Is it bad if a girl feels comfortable around you? Is that a sign that you've been friend zoned?

[Oladeji12]

I haven't known this girl for very long but she always acts very comfortbale around me. It got to a point where you was telling me a bunch of secrets about herself which she later said that she didn't know why she told me all those things as she is a much more reserved, shy girl. I've given this girl hints that i found her attractive and I've even asked her to hang out with me outside of work on 2 separate occasions and she's agreeed both times. I didn't know it was possible to get friend zoned so early into a relationship with a girl

[Anonymous]

I also don't get this. I mean you are confident, you are also good and yet they act innocent.

I can't see how they can't tell you like them. I mean we text them, compliment them genuinely, and are nervous round them. Do girls not wonder why is this guy giving me his attention lol? Do they honestly think he doesn't like them?

Yet with another friend who is less sweet, they act less innocent round and let them get away with more?

I wrote a question on it actually. Care to help? www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2182612-how-d-a-woman-act-around-these-guys-do-they-allow-some-men-to-get

[levantine99]

humans are complex beings and each is unique. a girl might be used by her home to be treated in a rough manner. and sweet guys dont do it for her. and she giggles ove rough esmi-insulting jokes and negging. for other girls this might not work at all and be instantly turned off. one thing is for sure, most girls want an independent abundant man that doesn't put them on a pedestal, is a good listener and is thoughtful and chivalrous.

[Opinion Owner]

@levantine99 Yeah but if she's a sweet girl?

And how are you meant to compliment them and not put them on a pedestal or know the girl likes you back lol

To be a good listener involves listening and talking. Thoughtful means texting. Chivalrous means being a good person and being nice tbh. Yet flirty too.

I'm not saying you don't tease etc. But a guy who does those things will often be given an innocent side. And a guy who texts her less sweetly and tells every girl openly that they are hot versus just complimenting one, the guy who is less good in terms of being funny charming etc as what you say, will often see her being sexual around him?

Please read my question and provide your thoughts: www.girlsaskguys.com/.../q2182612-how-d-a-woman-act-around-these-guys-do-they-allow-some-men-to-get

[levantine99]

your question is weird, super specific, and extremely long. i won't bother. plus i saw copies of it again so you are probably an obsessed weirdo. quit acting weird and overthinking and your problems will be solved... .

[Opinion Owner]

@levantine99 That's a bit rude lol. I'm not a weirdo. It's a psychology question based on actual people.

It's not that long. In fact it clarifies details in order to avoid people posting silly answers not relevant (e. g. just stereotypical bad boy versus nice guy or alpha talk etc). It's more about actual real life.

It's not that hard and it would be nice to hear your opinion given you seem to know a little bit. Tbh I think it's helpful to hear a girl's view too. It's not having a go at anyone, just hypothesising and trying to understand how to bridge the gap between guys and girls so they know the other likes them.

Make sense? It's pretty readable as well. I mean there are 3 parts, to break it into manageable chunks.

Can you help if you can and know stuff

[levantine99]

stop seeing girls and guys as such. we are all humans. thats the root of most guys' problems. they sexualise and objectify women into some mermaid creature. we have a past, a childhood, insecurities, fears, peculiarities and whatever every human has.

[Opinion Owner]

@levantine99 That's the type of generic stuff I'm not really trying to hear lol. That's pretty obvious haha. Look if you actually know something and can help, then just read the question and opine. Otherwise telling me stuff that's pretty obvious isn't helpful. Look forward to your opinion and analysis on the question, see you there

[levantine99]

also the question is ridiculous. a billion "sweet girls" would have a billion different reactions. and the same person would even act differently depending on the mood, the setting, the moment etc.

[Opinion Owner]

@levantine99 That's why the question very specifically describes the girl and guys lol. That's why it helps to read the question and description. That's why you should do that instead of telling me obvious things like what you just did.

[levantine99]

also you seem oblivious to basic concepts of human psychology, anthropology, and attraction. attraction is personal and based on her childhood archetypes, character indiosyncrancy, and past experience.
but attraction is also based to a degree on "evolutionary" and primal, ancient instincts originating from he most ancient, animalistic parts of the human brain. men that appeal to women's subconscious standards which usually revolve around safety, masculinity and "alphaness" in the sense of higher status and value sentimentally, leadership wise, optimal offsprings production wise etc.
and also has to do with the individual perversions, fetishes, aand fasle beliefs each person has.
attraction can also be manipulated and faked and "forced" to a degree by exploitting certain weaknesses and incosistencies of her psyche. but i'm not sure you'd want to go this way.. .

