Can you trust someone who says they would never cheat or have side pieces?

Question

I don't know my boyfriend jokes around a lot and says he would never cheat on me or have side pieces. In my experience, people who say things like that openly and often are usually the ones that do because they are trying to convince you otherwise.

For example, if I go around saying I was rich all the time, it wouldn't be true because Im just trying to convince everyone that I really am not.

Thoughts?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

You said "he jokes around” which indicates that you know he’s not serious. I think the best thing for you to do would be to express to him that he’s creating doubt in your mind. Explain that you do have a sense of humor but the idea of sharing him isn’t funny to you as you want him all to yourself. Don’t say it like you’re nagging tho or criticizing him for doing something ‘wrong.’ Men want to please us and they also need their egos stroked on occasion (lots of occasions!) so make it a request for him that would make you so happy and be sure to explain that it’s just that you think he's such a good man and would be sad if you had to walk away. You could also tell him that you know he’s not serious but that you don’t want it to cause problems in your relationship because you’re starting to question it a little lately. You deserve to feel secure in your relationship. He’s lucky to have you-you know it and he knows it. Set your boundaries of what you’re willing to accept.
Just because someone jokes about something doesn’t mean it’s happening. I’m more concerned about the way he treats you than him cheating. Having doubts about your partner is a horrible feeling that nobody wants to have. I don’t know any man that would want his woman to think he was unfaithful unless he is feeling insecure and wants to make her jealous so he gets her attention. Gauge the situation and assess if he possibly is feeling threatened or insecure about your relationship. Is he trying to make you think there is a line of women waiting for him so that you show him more love and attention? If that’s the case then get on it and show him/tell him how you feel about him. Tell him he just needs to tell you how he feels and you’re happy to work on your end of things because he’s so important to you. Reassure him that he can always be vulnerable with you and trust you. If that’s not the issue, then monitor his behavior. If he’s hiding his phone and acting sketchy he might be up to something. Is his time accounted for? Does he act normal around other females? Do you ever find things that are unexplainable but when you ask him he has some far out reason for it? You have to analyze things like this. Most people that cheat are giving tell tale signs. The problem is that we dont want to admit it or we’re not ready to be done with that person so we justify the red flags. You know in your heart if he’s faithful or not. Just as an outsider, my take is that the reasons you gave say he's not currently cheating. That being said, men are physical beings that crave variety. Unless you really know how men work and you act accordingly, I believe that most men will cheat at some point in their lives. That doesn't mean that it will be on you.

Cynicaldreamer · Accepted Answer

Familiar with the old saying, " Actions speak louder than words ?" Same can be said in this instance. Just because someone says they're not a cheater, how will you know until they prove it? Do you think a cheater us going to admit to you that they cheat? NO. Only when they're caught in the act, and even then they try to play like they're the victim or not at fault. I take everyone's words with a grain of salt. If your boyfriend is really loyal, or would never cheat, he's not just going to tell you, he's going to show you in how he acts and treats you.

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

It would definitely raise some red flags in a relationship as to why they are saying that or joking about it , it’s almost like they want to see your reaction to justify their actions , the thing with cheating though is you can’t force someone not to cheat on you , we can only guide someone , if that person chooses to cheat then that’s something they have to live with and something they will have to face the consequences with to their actions , it sucks big time to be cheated on but it’s also something we can’t force to not happen , all we can do is love the same way we want to be loved , and guide someone the same way we want to be treated , if a partner chooses to cheat on you then they aren’t a partner. They are a cheating piece of shit that you should kick to the curb and eventually replace them with someone that wouldn’t cheat on you , A cheating partner shouldn’t want to stay with someone they cheated on considering they already answered their own question that they don’t love them by screwing someone else , but again most people are selfish and only really care about themselves

TDeans1987 · Accepted Answer

I am sorry to go against your feelings here but usually the answer is YES you absolutely can trust someone who says they always will be faithful.

