How to initiate a breakup conversation with someone who's head over heels in love with you?

He doesn't see this coming at all. He's very in love with me but I don't feel the same anymore. I'm busy with my studies and I just don't want a relationship now. How should I start this conversation, any ideas? Again, this will be completely out of the blue for him.. :/

2|0
1312

Most Helpful Guy

  • Tell him that you can't have a relationship and focus on school at the same time, and school makes more sense in this stage in your life.

    2|0
    0|0
    • Thanks so much! That last part is really helpful. I'm just nervous he'll say things like "I can wait for you," haha..

    • If he says that, then say that he deserves better than to wait for someone for an indefinite period of time.

    • Ahh you're so amazing at thinking on the spot. I'm going to be using this :)

Most Helpful Girl

  • Just be completely honest start with either "I have something I need to talk to u about" and go into what ever feel needs to b said he'll kinda get the clue with just those words or " I have really cherished our time together but I really need to focus on me and my studies so I feel I can't have this relationship because of that reason and I wanna break up I'm sorry if I have hurt u but I have to put me first and it wouldn't b fair to u that I'll b too focused on my school and myself" I personally used the second on my ex and it turned out better then it could of cuz he wasn't expecting it really too plus he was a depressed person who had anger problems

    1|0
    0|0

Recommended Questions

Have an opinion?

What Guys Said 11

  • "I have to tell you that I know you love me but the thing is I don't feel the same. It's just the way it is. I wish you all the best but we can't be together anymore." DO NOT SAY "LET'S BE FRIENDS" OR AGREE TO IT

    3|0
    0|0
    • Thanks for your advice, and why shouldn't I agree to the let's be friends (just curious)? He's my best friend πŸ’” I just don't romantically/sexually etc. love him anymore in that way. I'm so upset 😞

    • Show All
    • I think you're right... I mean, I would secretly always be a little jealous of his new girlfriend etc. What if he says he wants to be friends, I can't just say like "no" it would sound pretty mean?

    • You shake your head and say "that isn't realistic but I wish the best for you"

  • Ouch. That's gonna hurt no matter how you do it. But I'd advise you just be honest and tell him straight out. It'll hurt a lot, but it's the best way to do it. There's no gentle way to do this.

    1|0
    0|0
    • Right? I'm very terrified of that, I've been meaning to break up with him for a couple months now but I just felt so awful. How should I randomly say this? I feel like I should drop a hint somehow

    • Show All
    • I think if I'd had an idea it was coming, I would have felt better. It's kinda how guys are wired. We don't enjoy surprises like that, and despite how much we try to hide it, we do have emotions. But slowly pulling away should work, in theory, and hopefully someone else catches his eye in the meantime, which will add to the distraction factor.

    • Thank you for your feedback! I'll have to slowly distance myself for sure, really don't want to shock him out of the blue.

  • Don't worry. He doesn't like you either. The moment you tell him that you don't like him anymore is the moment he will begin to hate your existence. Just get to the point. Don't waste anymore of what little time and energy he has left.

    0|0
    2|1
    • I assure you, @Asker, this is not true if the guy actually loves you. Two months after being hit with a breakup not unlike this one, I don't "hate her existence."

      Granted mine is an unusual situation. I am scared to death for her physical safety. Things are not stable in the country she's currently living in.

    • Show All
    • I'm sorry.

      Things actually seemed to go really well between her family and I. Her brother and father liked me (though I had to speak to her father either through her, her brother, or the translation app on my phone). Her more-religious sister, however, had a problem with her having a relationship outside the faith. She moved in with that same sister in the wake of the coup attempt. I can't help wondering if there was some influence there.

      I just know that I loved her. For as little time as we actually had in each other's presence, she leaves a big hole in my life.

      I'm sorry your family has made things so difficult for you. I feel like I need to move away from mine because I don't share their beliefs anymore, they've made it clear they have no respect for mine, and I know I wouldn't be compatible with the kind of person they want me to pair up with - one who shares their "you're-going-to-hell-unless-you-believe-EXACTLY-as-I-do" young-earth creationist mindset.

    • @KHaskins, I understand. I'm the same with my family, and also can't wait to move far, far away due to their closed minded thinking and beliefs. This life is too precious to waste away getting angry at human differences. As for the girl, being related to that background, I'm certain her sister did say something to her. In the culture, not listening to family is like a huge sin with horrible consequences and of course, the "going to hell" fear factor. I hope things turn out okay for the both of you, and that you start a wonderful and new, free life in the near future.

  • About a year ago, I wrote a myTake about how to break up:

    www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a11588-some-practical-advice-for-how-to-break-up

    0|0
    0|0
    • Thank you, that was a lovely read! My only problem is that he's all the way in California and I'm in England. I really can't see him face to face fast enough to break up in that manner. It would have to be through a call or text. Which is terrible 😞

    • Then do it by Skype or FaceTime.

  • roses are red, violets are blue, guess who's single again, why, it is you!

    2|2
    3|0
  • Oh no just be honest as gentle and direct as you can, tell it is over and why. To start with maybe an old school "Look there is something we need to talk about"

    1|0
    0|0
  • Say "remember how you thought I cared about you at all? wow where you wrong..."