[Opinion Owner]

@levantine99 Throwing big words around at me which I do understand in an attempt to make me think you are right is not helping your cause. In the time you have wasted telling me OBVIOUS things that everyone knows, you'd have been better off just reading my question along with it's explanatory description and answering my question!

Simply read it and hypothesise or seek clarifications to better your answer.

[Prof_Don]

If you made no flirtatious moves at all on this girl after TWO outings together... you deserve to be friendzoned.

[Oladeji12]

i did make flirtatious moves on her, but its almost like she either doesn't notice or she likes the attention and therefore enjoys it

[Prof_Don]

Your flirtatious move has to be so bold... that she is almost forced to noticably react to it.

[Prof_Don]

Ex. If u put your hand around her waist and edge her close to you as you two are waiting in line, she will either let you do that, or push you away.

[Oladeji12]

well my moves are pretty bold for me as I'm not usually that confident around girls that i like. I still have yet to try to put my hand around her waist. Might try that and see how she reacts

[Prof_Don]

I say go for it! :)

[ekc8295]

1. You are not in a relationship with this girl. Repeat that to yourself as many times as necessary. You are currently a friend because you have not asked to be anything else.
2. When you ask her on a date, and explicitly use the word DATE, and she agrees then you are now dating.
3. Stop using the term friendzone. It's for idiots who never bother to tell the person they are interested in that they want to date them OR for idiots who can't accept the reality that not all people they like will be interested in dating them.

[Oladeji12]

Your Friendzone comment is completely wrong. I've known plenty of "idiots" who have told the girl that they want to date them but since the girl only sees them as a friend, hence the reason friend zone. Plus, many of these guys have already accepted the reality which is why the use the word friendozne as they are in the zone of friendship with a girl

[ekc8295]

The only people I see use the term friendzone are people who are bitter that they can't make someone like them. If someone isn't happy to be my friend, why would I want them to continue being friends with me? Either get over your rejection and be a real friend, who isn't in the friendzone because friends don't have a dumb zone, or leave.

[Oladeji12]

a strange perception you seem to have. I know plenty of guys who been rejected by girls and yet are still very good friends with them so again, you're wrong about those kind of guys being bitter. You must know some very bad guys for you to feel this way

[ekc8295]

I've had 2 types of guy friends who have been interested in dating me. One kind asks you out, gets rejected, and is totally fine with it. They don't tend to call themselves friendzoned though. They're just people who are my friend and (eventually) have no romantic feelings for me. Just like all my other friends.

Then there's the other kind. They ask you out, get rejected, then go about moping and complaining to other people about how I've "friendzoned them" and I should just "give them a chance". They just stick around with their unrequited feelings and don't do anything to try and get over them or keep trying to convince me to change my mind. It's like they're fake friends.

[Oladeji12]

well, i certainly don't fit into the second type. The only reason why i haven't even asked this girl out is because she could become a potentially good friend and if she doesn't have any romantic feelings for me then it could ruin the friendship. I would rather stay good friends with her, if it means her not finding out that i have feelings for her

[Usersame]

I agree that the term 'friendzone" has been overused, but it's actualy a thing. Girls use this to guys who they think might be a good match for later for whatever reason. This applies to girls that aren't friends with a guy for a while first.

For example, the diference when you ask her out will be something like this:
Friendly response: "I have a boyfriend, but it'd be glad to go out as friends."(even if it's a lie)= definitive form, right now she sees no chance she will ever get with you.
Friendzoned response: "Sure. A friendly night out."=not a dismissive form, but she either wants to test you or doesn't want to appear eager and wants to maintain the upper hand.
This looks similar but it isn't. First line is dismissive, the other one isn't.
Her behaviour after this also matters. If she has no problem texting you or if her behaviour doesn't change, you're a friend. If she makes it a bit (or a lot) of a challange, you're fien

[globetrotter22]

@ekc8295 i agree completely with #1 and #2. But as for #3: the friendzone DOES exist and I don’t want to hear any other mental gymnastic bs otherwise.

I have had women who I had kissed and done more with later confidently assume that I would be okay with “just being friends”. Getting attention from a man while not having to do anything else is a huge benefit for most women. They love it. Reason being is they have emotional leverage on the guy and know he will likely do more for her than anyone else. She plays dumb to keep the “carrot” dragging the donkey. If the donkey actually knew it would never get the carrot it would quit working. That’s why women play dumb.

[hannah]

Is it bad if a girl feels comfortable around you? Is that a sign that you have been friend zoned?

If a girl feels comfortable around you, it could be a sign that she sees you as a friend. But it could also mean that she's attracted to you and is trying to gauge your interest. If you're interested in her, make sure you let her know. Otherwise, you could end up in the friend zone.

