Well I made a move on this guy that I like on campus like over 3 months ago. I went up to him as he was headed down the stairs. I tapped him on the shoulder, excused myself and gave him my name, in which he gave me his 😊 I told him that I've seen him around and I had to tell him that I found him attractive. Sure put a smile on his face. We conversated for a couple more minutes before departing.
The next week, I approached him in the computer lab, pulled out the chair, said hi and sat down. Asked him how he was and then asked what he was drinking. He replied by saying chemistry, then corrected himself by saying coffee, which he drinks it Black ☕ He seemed a bit awkward, for whatever reason. After conversating for a minute more, I told him that I was interested in him and wanted to get to know him and suggested meeting up the next week. He agreed. The next week, nada happened. I approached him the next week and told him how I felt about being stood up, in a respectful way, also in a hurt way. I also told him how I felt about him, about how I attractive I found him to be and for what reason I don't know why; what I thought about him and how I didn't want to force anything. He understood and told me that between his personal life and his studies... I agreed and told him I understood. I can't remember if he said he would like to or not, but I could tell that he had a lot on his shoulders. So I backed off.
This past Monday, I approached him while he was in a study room, opened the door and just started talking. A couple minutes later, I asked him if he'd like to go for coffee with me, at Starbucks, next Thursday. He said sure and suggested the one 10 minutes away from campus. I suggested the one on campus and said that we could walk and talk. He said that sounded good. I asked when was a good time, he suggested around the 4 and asked me when was a good time. I tried not to sound clingy, but I said that 4 was good. I also asked if he would feel comfortable if it was just the two of us or if he would feel comfortable if I brought a friend or two. He didn't care and I said ok, I'll see him next week. Now I'm giving him some space until that very day. Hopefully he doesn't stand me up! Don't really know if he likes me or not, but I'll find out soon enough. But that's my story ☺
Hopefully he remembers to meet me at 4 next thrusday. If he does, at least I'll know that he's at least bit interested in me. Getting mixed signals from him is frustrating. He doesn't really show any emotions, although he does. But thank you 😊
I sure hope so. Thanks. I'll give you an update next week!
Seems he's drifting in whatever direction you push him. He probably doesn't like you, or rarely thinks of you at all.
To confirm, ask him how he feels about you, or make it explicit that it's a date, rather than two friends talking.
He'll probably tell you that you're very pretty, but doesn't want a relationship and has other stuff to do.
Good luck though.
@Nomoturtle thank you for your response. But I do t get what you mean by he's drifting in whatever direction I'm pushing him. What do you mean by that? And when I did sort of ask feels or views me, I really didn't get a straight/direct answer. So I'm just receiving mixed signals, nor quite clear answers, as well. I'm hoping during our walk I'll be able to get answers, without pushing him to answer me.
As in, he'll do whatever you ask of him. It will hard to get him to say "no".
Maybe that means he likes you, but since he's not responding or engaging with you much, it's more like he's passively saying yes to whatever's asked of him, whomever asks, and may not be thinking about it.
Force an answer out of him if it continues to be unclear in the future.
@Nomoturtle I'm just hoping that he remembers and actual comes. I don't wanna be stood up. I'll look like a fool.
Thank God I don't have to really think of this question anymore as it is irrelevant once you are married.
But I think it is ok for the woman to kind of make a move once she knows he is interested, single and seems like a nice guy that she wants to date.
My husband and I messaged each other for a bit and I found out he was single and he was sorry he didn't "sweep me off my feet", that phrase sounds gay right now, so I asked if he wanted to meet up.
We are married for 12 years now.
Absolutely.
We have become a society where it is extremely hard for men to date, and women have plenty of options.
Men have to "play the game" where it manipulates people's emotions & thoughts through wordplay & deception... it's honestly super toxic & dishonest and only works for those who are good at it. The other issues are the thoughts that many think are mandatory about dating.. here's the thing... nothing is mandatory about dating other than being honest with eachother. If the romantic gestures are thought to be mandatory, then those gestures become no longer romantic.
Another thing i have noticed is in current dating society, people walk away from every little awkwardness & inconvenience. people are weird & awkward with a little baggage, if you look past it you find there's more to a person than what is surface level. Another thing about dating society is everyone is focused on sex, instead of getting to know eachother, which can lead to super toxic relationships focused on sex with no emotion or compatibility as people.
Healthy relationships are supposed to be like "best friends with romantic benefits" not "great sex and lots of drama".
Speaking of which... from my experience, many women find that a relationship that has little to no drama & arguments is a boring relationship. That's honestly really toxic mindset to have and i get it's because that's what they are used to in their past relationships with insecure guys with anger issues and whatnot, but it shouldn't have to be a relationship of anger & frustration, but a possible one of happiness & intimacy, sure arguments happen, but that's why you talk them out.
