Why are girls so confused about signals that guys like them?

The single most common question on this site has to be "Does he like me?"

Men are not nearly as subtle with their signals as women are. If he touches you, he likes you. If he flirts with you, he likes you. If he teases you, he likes you. If he makes eye contact and smiles, he likes you. If he stares at you, he likes you. If he goes out of his way to talk to you multiple times, he almost certainly likes you.

I don't know why girls here are so confused about this stuff. Men are very obvious about liking girls.


What's Your Opinion?


What Girls Said 42

What Guys Said 10

  • Selected as most helpful

    i`ve had a guy doing all these you keep saying.in the begining I didn`t want to bcs he is several years younger than me.he showed lots of interest for about 1 month and was very kind with me,i never gave him any hope in the begining bcs of the reason I wrote above, but I was really kind to him.then when I was ready to act differently he started dating a girl.at that time he saw I became jealous and understood I also liked him.he broke up with this girl after 3 weeks and started to date another girl which actually was aware he was with another one when she allured him.now they have been together for 1.5 month.they look better together then he did with the ex girl, they kiss and hug and look like a good couple.but he still keeps looking at me and has this strange interest look, caring look.he is sometimes flirty with me , sometimes stays like more apart, but still he looks at me with interest as I said.

    now what can you say to such a guy?

    i know he likes me somehow , but then why does he do that?

  • What if that is your ex-boyfriend that you dated a year ago and you're now friends again. How would I know if it's him not knowing how to be friendly again or if he just really likes me that way again? You see why this isn't always clear.

  • Yes but we are so confused because a guy I know does that stuff but says maybe something will happen Later when I ask him

  • Yes, I heard that guys are much easier to decipher because there's nothing to decipher on the first place. Yet, how many time I've seen guys DELIBERATELY paying more attention to the girlfriend of the girl they actually like ( which they admit later) Why do the do that? Absolutely no idea. So much for being easy to understand.

    • I see your point. It makes sense, except... it defeats the purpose. It makes us angry and want to get back- not give the guy the time of the day.

    • Jealousy usually. we're making you jealous to get you to admit you like us first. remember its all a game in who gets who to tell who first that they like the other one. jealousy is just one of those tricks men AND women will use

  • the reason we ask that question so much is because we want reassurance that he indeed likes us...I personally look through these questions, just to see if the guy I like is doing them...

  • For me, two words: mixed signals. When a guy seems interested in you but acts distant and aloof... probably trying to stay "manly" and not show his feelings and/or come on too strong. But it is so very confusing...

  • Well. I'll give you a situation.

    There's a guy I like. We talked a bit. Exchanged phone numbers. Hung out. Laughed. He did all of the things on your list of signals except for touch. (But he's shy around girls according to his friends) And things seemed good, but seeing as how we don't live near each other and see each other only every few weeks, things have been going downhill. I've initiated conversations with him on Facebook chat and he keeps them going, but never initiates them. I was so sure he liked me when we were around each other for a week, but now I'm confused.

    I got those signals, got super amped about it! Then got confused. So maybe you can clear that part up for me...

    • I'm in the same exact situation! can anyone shed a light?

  • Well It's confusing because in my case I flat out told him I was interested. That got his attention and he's around me more but he runs hot and cold. It's frustrating and CONFUSING!

  • Now a days, guys treat almost every girl the same. For some apparent reason, we are to them a bunch of tramps who are willing to do anything and anyone.

    It is unfortunate, but true. Trust me, I am in high school and I see a bunch of really nice girls being treated like tramps because they are too insecure to stop the guys from doing so.

    I know I am getting a little bit off topic, but girls must stand up for themselves. We are not all the same, and we are definitely not interested in being treated like so.

  • girls are isecure

  • There's a difference between the guy being sexually interested and actually liking us. Just because a guy smiles and flirts doesn't mean he likes us. It could just mean we look or seem easy. It doesn't mean he has an emotional interest. Girls very rarely are interested in a guy just for sex and a lot of guys are only interested in sex. We need to know the sure fire signs that he's after our hearts and not our bods.

