It is wrong that I don't feel comfortable with my sister being around my children?

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

This isn't about the good sister, the one who's married and in the family business too, this about the "black sheep" one.

My wife told me than in those days I'm away, my sister keeps visiting her and my daughter. I'm not really thrilled at this, I prefer for my family to have minimal contact with her and always under my supervision. I told my wife to make excuses and send her away, but she says she considers her family, at which point I had to remind her that my sister is most probably not my father's daughter, and this is one of the many reasons I prefer to keep a respectful distance and keep the relations to a bare minimum and always with my supervision.

[AmandaYVR]

It's a decision that you and your wife need to make together (but your opinion should be much higher weighted), but my feeling is that you either have her in your life, or you don't. If she's in your life, you can't really feasibly prevent her from interacting with your baby. If you want to cut her off/out, do that.

At this point, she probably won't/can't do much harm to the baby (unless she left the premises with her, or was an actual psychopath, etc.), but when that child gets to more aware, and understands language, your sister could do actual damage. Maybe you want to cut this off before it gets to that point.

As a very general policy, though, sheltering kids to an extreme degree is often not good for them. They need a myriad of influences and experiences. Not saying your sister is worthy of being one of them, but don't isolate as a matter of policy.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Thank you for your opinion.
I don't believe she could harm the baby, but I'm not too comfortable having her around because I fear she might still have grievances against me.
She says she doesn't, but the fact that she was pretty much left out of my father's inheritance (by his decision) is still a matter of concern.

[Prettygurl12]

Is your sister the "black sheep" of your family for any reason other than that you doubt her paternity? Has she given you any legitimate cause for concern?

Her paternity is not a good enough reason to bar her from your home. Now, if she were an alcoholic or addicted to drugs or had an untreated mental illness or was some criminal or something... then maybe.

If she's somehow legitimately unsafe to be around then you need to explain that to your wife. If my husband decided he hated one of his sisters for no legitimate reason then I'd probably ignore his wishes too. I'm too old for stupid games. But if his sister did something horrible or was otherwise a danger to herself or others then I'd absolutely refuse to let her near my family. Make sense?

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

She has most of the problems you described, and most of the family has excluded her, like she excluded them.
Now my father Is dead and I'm taking his place, but the fact that she's not of the main "family tree" still means that things have to be taken slowly and cautiosly even if she's cleaning up her act.

[Gremlinimo]

There must be a reason she's a "black sheep" that you're not telling us here... it can't just be that she's not 100% biologically your sister, surely?

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Not to sound indelicate, but yes, she's a bastard both biologically and personally. She says she's fixing her life and I believe her, but it's not enough.

[Gremlinimo]

Then as you asked for opinions... how about you give her a chance to prove herself. If she's been outcast, thats a very very lonely place, your house/family might be only place she feels wanted. It's going to be really hard for her to make things right if you don't at least give her an opportunity.
I mean, if she blows it, she blows it, but if you were in her shoes, honestly, wouldn't you want to hold on to something, anything, just to feel part of a family?

[lightbulb27]

Nice thought but not with an infant that cannot defend themselves. People will take out their emotional grievances intentionally and can be very difficult to figure out what went wrong. My 2 euros…

[OlderAndWiser]

You know your sister far better than does your wife. Your wfe shoud respect your opinion on this matter.

[Avicenna]

No, as parent your primary responsibility is to protect your children

[joeldalton]

Are you doing it because of legitimate concerns for your child, or to punish your sister for things she did in the past?

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Concern, I don't have anything against her, but she's a very troubled person and not even a full family member.

[Nadim171]

well, you really need to explain why she's the black sheep.

[Sun_Kim-Ai]

Self-destructive and destructive behaviors, uncertain partenity

[Nadim171]

would she harm or harass the children in any way? or is she just "different" ?

[exitseven]

you are just full of surprises.

[lightbulb27]

No … trust your gut…