved him. I felt like he was perfect for me...We never fought either. He said I'm the most thoughtful girl he ever met. If only I had been a bitch like his exes...

[Asker]

i feel like there is more going on in my ex's brain right now too. he's working 60 hour weeks plus school. he's also having issues with his boss at work. the best thing I can do is give him space.

[MrOracle]

Yes, outside stresses can take a HUGE toll on relationships, to be sure, and sometimes it's hard to deal with the relationship pressures too.

But, as I said at the beginning, you CANNOT "wait for him" or put your life, or lovelife, on hold waiting for this guy to figure out he made a mistake, because there's a good chance that will NEVER happen. Assume you are never getting back together, and proceed accordingly. If he changes his mind, and you're still single, THEN you can reexamine it.

[Asker]

thank you :) its hard not to be hopeful... but I know I need to try my best to keep busy and move on.

[Prof_Don]

If you're looking to be married one day, I would leave him be and move on. He is looking for the long haul, and he doesn't see that in you for some reason.

Go find a new guy! :)

[Asker]

honestly we have both talked about getting married and our future. there were times he was cleaning up dinner and he asked me what I thought about a future child's name. I of course probably bring it up more than he does, but we both had intentions of marrying each other one day. he said I did absolutely nothing wrong and is his best friend. he sobbed. this guy NEVER cries.

[Anonymous]

Maybe he wants to see you put your foot down a little get a tad but aggressive to let people know you mean business and maybe an argument to show you pày attn to him or can get jealous