  • Women have more emotional point of views then men, if a guy likes me, then he should go after me! :)

    • Wrong, women should be asking men out, get off yer ass!

    • Exaaaactly.

  • How about if the guy flirts with a lot of girls! It would be like he likes all of them! Yet, from what I've heard from people on this site and elsewhere, "He is just complimenting the girl. He is a flirt but he does not like her." It's so confusing with some guys.


    • I can answer yes to everything this guys said about signals....but he has a girlfriend...he does it with every girl. lame.

  • Because usually signals have double meanings to us. I wish the genders would use words instead of actions, it would simply things in SO many ways.

  • I would say it's because we are best at reading our own gender... I can tell when my friends like a guy, but none of us can tell when a guy likes us.

  • I know this is a really old question but I randomly came across it.

    Cool to know those things... BUT is it possible that .. well I had this thing with this guy , liked each other SO MUCH, I did.. and he said he really did, but I think he got sick of the fact that I would never go up to him at school..but neither did he! were both very stubborn.

    And after that we drifted apart ALOT , and he still looked at me at school a lot. He would turn his head and look at me, and I caught him looking at me but he still looked. was that a sign he still liked me? or was thinking stuff like " did I actually like her" " I wonder how she's doing" ..uhhh I don't know how to explain myself. :) well?

    • Really?!

      I guess its to late., and if he liked me enough he would have just came up to me or talk to me again,right?

    • Of course he likes you. Usually when a male is staring at a female from a distance, he is either admiring her or hoping that he will be caught doing so.

  • simple - we are emotional creatures. while you sometimes flirt just to play games, it readily appealed to us but we wanna make sure we're bot being played on so, we ask :)

    • We are emotional creatures or at least, most of us are :)

  • I love reading this post. I totally get mixed signals, but then, now I realize that men don't necessarily WANT to tell us things straight out, since they fear rejection.

    My current male "friend" says many romantic things one night, and then gets back to "business mode" the next day. It's like TWO different people. When he is open and romantic, I love it and I feel very much as tho he likes me ALOT. But as soon as he becomes business like I feel that he is distant and cold, and that he just used me for the night, and that the things he said to me were all lies just to get me to bed.

    Now, I could be right. BUT, in all fairness to men, we need to give them the space to initiate calls to us, tell us they like us "when" they WANT to tell us, and we also need to understand that men clam up again and go back into their caves to rejuvinate, think, get work done, etc...

    It's not a bad thing... it's just how men are!

    So, I've recently employed the technique of accepting my new man friend's words as reality ("I like you", "You're nice", "I'm so into you", "We fit so well together", "You're so beatiful", "I miss you", "I want to see you". I take all of his words literally, and try not to think (illogically) that perhaps he "could" be a player. Because what if he ISN"T a player, and now I've ruined things with my paranoid thinking!

    Anyway, my point is that there's definitely a difference in how men and women relate. And YES we both play games (even when we don't want or mean to). Men and women play the game of "courting" eachother, and then pulling back again just to re-assess the situation, and MOST importantly, we pull back because we each fear rejection.

    l loved the comments by "TheDigitalSaint". They are excellent points! Everyone could really benefit from his posting.

  • i think girls look into the subject a little more. sometimes its just doubt, disbelief, or thinking their not good enough for them. its always good to have assurance like having one of his friends tell the person. also, some people give mixed signals like flirting all day then saying your a great friend.

    personally I'm never sure unless one of his friends tell me or he asks me out no matter how much he flirts or goes out of his way to talk to me

  • I don't think it's so obvious, especially when the guy in question is a friend. Several times, I've gotten to know a guy as friends, then fallen for him. Then I found myself wondering if the laughing and singling out and teasing was flirting or just him being friendly. The only way to really know is to ask, but that takes a little bravery.

