When in a Break Up, Do you Still Look for Qualities in Your Ex Partner?

[Paris13]

[Constatine]

I think i'm not really understand this question. But if you mean after breakup you still say yeah but she was great and very smart... well than the only positive i can see in her is that she gave me two adorable kids who are now teenagers.

Something like that? 🤣😁

[Paris13]

Nice!!! xx

[Bklynbadboy12]

Not me when it's over its over and I move on I don't give it a second thought

[Paris13]

In A New York Minute. lol!!!

[Bklynbadboy12]

Yessssss

[Paris13]

MHO for Always Caring. xxoo

[Bklynbadboy12]

Thanks and I'll always care gor you 😘 😜😜😜

[OlderAndWiser]

Are you asking if I see the good in a lady, even though I am breaking up with her? Yes, I try to see a balanced perspective. I can tell you nice things about my worst partner ever, and bad things about the best partner ever. I don’t need to vilify a lady to break up with her.

[Paris13]

No, Sir, One you have Already Split from. xx

[OlderAndWiser]

Yes, I can look back and understand why I was attracted to a woman, why I stayed in a relationship with her, what I valued in her. I also remember why we broke up and try to always remind myself that a reunion would likely lead to another break up for the same reasons.

[AviatorTom]

My breakups have never involved either of us bring bad or having bad qualities. It just didn't work out.

[Paris13]

I see... xx

[lightbulb27]

I try to figure out what that was all about, and sort out what really works for me and them and try to choose better.

My prior girlfriend, I understood why I was drawn to her, how I got there, and as well what was really hard on me. Even if I hadn't fed the mess, and I carry a lot of the blame for why she was upset at times. it was hard on me to handle the negative moodiness of her personality. I understood why. Got to where I couldn't drive to church with her, because she'd tear me up, for seemingly no reason. It was dealing with a child and that, was in large part her. So to make it work, there'd have to have been a lot of change on my side and some on hers and I was tired and afraid. It's all complex and more to it.

point being... do triage on what happened, trace back to childhood and personality issues, figure out how you can grow and improve and choose better personality and appreciate that person.

My wife is very different from prior girlfriend, and that's good. /works very well most of the time. When there's pain times, I handle it better and learn to go back to appreciating her for her good qualities.

I don't think there is "perfect". Even amazingly aligned people have friction, communication difficulties, different viewpoints. Life changes... have to flow and adapt.

[Paris13]

She Sounds Ideal. xx

[Xoxocutekitty]

In a way yes. One of the biggest "puppy loves" I had didn't work out for various reasons, distance being one of them, I continued to look for. He was very kind, patient, intelligent, polite, charming, and disciplined. He didn't have any complexes about the world because quite frankly it had treated him well so far, so he was able to bestow that grace, goodwill, and trust onto those he came across. He was not perfect, but he was a pretty decent human being and I would always wish him well in the unlikely event we cross paths again.

After him, it was very hard to find someone who had all those traits. I dated Mr. Ambitious and intelligent, Mr. Empathetic Foreign w/ mood swings, Mr. Foreign, and Mr. Kind and polite in his Parent's basement.

It wasn't until my husband that I found all of these traits again with an emphasis on Commitment, Trust, and hopefully forever.

[Paris13]

Mr. Right, Yes!!! xx

[FunkyMonkee]

I may continue to recognize the good ones she has but I don't make it a pint to do that. If she's gone, she's gone! Fuck her!! Now, if SHE breaks up with ME and I want her back, I'd probably pine for those qualities from her for a while.
I broke it off with Madame Ex and I really miss what we had together and wish I could have THAT back but I don't know that I'd want HER back!! I'd take her back if I knew for damn SURE that she was gonna be the way she was during our first 3 years together and she was gonna STAY that way forever!

[Paris13]

Some of Us Never Change Though. lolxx

[FunkyMonkee]

Obviously, she did!!! By the 4th year, she started getting goofy on me!!

[Leapfrog00]

For me, every person I'm with is different. One girl I was with was a great listener, another was a great listener and also gave advice. My only regret is when I meet someone with good qualities, I tend to trust them more, which I shouldn't trust so many people. I like how everyones different and unique.

[Paris13]

Exactly. xx

[Alwayreckles93]

Typical millenial men in their 30s move. I have learn all millenial men in their 30s. are all mommas boy. Honestly Shakira looks 19 while that Chai gi whatever is her name wow she's age lime a candle Im sure it gas to do with all those chemicals sheputs on her face.

[Paris13]

Okay Then. xx

[Alwayreckles93]

Piques new girl looks like crap! What can you expect from a worldly nonchristian young woman.

[DiegoO]

I experienced tons of divergent toughts. Yes, during the first month's and years, I was still searching out good qualities of her. I was also remember the negative ones.

Is normal to still wanna see something valuable about your ex, in the first stages of the breakup. The attachment don't disappear. It takes a process.

[Paris13]

I See That. xx

[katiesmuff]

I only ever had one bad relationship and no I never looked for any qualities whatsoever about him. When anyone would ask me about him all I would say is he was good to me up to the cheating which ended things immediately.

[Paris13]

Okay Then. xx

[Anpu23]

If the breakup was amicable sure, they're still cool people. (I wouldn't have dated them if they weren't cool in the first place).

On the other had the two or so I broke up with because, REASONS, that's harder to look past.

[Paris13]

Okay Then. xx

[OfMiceandMen]

Not at all, I tend to go completely the opposite direction appearance-wise. They may have some traits that are similar though, simply because we have to get along.

[Paris13]

We Have To? lolxx

[OfMiceandMen]

Typically my ex and I would have common interests/qualities, if my new girlfriend does not have similar common interest/qualities, then I doubt we would get along in the long haul.

[mandyfire98]

Sure, some of the positive ones you always want every partner to have.

[Paris13]

Yes Indeed. xx

[electromagnetic]

I’m certain if my partner and I break up now, I’ll probably do a 180 and look for different traits than my partner.

[Paris13]

Okay Then. xx

[exitseven]

It has been many years but no, once they are in the rear view I work really hard to keep them there

[Paris13]

I see. xx

[Nifrayu]

I did. Or rather I contemplated the importance of the qualities she had and used that information to determine what I would look for in the future.

[Paris13]

Okay Then. xx

[silvermoon84]

Generally no, but if you mean my last ex definitely no.

[Paris13]

Thanks. xx

[nawtee_me]

Even in a breakup there were good things and bad thing about the ex. There is nothing wrong to want those good qualities and not so much the bad ones in a future ex…. lol.

[Paris13]

You are DIFFERENT THOUGH, @nawtee_me lolxx

[sheikalana]

You mean when looking for a partner after a break up?

[Paris13]

Yes. xx

[sheikalana]

No, I don't look for the same qualities although I may look for qualities that I expect all my partners to have.

[Likes2drive]

I guess you try to remember what kept you interested and together

[Paris13]

Did she Have a Beard, Big Guy? lolxx

[Nikolai536]

I agree with Likes2Drive. Find the qualities that led to a positive and healthy vibe and be aware of the ones that were rather more taxing or negative.

[Paris13]

@Nikolai536 So True. xx

[Likes2drive]

No she was quite vain and waxed a lot

[AmeerX]

I definitely never try to bad mouth them. I know they probably think bad about me but I don't think that way. Hope they are doing fine

[Paris13]

Yikes!!! xx