Does cheating on someone just happen or is it a conscious choice?

Question

I was drunk. It didn't mean anything. It just happened I am sorry. Are these simply excuses or did they make a conscious choice?

92KixNcereal · Accepted Answer

It’s all perspective. With perspective comes humility and gratitude. How are people going to value what it is they’re are creating if they can change their mind at the swipe of a thumb. Let alone people nowadays be hanging out for months and one of y’all pops the question “wanna be a couple” lmao how cheesy are we ahah. Also many couples do not talk about what they actually want out of the relationship from the get go. It’s like people are scared to “drive” someone away but why it saves time and means they most likely won’t be a good fit and guess what that like cheating does not reflect our worth or capability to maintain a healthy relationship. When discussions surrounding exclusively dating one another and talks like “yes I will and want to only have sex with you” it strengthens the agreement which then feels like an investment. Of course people are going to break that agreement. It’s human factors and always hellllaaa complicated. No need to hate on a person. I mean sex with one person the rest of your life? Lord have mercy. Polyamory be less stressful. End of the day. Self worth and loving yourself will ensure when or if you get “cheated” on that it will not force definitions and labels onto yourself. Things get cheated everyday-your workout, your goals, time with your kids, self care routine etc. relationships, understandably, take the cake cause i mean they’re necessary for our survival. We are emotional beings. *gross

Miristheiss · Accepted Answer

Of course... they 100% choose to do it. When did people no longer have to be responsible for things they do?
Many times it is the culmination of many, many bad choices.

Some just cheat as if they are entitled. That is their lifestyle. They just proactively go around looking for the next thing. Being faithful isn't even an option.

There are some that start out wanting to be faithful. At one point they probably would have said they'd never cheat on their love.

Those situations usually culminate after lots of lots of bad choices that weaken their devotion and bond to their mate and feed these growing feelings and push the "feeling alive and something new" passion.

Most don't have good boundaries with the opposite sex and they don't stay away from doing things, spending too much time and talking and sharing and flirting with those they may find attractive. Work lunches, travel together, texting, talking, flirting. They start to play games with those that catch their eye instead of honoring their relationship by having good boundaries.

They want to be in a relationship/marriage but still act single with the other sex.

Minnie97 · Accepted Answer

Its a chain of conscious decisions, not just one single decision. You CHOOSE to address another individual with intent of cheating. You choose to go somewhere to partake in the act. You choose to undress. You choose to pursue sexual acts with the other. You choose to continue sexual acts with the other. At any given point, you could choose to back out of it, but you don't.

Brainsbeforebeauty · Accepted Answer

They're excuses... It's a conscious choice... people try to use alcohol like that excuses it or its somehow not their fault, it's the alcohol's fault... Umm if you can't drink alcohol without cheating then maybe make a conscious choice not to drink alcohol

OlderAndWiser · Answer

The best way to deal with temptation is to avoid it, and that requires a conscious choice.

Going out for "just one drink" with the girl from the office while you are away at a convention is also a conscious choice. Drinking five shots of Scotch is a conscious choice. Fucking her brains out afterwards may not be a conscious choice but it is the result of very conscious and deliberate actions earlier in the evening.

TurboKid · Answer

If this was an actual crime and we needed to carefully determine how to best rehabilitate them, then I think such factors matter (ex: the difference between manslaughter and cold-blooded murder). Yet I don't think it should matter to someone who was cheated on. Either way, the person betrayed their trust, and I don't expect an ordinary person to be as wise and impartial as a judge in a courtroom. If someone can't control their sexual habits when drunk, they shouldn't be drinking so much. There is always a choice somewhere in the picture, like at least the choice to drink.

Newhead · Answer

For some cases it is spontaneous and other it is a premeditated decision. Either way, I am done with your ass, I see no reason to rekindle with anyone who cannot control themselves and keep it in their pants. Once you collect STDs you cannot give it back, also a lot of men go and mess with women who bring back luck into your life, when you had nothing to do with his bad decision. Good for me I am spiritual and love getting psychic insights, so I will dump you before you can let me know what garbage you been digging through, bye dumpster diver, byyyyeee.

NathanDavis · Answer

Cheating is a series of unfortunate events so I really don't think that "it just happens" and like you mentioned, alcohol... is not just like you happen to get drunk in one minute out of nowhere and then the next someone's humping you out of the blue.

Every case might be different and have it's own circumstances but like I said, it's a situation in progress and there's plenty of chances to get out of it or further into... and almost every step of it, we have choices to make.

And I do agree with you, that alcohol is the worst excuse, lol "I wasn't myself" right next to "it meant nothing to me"

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

There would be excuses, there would be reasons, but at the end of the day they choose to cheat. Like an example would be, they gotten drunk and don't remember a thing, but the fact that they were able to put themselves in that situation is start. Then then you have those who blamed that partner for them cheating or lack of sex in the relationship. A lack of sex is a big problem especially if you knew how many times the person wants to have sex, but it will be best to talk things out to figure out what's going on or to cut your losses and move on to the next. Now as far as someone blaming their partner, they just don't want to have responsibility of what they've done.

Come to think of it anyone who has excuses doesn't want full responsibility. But it always come down to a choice.

lakotabebebe · Answer

Cheating is always a choice. If you didn't choose to sleep with someone, then I'd say that sounds like rape since you didn't consent to it. I don't care how drunk you were or what you were doing, if you cheated, that's YOUR choice. However, if you were intoxicated past the point of consenting, then the other person committed rape and I WILL beat their ass.