Do you know something? I have asked and been asked for numbers. There is either a chemistry there or there isn't.. If there is, then asking for a number just seems the most natural thing in the world to do.
I don't really care who asks as I'm not shy in asking. If it is someone I like that asks me, then I have no trouble remembering my number.
You're most welcome.
AND thank you for choosing my answer as most helpful.
Opinion
109Opinion
It definitely takes the guesswork out of things which is nice. This needs to happen more often because the feminist movement has done so much to screwed things up for well meaning guys. The thoughtful guys are sometimes gun shy about approaching out of fear of looking “harassing”. So I am glad some women are taking initiative.
However most guys aren’t used to this so sometimes we get caught off guard. Also we can be leery of the girl’s true motives. I have had attractive women approach just to make the guy they really liked jealous in the past. Very heinous bs.
Also some women can react very bad to rejection. They aren’t as used to it. I had a very scary incident with this 2 years ago. Girl threatened to “do something to my place” because she was upset I turned her down.
Anyway with all that said again most men LIKE it when women approach. But we just aren’t as used to it (nor used to rejecting if we are not interested). But this all need to change for true gender equality.
A girl who makes the first move like that is very appealing. As long as she isn't too clingy or stalkerish upfront, I'm not too concerned.
Though, if she drops her pants and undies the minute I arrive, and invites me to take her shirt and bra off and asks me if I like what I see, and I still haven't even kissed her or taken her anywhere or had a decent conversation with her first? Then I'd be highly suspicious of her motives. Anyone THAT forward is either mentally ill, or just wants a one night stand. Or even a one-HOUR stand!
But as long as she isn't a mental case, a woman who initiates on occasion will make me more willing to reciprocate.
Telling me after only three days of casual conversation on WhatsApp that she wants to give me everything. Going to functions and hunting down where I hid my coat in a rack overstuffed with coats, even after I've hidden mine to avoid such a thing, just to have hers be right next to mine after I already turned her down.
Stealing my mail. Asking me for money after only three days of contact, and insisting it be forwarded via Western Union. Yet, flying into a rage and accusing me of not caring if I talk religion instead of giving her money. Sending me boob pics I didn't ask for on day 1, then asking me for an iTunes card within a week.
Actually, these real life examples are a way better explanation than what I brought up initially. As for the girl who I initially mentioned, her pushing for a one night stand isn't that bad in comparison.
She may be a skank, but at least she's not a gold digger.
I see this question all the time... and it always makes me think what the heck women really think about guys.
The simple fact is that most men love confident women that display a serious interest in them. When a women does this it elevates the potential for a man to see her as serious relationship material and potential committed partner.
Any man that sees a women making first move as degrading, does not truly value women in the way the modern society dictates. Any women in the age of Feminism and the "Me To" movement that feels guys are obligated or expected to make the first move is living in begone era.
If you have a serious interest in a man then I greatly encourage any women to make their interest known to the man.
Men give very varying answers. Some love it, others think it’s too masculine or unattractive? Hence why women are so confused most of the time!
Some also don’t seem to like confident or bold women.
But this is a great answer, thank you.
I had an interest in a guy and made it known because hell why not 🤷♀️
I have asked guys out in the past, I'm not scared to tell someone that I like them but out of my own experience that shit never works out in the long run.
Like yeah every guy said yes at first and all but most of them didn't really mean it, like it was nice for them and all but that never had a future, they would just see how far this would go and if they could fuck me maybe but yeah. They weren't really interested.
Nothing serious.
That's why I don't do that anymore, if a man is truly interested in you, he will go after you. The egg does not swim to the sperm lol
And I'm talking about real men, in the real world and not the majority of "nice guys" that are on here who would jump on anything as long as it's a female.
Well you can't expect to get an 100% rate when the person doesn't even know you yet. You could be attractive but if you don't have other things thay means nothing
I like women who are forward and flirty but still give me the chance to take over the lead on a date. "Let me give you my number" still fits that category. She's still passing the ball to my side of the court. "Let me take you out to dinner" is a bit different and makes me feel like the rug was swept under my feet since I'm not used to following the woman's lead on a date.
I totally get this. Thank you for the detailed answer! Yeah I just did the whole, are we dancing around something and would you like my number? Thing. He then asked me out on the date, so I do like the man to take that lead but I just didn’t wanna miss out by not shooting my shot.
