Nah. I don't usually look at looks. I don't judge a book by it's cover. She could look like a nerd with glasses, and still have a good heart with a positive soul. She could not be your type on the outside, but maybe inside. She makes a move on you, it can't hurt to try her out. You never know what can happen? If it turns out there's no connection, then you and her sit down, just casually tell her hey, I'm sorry I don't think this will work out.
I have always told them I am married or in a relationship but tell them how honored I am that she asked
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Ah look, a question I can (unfortunately) relate to all too well!
So yes, I've asked out guys before. And been rejected... MANY times. Contrary to what most men say, as much as they want to be asked out or approached by a woman first, it's a moot point if they're not attracted to you-
In other words, women can ask out men too, but if you're not his type, he won't care.
Usually when I've asked out a guy, but he wasn't feeling it, I'd get a generic, "Thanks but I only like you as a friend..." or, "It wouldn't work out" speech. And it sucks, but I go on with my life.
None of the girls who made the first move were my type even though one of them owned a pub.
I liked the pub but she had never spent a cent on make up in her life and , to be frank, she should have. She invited me to dinner at her pub and I did go because she was in my social circle but I did the it's good we can be friends routine and lets do it again.
The manager of my local bar asked me to dinner so I had to be careful as I liked the bar. I was a bit in two minds because whilst she didn't own the bar she did wear make up and I thought it was possible we might hit it off. So I met her for dinner but we didn't hit it off. She did ask me back to her place anyway but I pleaded an early start for work tomorrow (which was true) as I had just implemented a computer change.
A few other cases but I'll give the most traumatic one.
I was at a strip club and noticed a girl who most definitely wasn't one of the strippers. While it was not common for women to go strip clubs it wasn't unknown. Some women figured the guys would be hetro's and probably horny from striptease acts. Logical.
The woman was looking a little uncomfortable so being a gentleman I engage her in conversation to put her at her ease. Big mistake. She latched onto me and I couldn't understand a word she was saying because she was dumb. Nonetheless she was a good communicator as she formed a circle with her forefinger and thumb on her left hand and stroked it up and down over her right index finger.
Oh my, situations you can your self into by being courteous. Thinking quickly I pointed at the bar girl and said girlfriend! The bar girl (always make friends with the bar girl) left the bar put her arm round me and told her to stop cracking on to her boyfriend. Pheew. Shortly later, a guy who could sign and had extraordinarily low standards came up to her. I saw them leaving together. Double Pheew.
Then there was Cologne on the morning after the Cologne Festival. Don't know what she was saying either - any more than the dumb girl - because I don't speak german. But she was trying to bail me up in a doorway it seemed. Now she was ugly, witch ugly with warts on her face which had big black hairs growing. She didn't trim.
I am told I succeed at being a gentleman and I do try but when I saw a gap I just bolted.
Honestly I'm still at least somewhat friends with most girls I've turned down. I tend to hold out hope that maybe I'll find something in them that changes my mind. But also I like seeing them find someone new.
The worst is that it's most often been because of weight. I HATE turning down women because of their weight, but I've decided after trying to push past it has almost always caused way more drama.
One girl wanted it as straight as possible. "If it's about my size, let me know. It wouldn't bother me much, and frankly is better than being rejected for who I am as a person".
So yeah I told her the truth. I also told her about several of my friends who aren't bothered by it or prefer it, and said she's better off with someone who loves how she looks rather than someone who has to look past it. She's married now and has a kid.
My first and only relationship so far was with a girl that wasn't my "type" who unexpectedly approached me, I didn't want to make excuses and thought I have to be more out there which can be good as it can be a good outcome even if my timid self didn't realize it initially, I went in not to preserve any effort and wasn't treating her as disposable but I had to listen to myself eventually.
Suffice to say it didn't last too long, we were just not going to work and I had to end things.
Now arguably that's not the response that many would want, that's why I will try to grow more resilient and try to honor my own pacing.
I might turn her down and tell her that well. If I had a girlfriend I would say that. I might tell her that she seems like a great girl but I am not really interested but thanks for asking. Might put me in a hard spot.
That or MAYBE I might give her a chance depending a date is a date. Right? I guess you date to see who you're compatible with
There is more then just good looks to be though. There could be a woman who isn't bad looking but maybe personality or a character flaw or something like that could cause it or just being with someone
I'd ask her what her long term goals are in a relationship and I'd state mine, as mine will probably be different to hers.
If she's compatible, then I'll tell her I'd think about it and then eventually never get round to it, if I don't develop an interest.
Like I get not everyone finds everyone attractive, but I'm not the type to call someone ugly just like that, like if you're going to do it, at least be nice about it with word choice and how you go about it, because approach matters to me.
Dear Person,
If a female were to make the first move, I would go into confusion and then into logic mode. Firstly, man usually is the one to make the first move.
In this regards, I would be honest if she was not my type. There is no point in having a fake relationship. In some cases, one that want to take advantage of the other. In the case if the woman is my type, I would be happy to appreciate/accepting her, her courage, and attitudes.
I believe that most singles (men) are willing to be in a relationship with the woman who makes the first move. Unless, they already in a relationship.
Humbly, Humble Stranger.
Just like a gentleman would.
The girl/woman is gathering the courage to approach me. This thing in itself is a big thing. The sheer confidence and then intense feelings towards someone required to gain that confidence is more than enough to impress me.
But, if by some chance, she is not my type; then I would reject her, but the old style. Restaurant, dining and then respectfully saying my thoughts on her confession.
