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Nah. I don't usually look at looks. I don't judge a book by it's cover. She could look like a nerd with glasses, and still have a good heart with a positive soul. She could not be your type on the outside, but maybe inside. She makes a move on you, it can't hurt to try her out. You never know what can happen? If it turns out there's no connection, then you and her sit down, just casually tell her hey, I'm sorry I don't think this will work out.
I have always told them I am married or in a relationship but tell them how honored I am that she asked
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114Opinion
Ah look, a question I can (unfortunately) relate to all too well!
So yes, I've asked out guys before. And been rejected... MANY times. Contrary to what most men say, as much as they want to be asked out or approached by a woman first, it's a moot point if they're not attracted to you-
In other words, women can ask out men too, but if you're not his type, he won't care.
Usually when I've asked out a guy, but he wasn't feeling it, I'd get a generic, "Thanks but I only like you as a friend..." or, "It wouldn't work out" speech. And it sucks, but I go on with my life.
None of the girls who made the first move were my type even though one of them owned a pub.
I liked the pub but she had never spent a cent on make up in her life and , to be frank, she should have. She invited me to dinner at her pub and I did go because she was in my social circle but I did the it's good we can be friends routine and lets do it again.
The manager of my local bar asked me to dinner so I had to be careful as I liked the bar. I was a bit in two minds because whilst she didn't own the bar she did wear make up and I thought it was possible we might hit it off. So I met her for dinner but we didn't hit it off. She did ask me back to her place anyway but I pleaded an early start for work tomorrow (which was true) as I had just implemented a computer change.
A few other cases but I'll give the most traumatic one.
I was at a strip club and noticed a girl who most definitely wasn't one of the strippers. While it was not common for women to go strip clubs it wasn't unknown. Some women figured the guys would be hetro's and probably horny from striptease acts. Logical.
The woman was looking a little uncomfortable so being a gentleman I engage her in conversation to put her at her ease. Big mistake. She latched onto me and I couldn't understand a word she was saying because she was dumb. Nonetheless she was a good communicator as she formed a circle with her forefinger and thumb on her left hand and stroked it up and down over her right index finger.
Oh my, situations you can your self into by being courteous. Thinking quickly I pointed at the bar girl and said girlfriend! The bar girl (always make friends with the bar girl) left the bar put her arm round me and told her to stop cracking on to her boyfriend. Pheew. Shortly later, a guy who could sign and had extraordinarily low standards came up to her. I saw them leaving together. Double Pheew.
Then there was Cologne on the morning after the Cologne Festival. Don't know what she was saying either - any more than the dumb girl - because I don't speak german. But she was trying to bail me up in a doorway it seemed. Now she was ugly, witch ugly with warts on her face which had big black hairs growing. She didn't trim.
I am told I succeed at being a gentleman and I do try but when I saw a gap I just bolted.
The fuck did I just read
Honestly I'm still at least somewhat friends with most girls I've turned down. I tend to hold out hope that maybe I'll find something in them that changes my mind. But also I like seeing them find someone new.
The worst is that it's most often been because of weight. I HATE turning down women because of their weight, but I've decided after trying to push past it has almost always caused way more drama.
One girl wanted it as straight as possible. "If it's about my size, let me know. It wouldn't bother me much, and frankly is better than being rejected for who I am as a person".
So yeah I told her the truth. I also told her about several of my friends who aren't bothered by it or prefer it, and said she's better off with someone who loves how she looks rather than someone who has to look past it. She's married now and has a kid.
My first and only relationship so far was with a girl that wasn't my "type" who unexpectedly approached me, I didn't want to make excuses and thought I have to be more out there which can be good as it can be a good outcome even if my timid self didn't realize it initially, I went in not to preserve any effort and wasn't treating her as disposable but I had to listen to myself eventually.
Suffice to say it didn't last too long, we were just not going to work and I had to end things.
Now arguably that's not the response that many would want, that's why I will try to grow more resilient and try to honor my own pacing.