Don't get me wrong it is a little odd that your boyfriend seems to joke about the fact he wouldn't cheat since it is a serious subject. Plus if someone seemed to go way over the top in an effort to convince you he wouldn't cheat then that may also be suspect.

But I always maintain that I believe in being faithful and have said to all my past girlfriends that I would never ever cheat, and I never have. I don't understand cheating. If you have a beautiful girl at home who loves you then there is no better feeling than being with THEM. Any other woman would be second best or worse. But if you are in a loveless relationship then cheating isn't the answer. You do the right thing and end it, especially if you have met someone else you like.

There is nothing that any woman can give you through cheating that your current partner cannot.

Jean-Marie_Céline · Answer

Why not? Yes, until they give me a reason to doubt trusting them.
I can understand your worries, but I think you are overthinking things. Has he done anything that made you second guess your trust in him?

InfobotLives · Answer

Never is hard to promise. Many people say that they would never cheat but then most of those have never had the opportunity. Many of them haven't even had a relationship to cheat on. You don't really know until you are tested. So it's better to say that you haven't cheated before and you imagine it highly unlikely that you would.

With regards to your specific situation, it doesn't always follow that the person who protests too much has something to hide. Some people have a real aversion to cheating due to particular life experiences and such is their revulsion towards cheats that they sincerely believe that they could never do it. Again though, the proof is in the pudding as they say. You will never know until that one girl or guy comes along that is hot as fuck and up for it.

ohshee · Answer

The more question i read of your the more i learn about you and how smart and in tune you are with self all of your questions have deep meaning your question you ask are because , of how dialled in you are. ,, as you and your boy friend wete talking maybe a red flad maybe a word or a feel shot through you something was not right in what was said or how it was said. You felt it deep because you heard what you heard ,, and the words might not have been spoken ,,, but something was said ,, and you picked it and then felt it to me this is cool this is smart and this is beautiful. Because then you share something so deep and you can't prove. But. By doing this you now teach. You are a very cool and deep person,,,,, im sorry

Aakash_Hangargi · Answer

As far as I have heard your stories.

You and your boyfriend are actually good together and have spent quite a lot of time with each other supporting each other.

You cannot predict that someone will cheat or not you just have to trust them that's the risk you take with a partner and you know by their actions how trustable they are I think by this time you should have known that.

If by this time his not cheated there is a lesser probability.

I think he reassures you bc he might know that you might be having some trust issues so he uses it as mechanism for you to be assured.

And if someone wants to cheat they will bc it's always a choice to cheat or not only time will tell untill then keep moving 👍

Anonymous · Answer

I have to agree with you. Unless ur watching a movie or talking about a friend that experienced cheating recently I don't know why they bring it up. I dated someone who would tell me how his brother was horrible he’d tell me stories of him cheating on his girl. Everytime I saw the girl I felt so horrible. Little did I know that my relationship was all a lie. He had another whole relationship with another girl for almost our entire relationship. And he also would hookup with random girls. Before this I didn’t even think people like this existed. How can you lie sooo much. Right to someone face.

modelUN242 · Answer

Yeah, kind of sounds suspicious... I donno, I would never say it out loud unless they doubted me and I had to say it to clear their suspicions. Maybe you were suspicious of him and he said it to clear his name. Or, he is actually a cheater and says it so you let your guard down.

Synikal · Answer

No. Be suspicious of your choice in guys, not all men. Asking someone everytime expecting a different answer everytime is pure insanity. At that point it's like you want him to cheat to prove yourself right. This is a serious trait I see in BOTH men and women that seriously needs to die. Either you evolve and mature your taste in what kindve person you truly want to be with or stay complacent. Either show you can provide a small amount of trust until he proves otherwise. Stop being that type of person who continuously asks these types of questions. I had an ex who done this all the time because she cheated and dated men who cheated all the time. Reason why she is now an ex. You wouldn't like to be in the same shoes as him being asked that right?

Anonymous · Answer

Yeah, sounds like they're trying to convince themselves. Suffice to say that given the right circumstances people would get into all sorts of trouble they claim they wouldn't.