RJJ33666 · Answer

Most of the time it is a conscious choice, people choose to cheat on their partners and so any excuse like, "It just happened" or "Spur of the moment" is just bullshit. But we should still not ignore the factor of alcohol, I mean I get it, cheating is still bad, but if you are so drunk that you can't even remember they should at least be given a small leeway. Small, but enough to make a change, because alcohol can very badly effect your cognition, you could end up thinking another girl or guy is your partner and so ended up having sex with them. They should be punished but should be given a second chance.

Sarahr123 · Answer

All excuses. Cheating is for cowards and people with loose character. Only people with inferior intelligence cheat because they can’t control their physical desires. They have nothing else going for them. They can’t use their brains for anything of value so they’re filled with lust and pounce any chance they get. They have low self esteem and need constant validation so they throw themselves around because they’re cheap people. They’ll make any excuse they can but remember one thing: IT IS ALL EXCUSES FOR THEIR PATHETIC FILTHY ACTIONS. Never give them the time of day. Any loyal person should never have to deal with such scum of the earth. They have no conscience.

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

A lot comes down to what cheating actually is.

is it kissing someone?
talking to someone online
sexting with a stranger online
to more sexual acts.

Depending on what you chose then conscious decision becomes a bit flaky.

for example as a guy out with mates over Christmas, a bunch of girls come over with Mistletoe and demand kisses.

you kiss one but she then snogs you back and your body goes in to automatic action.

or when working with someone or in an emotional situation with someone, your faces get too close and yep snogging again.

for me kissing is not cheating if it just happens, different matter going in to it knowing you are going to kiss.

everything beyond kissing is and it’s a conscious decision as you are giving consent.

Alcohol does reduce our decision making capabilities but we chose to put ourselves in these positions.

Screenwriter · Answer

I see no one agrees that it's complicated. I suppose there are those who simply ENJOY cheating: It's some kind of thrill for them. But there is a tipping point that occurs. There is always a door that can be closed or opened. You have to step through the door and THAT is a choice. There is a point when one person or the other says "No," so nothing happens.

But is it black and white. No. I don't think it is. I've had a few folks ask me to cheat with them and I simply didn't engage in it. I think about the OTHER party. The person they're cheating on, and the fact that they'd even PROPOSE cheating to me.

It's pretty insulting. And the fact that they care nothing for their spouse or partner getting hurt is even more shocking. Changed them in my eyes forever.

Coulis · Answer

It may not always be a premeditated sneak around thing. But there is always a flash point of when you know that you're with somebody and you go elsewhere. It maybe a millisecond but it's a choice. It may be clouded judgment choice but it boils down to you had an intention and you acted upon it.

oldasIfeel22 · Answer

The reasons to sin are often complicated and even seemingly justified at times. But just because something is understandable doesn’t mean it’s right. In the end you made a conscientious choice to do what you did.
If you cheat it’s time to own up to the consequences. There are two ways to handle it:

Option #1: I cheated and I’m a selfish pos. For what it’s worth I’m sorry. Whatever decision you make from now on is up to you. But I have no excuse for what I did. I made my bed now it’s time lay in it. This is on me and you deserved better than that.

Option #2: I cheated but you did “this” or “that”. Yeah it was wrong but...

One of these options are the noble way to handle it. The other way is conceited. Take a guess what is what.

lgutierrez0813 · Answer

Its a personal choice from both parties. One for being the enabler and the one in a relationship for allowing it to happen. If you're not happy with what you have at home, you might as well call it quits and avoid all the drama that can later show up for you having cheated.

just_a_potato · Answer

It is always a choice. When you're drunk you don't go out punching strangers, at least not if you are a sane individual. You still know that isn't ok. I think it's a bad excuse for cheating on someone, so I think you can assume where I stand on cheating while sober.

Splatzonelover1 · Answer

It doesn't matter what exuse is used. Just because a person blame on his leaning disabity. Should get therapy. Cheating is very wrong and don't lie about if you dislike cheating but still ended with cheating. Same thing with people accused other guys or women through they cheat. is

hellacray · Answer

This is the risk you take when you drink excessively.

While it may not be a fully conscious decision at the time. You're still responsible for your actions.

This goes the same for women. If you drink excessively and ended up agreeing to sex. Well you can try to blame alcohol all you want but in the end you're the one that went beyond your limit and got drunk.

rievious · Answer

They chose to cheat period. I know what it's like to be drunk and I could be wrong but I'm gonna go on my own personal experience being drunk. I've never been so drunk to the point I made bad decisions. Even while put of my head and basically about to puke at a party I could still think enough to know what is a bad idea. If someone cheated while drunk then they were ok with the idea before they started drinking and they could have an excuse.

A cheater is a cheater DRUNK OR NOT. This includes pot. Any other drug is uncertain bc I don't have personal experience.

Anonymous · Answer

Your comments > I was drunk. It didn't mean anything. It just happened I am sorry.

Drinking lowers inhibitions; proven by studies. So someone drunk & cheats = person has been thinking of cheating. Been drunk was a "green light" to go ahead and do it.

Thus cheating is a conscious choice. Even if it "just happened" the person was thinking of cheating anyway, the surprise was the opportunity that came around to cheat.

MrJMM · Answer

-_- wtf? If someone makes up a choice of cheating on someone of course it is a concise choice because they wanted to do that. So they are aware of the fact that they did it. Unless “somehow” you were controlled by someone else but that isn’t possible so that cannot be or you do have a recollection of the event it can be count as a 50/50 chance of that because either you were under influence of a substance that could make it technically not your fault or it could be your fault but you don't remember that you did it.

Anonymous · Answer

Can’t blame alcohol on it. I’ve been absolutely trashed, out of town, and with a lot of girls that would have put out easy but at the time when I was dating someone I didn’t even think about it. I had a few offers but I turned it down. It’s all conscious

Does cheating on someone just happen or is it a conscious choice?

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