I might turn her down and tell her that well. If I had a girlfriend I would say that. I might tell her that she seems like a great girl but I am not really interested but thanks for asking. Might put me in a hard spot.
That or MAYBE I might give her a chance depending a date is a date. Right? I guess you date to see who you're compatible with
There is more then just good looks to be though. There could be a woman who isn't bad looking but maybe personality or a character flaw or something like that could cause it or just being with someone
I'd ask her what her long term goals are in a relationship and I'd state mine, as mine will probably be different to hers.
If she's compatible, then I'll tell her I'd think about it and then eventually never get round to it, if I don't develop an interest.
Like I get not everyone finds everyone attractive, but I'm not the type to call someone ugly just like that, like if you're going to do it, at least be nice about it with word choice and how you go about it, because approach matters to me.
Dear Person,
If a female were to make the first move, I would go into confusion and then into logic mode. Firstly, man usually is the one to make the first move.
In this regards, I would be honest if she was not my type. There is no point in having a fake relationship. In some cases, one that want to take advantage of the other. In the case if the woman is my type, I would be happy to appreciate/accepting her, her courage, and attitudes.
I believe that most singles (men) are willing to be in a relationship with the woman who makes the first move. Unless, they already in a relationship.
Humbly, Humble Stranger.
Just like a gentleman would.
The girl/woman is gathering the courage to approach me. This thing in itself is a big thing. The sheer confidence and then intense feelings towards someone required to gain that confidence is more than enough to impress me.
But, if by some chance, she is not my type; then I would reject her, but the old style. Restaurant, dining and then respectfully saying my thoughts on her confession.
So much money invested just because she has the courage to approach me and confess to me. My respect to her.
But I would say, as an ending note that, we can still be friends! If that lifts her mood, then fine otherwise nothing can do.
Well I try to handle the scenario as maturely as possible. I wouldn't want to hurt the girl. Trust me... guys know how hard it is to build up the courage to show clear interest in a girl, so we know what that situation is like. I would tell her I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in dating anyone at the moment. But I really do appreciate the sentiment. The truth of it is, that excuse is bs, because if the right person ever comes along, no one will be saying no. But it is a nicer way of putting it, rather than saying "Sorry you're not my type."
If she is not my type, I would probably stop her, and tell her while I like her as a friend, I don't like her like that. And that I'm sorry.
Then I would wait for her response to see how to react. If she is cool about it, we can still be friends, but I'm not going to be giving her any hints that it could be more. No more hanging just us most likely.
If she flips out, and does some crazy shit, well then I would just cut her off completely. No need to have that around, especially if I'm not dating it.
Pretty simple, most guys will be nice about it if you are. But please don't cry, it's not fair, and makes us feel terrible. Just accept it, and be cool about it.
I am still polite to her and tell her I am flattered but I am sorry I am already involved with someone else but thank you for your interest. Whether I am with someone or not I will tell that little white lie just to keep it short but No reason to be rude what so ever . One thing I hate is when people are rude about it , like their shit doesn’t stink , We don’t walk around with signs flashing over our heads saying what our relationship status is , So when I witness someone being rude to someone that is showing interest in someone , I lose all respect for that person and think what a piece of shit they are for responding that way
This is very difficult for me. I’m the kind of guy that reaaaally hates to tell a girl I’m not interested in her when she’s clearly interested in me. It’s like asking me to shoot a puppy! I just can’t! But the thing is, if I don’t find her all that attractive, I don’t want to go out with her and get her hopes up for something that I know in my heart won’t happen. Typically, when I have spent time with girls who like me but I don’t like them back, I find that we are really good as friends. And with the situation as it stands, I don’t want to be anything more than that. And that’s a hard pill to swallow when the person has fallen for you. And in some cases, both guys and girls have just been lonely enough for long enough that they literally fall for the next handsom/pretty individual they see. Like a dog with its tongue hanging out kind of fallen for.
