He takes me out on dates, messages me everyday, opens doors for me but hasn’t made a move. Any advice?

Question

Met him online, been on 4 dates now and he is honestly so sweet. Always offers to pick me up, pays for everything, opens car doors for me. I guess you could say he’s a gentleman...

HOWEVER, my friends keep telling me that it’s a bit strange he hasn’t tried it on with me, he has never initiated sex, never suggested going to a hotel, doesn’t compliment me, he hasn’t said things like “sexy” or “stunning” he just says subtle stuff like “nice” or “special”

I had to go in for the kiss on our last date. They’re saying he might not be physically attracted to me and might just like me for my personality

Is it weird when a young 23 year old guy doesn’t bring up sex or say how hot he finds you?

He’s not very vocal. We mainly talk about travelling, family and other things but never had a cheeky convo.

I’m already insecure about my appearance as it is and Starting to feel he doesn’t find me sexy ☹️

After 4 dates I honestly thought I’d get a text saying “I really like you you’re amazing & beautiful” he hasn’t said anything like that but carries on inviting me to dinner and activities.

“Actions speak louder than words” but I want to hear the words too lol 🙈

GlitterFairy16 · Accepted Answer

I can relate. I had this issue with my boyfriend at first and if anything it's a good sign. He's obviously nervous around you and doesn't want to mess things up because he really likes you. It can be really scary for a guy to make the first move. Especially in these times were men are getting falsely accused more often.

You need to stop waiting around for him to make a move and do it yourself and be direct. It might not be romantic but you need to tell him it's okay to kiss you and hold your hand etc. He might have even not been kissed before and that's why he hasn't kissed you yet there's plenty of logical reason as to why he hasn't kissed you.

I had to tell my boyfriend he could hold my hand if he wanted and i was the one to make the first move as much as i reject not just asking him if i could kiss him, instead of jumping him and putting my tongue down his throat. It still worked just don't do what i did 😂

He obviously likes you if you've been on 4 dates. My boyfriend didn't make a move till after a month usually that's a tell, tell sign a guy actually really likes you. If not most he'd take what he wanted and run or just not bother seeing you again.

btbc92 · Accepted Answer

Well if you don't want me there are plenty of women that would. He's a keeper. A man that has morals. A man who acts Godly. A man that knows how to treat a woman with respect? You don't see guys like that anymore. You want to be with a guy that is just want to use you for sex then you go find somebody else.

She's treating you and showing you how a real man supposed to respect you and respect a woman. He should not be touching a woman before marriage. You should not even be thinking about a woman in that way. And he should honor and respect her. These are the things that you want and desire than you need to tell him that. But it sounds like to me that he is not that type of guy. And I thank God. We need more men like that today. If you don't find yourself compatible let him go another woman will take him. Don't try to change him into somebody he isn't.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

Ask him. "So, we're on our fifth date and that's enough time to get an idea of how well you will like a person, whether you feel attracted, whether you see them as just a friend or you have a romantic interest. So I think we should talk about how we feel about each other at this point. Since I'm bringing up the subject, I'll go first. I like you as a person; you are sweet, a well-mannered gentleman, and very pleasant to be with. I do feel attracted to you and I definitely want to keep dating you, if you want to keep dating me. What I want, and why I am dating, is to find a relationship with passion and chemistry and days and nights spent together and I'm hoping that maybe you will be the one who makes all of that happen. So, how are you feeling about us?"

Is that too much too soon? This may be a shy guy and you will need to initiate the conversation at some point and reassure him that it's okay to express his lust if he is feeling it.

Unliving_Boar · Answer

Sounds to me your dude told you exactly what he wanted.

A man is not going to waste his time on something that won't add value to his life and future. A little boy will though. A little boy will immediately ask you about sex, sending dick pics, asking "what dat mouf do?" and never inquire about your goals and dreams. He won't spend time with you. He won't try to find out the little nuances that makes you, you.

Dude here told you what he wanted when he didn't mention any of that. He said "I want you. I want to get to know you. All of you". he's treating you like the woman you are, not a little girl. he's giving your respect and appreciation. he's working out goals in his head that might include you.

My advice, stop listening to your little friends. Let them keep getting the dick pics and the disrespect (no disrespect to them). Im sorry that wha TV you all are used to.
Meanwhile you keep spending your time with dude. Keep playing and you might have the most rewarding relationship you've ever had.

