Would you ever leave a partner because they gained significant weight?

Question

It is PC approved to say that appearance doesn't matter and OF COURSE we shouldn't "fat shame" anyone. That means that you aren't supposed to have any negative thoughts or feelings towards anyone just because they weigh as much as a baby elephant. That's a wonderfully exalted and elegant theory of the way things ought to be but it simply fails to account for the real world. For real people, appearance is a big factor in physical attraction. I am attracted to some women and not others; I like petite, diminutive women who have a cute face. I am not attracted to significantly overweight women. You can send me to a PC re-education center and have me sit through sensitivity training classes until the cows come home and I still won't be attracted to seriously overweight women. I have dated women who were 10-20 pounds overweight but that is the limit for me. I never told a girl that I did not want to date her because of her size, but I never dated a girl who I thought was abnormally large. Fortunately, none of my partners in long term relationships ever gained any substantial weight while we were together. I'm not sure that I would have left them because of that. I probably would have talked to them, inquired about possible depression, medical conditions causing weight gain, offered to help them with dieting and exercise, etc. But I don't think I could stay in a relationship with a woman who was 5' 4" and 190 pounds. Could you do it? Could you stay with a partner if they gained a significant amount of weight? (SJW's: If you don't like what I said, I don't want to hear from you! Save you opinion for someone who actually cares about what you think.)

CubsterShura · Accepted Answer

I just can't imagine how horrible life would be if every man kept leaving his woman because she gained a lot of weight. I can't imagine how it could affect their children especially. My mom was skinny when married my father but overtime she gained weight and now she's quite obese. My dad didn't leave her. In all seriousness: come here and ask a couple this question and see how they freak out. No wonder divorce rate in other countries is so high.

Do you forget everything your partner did for you once he or she gains weight? Eww, if it does then you're a horrible person. Forget all the love, all the sacrifices, all the struggles, not only for you but also your children if you have any, let's fucking dump that fat ass for gaining weight! Wow. Excellent!

What would I do if my partner gained weight? Well if I start feeling concerned about his health I'll talk to him. Give him good suggestions. Encourage him to change some of his lifestyle habits. JOIN him in his fitness journey. No fast food for him, no fast food for me too. Exercise daily for him, I'll join him in exercising too. I understand that weight gain can be caused by so many other factors and it's not always something that we can control. But here's the deal: I'll never love him less for something like weight gain. That's ridiculous!

musicbrain5 · Accepted Answer

I'd only leave if he gained a huge amount of weight, became obese, and didn't want to do anything about it. If it's some kind of illness causing it, I would support him in seeking treatment for it. I just want him to be as healthy as possible.

I get that weight fluctuates for people for different reasons. I've been through it myself. For reference, I'm 6'1" (so the total opposite of petite/diminutive), relatively athletic/skinny frame. At my highest weight I was 195 lbs and it was getting to a point where you could see it a little bit. At my lowest I was 140 lbs. I had been going through really bad periods of depression, anxiety, and panic attacks through those periods and I just wreaked havoc on my body with not enough food and then excessive amounts of bad food and too much alcohol.

So I get it, I really do. He helped me, so I would want to help him if he were ever in that situation. Me dumping him over a small amount of weight gain would likely just make everything worse, but as I said, I'd want him to start reversing it and get healthier.

silverqueen · Accepted Answer

Well, for me, yes. I would eventually leave him. I think being attractive physically is part of why I date him in the first place. Of course, it's not 100% of why I would date a guy but it is part of it. When you lose part of that, it doesn't mean we place a priority on your looks over EVERYTHING else. When something changes, nothing is the same anymore. The relationship eventually fades off. It's not our fault (or any girls' fault) if we decide to leave a man because of his weight gain. That's just how it is, we don't feel the same way towards you and that is how we feel. Period.

RationalMale · Accepted Answer

Actually yes.

I was dating a girl who was overweight, but personality wise we were pretty great. Near the beginning she showed initiative to work out and eat right, and I thought "Hey! She's wants to improve, so this will be fine!"

Theeeennn she basically lost all interest in working out, I doubted she was trying to diet, and that was it. I tried being super gentle, sent her links on how exercise helps anxiety, offered to buy her health supplements that help with anxiety... nada. If you're fairly overweight in your prime and not interested in getting fit... imagine that with 20 pounds extra after a first kid?

I don't expect a girl to go from overweight to Caity Lotz i2.wp.com/.../Caity-Lotz-Booty.jpg in six months, but when someone loses all interest in jogging or going for a workout swim (she had a pool, had PLENTY of free time, and swimming is a fantastic, gentle workout) then you know that they will basically never be healthy weight for you. It was the kiss of death.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I thought the whole point of falling in love with a woman was because of her as a whole, especially her personality and soul.