So much money invested just because she has the courage to approach me and confess to me. My respect to her.
But I would say, as an ending note that, we can still be friends! If that lifts her mood, then fine otherwise nothing can do.
If she is not my type, I would probably stop her, and tell her while I like her as a friend, I don't like her like that. And that I'm sorry.
Then I would wait for her response to see how to react. If she is cool about it, we can still be friends, but I'm not going to be giving her any hints that it could be more. No more hanging just us most likely.
If she flips out, and does some crazy shit, well then I would just cut her off completely. No need to have that around, especially if I'm not dating it.
Pretty simple, most guys will be nice about it if you are. But please don't cry, it's not fair, and makes us feel terrible. Just accept it, and be cool about it.
This is very difficult for me. I’m the kind of guy that reaaaally hates to tell a girl I’m not interested in her when she’s clearly interested in me. It’s like asking me to shoot a puppy! I just can’t! But the thing is, if I don’t find her all that attractive, I don’t want to go out with her and get her hopes up for something that I know in my heart won’t happen. Typically, when I have spent time with girls who like me but I don’t like them back, I find that we are really good as friends. And with the situation as it stands, I don’t want to be anything more than that. And that’s a hard pill to swallow when the person has fallen for you. And in some cases, both guys and girls have just been lonely enough for long enough that they literally fall for the next handsom/pretty individual they see. Like a dog with its tongue hanging out kind of fallen for.
u the vast majority of the times, for me anyway... whether if she is attractive (to me) or not, that kind of stuff leads to a short exchange or conversation that usually ends well, as in I appreciate the gesture, we talk a bit, we joke a bit and stuff
and this is because most of the times it also happened while I was already in a relationship with someone, so yes, I would let them know about that
there were also times in which they were just too forward as well as open with their intentions, those cases in which they had an interest on something like a hookup or some casual one night stand, the exchange would be quicker and same thing, whether I found them attractive or not, I would just explain to them that I'm just not into that kind of stuff... lol
basically, my actions and decision making will not change dramatically based just on whether I find them attractive or not
I am still polite to her and tell her I am flattered but I am sorry I am already involved with someone else but thank you for your interest. Whether I am with someone or not I will tell that little white lie just to keep it short but No reason to be rude what so ever . One thing I hate is when people are rude about it , like their shit doesn’t stink , We don’t walk around with signs flashing over our heads saying what our relationship status is , So when I witness someone being rude to someone that is showing interest in someone , I lose all respect for that person and think what a piece of shit they are for responding that way
most guys i know, will take the sex, but forget if she wants to go out in public with him and be arm candy.
and forget him introducing her to his friends and family.."she is not my girlfriend"
but give them sex, and they will keep her for that...
Well I try to handle the scenario as maturely as possible. I wouldn't want to hurt the girl. Trust me... guys know how hard it is to build up the courage to show clear interest in a girl, so we know what that situation is like. I would tell her I'm sorry, but I'm not interested in dating anyone at the moment. But I really do appreciate the sentiment. The truth of it is, that excuse is bs, because if the right person ever comes along, no one will be saying no. But it is a nicer way of putting it, rather than saying "Sorry you're not my type."
If I know for a fact that I'm not attracted to her, then I'll just politely find a way to end the conversation. If she keeps talking, then I'll tell her that I'm not interested.
(I'm not 100% sure if this is the correct method; I'm open to constructive criticism if anyone happens to disagree.)
If I can't tell for sure whether I'm attracted to her or not, I'll ask to see more pictures.
I try my very best to make a decision based on pictures. Because I don't want to waste her time by meeting her in person and then rejecting her afterwards.
Also, if there's something that I'm not sure about that isn't related to looks, then I'll try to have a discussion with her about it. But if she avoids the topic, then I'll probably just move on and "next" her.
I will get to know her better and make sure she's comfortable, and make it easier for her. I will probably later initiate as well, since girls aren't used to this. (I. e. I will drive the conversation forwards, after she initiates, so she doesn't have to worry about maintaining the conversation)
I think its the guys role to be assertive and the women's role is to be receptive. After that initial contact, I will continue the conversation so that she doesn't feel awkward.
That's the right thing to do.
If she makes the first move, and I'm 100% not into her, I will stop her. Give her some sort of excuse about me not being good enough, or too broken, and apologize and leave.
I don't put the blame on her, I put it on myself, with very real issues people face, and compliment her in a round about way. Legit works wonders.
If she continues to persist and doesn't take that as a no, then I'll be completely honest. "I was trying to spare your feelings but, I don't like you, not even enough to close my eyes and try. And the fact you wouldn't take no for an answer makes you no better than those assholes out there that you're trying to avoid by being with me."
I wouldn't know she wasn't my type until we spoke. I would tell her to pull up a chair and tell me something about herself.. If after we spoke I realised she wasn't my type? I would kiss the back of her hand and apologise but tell her I wasn't interested,
I would ALSO tell her that I admired her for her courage, and hope she has better luck with someone else.
I try to turn things into a friendship that is at best platonic because I´m not that sexually active. For me the problem wouldn´t be that she´s not attractive because I rather have the problem that I honestly consider about 1/3 of the women I meet a day attractive. Like what rather could be a turn off is her style if she for example only wears expensive brand clothes or if she has fake nails and had plastic surgery that make her look artificial.
I'd give her far more consideration than if it was left to me. It takes guts to make the first move and even if I didn't think about/like her to begin with, I'd try to give it a chance. Obviously I wouldn't do that if I was really put off by the person from a combination of looks and personality.
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