Post ww2 psychological research proved that pretty much anyone would act like a Nazi in a situation that prompted it, people who acted otherwise were the exception not the rule.

That finding applies to all sorts of situations. Hardly anyone has real integrity, and of those that do, many aren't saints and have only developed integrity in response to past failings.

DizzyDesii · Answer

I’d trust em but i’d always be watching to see if their statement lives up to truth. The cheaters aren't usually the ones saying they won't cheat. The cheaters are usually the ones accusing others of cheating. The accusers are definitely the “takes one to know one” type

Dragonpurple · Answer

It is possible that when someone says stuff like that, or thinks you might be cheating that they themselves are at least thinking about it, if not doing it.

At the same time, there is no guarantees. Someone could say that and never think or do it.

Relationships are all about trust, regardless of what else happens if you cannot trust someone it will not be successful.

Anonymous · Answer

uh well when i say it, it's actually true!!! the last time i been kissed was jan 2005 and hadn't dated since before that. the last time i went on an actual date was back in 2000. the only time i hung out with a woman was for a cancer charity benefit dinner and that wasn't even a date and it was with my now ex-friend. and she hung out with her friends 95% of that time. so yeah my phone isn't ringing off the hook with women wanting to go out with me or wanting to date me. i go to bed each night ALONE fall asleep each night ALONE wake up every morning ALONE... are you getting or picking up the keyword here?

HawkPerception · Answer

I've said that to my ex more than a few times when conversation about cheaters arose and I've never cheated in my life. I think cheaters are scum. If you really want to be with someone else than end the relationship if you care anything about your partner rather than potentially hurt them emotionally really badly.

whitehide · Answer

Not really. Cheating is a horrible and shitty thing to do, but no one can really know what will happen in the future, like if a situation will a arise which will cause them to cheat. Most people say they would never cheat until something happens that will make them cheat or want to cheat.

REALSTEEL · Answer

why not im 44 i said that to my x all the time and i never cheated in my life she cheated on me a lot of problems with women is they read way way into everything something simple turns into a nightmare women need to stop reading into a simple statement mote then what it is that's what causes a lot of drama stress eventually a breakup cause the spouse will get tired of it

pleasestopthis · Answer

I dislike it when people they say "never" like they know everything and the future and their possible reactions. No one knows how things will come around.
So my answer is no, I don't believe it when people say "never" will do this and that, they may be sincere, but no one can be 100% sure of anything.

Guanfei · Answer

So what do you want him to say? That he will cheat?
Seriously, this is dumb.

Let's be real, with all the questions you've ask, and all you've said you think about your boyfriend, just break up. You're obviously, consciously or not, trying to find a reason to break up without being seen as the bad person. You're not, you don't want to be with him, leave, and that's it. No need to find an excuse.

Anonymous · Answer

If they say it a lot, then that's a little weird. But if it's something that just comes up in normal conversation, then I don't think it's a red flag. For example, when my boyfriend and I first started dating, he brought up the subject of deal-breakers. Asked what my deal-breakers were, and I said, "Cheating. I would never cheat on someone and I wouldn't forgive someone who cheated on me." That was the end of the convo though. We didn't keep talking about it over and over again lol.

Blueeyes81 · Answer

Depends. Someone can be faithful but their partner is insecure and always pushes the "Are you cheating question" in that case I can see it a reasonable response. If he just brought it up on his own out of nowhere then I could see why that would be cause for concern.

DWornock · Answer

I don't know about guys but girls that say they would never cheat can't be trusted. At least that was my experience. I met her and we appeared to hit it off. She said, "I'll never cheat" and in less than 3 weeks she traveled to Texas to visit another guy she met after she met me. She dumped me but I noticed that after a couple of months she was looking for another boyfriend.

Diamold · Answer

I have been cheated and i never cheated on anyone, i think it is very disrespectful, if i want to be with someone else i will end my relationship before doing anything.
And i always say "i will never cheat on you"
And i won't
So no, not everyone who says it, does it

Can you trust someone who says they would never cheat or have side pieces?

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