It is wrong to not want to date a shy girl?

Question

Or a shy guy?
This question was prompted by an insightful discussion with another G@ger.
To be honest, I would not date a shy girl. My ex girlfriend was crippling shy in the early stages of our relationship, and that not only put more than one obstacle in our relationship, but also covered more alarming flaws.
That aside, by dating after her I simply discovered I prefer more proactive, confident girls.
One of the reasons I admire my fiancée so much is because she's that confident and a top achiever.
What about you?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Just because you’re shy doesn’t mean you can’t be a top achiever/ambitious. Also, just because your ex was a certain way doesn’t mean you discard all girls with that one insignificant quality.

ChronicThinker · Accepted Answer

No, I don't like shy men either.

Hispanic-Cool-Guy · Accepted Answer

Not wrong and I don't blame you. Talking to a shy person is like talking to a wall. Screw that.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Everyone is attracted to different personalities. As long as you don't look down on shy girls

jennifer_bloom · Answer

I think in the past guys didn't like me cause I was so confident and ambitious and outgoing and loud - its good to be confident - but guys thought I was TOO Confident. Like professors would mark me harder when I presented in front of the class because they thought I had an unfair ability over the other students since I was so confident and poised and indifferent to how people perceived me.

aWes0MeNeSs · Answer

No, it's completely fine to have preferences.

SuperManiac · Answer

I don't understand how someone can prioritize personality and be attracted to shy. Because shy people keep their inner thoughts hidden, are reluctant to speak. They might open up but you usually already need to be interested and give them a lot of time to do that, and by that point, when I actually come to discover their personality, I might be in for a total surprise (and it's never pleasant to me if I've started falling for someone before I really got to know them -- surprises are always negative here).

Before I dated some shy types thinking that shyness is a personality trait. I don't think so anymore. I think it's an inhibiting trait -- a fear -- that prevents people from revealing their true personality. I value the true personality, so I don't like shy anymore.

I want to know what a girl really thinks, and upfront. So I value a reasonable degree of assertiveness and a general absence of shyness. I found, through actual trial and error in dating, that favoring this doesn't leave me open to big surprises... that the girl I'm falling for is actually who I think her to be, and will remain that way over the course of the relationship.

soleil2666 · Answer

I agree it is MUCH easier to date a confident person - the whole 'being present' thing is refreshing compared to somehow being half-absent.
That said, I don't think I have ever dated someone shy - and from all I have seen so far, it hasn't been so much about flaws as it has about (very) different views about work/labour (funnily enough - I'd never consider anything to be about that).
So, a girl (but really a woman) who was shy but had similar views on what should get done and when (i. e. how we would go about getting income, who needs to work how much vs how and how much we spend, and the famous 'who does the cleaning and housework' question - no problem. I like introverts personally.
But someone who would want money to be coming in magically/with no work, who'd want to waste it - or save it at the cost of comforts - and insisted on it - funnily enough, those things seem to be too difficult to overcome. Or rather, you need to date for a while for that conversation to come up - and you only end up dating for a while if your views on free time/money and work are compatible enough.
My 2 cents.

unclesampanda · Answer

I think the word "shy" is really misunderstood. I don't think shy should be an adjective used to describe a person but instead to describe a behavior. The fact that you would describe a behavior could be the best way to really bring that person to not be "shy." That person clearly carries baggage. Sometimes we don't take the time to really understand their introvert behavior. I was a very serious, shy, introverted person, but really it was due to pain and things i hadn't let go of from my past. It's really more of a fear of a repeated situation. People should really get to know a person. I know when we're dating all we want to do is have fun and go out, but relationship really goes further than that. That to me is an adventure and fun but not a relationship. If you're looking to just casually date then yes go find somebody to have fun with, but in my opinion dating should be with the end result of building a bond and emotional and personal connection with somebody. It's definitely a challenge because it's pandoras box you just never know what you're going to get, but embrace the challenge if you truly want to establish something more.

fdietzman · Answer

Get to know her. Shy girls are the best to date. You wouldn't have to worry about her cheating because she's too nervous to say something first. And plus, the shy girls are the fun ones once you get to know them. Trust me from the experience of me being shy 😂

sognare555 · Answer

I cannot date a guy who cannot hold a conversation/is too shy to say more than 2 words in a sentence!! I'm sorry! I just can't, it's honestly one of my biggest pet peeves. Because what ends up happening is that the person who is more confident has to uplift every single conversation, has to go out of their way to make the other person feel more comfortable, and it's just tirelessly trying to make up for the lost energy in the room. I can't stand it. I respect you if you are shy and wish you the best, but we will not mesh well.