[VFangirl]

To give a direct answer, I would need to know more about how she's acting. Does she show interest in other men? Another one is if she sits really close to you, like toching you. I only do this with people I like, not with my guy friends. It can be awkward if you don't feel romantically attracted to them! But keep asking her out and see where it leads you! You never know,!

[Oladeji12]

well, she's done the things you mention but she's interested in another guy

[VFangirl]

Tricky then. Does she openly talk about the other guy around you? Does she say how much she loves him or something along those lines?

[Oladeji12]

no, i never even knew she liked someone else until one of her friends told me then she told me i priced it out of her. I always suspected it when she told me that it was complicated after she rejected me.

[VFangirl]

Okay, so she rejected you? It's most likely a close friendship then. But who knows? If she never told you that she liked that other guy, she might still want to date you if it doesn't work out with him.

[Oladeji12]

Well, she told me that she used to see the guy. Don't know what happened but they are seeing each other again so i think its only a matter of time before we date. I know from her previous boyfriends that she likes guys like me but i guess when i asked her out, it probably put her off a little bit. We still text each other occasionally and even she even sends me selfies so we're getting pretty close. Im trying to move on anyway

[dragonfly6516]

I "friendzone" potential friends with benefits before I get physical because I don't like the idea is sleeping with strangers...
It's not always a bad thing, some people prefer being friends first.
On a sarcastic note, your question at first sounded as if you want her to be uncomfortable around you, which is plain creepy! LOL

[Oladeji12]

hahaa, when i read it as well, i thought someone would think that

[LoveHolyGod]

Friend zone can be misleading. Not everyone starts out as dating right away, some people want to get to know each other first. Sometimes though, friends is because she does not want a relationship at all. Take it slow and see where she goes

[LizzyLiz]

best advice. could not have said it better :)

[Oladeji12]

Good point

[globetrotter22]

@loveholygod. In Christian dating this is accurate. But in most other scenarios it’s not.

[globetrotter22]

Maybe for whatever reason you didn’t make a move on the first outing (nerves, timing, etc). Alright I get you. You were trying to get to know her the way women “say” they want to meet a guy. But nothing on the second “date”? Now she’s getting too comfortable with you as “just a friend”. Unless she’s very religious than you just put yourself in the friéndzone although you meant well (and meant the opposite). But most women will take this opportunity up in a second because it’s a huge one way benefit for them.

Take my advice. If you think you are friendzoned than you are. The only way to get your power back is to take away what she desires from you: attention.

So I would withdraw from her. Don’t text her. Don’t call. Initiate zero contact. If she messages you first just act and say your busy. If she texts you again then I would be straight up with her and say “Hey so so. I really did enjoy hanging out with you but i got to be honest I am not looking to the friéndzone. But hey I wish you the best.” The ball is in her court now. She knows where you stand and she sees that you have the self-respect not to go along with her bs.

[JohnDoe3000]

It's not early in the "relationship" since you've known her for a long time. I think you're friendzoned, unless she's physical with you. Could she be one of those magical 1 in 100 shy snowflakes who's actually in love with you while she treats you like you've been friendzoned? Sure, but odds are she isn't and if she is she should make it more clear because with you now knowing what the odds are you're going to be smart and start looking at other girls.

[Oladeji12]

we've only known each other for a month by the way. By physical, do you mean like hugs and like touching you?

[JohnDoe3000]

A month is long enough. Yes I mean hugs, her hitting you on the shoulder when you make joke, etc...

[Oladeji12]

well, whenever i make her laugh, she would playfully hit me and even touched me on my chest once

[JohnDoe3000]

Hmmm, that could be something...

[Oladeji12]

i thought so as well but the way she had been acting so comfortable with me and the revelation that she isn't usually this confident around guys made me feel that she probably just seems me as one of her buddies

[emmajoyforever]

It could be that she doesn't have many people to talk to and so she trusts you more but not like a relationship kinda way but she could also like you it really depends on certain things and there's not all that much to make an assumption from so I can't really tell for certain

[kmanpreet]

So I'm in a similar situation. I'm hoping this helps. This girl came from the Philippines just a year ago and is extremely conservative in nature. She tells me she wants a boyfriend but no guy will ask her out. The thing is so many of us have asked her out but it was never declared a date and so she hasn't realized so many guys like her. I told her this and she thinks they're making fun of her by taking it slow. It's rare but it does happen.