  • well in my situation he has done that...but off and on. Its never constant and he's never asked me out yet he'll do all of those things...and yet there are some days where he won't even talk to me at all and it hurts so I never am sure "(

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  • Agreed!

  • It's not the gesture that is confusing, it's that the guy himself is confusing. They don't know whether to weigh anchor or stay put.

  • Love this point, haha. SO TRUE.

    Not only are men unbelievably more obvious (unlike women's subtlety)... Almost no man on the planet plays hard to get.

    Its simple, if a man does even just *one* thing indicating interest. He's interested. Case closed.

    • Hah. Then please explain situations where a guy insists he 'seriously likes' us, yet he can't date us because [fill in excuse]. Yes, men are so uncomplicated. Or do they just lie to confuse us on purpose?

  • The thing is most of them know that the guy likes them. But, they continue on to ask the question because they want people to reassure them of this, even though they know. Guys do it on this site also, but girls even more so because this site has a lot more girls on it and, in general, girls think about relationship stuff more.

    • It's hard to think they do when everyone around you is telling you it can't be possible. I am so sick of hearing that I want to scream, guys touch me but no way could he like me. I hear he does that to everyone, he's gay, he this, he's that. etc. etc. etc..

  • i think its got to do with if they don't like us back, they refuse to believe he does all this BECAUSE he likes her

  • Instead of answering this one, I'll give you a question to think about.

    Why are some guys ignorant to the signals from girls that they like them?

    • Spelling: "...of the SIGNS are covered..."

    • I'd say that 92% out of that 93% don't use google too much.

      Most of the igns are covered online, tbh. Although, I learned them from a book called (number) things a bright boy can do. Two small pages sure hold a lot of info :P

      But when you have a girlfriend for long enough, you start to teach your intuition anyway.

    • Because women's signals are super-subtle. Scientific studies all confirm that 93% of men can NOT read women's "sex-signals"... These are the physical hard-wired, biological universal signals that all women on the planet use. And 93% of all men born can not even see them (too subtle). As in physically unable to perceive them. Almost like missing that part of the brain.

  • Because women falsely assume that *we* think like they think.

  • Because they don't necessarily mean 'like me' in terms of is he attracted to me.

    A guy can do all the things you said when they are attracted to a girl, but not necessarily like her.

    Or in other words, they want sex, but not much else.

    Remember there are guys that are players and lie to girls. Given that girls are hit on a lot (and thus will be hit on by players as well as normal guys) it can be confusing.

    However, if a guy isn't a player, especially the questions about if a friend likes them or a shy guy or whatnot, then guys are not subtle. Even when we try to be 'cool' we are not subtle.

    The hot and cold is because guys know that coming on too strong will scare a girl away, but we also are expected to pursue. So we try to be 'cool' and then when we think we are losing the girl we come on strong, then play it cool to not scare them off.

    • Lol damn dude you got your facts straight .

  • haha yeah

  • A lot (not all) women try to apply female thinking to male behavior. It doesn't work. If he tells you that you look attractive, it means just that. Unless you have strong reason to believe that a man is lying, he is going to be literal almost all of the time. The reason why most men don't say such obvious things too often is because we are mostly afraid of rejection and SHOW BY OUR ACTIONS that we like a girl instead of always spelling it out loud. Men are much worse at reading girls signals than vice versa IMO. Girls, on the other hand, WAY OVERTHINK what a man DOES. Pay attention to his actions, as they aren't that confusing most of the time.

    • The Digital Saint - - This is beautiful advice. I am glad you wrote this comment. Thank you! Such awesome points!

    • The 500 character limit for comments is annoying!

    • Oooh, well said. It's so hard for women to realize that we're looking at this from the wrong perspective. We analyze everything to death, while men are much more literal as you said. Granted, there are exceptions to the rule, but this works 90% of the time.The big problem is when his actions and his words don't match. I've noticed that a few times!

      And how sad is it that I just realized what IMO means.