u the vast majority of the times, for me anyway... whether if she is attractive (to me) or not, that kind of stuff leads to a short exchange or conversation that usually ends well, as in I appreciate the gesture, we talk a bit, we joke a bit and stuff
and this is because most of the times it also happened while I was already in a relationship with someone, so yes, I would let them know about that
there were also times in which they were just too forward as well as open with their intentions, those cases in which they had an interest on something like a hookup or some casual one night stand, the exchange would be quicker and same thing, whether I found them attractive or not, I would just explain to them that I'm just not into that kind of stuff... lol
basically, my actions and decision making will not change dramatically based just on whether I find them attractive or not
most guys i know, will take the sex, but forget if she wants to go out in public with him and be arm candy.
and forget him introducing her to his friends and family.."she is not my girlfriend"
but give them sex, and they will keep her for that...
If I know for a fact that I'm not attracted to her, then I'll just politely find a way to end the conversation. If she keeps talking, then I'll tell her that I'm not interested.
(I'm not 100% sure if this is the correct method; I'm open to constructive criticism if anyone happens to disagree.)
If I can't tell for sure whether I'm attracted to her or not, I'll ask to see more pictures.
I try my very best to make a decision based on pictures. Because I don't want to waste her time by meeting her in person and then rejecting her afterwards.
Also, if there's something that I'm not sure about that isn't related to looks, then I'll try to have a discussion with her about it. But if she avoids the topic, then I'll probably just move on and "next" her.
I will get to know her better and make sure she's comfortable, and make it easier for her. I will probably later initiate as well, since girls aren't used to this. (I. e. I will drive the conversation forwards, after she initiates, so she doesn't have to worry about maintaining the conversation)
I think its the guys role to be assertive and the women's role is to be receptive. After that initial contact, I will continue the conversation so that she doesn't feel awkward.
That's the right thing to do.
If she makes the first move, and I'm 100% not into her, I will stop her. Give her some sort of excuse about me not being good enough, or too broken, and apologize and leave.
I don't put the blame on her, I put it on myself, with very real issues people face, and compliment her in a round about way. Legit works wonders.
If she continues to persist and doesn't take that as a no, then I'll be completely honest. "I was trying to spare your feelings but, I don't like you, not even enough to close my eyes and try. And the fact you wouldn't take no for an answer makes you no better than those assholes out there that you're trying to avoid by being with me."
I wouldn't know she wasn't my type until we spoke. I would tell her to pull up a chair and tell me something about herself.. If after we spoke I realised she wasn't my type? I would kiss the back of her hand and apologise but tell her I wasn't interested,
I would ALSO tell her that I admired her for her courage, and hope she has better luck with someone else.
I try to turn things into a friendship that is at best platonic because I´m not that sexually active. For me the problem wouldn´t be that she´s not attractive because I rather have the problem that I honestly consider about 1/3 of the women I meet a day attractive. Like what rather could be a turn off is her style if she for example only wears expensive brand clothes or if she has fake nails and had plastic surgery that make her look artificial.
I'd give her far more consideration than if it was left to me. It takes guts to make the first move and even if I didn't think about/like her to begin with, I'd try to give it a chance. Obviously I wouldn't do that if I was really put off by the person from a combination of looks and personality.
If I was single and she was not my type…
I’d thank her and then politely decline. Afterward, I may follow up with changing the subject so that the silence won’t feel as awkward for her.
It takes courage to approach, so I definitely wouldn’t be an a**hole about it.
Since I’m taken, I’d probably say something like, “Hey, I really appreciate your kind words and your courage to be so open with me. I’m happily taken though, so I can’t give you what you want…”
Im not single very often, so I just tell her Im not single. In the past, when I have been single and asked out, I at least have gone on a date with her and I haven’t had a bad time yet doing that. Just because a woman isn’t that attractive doesn’t mean you can’t have a good time with her.