[Anonymous]

Not really. Especially if she's reserved... Sometimes they do relationships differently.. sort of friends to start with to get to know each other, and then see where things go from there. Depends on the girl, obviously.
Anyway, Nigerian guys are usually the ones with bars, so just talk to her and stop being Mr friendly, and be more flirty.

[Oladeji12]

lol, trust me. Im very flirty with her which is why i said that id given her hints that i liked her. I have not been subtle at all

[Opinion Owner]

If she's shy and reserved, and you've not been at all subtle yet she still feels comfortable around you and confides in you, then the feeling is more likely to mutual. Could be just that she's ignoring the obvious signs you like her, obviously, but it's more likely not. Loads of shy girls would just back all the way off in that scenario, and she hasn't.

[Oladeji12]

you women are confusing

[Usersame]

That's a good thing. I think she likes you, but it could be just a friend thing. However it all depends on how you act with her. If you are a pushover who doesn't call her out/punish her on her bad behaviour, you will be friendzoned. If you let her talk about other guys she likes, you are ating as a friend.

[Oladeji12]

well, i certainly tease/make fun of her a lot on certain habits and things that she does. Sometimes, I'm usually serious but she always laughs as she thinks I'm just being my funny self. When i did ask her about her ex, she felt hesitant to talk about him at first but eventually told me the basic things i needed to know about their relationship. If i didn't mention her ex then she probably would never have told me about him

[Wingedz]

I had few female friend are getting too comfortable with me, they can just go naked in front of me. So in the situation you are in, you probably the "Best Friend Forever" or "The Bro" and is still possible to get into relationship if you talk to her more seriously about it.

[Oladeji12]

lol, naked, and they never thought you were gay? Well i hope i can get that lucky

[Wingedz]

No, they know I'm very straight, just that I don't really care and they started sleep next to me which is quite annoying because she took all my bed space.

[Shangri-La]

It's a great sign if she's comfortable enough to trust in your confidentially. The best relationships are those that have a foundation of friendship first

I'd rather start out as friends then the friendship develop into a relationship.

[Oladeji12]

i know but i feel that it may get to a point where she wouldn't want to be in a relationship with me as she cherishes the friendship that we have

[Shangri-La]

That's a possibility , but you'd need to convince her that it's worth that risk. If she's shy, then she's more likely to want a relationship with a guy she has a good friendship bond with. It's difficult to break down the "wall" that shy people build around themselves, but it seems you have , and her guard is down with you. That's a great testament to your character.

[Oladeji12]

true i guess

[RandomBritishGuy94]

Of course it's possible. Friendship is all but an involuntary reflex sometimes.

Now (ish) would either be the time to ask her on a real date (being very clear that's what you want to happen) or accept you made a new friend.

[Oladeji12]

i would have thought that us hanging alone to bowling or watch a movie plus the fact that i pretty much told her that i found her attractive would have been a good enough sign that those times we hung out should have been considered as a date

[RandomBritishGuy94]

You can't assume someone knows it's a date and if you were that sure you wouldn't be asking here.

Talk to her.

[Pepperjackcheese]

Everyone's different, but I know that when I start to be more comfortable with someone, enough to tell them secrets like that, it means that I really like them.

[Oladeji12]

i hope thats the case with this girl.

[TommyMountainFigure]

Being friends with a girl doesn't mean it can't be anything more. In fact, the best relationships you can have with the opposite sex is if they are your best friend too.

[AssholeNumberOne]

I don't think you should jump to conclusions just yet. She may be trying to flirt with you. Ask her as an off question, then move in like nothing happened if she says no.

[Whatever2929292]

This depends on the girl... I think being comfortable is a good sign of either romantic love OR a good friendship it could be either or

[nala_rawr]

you might not b friendzoned. she might just b getting to kno u.
she trusts u, which is a good thing!

[JustCallMeNanti]

Its really good that this girl you like, feels comfortable with you. For me, talk to her about your feelings and let her think if she really needs a friend or a boyfriend ☺

[chriss]

there is no way of knowing because everyone is different.

you have to ask her out and if she says no then you move on

[BeautifulPromisesx]

Personally I'm never fully comfortable with a guy I like in the beginning cuz butterflies and all so I don't know but maybe she really is into you

[CT_CD]

Yeah it's bad when a girl starts feeling comfortable around you. That's when they start doing gross stuff. Like shitting with the bathroom door open and farting out loud. Never let a girl get too comfortable around you.

[sp33d]

This is bloody hilarious. No , seriously, you look for signs and then as soon as you see something you expect it SOMEHOW means you're friendzoned. Good luck on your endeavors.

[MissMillionDollarMan]

um no it's not bad. it doesn't necessarily mean friend zone.