Cheers. Actually, the type of woman who does that might be the most compatible type for me if I don't beat her to the punch. I get along best with assertive women who aren't at all shy to let me know what they want and what they think. I don't like prying information out of people.
i have found most the men i like, are too slow in asking me out or dont get the signals at all.
so if i like a guy, i make the first move to go out.. and i am usually the one to make the First Move on the date too..
arghhhh.. growing up a tomboy did stuff to me.
Yes! Most of us do. Even if we weren't attracted to the woman, we'd still find it flattering and brave of her to do so. Not enough women want to take the risk we as men all do, however. I don't have a preference of who asks who first, as long as she's just as interested in me as I am in her. But usually women aren't into me, so I'd say for this question, she should definitely make the first move.
Eh, I just can't imagine a scenario in which a woman would succeed making the first move on me.
If I like her, I would have asked her out already.
I would ask out even the women who are already taken, so I dunno.
I would have to be comatose or something.
Yeah, I'm pretty playful and usually batter unsuspecting maidens with flirt mercilessly, so one would have to possess the social awareness of a cauliflower to be unsure about my interest in them.
I can see your scenario happening and I would be fine with it.
It's a pretty standard social interaction which I wouldn't necessarily consider "making the first move" anymore.
Making the first move to me is more about making the first step from a completely platonic interaction without prior indication that it is going to be appreciated.
The first time it happened it completely surprised me. Of course I said yes. Actually it's surprised me a little bit each time. We hadn't talked all that much and I was trying to figure out if she was comfortable talking to me when she made the move. It's happened to me several times and each time it caught me off guard.
Yes, it's nice to she likes me enough to ask first.
Yes. Absolutely.
People who tell you guys don't like it are probably either projecting on guy into all of us, or are trying to defend the position of doing nothing and getting to expect love to fall in your lap.
Honestly, I can't respect a woman who would expect a man to make a move but be unwilling to do the same herself. It's a red flag double standard right off the bat.
I feel like most of them doesn’t like it because there was a guy i made the first step after his million signs and boom he ghosted me. He thinks that im a basic cheapy girl!
It's unnecessary to me.. because if I'm interested I'll make the first move. It's enough if she gave some hints of interest because I can read those pretty easily. BUT if I'm not interested in here I'll just ignore those signals. If you as a woman make the first move you're taking a risk that the guy will go along with it simply because it's easy. Not because he actually has a high opinion of choosing you. Then later on he will dump you the second another random woman approaches him. When a guy makes the 1st move it doesn't work that way -- I mean, assuming he's looking for more than casual.
Guys who love women to jump on them like zombies usually get angry when I say this tho.
There's nothing wrong with that. Better yet, it's actually a good thing. Some women who actually have jobs that require them to be on edge or had events that required them be bold are actually more daring than most women. She has a much better chance than the women who just drop hints and all that stupid crap.
Any guy who says he doesn't like that is basically lying
You're welcome. Even when you're no longer on home turf, being confident enough to approach says a lot of good for you. You're willing to take risks which is a reward in itself.
Regardless of the outcome, a better and more confident YOU is worth it
It would be a different world if girls took the initiative. I believe there is some correspondence with girls who take the initiative and cheating however. These girls know what they want, and are attracted to these men, and can easily lose attraction and find someone else more attractive. A guy who puts a lot of effort into winning a girls heart with romance and courtship builds a stronger foundation for a relationship. That isn’t the case so much for a woman winning a guy over, which is pretty easy to do.
It’s no different from the relationship of a cheater having a higher chance of repeat cheating. There isn’t much data to support this, but it’s generally held true. Similarly to this post, we all know women don’t take the initiative when it comes to dating. We all know men are generally the ones who take the initiative and pay for the dates more often then not. This isn’t always true of course. Many women pay for their own food no problem.
Lets be real here. An attractive, feminine, desirable woman will rarely, if ever, need to make the first move. It's much more natural for a man to do the approaching and leading, while the woman receives and follows. A woman approaching will exhibit masculine energy. But the only reason why so many guys will say they prefer to be approached when you ask here is because few of them have the confidence to do it themselves.
Having said that, I no longer approach women because after hookup culture, friends with benefits and all of the other forms of promiscuity, they are no longer worth the time.
Not that they are masculine, but they will either feel more masculine, or exhibit more of a masculine type of energy. However, it's possible things are different even for attractive women due to the culture. It's more dangerous to approach women than it used to be.
You should. If you know a nice guy, handsome and well educated, you must make the first move (if you like him). There's nothing wrong for you to make the first move. Instead if you don't, he may end up with someone else and you might lose him. Imagine losing someone because of a silly rule "boy must make the first move".
I think it's Grand when the girl was interested and shows her interest in you.
Now there's no doubt.
