How Do I Choose Between Two Good Guys?

[Anonymous]

Alright so, I'm in a very stupid predicament and I need helpp.

boyfriend: I've known him for 5 years now and we have been friends all those years. I enjoy my time around him, we have similar interests in games, art. anime, etc. He has helped me with numerous stressful situations that have happened in my life so far. I was going to date him sooner, but due to being sexually assaulted my Senior year of high school, I took a break from dating for awhile. During that time, he helped me through what I was going through and was very supportive and never once pressured me into being with him. Once I felt like I got to a good point, I decided to ask him out, to which he said "yes". Ever since then, we have been dating since about February, I think. There was also the time where my dad was very sick in the hospital and he comforted me and stayed and talked to me until I was okay.

Friend: I haven't known him as long as I have known my boyfriend. I've known him for a couple months. When we talked, I felt like we instantly clicked. Unlike my boyfriend, he is very slow when it comes to responding to text, he doesn't exactly have the greatest attention span either. I could be talking to him, he'll leave for hours, and then come back. Which is annoying, but other than that, he's nice, he talks to me about general life topics, we don't exactly have the same taste in games like me and my boyfriend do. And from what he has told me, he has terrible trust issues due to an ex girlfriend in the past cheating on him. And also unlike my boyfriend, I kind of feel like he pressures me into doing a lot of things I don't exactly want to do. He said that he likes me and wants to be with me. And a lot of the time, it feels like either he is going to just treat me like garbage if I don't go out with him.

Never had issues with my boyfriend until I started talking to this other guy who has been making me question everything about my relationship.

Updates

+1 y

Also, by the way I met the friend before I started my boyfriend. I started dating my boyfriend a little bit later into February of this year.

Updates

+1 y

After some super serious thinking, I kind of do realize how "colossally retarded" as stated by one user, this question is. It was stupid of me to even consider something like this. I ended up cutting the other guy off and ended up staying with my boyfriend. The other guy is not taller, he is not rich, and he is not more attractive than my boyfriend. I don't think I was thinking at all and know now that my heart belongs to my boyfriend, not some asshole. I'm sorry and hope you all have a nice day

[JSmuve]

*facepalm* Okay, let me see if I have this right,

You have this friend who you've known for a few months that
- doesn't communicate with you well
- has less in common with you
- has trust issues
- pressures you into doing things
- and you feel like he's going to treat you like garbage.

And you're actually seriously considering him as a replacement to your boyfriend who you've known for 5 years and, as you've described, has been nothing but supportive of you throughout all of your issues? Do I have that right?

This "friend" of yours has to be pretty attractive and exciting compared to your boyfriend to make your 'gina tingle enough to actually make you seriously consider this colossally retarded "choice". It should be a no-brainer that your boyfriend is the better prospect. But something tells me you're not thinking with your brain here.

[Juxtapose]

Women like this confound me.

[Mrsao]

Ofcause why dont you think youve got a response yet.

[Xoxocutekitty]

Agree

[yofuknutz]

Because you're not going to get a response

[VanillaSalt]

Good damn I have seen such solidarity since 9-11…

[FunkyMonkee]

Sounds to me like you should stick with what you've got! He sounds like a good, kind and caring guy. A lot like me, really. The other guy sounds like a bumpy road down the highway to hell!!

[coachTanthony]

-------------------If you love two people at the same time then choose the second one. Because if you really loved the first one, then you wouldn't of fallen for the second.

"The most profound relationship we will ever have is the one with ourselves."
~Coach T Anthony @thedatecoach IG

[HairyPoppins]

Good answer.

[patriots123123]

I agree that’s what I did too. I chose the second guy!

[Sbily]

you can also say that if second one were a really good option, you wouldn't consider first as an option

[tatianamay]

The second guy is the friend in this case right? Im pretty sure the friend is not a nice guy. Or at least, the asker and her friend wouldn’t really be compatible in my opinion. I just feel like her friend is jealous of their relationship and trying to ruin it. It’s not about the first or the second guy, but the guy who actually understands a person. People have their ups and downs in their relationship. There’ll be temptations, but they shouldn’t give into it. Her boyfriend seems really caring and it’s really hard to find a guy like him these days. I say, stick with your boyfriend and don’t let him go :D

[Archerer]

@patriots123123 How did that work out for you?

[patriots123123]

@Archerer It worked out great because the guy I couldn't be happier with the guy I chose. He's my current boyfriend now, and we've been dating for a long time.

[Archerer]

@patriots123123 Awesome :)

[patriots123123]

@Archerer Awe thank you!:)

[AmandaYVR]

You haven't painted a very great picture of guy #2 so I don't understand what the issue is. Are you really attracted to him but don't want to say that here?
Because it's a pretty easy choice. You 'stick with the one that brung ya.'
If you break up, you can pursue guy 2.