I don’t understand how a guy, who’s apparently in love with a girl, would leave her just because she has gained weight. That places absolutely no toll on the relationship, unless you’re egocentric and selfish enough to leave her because of it.

In that case, the woman is better off without you. She dodged a bullet.

PrincessPie · Answer

I prefer a partner who is not overweight but I would never leave them because of weight gain, unless they gained 50 pounds or more and refused to try to lose it. Is probably most accurate to how I feel because I have no issues with them gaining a few pounds here and the heck even I do, but if they have ZERO motivation to try and lose it then I’d almost feel like they’d given up on themselves which obviously isn’t very attractive and would make me wonder if they even cared about our relationship

Logorithim · Answer

No, at least not without trying hard to help her lose the weight she gained (doesn't apply to weight gain for medical reasons). It's about her Health, above all, but another factor is that I like doing outdoors activities like hiking, and I don't want to do them without my girlfriend, but of she is too big, she can't.

Lovi87 · Answer

If they're obese, then no. I'd leave. If they've gained some (like I have)
then I'd want them to work on losing it through dieting and working out.

You can gain weight for many reasons...

> Mental illness medication like mine
> Being agoraphobic and not being able to leave the house
> Depressed and comfort eating
> Not sleeping properly
> Not eating the correct calories a day
> Eating too much
> Depression. (Can lose and gain)

I was 8 stone as a teen. Never went below it, and became 9 and 1/2 stone every monthly cycle of my period.

Now I'm 31 and I'm 14 stone (196 pounds) last I checked. I'm on medication, not sleeping properly, not drinking enough water, and not able to leave my house. I also have depression so I comfort eat. Now I'm dieting and working out as much as I can.

I'm not as motivated yet with battling depression and stress, but I'm not about to give up. I went too thin once, got upset about it, but I was ill. I never want to be thin again, but I don't want to be obese either.

I'm 5ft 8 or 5ft 9.. and my doctor said I'm okay for my age and height, but I have to lose some within the next 3-4 years.

vishna · Answer

I like guys who are a bit large to begin with, at least 160 pounds or more. So, if he gained like 40 lbs and refused to exercise it off, yea, I don't think I'd stick around... especially not as I get more serious about my own health and working out. But I wouldn't just give up on them, I'd try very hard to make them eat right and work out with me, but at the end of the day.. you can't force another adult what to do with their body... just like you can't force one to stay in a relationship.

I've started online dating again, and I matched with this guy who had really cute profile pictures and we hit it off... then he allows me access to his social media and he's like 30-40 lbs heavier and all the pictures are 3+ years old. And he tells me a few girls have backed out of talking to him bc they say he's too big... and I'm like, my man... why would you catfish people and be surprised they don't appreciate that?

SaskiaBlueRaySoul · Answer

hi, for me and its goes the same for myself of course everyone can gain a bit of weight, especially as we get older, however, efforts need to be made, for myself and a partner (my imaginary one lol) weight gain would if it happened stimulate a regime to change that both of us included in it, joint effort if this after some time was refused by a partner who continued to not act and grow fatter yes i would potentially end it... after serious work to change it but you can't change anyone in life... if they were not into working on it for us both then ill walk thank you... i won't get so fat im a slob bouncing around on top on you and thus i dont expect the same thank you ; )

Cammy137 · Answer

Yes. If my partner was unable to take part in the activities we currently love doing together and was putting her health at serious risk with no desire of correcting it, then id have to leave her. Especially if she stopped being attractive to me as the relationship would start to be affected.
If she gained significant weight but realised it was detrimental to her health and wanted to change it then id stay with her and help.
Similarly, I wouldn't hold it against my partner if she broke up with me because I gained significant weight.

Burgerboy21 · Answer

Well I'm fat myself, obviously, but I think that the body positivity movement has gone too far. We should be encouraged more to do something about our weight and health, not accept it and continue our lazy lifestyles. I desperately want to lose weight and, believe it or not, I run often.

Now about the partner thing, well I'd be a hypocrite to say I'd turn down any large women, because I'm clearly large myself. I definitely accept overweight to an extent; in fact, I prefer just a bit of weight. (I guess that would be "curvy?") But even for me, there is such thing as too heavy. I'm just not sure how that translates as far as specific weight in women goes.

FriendlyDrugDealer · Answer

For me it really matters only if it gets out of hand and they see nothing wrong with it and their behavior becomes somewhat “entitled”.

