At the end of a first date, if he thinks you aren't a good match, how/when do you want him to tell you? Guys, how do you tell her?

Question

I have had at least 75 first dates as a result of online dating, and a few were horrible (pictures not current, lied about age, etc.) Most of them weren't that awful, but we just weren't a good match. When I got some experience with rejecting a lady, I eventually decided that the best thing to do was to walk the lady back to her car, no good night kiss, no hug, tell her that I enjoyed meeting her, she seems like a nice lady, but I don't think we're a good match and I wished her good luck with her search. That stopped any expectations from developing and avoided the appearance of misleading her in any way. Maybe that isn't how she wanted to hear that message, but I thought it was better than taking the easy way out by texting or simply not calling her again. If you were the lady on one of those first dates, how and when would you want that message conveyed to you? If you were the guy, how do you think that message should be delivered? (Yes, I know that it isn't entirely up to me to decide whether to have a second date; a woman can reject me after the first date, and I have had that experience. I'm just asking about this from a guy's perspective. If you want to ask about how a girl should reject a guy, you can post your own question.)

Pinay_ako · Accepted Answer

I can pretty much tell if he’s not into me or it’s not a good match on the first date. We’ll just say thanks for the time and head our separate ways without a kiss or a future second date. I don’t need him to tell me. I get it. Let’s both move on bye

midnightmoon05 · Accepted Answer

They generally sent a text message within 15 m. - 1 hr. that they had a great time and would like to go out again. That was when I was single and going out on dates…

Avicenna · Answer

That’s a good way to handle it if you’re sure you don’t want a second date and in my experience she usually also realizes it, so that’s good closure. But sometimes I have to think about it and I might decide against it because, say, the next night I met someone more interesting who’s definitely into me or when I think about it, I see a potential dealbreaker despite a nice date.

zeitgeist057 · Answer

I just tell her to her face, but phrased in a nice way, as unless it's a personality conflict, we can probably be friends if she wants. Example

"This was fun getting to know you. I really enjoyed talking to you, I like blankety blank and blaghtey blah about you, but I don't think we are a good fit romantically, I'm not feeling a chemistry there. I do think you're very cool and interesting, and if you want to hang out platonically as friends in the future I'd be open to that. Insert something here about a mutual interest like hiking, playing a sport, eating a certain food, etc, like let's grab tacos sometime if you want. And hey, who knows, if you're still looking for a date and I think of one of my guy friends I think you'd be a good fit with, I could let you know?"

Rejection can be very hard for some people, and they react very defensively as it can feel like a very personal and deep thing, understandably. I think it is best to be as positive and supportive as possible, with lots of reassurance that "they're still cool". No doubt some women still get pissed and start being rude as a defense mechanism, trying to salvage their bruised egos by spinning it into all the reasons they don't find you attractive, but that's to be expected. Not everyone can handle it maturely. Rejection is in fact healthy to both do to another person, and accept from another person gracefully without taking it as a personal insult.

At the end of a first date, if he thinks you aren't a good match, how/when do you want him to tell you? Guys, how do you tell her?

VIVANT · Answer

If there is no plan for a second date isn’t it implied? I wouldn’t assume I’m seeing someone again if I made no plan to. Or he made no plan to. But saying we’re not a good match is also fine. I prefer directness it’s just “ no plan” is pretty direct in my opinion 🙂

Likes2drive · Answer

Yeah pretty much how you do it now , but most times I’m still interested and I never hear back from them so they don’t tell me anything I just never hear back from them , so ghosting is what they do, at least I tell them I don’t think it’s a good match

WanderingLoveWizard · Answer

Unles she's just a major bitch or unattractive and there's no way around it, I don't end things after the first date. I think that's silly.
It might not have gone so well, but maybe it's because she was nervous or trying to show off... whatever. But in my opinion, you can't properly judge compatibility after the first date. People who think they can have probably missed out on some potentially great partners because of it

Potteplante · Answer

I'd prefer it being conveyed with honesty and at the end of the date. No reason to be wasting each others time and just leave it at that one experience.

provokeesmokee · Answer

I really like your approach and I've done kinda similar before.

Personally, I think that's wonderful. However, it isn't always obvious after the first date.

I'm usually a two date min sorta person. And the rejection really depends - some people I reject don't seem stable, so I just do what I need to stay safe.

ericclayton · Answer

Let her know after the date, or a few days later after you've thought about it. Don't ghost like a coward.

Massageman · Answer

While it would be great to talk about it before the date, it should simply be mentioned at the end of the date. At least if done afters, the date would be "pre-tainted" with the possibility of a "pfffft" at the end.

asphaltrhymes · Answer

I'd always just treat it politely like that show on TV, where I answered the poll also, how at the end of the first day, be pleasantly direct 😊😊😊

Anemone978 · Answer

That is a very good way to do it. I wouldn't want to be lead on or ghosted I rather just be told that you don't like me.

Staximus · Answer

I'm not so great at first impressions sometimes. I grow on people, like a disease. I'm also too quick to judge, so I like to at least meet and hang out with a woman before I even bother taking her out on a proper date.

WhiteBoyChill · Answer

Simple. I simply just wouldn’t propose a second date and if she asked for one I’d say “nah I’m good” to imply lack of interest

mike5150 · Answer

If I wanted a second date I would likely text her shortly after the date and ask. If not I probably would just let it go.

Phoenix98 · Answer

Pretty much the same way you do. Be respectful and cordial but also to the point so there is no misunderstanding.

the_sinner · Answer

I can never ghost someone after a date and live with it. But I’m also not sure if I can openly speak about what I feel at the end of the date. I might just politely part with my date and later on speak about how I felt via a call/text.

CallmeTheKnight · Answer

I’d be direct and tell her I don’t see her being a fit in my life. I’ll wish her the best but thats it.

Nikki1989 · Answer

I can usually tell if there is any future in it before the end of the first date, and I will tell him honestly how I feel.

WhitneySnow · Answer

I think your way is good

Anonymous · Answer

I like your approach but I don’t expect a hug anyway so i think being honest and letting me know or not texting me after will for sure do it

At the end of a first date, if he thinks you aren't a good match, how/when do you want him to tell you? Guys, how do you tell her?

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