Now you're in a worse position because if you don't like her you have to get out of it without break hurting her feelings. And if you are going to hurt her feelings why did you ask her out to start with
I wouldn't mind either way happening.
I would also like it if she said, "All you have to do is ask me out on a date, and I'd say yes."
You are more than welcome to it.
I think it's a good line because a lady wants a guy to make a move, but if he seems shy or hesitant, it's probably because he is afraid that she will say no or laugh in his face. So this way he can be the one to ask first (sorry still a bit old fashioned and chivalrous here) and she has pretty much said that she would agree to a date if he just said the words.
No you’re definitely right.
I probably wouldn’t have been so forward had I been 100% sober (I was at a party. Not super drunk but kinda confident enough to put myself out there)
I’d spent all night getting to know this dude and he was like “oh I’m going home now as it’s 6am” and I was like shit, I’m gonna have to shoot my shot before this guy leaves.
And stupidly went “are we dancing around something here or am I imagining things?”
He laughed and said “well, I was going to ask if you wanted to get a drink”
I am so terribly unsmooth. But I gave him my number and he’s text me so, maybe I didn’t mess things up? 😂
No I actually like what you did by asking if you were dancing around the elephant in the room.
It goes with what I said about a woman admitting that she is interested in the guy so that he can have a bit more confidence to ask her out.
For me personally, I have a hard time telling if a guy is "hot" for me or just being really nice or just friends.
Ah that’s good to hear! It felt like a weird elephant in the room by that point because all my friends were like eyeing us from the other side of the room waiting for one of us to make our move. (It was the gossip of the evening because I am well known for being eternally single and unflirty)
But yeah, I guess I shot my shot without being too forward. Cause if he’d have said no, I’d have been like “cool, thanks for a nice night” and been completely understanding.
I am proud of you for having your own confidence and at the same time giving that guy a little confidence to know you guys should exchange numbers.
Just remember "Never out of the fight" as in the fight to find someone.
I actually like the girl to take initiative from time to time. U know it feels like it’s one sided if it’s always the guy who initiates
Well... As a shy, quiet, self conscious person, i'd rather have the guy make the first move.
But... with this guy I recently met, I shot a few moves myself as, we both are pretty bad with social interactions.
All of our friends (both his and mine, and I'm friends with some of his) are always calling us boyfriend and girlfriend, and at this point, we don't mind. He's said maybe when people say it. I secretly bet it makes him a bit happy, like it kinda does with me.
Anywho.. As of now, the guy and I are really close, were always talking with each other, he gives me hugs, and he asked me to a dance... making a "move" (more like starting to be friends with him) worked out pretty well. We both like each other, its just hard to go a bit farther with us both being really awkward with this.
But with other guys, its just way harder for me to approach them, so I rather have the guy ask first, but if your bold enough, well shoot your shoot!
I'm an introvert so I don't usually make the first move. I wait a little and if the situation turns to one of those 'we both know but nobody does anything', then I can try to shoot my shot.
Whatever flows naturally, honestly. Sometimes you can tell when someone wants to continue talking but are just too shy to ask.
i love this post on reddit by a woman who encourages other women to make the first move and be the initiators, but why do i get the feeling this will never become normalized:
(6) I've been making the first move as a woman, and I 100% recommend it to other women struggling with dating! Here's why: : dating_advice (reddit. com)
The best and safest rule is to never approach women unless they make the first move. That is, to smile and say "Hi" or do something to indicate that they are willing to be approached. Men that violate that rule will often be insulted and loudly are rudely rejected. When approached, most men but very few women are nice. 60 years ago, most women were nice and would politely reject the man by saying they are going steady, that they have already made plans, etc.
This question highlights the discussion between men and women. All the men claim they want a women to approach them and all the women say it never works. Yet guys never understand why women can't go and approach men.
Everyone would prefer to be pursued vs being the pursuer, the reality is that's not how it works partly because if a woman pursues one of these average guys they're going to instantly start acting entitled and treat the woman as if she's a slut.
God yes. It's nerve racking for a lot of us who aren't players to approach. Fears of mace getting kicked in the balls, your boyfriend showing up, getting humiliated by your friends is hard. it shows us you're interested. It helps us relax.
Overall, would definitely prefer to be asked than be the asker, but in your scenario where we've been getting on for a good few hours, I'd at least try to leave with some form of way of keeping in contact (social media or number). Whether I'd actually use it to make a date...
I have recently been the bold type. I told a guy I liked him and I may ask the same guy to be my valentine for Valentine's day.
i don't mind
but others might
however, the problem is, the last time one did, she was just using me... so, you better know what you want, before you do it
you better call somebody
Id usually give her my number so she has to send the first text haha plus then you know that she's into you at least somewhat if she sends a text to you
Personally, I enjoy it very much. :)
It's good to know that I'm attractive enough to gain a woman's interest, as I've never really thought of myself in that way.