If we start dating and you’re at 130 and you gain 40 over the next year, I won’t leave because of that but I’ll only leave if you’re no longer trying to challenging yourself, trying to improve yourself and/or try to drag me down as well.

I’m not saying my girl gotta look like a model 24/7, but if I’m busting my ass to look as good for you, I’m expecting somewhat of an effort, as Long as you’re TRYING then that’s all I need because it shows that you want me to find you attractive still

Kurαȷ · Answer

Being fat is not about appearance, being fat is the result of not having discipline, impulse control and capacity to delay gratification.
It is the perpetuation of poor lifestyle choices for months if not years at a time with no regard for oneself or other people.

This lack of capacity to delay gratification is going to show in all the other areas of the person's life.
If not eating something is a thing that they struggle with, I just have to think of all the other things that the person is not willing to put effort into doing.

When I see a fat person, I don't just see someone who is hideous on the outside, I also see a person who is hideous on the inside.

Chaz269 · Answer

Yeah, I'd leave. Not without warning, but I'd definitely not stick around for someone who doesn't care about themselves or me. The PC culture surrounding obesity is just another disease caused by obesity, and ignorance. There are a myriad of health concerns that go hand in hand with being overweight. People who think they can stop paying attention to their health and hygiene just because they finally saddled a long-term partner are just selfish and lazy. Most people experience mild to moderate weight fluctuations, but if you're not trying to mitigate that with diet and exercise, we won't get along.
For me, it's not about looks so much as health. I mean, I like curvaceous women, a lot. But if they're just round, morbidly obese, gotta lift rolls of fat to wash properly... no thanks. Otherwise, if she's happy, healthy and fit enough for an impromptu hike or bike ride, I'm attracted to a wide variety of physical attributes and can get along with most people, especially women.

navyrobin · Answer

If he gains 20+ lbs, that means he’s not taking care of himself. Self care is important and keeps people attractive. So yes, the attraction would fade away and *eventually* the relationship would crumble. I wouldn’t just say “ok boy you got fat so I’m leaving you now”. I’m not that heartless. But I would leave if they’d continuously refuse to be healthy. Health and activity is important in a relationship, whether anyone tries to deny it or not.

OnitheWanderer · Answer

I understand your point of view and if i am to be honest i agree with your assessment. For me, i like girls who are chubby, phat or thick etc. BUT everything has a limit that being said. I don't know if i could date girl that's overweight not because of appearance but for her health mostly. And she must definitely go to a gym lose it asap. (I know I'm sounding like a fat shamer but I'm being honest). So, if my partner gained weight it's fine by me but overweight she must start gym, diet or whatever to lose it. It's all about moderation and limit.

Malita55 · Answer

I prefer for them to be a healthy weight, and i wouldn't leave them if they got too thin or fat but i would if they got so fat that they couldnt do normal activities. Like, once they can't go on a run with me, its over

Lea96 · Answer

If they gain weight i dont care but if they get morbidly obese and don't want to lose it then I would leave because im a gym rat and very fit so i love working out and i want my partner to enjoy working out as well and I would be pissed seeing someone killing themselves like that in front of me by being so unhealthy so if that's the case I would leave

lumos · Answer

I'm ok with a little bit of weight gain as long as it's not overly unhealthy. But when it gets to the point of being very unhealthy, I would talk to him about it and encourage him to eat healthier and work out. We could do it together. If he doesn't want to or doesn't care, my attraction for him would fade for sure. Whether I'd leave him or not, I'm not entirely sure. It just depends on the situation and his attitude.

JimRSmith · Answer

I think for me, it would depend on why the weight gain. If it was due to a shitty diet and not exercising, that's a different place to having it happen for some medical reason.

But yes, it would bother me. I would not be pleased at all, if it was the first reason.

Swaggirl1 · Answer

Only if they turned into a sumo wrestler. A girl can only take so much.

Lostranza · Answer

That really depends on whether or not I love them. I think if I didn't love the person it would be easy to ends things but if I did I would want to help them through it and encourage them as much as I can to lose the weight because of their health. If they were somehow in a healthy range of course I would accept them.

Izumiblu · Answer

Uh. No probably not. It is important to me that he not be but. I don't know. I’d suggest that there are other things that may come about that may cause a breakup. Like why is he suddenly fat. Is it he’s just lazy n sitting around doing nothing? I mean I can’t really deal with that.

Qwerty_0 · Answer

Probably not. They could be going through some tough shit, lord knows I've been there, and sometimes eating feels like the best solution so I'd do my best to help them. If, however, they are just lazy shits and not willing to even go out for a walk or eat something that's green, they can piss off.