I told a female friend I was going to ask a girl out that worked in the same building (different company I don't date at work) she sent flowers to my desk at work, we were married about four years later.
Sweet till I lost my high paying job and she got knocked up by some guy.
I would find a kind way to reject her, I'd just hit her with the classic let down and say that I'm flattered but I'm not ready to get into a relationship but If she doesn't mind I wouldn't mind being friends with her and that is just so I don't carry her on, thing is that if she doesn't mind being friends then that's all good, who knows maybe I could catch feelings but I wouldn't want her thinking that I'm interested when I'm not cause that's just wasting her time
Depends on if I have formed my opinion on them yet. If it's a new connection, I prefer to get to know them a bit more before making my decision.
If I don't see them in a romantic way I say I appreciate them making the effort, but I don't think of them in that way. Even if it's a negative result, I want to give them props for going for it.
I just tell her that I don't think we would be a compatible match.
That way I'm not being mean or making her feel bad about herself.
The most common reasons for turning someone down that I didn't know at all so it was purely based on appearance, besides their face or weight, it was usually due to tattoos or hairstyle. (Dyed or very short) I just don't give a specific reason because it won't change the answer and is unnecessarily mean.
As long as she is not horribly ugly I'll give her a chance. A 7/10 woman (aka average woman) with confidence is hotter to me than a 9/10 without the confidence.
If I am making the first move of course I will go for the 9/10 first. However, if both girls like me, I am still single and the 7/10 makes a move before I move on the 9/10, I will reward her confidence with at least a first date.
The time it happened, I said thanks and moved on.
HELL NO. It was highschool and I am immature as fuck.
She pulled me into her classroom, told me she liked me. I mean, we're not friends but we have common friends. It was awkward. I smiled and said ok but I really need to go, my friends are leaving me.
I cringe on my reaction. I feel like an asshole. I hope she does not remember me.
I say “hey sorry but I don’t feel that way” and hope to God she doesn’t wig out. I have had girls get really upset in the past when I turned them down. Once of them gave me a veiled threat.
As a guy on the other hand I am used to be turned down. Yeah it’s disappointing and embarrassing. But men are more used to this. Maybe it’s time women get more used to rejection. See what it’s like.
It's easy because women usually give subtle hints. All I have to do is show no interest towards her hint and then she backs off.
Making a bigger move, phone number exchange for example, I'd add her number but not text her to be nice. Asking me out would be tough for me to say no to her face. I'd probably nicely tell her I'm flattered but sorry no.
If I really don't like her for some reason, or I'm not attracted to her, I'll just say " Hey it's cool that you're interested, I just have to run it by my significant other. Are you down with that?" That hasn't failed yet to end the interest right then and there.
The fact that she approached is attractive (shows confidence, just like you like in guys), so not all about looks. But I would thank her very much for asking (and mean it) but I'm sorry I'm not interested.
Do not reciprocate any flirting. Try and keep my conversation polite but short. If she asks me out, I reply "No thank you. "
It's still fine by me. Nobody said she needs to look like a ten to take the initiative.
She was out of my league but the opportunity was too good to pass up. It seems she saw more in me than I saw in myself.
I just held on for all I was worth.
19 years later... we both chose pretty well.
Good question. Squashing fear to take that leap is hard for both genders. Letting someone down easy is important.
Before I was in a relationship, whenever this would happen, I would feel bad turning them down, a little lie like "sorry I'm talking to someone and want to try to take it further" I found was the best thing to say but I think it's better than just stomping their confidence and making them never want to go up to someone again. The mutual attraction must be present for a relationship to move and work. Being attracted to the other person is important for both sides.
Here's some advanced game for most men who don't actually consider the datin game from this angle non ideal looks are much easier to bear than bad spirits and with the resources that we got today looks can easily be changed so that's easy ass for the Dickin down if your as polite to 6s and below as ya are to 7s and above that way if those 6s and below ever get fine and ya wanna fuck em ya can easily
i think the attention from anyone i do not like is gonna be hard for me, i would not want to hurt anyone's feelings but i also am not gonna settle for a woman who i am not into at all. but i do admit i give anyone credit that makes the first move me or a woman.