Reesep · Answer

Alright I kinda flirt in a similar way, from this it totally sounds like he's into you, and doesn't wanna pressure you at all, what I would do is just lay your cards in the table, he obviously likes to be around you and with you, and if he didn't retract when you kissed him than that means he's fine with that at least. So just talk to him, he might be really insecure about himself and just is trying to be perfect. He might have an idea of a perfect boyfriend and so he's trying to be, kind, considerate, respectful, and doing so can come across as a little melancholy, but I think you can break through this, nothing more attractive and promising as a trait than honesty and open mindedness

abc3643 · Answer

You have nothing to worry about.
What you are worrying about is the opposite of what you should be worried about.
Instead of being a horndog just wanting to get laid, he's being classy and treating you like the beautiful classy lady you are instead of just another easy lay.
That's not his style. His style is the style of generations past - you EARN your way into a woman's bed; you don't expect it quickly like most young men nowadays do.

His parents brought him up right apparently.
Enjoy it... and, yes, you may need to make the first moves.

vivmatt · Answer

My boyfriend was the EXACT same. My friends thought he was gay or friendzoning me. Turns out he was just unbearably shy and feared rejection if he did make a move. I had to be the initiator. Quickly became apparent he was NOT gay and did NOT want to be just friends. You'll realize that too if you keep being the initiator 😉

mamasan · Answer

I think he's just trying to be respectful by leaving the ball in your court. It's unlikely that he isn't interested or isn't attracted to you. He wouldn't be taking you out, messaging you everyday, opening doors for you, etc. if he wasn't interested.

How did he react when you went in for a kiss?

Anonymous · Answer

What happened when you leaned in for a kiss? Did you kiss and was it good?

I'm guessing he's just being a gentleman. It was good you leaned in for a kiss, that shows him "it's ok", so hopefully that will open the door. But maybe he just wants to get to know you well first? Believe it or not, some guys are like that lol. But yeah, he likes you enough to keep on dating, but maybe it's not on a romantic level for him yet? Hard to say. You could bring it up? Or lean in for more kisses and see how that goes.

Mickey9999 · Answer

Sort of going through the same thing. We are all individuals. His waiting isn’t anything bad and he will make a move when he’s ready. Like @scooogy said in his own instance, this guy may have plans for the future so it may bring about his hesitation. This is where is women need to take a deep breath and step back. We need to decide if these guys are worth waiting for or if we are in too much of a hurry, move on to someone else. So being in the same boat so to speak, I’m deciding to go for the lesson in patience since other men don’t interest me as much as my current interest. We’ve been talking for years and seeing each other every three months or so for the same amount of time but we both have had traumatic past relationships and are still healing so giving it some time isn’t a bad thing

ZackBan · Answer

He's suffering from nice guy syndrome it can be hard to deal with it.

But if He's doing so much for you why not jump him yourself. Like seriously you have the right to initiate sex or anything like that too it doesn't always HAVE to be the guy

DexWest · Answer

Hate to break it to you honey, but most guys that still believe in chivalry, which his actions, and what you're describing, he is one of those. He will never make the first move. Not that he more than likely doesn't want to, but he respects you and your body too much to do that and probably sees him making the first move as possibly just using you for your body. Ask him if he wants to do anything. Make the first move. Once he sees that you're okay with it, he will open up and start making the first moves.

AdithyaR · Answer

I'd say don't listen to your friends, they kinda spund jealous, no offense.

He just seems like someone who takes his time. He's probably making sure you two are compatible. There are guys who get physical only after they are properly in a relationship with a girl.
If it's bothering you, you could try making the move.

Bang5luts · Answer

I personally was awkward at 14 through 16 like that. It was due to the way I was raised by my mom. We went to church every week and were taught; A man was always a gentle man. He was respectful and polite and never forceful.

Ask him what his childhood was like. That might help you to better understand him or at least how he was raised.

ChocoBrownieMonster · Answer

You need to like talk about sex 🙄 guys can't read your mind. He's not a player, he is a gentleman and you need to bring it up. Or just set the scene where you're kissing him and say wild things to him to get him thinking you want sex bad haha

scuff1986 · Answer

have you thought about trying to make the first move, he may think your not wanting it from him...

R3DthatDude · Answer

He’s to perfect and you’re scared. Don’t mess it up it’s probably nothing and is probably very respectful and likes you

bklynbadboy1 · Answer

He's a gentleman. I don't understand women y'all want a good man then when you get one. You do this maybe you a little intimidating

InferiorElegy · Answer

It's 2020 and American women have made it so men can't make a move without women filling out the proper documents, try taking signed agreement forms to your next date indicating what permissions he has that night and he will act upon them accordingly.

TienShenhan · Answer

Maybe he just has a lot of respect for you and doesn't want to blow it. If he's still dating you then he does like you. Make sure he knows its okay to make a move, I think he's so stricken by you that he's worried about messing it up

SweetDisaster · Answer

He probably doesn't want to rush and wants to enjoy the moments with you. But you can always try to make the first moves.(ヘ。ヘ)

Avicenna · Answer

Whatever it is, it definitely isn't your looks- you're beautiful

He takes me out on dates, messages me everyday, opens doors for me but hasn’t made a move. Any advice?

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