Well if a girl never asks me out no one will ever be my girlfriend because I have higher self esteem than to do all the approaching myself, thats pointless, I want a girl that's actually attracted to me... And only if a girl asks me out will I know she's attracted
Maybe it's got to be part of the "new normal", since it can be dangerous these days for men to approach women.
Yes.
Many years ago I lived in California, and I was at a place and enjoying the music, and I was shocked when I was asked to dance by more than 1 women.
Of course I said yes.
It was great
I think it's nice, yes. Recognizing it's difficult for both. We all fear rejection.
Good for you. How'd it go?
It sounds promising ☺
Good luck
It's happened before, we were just chatting and she wanted a date. It was more of she beat me to the punch. It goes to show we were on the same page, so that's likeable.
Guys are sick of mind reading and playing games, let the guy know you like him.
love it. Stop playing games and just let the dude know.
exactly. i once knew a girl who was completely into, me and i had no idea. i only found out after i got with a girl she hated (no idea about that either). sad thing is that i would have completely wanted her in the first place and been committed to her if she had just let me know in the first place.
highschool... it happens.
I like it when the woman makes the first move. As far as I'm concerned, she can make most of the moves.
I love when a woman lets me know she is interested... so many are Nasty Bitches, you say "Hi" and they reply "get the fuk away from me pervert!!!" I mean WTF? all I said was "Hi" I do not talk to strangers anymore, so if yoiu want to "Lay blame" now you know...
Lol yes
I just wrote a book a out it but it's to hard to understand so I went this way
Well if I had spent a few hours getting to know a girl, then presumably one of us (probably me) had already made a first move. Otherwise, how would such a situation naturally arise?
Yes. Risking rejection has always been the man's domain, at least initially. Just know that you'll need to establish the situation. Ie. Do you have the same expectations. Ie. Just sex, casual, dating, a poly or mono relationship.
Of course dudes like it. But it doesn't happen often though. Men have to pursue
I do. Fortunate to have that happen with me multiple times by now.
Felt good, almost unbelievable. Surprise I was.
Surprised *
Thanks for like!
You're welcome
As long as it's done in away like a conversation the she brings up I have a extra ticket for a movie or a fair then that works or an event then say we can meet there an see if he is interested
Cuz lots of young females are not as good at sudden hints they would like to date you like older females they do it in away that is complementary towards a guy an get him to feel like I like to go out with her
Yes I do. I don't have any doubts about her intentions when she makes them crystal clear.
Of course. Men like to be wanted too, so if a woman has at least some initiative, it's nice.
Yes if i share the attractiion otherwise it's weird.
It's weird if she makes the first move and i didn't share attention
Tons of guys love this of women worldwide but unfortunately women like this will probably forever be in the extreme minority
Well that's the only way things move forward. Because I don't ask women out.
Do women ask you out then or are you perpetually single like myself? 😅
I've had a couple ask me out. I've never had anything that amounted to a relationship. So I guess you could call me perpetually single.
One was with a girl I knew for a couple years. That one I regret not pursuing. I mean it worked out for her she's happily married with 3 kids now and we're still friends. But she's an amazing woman. I do believe it worked out the way it was supposed to though.
I was a type of girl who is bold to shoot out but it backfired a lot. So I'm not doing it anymore
Absolutely. I have a hard time reading women so it’s just safer not to make the first move.
She does any guy would be very impressed and consider
Yes, it makes me comfortable and makes mr feel that she like me more.
I was really shy around girls when I was young. It was nice when I would get a little push.
Having a woman ask is kind of sexy and shows me she's a go getter and would make me hope to have a happy life together
The only girls that make the first move are the drunk ones at the bar. Then I guess if you don't take them home, they won't remember you in the morning, so trading numbers doesn't do much good.
Yes, I'm shy and terrible at it irl so that would make things easier
then for boys we are just simple girls. because men are always hunters. prey in women Men love to chase.
You can also add your opinion below!
Girl's Behavior 
Guy's Behavior 
Flirting 
Dating 
Relationships 
Fashion & Beauty 
Health & Fitness 
Marriage & Weddings 
Shopping & Gifts 
Technology & Internet 
Break Up & Divorce 
Education & Career 
Entertainment & Arts 
Family & Friends 
Food & Beverage 
Hobbies & Leisure 
Other 
Religion & Spirituality 
Society & Politics 
Sports 
Travel 
Trending & News 
Most Helpful Opinions