Marie132 · Answer

Honestly, there is nothing wrong with a preference for more outgoing people... I admire my partner for his level of charisma and his determination.
I can be rather shy in some situations myself because of my anxiety, and I could understand why this wouldn't suit some people and that's ok. At the same time, I am a major planner and like to get things done, and again some people might not prefer that...
Overall, it is not a problem to prefer some traits over other when dating as there is more there than just the 2 of you, like how you'd fit into eachothers lives... as long as people dont judge and discriminate based on traits then it seems fine

kinton98 · Answer

It depends on how said shyness manifests itself. I personally found it to be a learning curve to date someone who isn't socially confident or is reliant on you to be their voice in most given situations. I have also dated girls with severe anxiety, including my most recent ex, although in hindsight I have reason to believe she feigned many of her issues. I would rather date the shyest girl I know than a manipulative liar. But, like many, I would prefer to date someone who matches my level of confidence.

Miristheiss · Answer

Not wrong.
It maybe shallow depending on circumstances.
If it causes you to not be compatible that makes sense.
Maybe it is harder to meet and get feedback signals of intwresr from a shy girl... an outgoing girl is easier to meet and get feedback that they are open and interested.
It could be harder at times.
Writing them off for no other reasons but shyness seems a tad strong.

Mamaganja · Answer

My man was extremely shy when we first met. It’s pretty awesome to see that you’re able to help them out of their shell. It’s not wrong but you could possibly miss out because of it.

vintagegirl90 · Answer

Being slightly shy myself I have no problem dating a shy guy at all or even an outgoing guy. It’s all dependent upon personal preference as long as the guy has a great character and heart then I can’t see a problem if he is shy, I can work with it.

coka10 · Answer

It's not that I don't want to date a shy guy, but it would be very difficult for me, as I'm on the timid side myself. I need someone who is more proactive, more of a leader than I am, so that we can push each other outside of our comfort zones :)

smokeater13 · Answer

It really depends on the person honestly. If they tend to be shy until they warm up then it’s ok to date them knowing the work to get to know them is going to be more extensive. But if they are closed off to the world and have no interest in opening up to anyone at anytime, then it’s a failed relationship from the start. Now knowing that, you can still go for the super shy knowing that you have a battle ahead of you and some people are into that challenge

BlackRoseFairy · Answer

Sometimes "shy" people need time to open up and feel more comfortable around you, so maybe you should give them some time...
Also don't confuse shy with introverted, as those two are usually mistaken as the same thing

Apple1996 · Answer

Nah it's not wrong but it is a little shallow because shy people are totally different when they are with there SO. I'm shy to other people but my hubby never see me that way since I'm so outgoing and bold when I'm with him

Porcelaine · Answer

Of course not. I too prefer someone who is outgoing, or at least if he is going to be shy, he cannot be shy with me. Confidence is sexy. It's very understandable that after a bad experience with your ex you have a different preference.

Poppykate · Answer

Maybe your ex was going through a rough patch? She might have been dealing with too many of her own problems to be in ‘top form’. But that is neither here or there. I guess if you can be there for someone at their lowest point, why would they invite you to be at their highest? 🤔

ShellWolf · Answer

I sure would. I think a lot of people equate shyness with lack of confidence, but that's not often the case, to be honest. It all depends upon the person. There are people who are incredibly shy, and/or quiet (which also don't necessarily equal each other. Quiet doesn't always mean shy) but incredibly confident, especially when, and where it matters. Then there are people who would be considered the furthest possible thing from being a shy person that are horribly lacking in any kind of confidence. It really doesn't pay to judge, and write someone off simply because they are shy, and/or quiet because they will be a lot more than that single aspect. If you don't know them, don't judge. Take the time to truly get to know them, and avoid jumping to snap judgements, and conclusions about them, because you could be very, very pleasantly surprised. Stereotypes, and assumptions are never good to go off of, and are unfair to everyone.

elite665 · Answer

I would but that’s because I’m a natural leader  It just may be hard at first for me cause I’m shy around new people as well but give me like a week and I’ll be an open book

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