[Account]

You like the second dude more, even though personally speaking, I do not think he is the best choice.

[Account]

https://youtu.be/mDise_Em_Ug Song related. I am not posting this to be mean, since many if not all in relationships, have felt that way

[USMC-Crossroads]

It's VERY simple, I swear. Just go with your gut. I'm not saying "follow your heart" like a girlfriend would tell you. I mean you GUT. It is obscured by youth, but I promise, the gut is the sixth sense that is smarter than you, AND more honest. Do not make a list of each of their qualities/deficiencies, blah blah blah, that's thirteen-year-old's diary type stuff - fun the mull over, but ultimately unproductive. I mean I want you to literally sit on the corner of your bed, and NOT think about anything about either of them. Just ignore the issue (not avoid it), and if you are a decent and honest woman, you will just be drawn one way over the other. The one you can't let go of, that you feel in your belly (and NOT any place lower), is your best way.
Also - and I am dead serious about this - make sure you make your decision on a full stomach, and AFTER recently masturbating. Especially when younger than your 30's. I cannot stress that enough, Ma'am. Not doing that, is like grocery shopping while hungry... you wind up with a lot more baggage. So grab a bite to eat, have a little rub in the bath, and only then decide.
Oh... I almost forgot... The next time you hear a genuinely funny joke, the guy you want to call to tell it to first - He is the one for you. :) But NOT if you are even a little horny, I'm serious about that. Good luck!

[CallmeTheKnight]

Stay with your boyfriend and let this "friend" of your's go. Instantly clicking with someone isn't a reason to consider dating them, especially if you already have someone. You need to appreciate what you have in the support and respectful boyfriend. This "friend" is basically a nobody and you listed all the reasons why you shouldn't look his way or even talk to him. He clearly has trust issues and if you pick him over your Boyfriend, then he's not gonna trust you either.

I'm honestly disappointed in this post. Many women would kill to have a boyfriend like your's and you don't even appreciate him. I'm not gonna be condescending, but I will tell you to use your brain and common sense to save yourself the trouble.

If you choose this friend, that's gonna be issues and you're gonna end up being one of those women who has a chip on the shoulder for men. Don't pick poor and bitter men, keep the good man.

[Jazquee]

Perfectly stated... I couldn't agree more. And I am glad she came to realization and wised up lol

[DaisyAimi]

Mostly a guy/girl you instantly click with can also be a “karmic”. Search up, its meant to break after a while and is usually meant to learn and grow in life. Definitely the right choice that she stayed with her current boyfriend.

[katyya_lov25]

Okay, the second guy sounds like a horrible choice. This dude is obviously going to be toxic for you. He’s a bad guy. Let him go and use your brain girl. You will deeply regret dumping this amazing guy you’re with now, for shitty person who’ll just eventually use you, possibly abuse you, cheat on you, and then discard you. And don’t you think for a second that this can’t happen to you, because it can! You’re overlooking those red flags because for some reason you want to end up with this jerk. There’s a deeper issue going on within you that you need to figure out. Why are you attracted to this jerk? Is it because you can’t receive true love? Maybe you got some unresolved childhood trauma that you need to heal from. Either way, say no to stupid decisions.

[Mrsao]

Finally a smart answer to this troubled young woman

[TwistedTube]

I'm sorry. But if there is no reason to break up, don't just break up to be with someone other guy. Like what. I read the title thinking it would be about two guys that you are just going on dates with and such.. But no. One is your boyfriend. Why would you ever consider going for another guy when you are really happy with him? Why would you throw the time away that you've spent with him just to be with another guy that you don't even know for that long.

Also. He doesn't sound like a "good guy" he sounds awful with lots of red flags indicating a relationship with him would be really unstable.

[tatianamay]

Why the heck is this even a question? Your little friend needs to back off. He’s just tryna ruin your relationship. Girl, it’s very hard to find a nice, caring guy. Take it from me! I’ve met loads of players and the amount of nice guys I’ve met is really really low. Hold on to your boyfriend. Don’t let him go

[yofuknutz]

Don't let this one age fool you she's talking about the elephant in the room, spot-on analysis.

[tatianamay]

Haha thanks! My age is wrong here though. I’m 16, and not 14. I accidentally entered the year wrong, and I’m not able to change it back which is really annoying :/

[yoyoyoyoyoyoyoyoyo]

Keep the boyfriend you have.


It sounds like the guy you like may be a good guy but he has issues of his own he is still coping with.

Also, the boyfriend you have sounds like an amazing guy, how often will you find somebody like that that shares interests with you? Plus you are 5 years strong and no issues. That's an achievement. You may still have things to work out together, but you have to be mindful that he may be stressed easy about things causing his attention span to act like that.

As far as him getting angry, he's GETTING JEALOUS YOU DOOF!! You mean the most to that guy, and you want to talk to somebody different and dump him for no reason in his eyes. Us guys, we pour out hearts out for our women.