    1|0
    1|0
  • Hey sweety i dont really romanticly like you anymore dude to reasons blah blah blah you make up the rest

    0|0
    1|0
  • You gotta just do it! Tell him you're not looking for a relatonship right now

    0|0
    0|0
  • No secret dude. You just gatta come clean.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Tell him this: "you aren't good enough for me. get lost, i could find a better man in my sleep."

    0|0
    2|0
    • You can't be serious haha..

    • Show All
    • I made that up. I just want him to feel pain. I feel it makes people mature more and reflect on themselves.

    • But he already suffers on and off from depression, so I'm afraid I'll make it worse. He has been very mean to me in the past, but I assumed it was the mood issues :/

What Girls Said 12

  • Give him an Xbox power cord and hold out a ps4 and tell him to connect the two and turn the ps4 on. When it fails and he says "it doesn't work, the two aren't compatible at all" you can say "that's how this relationship feels" and then you walk away.

    0|0
    1|1
    • Well don't walk away. Maybe give him some tea or something.

    • Show All
    • Well I mean, you're breaking it off outta nowhere, after 3 years, while knowing he's still in love with you. Gotta start somewhere.

    • Yeah but that's extremely rude in my opinion, I wouldn't do it like that.

  • Tell him that you're concentrating on studies and think the relationship is a distraction and that you really need to concentrate right now. This should initiate space between you two, then later say that you should take a break and break up. If he still insists that he wants to be with you all the time even after you want space, then he's suffocating you, and you are in the clear for a breakup because then he's too clingy.

    1|0
    0|0
  • Whatever you do, DON'T tell him you want to be friends. He's going to ask you a bunch of denial related questions like he thinks there's another guy in your life. If it helps him fuck off, fib and say there's another guy. Most guys can't wrap their minds around the fact you prefer to be alone than be with them. They have an easier time thinking there must be "someone else."

    0|0
    0|0
    • If you need to, pretend that you "realize that you prefer women" but this is an extreme excuse. He needs to know he doesn't stand a chance because he'll stalk you otherwise possibly.

    • Show All
    • Thanks for your feedback!

    • Anytime. I learned the hard way.

  • this was me a few days ago but um were back together... anyways i was just like 'we gotta talk and im saying this because i care about you and its not fair on your behalf to be in a relationship where its one sided..."

    0|0
    0|0
    • Thank you :) This happened to us last summer but sadly we also got back together and it wasn't a good decision. Hopefully things turn out okay this time!

    • literally my hopes right now, don't know if im regretting it again

    • Well if things go wrong again, at least you'll know you gave it your best shot.

  • Just go straight to the point, tell him you need to talk. And don't lie, just tell him exactly how you're feeling.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Oh god I hated that talk. We ended up both cry, ditching class, and just cuddled on my bed for the last time

    0|0
    0|0
    • That sounds so heartbreaking and sad! How long did it take for you to finally move on?

    • Show All
    • Wow, that's how I feel. Has your friendship deteriorated with him or is it more or less the same? Does it feel different?

    • It feels pretty much the same, just not remantic/sexual. In the past couple weeks it's taken a dive but that's because I acted stupid when I was drunk

  • Use the super cliche line "We need to talk" that will already send an alarm in his head saying "this is bad"

    0|0
    0|0
    • Thanks :) I'd do this but it would be super out of the blue you know? He doesn't expect it at all so it'll feel very malicious on my part :/

    • Show All
    • I am glad you realized that your time is wasting too.

    • If he is mature, he will thank you later for being honest

  • You might have to be brutal.

    0|0
    0|0
  • Be honest with him. That's all guys want in a relationship. Tell him how you really feel. Just tell him like it is.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Of course, I'm just not sure how to start that discussion :/

    • Show All
    • Thanks for your input :)

    • no problem. hope everything goes well

  • He cheated on you and talked to you that way? What tell you he is head over heels in love with you?

    Break ups are never easy. The easiest is a clean break. Be nice about it then cut all contact. LD? phone call or video chat.

    0|0
    0|0
    • Well because we were both pretty young and we met, and he has grown up a lot since then, he's very changed. I can tell he's in love from all of his posts about me, his long texts all the time, him wanting to call a lot and etc., his expensive gifts haha. I think he realized his mistake. However, I haven't been the same since the last time he hurt me, and slowly my love for him faded away. I think a call will be easiest for sure, I'm pretty nervous about it 😞

    • good luck

  • Just start arguments all the time and then eventually just say you aren't happy? Lol

    0|0
    0|2
    • Uhm sounds pretty harsh.. have you done that before?

    • Show All
    • Exactly! You're welcome. It drives them crazy enough that they think I lucked out... just sucks sometimes because later you do want them back

    • I feel you! I'd have to be 100% sure I'd never regret this breakup!

  • I honestly don't think you should break up with him, I think you both just a little time away from each other (not break up). But if it's what you want... hit him with a pickup line.
    ex: Roses are red
    Violets are blue
    Garbage is dumped
    and now so are you. <3

    0|0
    0|0
    • But I seriously don't love him anymore, I don't feel anything. And I would never say that lol whaat

    • Show All
    • Thanks! Because he actually gets depressed easily. I won't say that. I'll just bring up how I'm busy I guess.. thank you <3

    • Anytime :)

Recommended myTakes

Loading...