Anonymous · Answer

I’d never let them become overweight, I’d be with someone who has more motivation than a couch potato and I’d be cooking tasty but healthy food with some cheat days of course. I’d keep us in check and want a partner who’d support that as I want him to be a decent example and parent to any potential children.

pooper89 · Answer

There’s more to the story. Why did he become unhealthy? Is he depressed? Testosterone levels not where they should be? Weight gain is usually a symptom of a bigger problem. I’d try to help him through it and I’d still love him

latinabutterfly96 · Answer

Where has love gone?
I thought men and women should love each other despite how they look. Behind that chubby face and behind that mask, there’s a person.

I don’t like this generation of males and females.

RegularTK421 · Answer

I dont expect perfection, but if she becomes obese or disgusting I'm out. I wouldn't get married to begin with, it's not worth it and life is too short. There are millions of women out there, you dont have to settle for just one woman your whole life.

AquaBoo · Answer

How TF do you let your S. O. gain that much? But let's say, hypothetically, that I do. Yes. I would leave. People who gain too much weight and are extremely obese usually do not have any motivation, complain about their current state but don't do anything about it, and bring others down. If they were not willing to try and become healthy for me or themselves, then yes, I will leave.

Just_Me89 · Answer

If my partner either lost or gained a significant amount of weight that meant they were putting their life at risk I would definitely say something about it because I would be concerned for their safety.
If they refused to do something about it, to me it shows a complete disregard for a) their own well-being and b) for me and my opinions/feelings.
This being the case, I'd be very tempted to leave. If someone doesn't care about themselves, how can you except them to care about you?

Johnnydempster2 · Answer

I have high standards for myself, and expect my girlfriend to take care of herself and put in effort like I do. It's not so much the number that I would care about, but if they gain enough weight for me to lose attraction then yeah there's gonna be an issue

FatherJack · Answer

I was not just the weight gain , she gained a huge amount of weight and is obese now , that contributed to me dumping my ex wife , her attitude got worse , always complaining , lazy , and got even lazier. I believe this was because she let herself slide into poor physical health.

alrdyded · Answer

More cushion for the pushin... if a partner I'm in love with were to gain substantial weight I would be more worried about their health than my own self absorbed desires. I would encourage her to speak with a medical professional about how her physiology is changing. It could be something way serious and that should supersede any shallow, immature, insecurities one might be hung up on...

JulieXO · Answer

I'm not attracted to fat guys, but slightly chubby is perfectly fine. I wouldn't get with someone who's severely overweight, but I don't think I'd leave them if they got bigger throughout the relationship.

Anonymous · Answer

I want someone who takes care of himself. If the added weight was because of unhealthy habits that could be easily avoided, then I would probably leave him eventually. If it’s due to some other medical thing that he didn’t choose, then I wouldn’t care. But I’m kind of a health nut. So I want someone who at least tries to be healthy.

Pizza_lover159 · Answer

No. If he got a lot of weight because he had some problems In not going to leave him. Ill try to help him and cook him delicious food that is also healthy , Ill take him with me at a gym and go on a nutritionist together, Ill even diet with him so he doesn't feel alone. If he doesn't change even after that , ill leave. Because I know I did my best.

Decentguy · Answer

it really matters how much weight she gained, if she became obese then i would motivate her and help her a lot in loosing her weight, but if she doesn't wanted to loose weight just because she's lazy, then i would leave her, because i wouldn't feel sexually attracted to her then, and if i can't have sex with her then who am i supposed to have sex with? so yeah, i would leave her, Besides, a lot of women dump guys and leave them because they have tiny dick, so its nothing bad leaving a fat woman

Babsie1984 · Answer

I think it would depend on really how much weight they gained. I wouldn’t leave them because of the weight gain but I think it would be a significant factor in how attractive I found them and would have a knock on effect to the rest of our marriage

chunkycheeks · Answer

My fiance when we met was skinny with some muscle, I've always been my chunky self.
Well we've been together a little while, had a baby. He gained a lot of weight and lost all of his muscle, I'm a little skinnier then I was when we met.
Although I prefer a fit or at least slim guy, I still love him with all of my heart and I'm still super attracted to him. I would never leave him because of his weight/appearance, I love him more for who he is.

jimyee · Answer

Fuck the notion of accepting fat people. It's an unhealthy lifestyle andvtherefgore by being accepting of fat people we are encouraging unhealthy behavior.