Well it's hard for me to tell when a woman is making the first move because I think I've only had it happen once but if I figured it out I'd probably just say I had a girlfriend or something or either give her a date to see if I changed my mind about her
Honestly? If she is making the moves, I’m probably willing to sleep with her; despite her being not my type. (I’m assuming she isn’t disgusting or scary —just not my dream girl.)
Guys just kinda look at me awkwardly when I've been in those situations. When someone isn't interested it shows, but guys feel weird turning down something like that because it's not common.
So true.
We are rejected so many times and we know the feeling of it. So we just want to soften the blow for other people. Whoever may come.
just because a girl isn’t exactly my type or just average doesn’t mean i won’t go out with her, girls forget u can actually earn brownie points with guys for actually being fun to hang out with. if a girl is full on fugly and hits on me i’ll do the same things that girls do when they turn down a guy they’re creeped out by 😂
She has an uphill battle, just making the first move will not be enough see needs to make me see something in her I like. Otherwise she will be dismissed.
So you are the girl she is the guy 😂
Well it's really never been about gender, if someone isn't interested, you have the choice to accept it or make them change their minds. Which requires more effort, which is what I refer to as a uphill battle. Most such fights are lost but sometimes you can actually win them over.
Hmmm okay
Typically, I will say that I'm not looking for a relationship, which isn't a lie... I just didn't finish the sentence. I'm not looking for a relationship with them. I'm perfectly fine with hanging out as friends.
Even though she isn't my type and I would respectfully decline, I would make it very clear that I am blown away at her approaching me and I would fully respect and appreciate that.
I've flat out said no and sometimes had to say it more than once, or refer to someone I was interested in.
I would say, "Eww, as if...".
No, I would just politely decline, saying I've got plans or something. Obvious, it would differ depending on whether this was someone I knew or if it was a stranger in a bar or other public place.
It would take a while for me to realize that she's not my type, and until then I'd be a gentleman, talking with her and seeing if we're compatible.
I will refuse her. I will tell her politely that I am not interested while giving a brief reason.
A girl who will make a first moove for me would always gain a respect wether i would say yes or no.
I tell her straight up she needs to lose weight if she's fat
or if she has small tits, I tell her she has to go harder to keep me interested cuz I know I can snag hotter with bigger tits.
It's almost like you are saying only men should be getting rejected. For me depends, I might go out. Or I'll tell her im not in to her. Id feel horrible about too. But now they know what it feels like being a man.
If I like her I’ll go for her however I’ve never had a girl in my life that I’d even consider dating approach me tbh. It’s always a not so attractive girl that I wouldn’t even look twice at if I saw in public. So I’d probs just decline.
I honestly can't say fully. But I would be kind about it and try to them down as gently as possible. I can't think of what words I would say exactly. But if I didn't feel the same way then I need to at least be kind in how I say it
I'll be nice about it, thank them, and hope to go on about my day. If it's not that easy, probably make an excuse to leave/do something else 😅
Smile be sarcastic but inclusive keep a conversation for at least 3 minutes before telling her I have a girlfriend.
If I was single definitely getting a phone number.
Yes it is a turn on. But also if she isn’t my type I have the option to say no and turn her down. Just because she makes a move doesn’t mean I ever have to say yes.
I'll be brutally honest. I'd want to see how she is in bed. If she does exiting things I will give her more than a chance.
I get it, I get it. Ew, gross, creepy. As a man I don't get it. If a woman reacted that way towards me (approaching someone out of my league and see if the sex is good) I would find that pretty agreeable.
Every girl is going get me hard as a rock as long as she’s Fuckable
If I told you That fucking a girl that isn’t my type doesn’t feel good I would be lying.
I don’t have a type because when it comes down to it. Females will always activate my pleasure centers.
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