Men, if a woman shared that she eventually wants marriage within the first 3 dates, would that scare you?

[Anonymous]

if she shared that one day she wants to get married but you two haven’t discussed being exclusive yet, what would you think?

Yes that’s way too soon to share that if we aren’t yet exclusive

No that way I know what she wants and whether we’re compatible

[Charlesbrandonf]

I think it’s being upfront. Nothing wrong in it. In some countries, You and your whole family would be asked a million questions on the first meet to see if you’re suitable bride/groom for their son/daughter, and Check for the Family history for the five generations. And this is ridiculously common.


Regional communication is there apart from the word communication means. Not everyone understands that unless they know your intentions. And it’s okay. Do what you feel like doing. People always have something to say like I’m here giving my opinion.

[ohsheeT]

That is one of the last things the guy wants to hear you just started a relationship you're supposed to be learning things about each other marriage is one of the last things you want to know let him figure all the other things out with you become one with him first actually you shouldn't even bring it up for a long time men know that already because in their heart they have a time frame too but to hear it come out of a woman's mouth will scare the crap out of them and he will start changing any kind of slowly backing up

[BlueScorpio]

If it does then it just means they weren't compatible. That's the whole point of dating, being upfront about what you want in a partner and relationship should be something everyone is honest about. It would save a lot people's time and unnecessary heartache. Men should definitely be more upfront about what they are looking for as well. It's okay to do so.

[IveGotNoName]

Why not make your intentions clear? If he runs away he wasn't the one for her, she just doesn't want to waste her time. She also didn't say "I want to marry YOU"... hopefully, because that's a whooole other story

[MrOracle]

No. That's what should happen. Obviously not everyone wants marriage, so some guys are going to end things with you at that point, but that's the whole POINT of the vetting process - to eliminate those who have different life goals.

A lot of people are afraid to vet their potential partners because they aren't willing to "lose" them, but if they aren't right for you, it doesn't matter how hot they are or how you feel about them - a relationship with them has no long term potential.

[coachTanthony]

----------You need to vet people properly and that includes finding out if their aligned with what you want in a relationship. Don't be afraid to vet quickly and accordingly. Time is something we don't want to waste.

[OlderAndWiser]

As long as she doesn't continue with "I want to get married, you're the one, and I want to have your babies!"

[Chris_Morgan]

To be honest it is a little too soon because we barely know each other and it would feel as if she JUST WANTS MARRIAGE, doesn't matter to whom, but that ring is everything to her. It would feel as if she's less interested in me as an individual and she just wants anybody to marry her. That being said you could be sneaky and find out his goals in a less direct way. LIke ask him if he was ever married? If he says no then ask "How did a handsome guy like you stay single?" Eventually he might open up and say either "I just haven't found the right person yet" or "HELL NO, MARRIAGE IS A SCAM!"

If you do it that way you might find out where his head's at without actually telling him so soon that you have a marriage goal.

[JDAC092299]

No but we’d be hella busy cuz I’d wanna get to know her as soon as possible we’re meeting her friends her family my friends my family I’m going through family events and photos and home videos I wanna know her dating/marriage history I wanna go out with her and all our friends together we doing a lot and if any of that don’t go well I’d leave her on day three cuz marriage should not be considered lightly however marriage with a prenuptial agreement sure that way I 100% know that although we call our things ours for this moment she can’t take all/half of it with her when we don’t work out.

[BCA6010]

Ultimately, finding someone to marry is pretty much the sole reason I date, so not really, at least not in that context.

Now, if she said something like, "this is going great, let's get married this weekend!" Then it would be a different story.

[slatyb]

Eventually wanting to be married isn't the same as "I want to get married in the next six months." It's perfectly reasonable to ask any man you date about his medium and long-term goals. The first date is not too soon. If you want to be married, you don't want to waste time with a man who doesn't.

[ShadezMcgee]

I wouldn't think it weird, to be honest. She would be giving an honest stance on what she wants. So long as she didn't have a specific or early timeframe of when. Like, she mentions it and wants to be married in like a few months to a year. That is a red flag.

Might as well be upfront and save time for both parties.

[D-Pad_Chad]

Yes, but not for the poll reason. I'd ask her why she wants to get married.

Currently marriage/divorce laws are a nightmare and getting married is not in a man's best interest.

So a woman wanting to get married in the current legal system is either horribly ill-informed or has nefarious motives.

A compromise could be agreeing to a spiritual ceremony i. e. wedding, but not legally getting married.

[jshm2]

Depends how things are working out in the previous encounters.

Look at it like this, if you have a temp employee who is a mess and tardy but claims she wants a "permanent post" - you're not going to be positive, are you?

Hence why it's best to not drop the hints unless you are sure it's working out.

[Avicenna]

That's perfectly fine, as long as it is a general aspiration on her part and she's not saying she already wants to marry me. If that's what a woman wants with the right person, it's good to know that right off the bat so you are clear on what she's looking for.

[Miristheiss]

I am married but when I was single that wouldn't have scared me. I also wanted marriage.