Yeah, stick with the boyfriend you got because if you betray somebody like that, you don't get them back. Honest

[HawkPerception]

Did you even read what you wrote? Lmao... I don't even see what's good about the "new guy" in what you wrote. And then there's your boyfriend who's been there for you and supported you for 5 years... like... I don't even know how to describe my pain in reading this.

There comes a point in your life where you need to decide to settle, otherwise you'll be one of those people that bounces from relationship to relationship every time they see a new shiny thing in the corner of their eye. Key word... COMMITMENT.

[Anonymous]

I'm not even sure how this is a question. I'd choose the boyfriend all day long, based on how you described them both. The boyfriend has been there for you through thick and thin, and he genuinely seems to care about you. The friend, on the other hand, seems a little unstable, and if you get the impression he's going to treat you like garbage if you don't go out with him, that's not a good sign. Is that how he handles things when he doesn't get his way?

As for the part about never having issues with your boyfriend until you started talking to this "friend", the obvious answer is to stop talking to the friend. When you're in a committed relationship, there still might be temptations here and there. The trick is in how you handle them. Don't invite trouble into a relationship where there was none. Personally, I wouldn't even start down a path that might cause waves in my relationship.

[Miah02]

What are we even discussing here?
Do you choose your boyfriend or friend?
Makes no sense.
You don't leave a good relationship because someone good comes along.
You stay loyal to your man.
If you can't stay loyal to someone you shouldn't date at all

[Alyssa11]

Your boyfriend sounds like a good guy, and your 'friend' sounds like a headache. My answer is easy - choose your boyfriend.

However, what worries me is that you are even considering this friend when you are happily with your boyfriend. This leaves me to assume that you're not in fact happy and fully satisfied with your boyfriend. If you were satisfied, you wouldn't care about the attention you receive from somebody else.

Your boyfriend will probably not hurt you, but your 'friend' will. It's not fair on your boyfriend however that you're even considering someone else. That's my take on the entire situation.

[natured]

According to your interests and the way you write you must be very young... Considering that you took a point off because of your boufriend texting not in time, or takinga point off because your friend doesn't like the same games as you...
You literally are too young to decide, and in this case, if you don't know what to do it's better to stay where you are and stop comparing them to one another.
Trust me, even if you get the best BABE in the world, there will always be someone that has 1 better trait than your BABE and vice versa.

[Dazed0N0Confused]

It sounds to me like your CURRENT boyfriend is the better option because he doesn't force you to do things you dislike, pays attention to you, comforts you in difficult times & has similar interests that you do. If a guy feels like he's going to treat you like garbage if you dont go out with him, thats a red flag & shouldn't even be on your mind to date

[Dazed0N0Confused]

It doesn't matter who you met first. A douche doesn't deserve your time

[Explorer91]

Lol yea like the other guy is frustrated because it kind of seems from an outside perspective like your leading him on. I wouldn’t exactky be responding to you quickly as well if you had a boyfriend and I liked you. I wouldn’t want to get too attached. That guy isn’t your friend friend. He wanted to be with you and was willing to settle to be friends with you until he could get you. You can’t exoect someone who likes you to treat you super nice while watching you love and be with another guy lol.

[Aether1]

Your boyfriend sounds like a good guy and treats you right, you should stick with him.

I see some red flags with your friend, he's damaged goods and I don't think he's ready for a relationship even though he claims so. And he doesn't have anything in common with you, that will become problematic later in a relationship. Theirs no good reason to choose the friend.

[Mrsao]

Your boyfirend you've been with is the one who seems to care for you and love you, while the other guy just seems to maybe be a fun type of guy that you probarly just attracted to, most likely sexually attracted from lust, you may get bored sometimes with your boyfriend and find this guy fun since he's new in your life but i think your boyfriend is the better choice.

Many girls particularly and guys when young are nost of the time after fun and games. when you become older also usually wiser you will see that the caring loving guy, whoo may seem predictable which makes you seem him as boring is still thr better guy.

The thing is we all get bored with people we've known for a while but, is that really worth runing the relationship and even potentially cheating?
Its up to you to make that choice, have a talk with your boyfriend if you feel like something isn't right within the relationship.

[Paola_AR]

I would keep my boyfriend if I were you. 🥰

Remember it’s been 5 years babe, you should have built a 💪🏼 trust by now. If something is uncomfortable with you then speak to him about it. You will be able to sort it out together. ❤️

📝 Pd: He has a life outside the relationship, he could have been hanging with friends, family or simply just wants to be alone. MHO

[Interstate]

You shouldn't have to "decide". If either one was THE future Mr. Right, you wouldn't have any trouble deciding. But to go along on this, The last couple of sentences for "Friend" says "No". So I would say your best bet FOR NOW is your current boyfriend.