I would absolutely leave a partner if they gained a significant amount. Probably a lot less.

Drener · Answer

No..  I will do my best to try and help him lose weight  I will never give up on him I love him way to much

fantasticass · Answer

No I would not leave, but we would work together to solve the issue of the weight gain, and find the source of the problem.

sodaslut · Answer

i wouldn't even let them gain that much weight in the first place😂 like i'm fine if he grows a tummy idc, but if i see u becoming too unhealthy i have to stop u bc i care man

General_Titipong · Answer

Yes I would, it wasn't in the contract.
(Far fetched example incoming).
If you married me because I love me,
Tuned out I'm a drug cartel leader who killed 1000s of people butchered and raped.
You probably should leave me, because I don't match your standards ya know.

CarpetDenim · Answer

I prefer a partner who is not overweight but I would only leave them because of weight gain if they gained 50+ pounds or more and refused to try to lose it

Bilama0905 · Answer

If the person is being lazy and careless after expressing concern to them, then we feel that we would leave. This would be after urging them to be healthy. I (wifey) would not be satisfied if they got so big that their dick looked like a baby carrot and his boobs are bigger than mine. I (hubby) would be straight to the point and tell them if they are not all in at the gym and putting 100% effort into getting in shape so they can always ride me all night like a cowgirl.

Ibeji · Answer

I want my partner to be physically healthy. If they are unhealthily overweight, it is an indication to me that they cannot take care of themselves, and thereby can’t be relied on to take care of me.

anuragk033 · Answer

Naah Never because if she's gaining the weight then it's just because of my love 😍😚 and if she's loosing weight that's also because of my love 😉😚😚😚😚

Carpe_diem94 · Answer

It really comes down to the other person's self identity and value that they hold towards themselves. If your partner is actively gaining weight and shows no interest in losing it, then they're likely not happy with themselves or the situation and if they don't wish to discuss it with their significant other than I think that pretty much answers the question; it's time to move on. For both parties sake.

ZanyInternetName · Answer

If my partner turned, I'll be frank, fat, and refused to trim down some kilos then, yes, I'd leave my partner. I am disgusted by fat bodies, plain and simple.

kres0345 · Answer

The poll for this is bad, there's no option that supports no overwigth and helping them get fit again

Jesslin412 · Answer

As long as he’s not a slob. My boyfriend is overweight and insecure about it but I don’t care. He is cuddly!

Chthou95 · Answer

This shows that in some way humans are naturally selfish & shallow. HOWEVER, i don't think there's anything wrong with that as it has been this way for millions of years.

Factshurt90 · Answer

I like a chunky partner. As long as they are clean, odor free and well groomed. I’m not super into physical Attraction

genericname85 · Answer

i'd leave them if they're not willing to lose it again. i'm not so fussy about weight but at some point it is too much.

PinkMichae · Answer

It depends on why he's gaining it. I would try to help him figure it out and encourage him to get healthier. But ultimately love him. Not his body.

Jessgem · Answer

Weight gain if you are already at a healthy weight can put you at risk for a lot of dieases so I would encourage them to lose weight so they can add years to their life.

Nobodyx · Answer

I actually prefer a partner who "has some meat on their bones". But I would leave when it get to the point when they're not able to so things on their own. Like keeping themselves clean.

Lance1965 · Answer

I wouldn't leave over weight gain alone. If her personality changed with it I would consider leaving.  ... but yeah I wouldn't be happy at all over significant weight gain.

Drumlin2001 · Answer

Indirectly yes. I want me and my SO to live a healthy life style. If they werent doing that i would end relationship. Weight gain would usually be the result of a poor lifestyle

art84 · Answer

If my partner was gaining weight at a rapid pace it would be a huge problem cause of it affecting their health. I prefer someone who is not overweight but at least they keep their weight under control if possible.

LegateLanius · Answer

How significant are we talking? Are you able to ballpark it?

Unit1 · Answer

I pretty much agree with you.
Plus size women are also attractive. They provide more body area to hug 🤗 or big or tall women too (but not medically obese).
And imagine in bed being with them 😍 you'll get squished by a big woman 👩 i don't know about anyone else but i think i would enjoy being covered by her ☺

By the way i think you should select the "i don't want to see this" option to weed out those sensitive social justice warriors and their nonsense responses.

Marinepilot · Answer

OlderAndWiser, we're attracted to who we are attracted. Many people have weight issues. Personal preferences are valid. Attractiveness is a vitally important component in a relationship. Bravo ! Well done !

Would you ever leave a partner because they gained significant weight?

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Would you break up with your partner if they gained weight?

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