I'm assuming you mean it as... she wants to be married someday and she is dating to find a compatible mate for marriage... she isn't just partying and seeing random guys just for fun with no intent of marrying. Now, if you meant it as she wants to marry me specifically and has made this decision from just 3 dates I'd think that was too fast.

[Sargentcaptain]

I would hope she did. Then again, I'm the type of person who wants to be with someone for who they are, for the rest of our lives. Not the kind of guy who's main interest in a woman is means to an end, where the woman is means and the means can be replaced by a right hand.

[AviatorTom]

That would depend on why I'm dating her. If I'm dating her just for fun, that would be a hard thing to deal with, and I would tell her that... so she can move on and find the kind of guy she's looking for long-term. If I was dating with the possibility of a long-term relationship, I'd be happy with that, though I would tell her "Let's not jump the gun. Things may turn out long-term for us, let's take things one step at a time."

[Anonymous]

Dude, I want to fucking know that within the first 3 minutes.

If you aren't going to be compatible then what is the point?

Frankly dating would be a hell of a lot easier if that shit was tattooed on your face, but fine, I get why that isn't happening (yet).

[Asker]

I know right I don’t want to waste time with people especially given the amount of men who think similarly to those commenting on here. wish more men were like you tho.

[Opinion Owner]

Well I am the most like me person that I know.

Pm me if you like.

[Lionman95]

No I prefer a clear communication of expectations quickly. I don´t like people that want to play around because that makes me feel like they don´t take me or the situation serious in a way that take it for granted.

[NamerOfStars]

Um, if she SAYS within the first three dates, or if she wants to GET MARRIED within the first three dates? I'm assuming you mean the former; that's (contextually) okay; it's just being upfront. If it's the latter- yeah, time to run.

[Guy13]

If it was the only “emotional bombardment” statement then I would appreciate it. If comes mixed in with all other kinds of trauma and emotional baggage then that would send me out the door 🚪

😎

[LazerBean]

I did that with all them and I talked to. They were not bothered, and we continued talking until we decided we were not right for each other.

[Vegasrunner]

@LazerBean That proves why guys should pay attention to Red Flags. If a women is bringing something like that up at all, much less the first 3 dates you should cut your losses and leave.

[Asker]

@Vegasrunner and tell me, are you currently single?

[LazerBean]

I'm still friends with all of them, have attended all their weddings, and they all attended mine. In fact, all of us found the right person and got married within the next several years of that. So no, it just proves that all of us had a type of maturity and efficiency that you cannot grasp.

[Vegasrunner]

@asker Thank you for your interest. I haven't been "single" for over 30 years. Currently have a roster of 3 - 5 women. HBU?

[Vegasrunner]

@LazerBean That doesn't even make sense. You're saying they cut you loose exactly as I said?

[LazerBean]

I'm saying being a time waster who fucks around and is what is the red flag.

[Vegasrunner]

@LazerBean I wouldn't waste my time. If I every was on a date and the woman starts talking about marriage. I would no to end it there. Unfortunately most women only look at dating from their perspective. From a man's perspective a date is nothing more than an opportunity to create a fun environment for sex to happen. Marriage has no place in that. In fact any woman that thinks a HV man like myself is going to limit myself to only here within a 3 date time span is batshit crazy and definitely not worth my time.

[LazerBean]

It is impossible for you to waste time on a woman because you are the waste of time. It is impossible to be a high value human being and a whore at the same time.

[Vegasrunner]

@LazerBean That certainly is a view you are welcome to hold. A lot of women resort to immaturity when they are faced w/ information that challenge their POV zo your response is pretty standard. It does provide insight into the type of man forced to settle for you.

[LazerBean]

A well respected man with self control and high standards? Yes, all characteristics that low quality, immoral people are unable to grasp the value of.

[LazerBean]

But for the record I do agree that people tend to respond negatively to things that offend them, which is why you responded to my opinion at all in the first place.

[Vegasrunner]

@LazerBean Your man is well respected? What is his name and what city do you live in?

[Vegasrunner]

@LazerBean Unfortunatley that would be false, as I commented on your post for the sole purpose of highlighting the fact that u pointed out an example of a red flag.

[BlueScorpio]

@Vegasrunner I bet if it was about sex you wouldn't sex, you wouldn't see it as a red flag. Please, a woman ot man knowing what they want is not a red flag.

[Vegasrunner]

@BlueScorpio I think I understand your question. If a women brought up sex multiple times in a date that would also be a red flag. Sex should just be a natural conclusion to a good date. I've had random women bring up sex b4 in public and that's also a huge red flag. This just happened to me recently at a bar in Utah, where a woman pulled up beside me we begin talking and she just came out and said "we can't go to my place but if you have somewhere to take me I reall want to f*** you" I declined because that's also a red flag and an easy way to get set up and robbed. I encourage men to dillengently look for red flags in women. Most guys just dont because they dont hold an abundance mentality. I understand that there an infinite number of available women for me so I can be a little more picky than the average man, however all men should be cognizant of these red flags.

[andreasderjuengere]

It's nice of her to tell me her basic expectations early enough.

I am equally nice enough by letting her know early that ''marriage'' means nothing to me; a lasting and 'exclusive' relationship can be discussed, though.