I've had way too many experiences like this (a guy shows interest but does not approach)...
Can you please explain why this happens?
Can you please explain why this happens?
Is it just me or are men afraid to approach women these days?
For me it is shyness. I have struggled with it almost my entire life. I have body issues, insecurities, am introverted, not very socially skilled, and so I fear rejection mostly. I think this makes me human though. I have positives like my sense of humor, empathy, kindness, attentiveness in bed, loyalty, dedication, and so on, but that doesn't matter, because guys are expected to have confidence and approach women they are interested in. If a woman breaks the ice with me and I feel comfortable, shows signs that she likes me, then I'd have no problem asking for a date. I just feel strange approaching some random woman who I find attractive and introducing myself. I know I shouldn't, I know it is irrational, and I know it is unattractive to many women to be so insecure, but it isn't easy to overcome. I wish I could find a baseline to work from, to spring forth and practice, to conquer my mind and just go for it, but it is tough. A warm situation would feel so much more pleasurable to me. I believe that gets down the crux of the issue; for some men it simply isn't exciting or pleasurable to approach random strange people, women or men. It is stressful and that stress puts us off. The truth is, the greater the risk taken, the great potential reward. We shy guys know that, but it doesn't make it any better. It makes things feel much more high pressure instead.
I'm struggling to hold back my sadness about the whole situation because other people take these things for granted. So many women want to be seduced by a man of charm and for there to be sparks. If I could have one superpower, besides being able to heal others, it would be to just no give a fuck and to have the ability to make others feel good. Kind of hard to do that when you are on edge and it makes the people you are interested in on edge too.
So right now I am just working on myself, trying to capture as many good feelings as I can, trying to lose weight, gain confidence, so I can work my way from the bottom.
Not looking for sympathy, because women generally don't care about or can relate to the struggles of the shy guy, but to answer your question, it can be challenging for shy guys like myself to approach attractive women with the express intention of going on a date, forming a relationship, or to hook up. And honestly, I am not even all that shy. I'm not some trembling leaf of a man. I just struggle with cold approach and breaking the romantic barrier.
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There's a billion questions that can arise in a guy's head when it comes to this.
Most of the time, people are going to assume the woman is taken. Whenever I have taken up a conversation with a woman, I almost always find out they are in a relationship, engaged, married, and so on. Once they see interest is being shown they say something that will include their boyfriend or husband to let me know. Plus, a lot of girls have very territorial boyfriends who get very angry if their girlfriend is hit on. Anyone who is at a bar will have a rough time because alcohol impairs logical thinking and such confrontations can cause a guy to give up on finding a girl. If they are single, it's usually the "I don't know what I want" attitude.
There are also guys who just are too intimidated by women. I know of some who are way older than me who are absolutely terrified to the point where it can be pathetic. There are guys living their life being single over silly insecurities that a woman would not even care about.
There's also other aspects. A lot of girls give off bad body language that indicates they are stuck up. They'll mistaken their cocky attitude as confidence. This is a an absolute major turn off to guys.
There are also some guys who just flat out prejudge a girl as being stuck up if she is attractive. Some girls also fit into stereotypes that may cause a guy to reconsider. "Too much makeup" for example meaning she is putting effort into being attractive so she may like the attention of multiple guys and they'll think this without getting to know the person.
Keep in mind there is nothing wrong with showing interest. A lot of guys need to know you're actually interested back. There are many girls I have stopped talking to because I was the one getting in touch with them. Anyone who has been involved in online dating like I have been have met girls who can say they get 8-20 messages a day. A girl who has that kind of access to picking up a date needs to show that she is actually interested in the guy and not someone who is going to be on another date with someone else tomorrow.
I think it's mostly because guys realize that it doesn't work.
People keep putting down gender equality because they think this is a result of that, but I reeeally don't think so. Women assume a guy is approaching them because he just wants sex, because that's the stereotype in our culture and media all over. If he's a stranger, he IS approaching purely based off of how you look, he doesn't know anything else about you.
I also know that I personally go on pretty much "shut it down" mode if a guy approaches me because I've had so many bad experiences with it. A "I'm not interested" doesn't suffice, they don't respect it, they just badger you more and even get mad. I have to tell a dude I have a boyfriend because he respects an imaginary guy more than my wishes.
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the same happens to me, doesn't matter is they are shy guys are tough guys they don't approach, they ust stand there looking like a moron or they elbow their friends so they are gonna look too. I don't get it if you make it that obvious why can't you approach haha
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IMHO, the women's revolution destroyed male chivalry. If women give men sex without marriage, and men can get sex very easily nowadays, why lift a finger? Especially since women work now. Men do not have as much of an incentive to act like, well, men.
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Mostly because women have made the cost-to-benefit ratio way too high.
https://www.youtube.com/embed/tXUuR_HjXUs
Men have always had to face rejection from women who aren't interested, and most men need to approach 10-30 women before they get 1 "yes." That's already hard enough for most guys to deal with; constant rejection is extremely tough, but lots of guys have probably approached less than 30 women in their entire lives by the age of 30, so they've spent a lot of time single (they take those rejections VERY personally, and it affects their ego, and they don't realize that dating is largely a numbers game). I think part of the problem here is that so few boys grow up with a father in their lives, and today, even many who do have a father who himself lacks confidence.
But you also have despicable women out there who are just terrible - and while these are not a very big percentage of women, guys encounter them a lot more often because these women are always single and they spend a lot of time in "social" places. The good girls are at home where guys can't meet them, so a lot of the women a guy is likely to run into in a social location will be like this:[You can stop watching after the first 50 seconds.]
Too many women are only interested in the Top 10% of guys, and are completely dismissive of the other 90% - yet those Top 10% of guys have so many options that they have no interest in relationships, and they'll only keep a woman around until she starts being a hassle, at which point he'll dump her and have a replacement the next day. That's why most of those women are constantly single - even though they believe they are 10s themselves because they were able to get some temporary attention (in trade for sex) and got to live a high lifestyle for a weekend or two, and they expect to be provided that lifestyle from any man they date forever. When a more average guy approaches a woman like this, she'll often destroy him - loudly, in public - and it might be years before he approaches another women. I've seen it happen, and it's ugly.
I personally figured out the game a long time ago, and I don't take this kind of crap personally, though I'm human and it's not always easy to let it go. But most guys, even guys who are strong in every other way, are very vulnerable when they are putting their masculinity and their ego at risk by approaching a woman, and when they get that destroyed, they're not very anxious to try again.
It's a straight-forward risk-analysis: more and more guys are deciding that the risks and costs aren't worth the prize - women have raised the costs to the point that men are no longer interested buyers at the price offered. -
I've been rejected for having an average-size penis, twice. I kid you not. Two girls told me 6" isn't enough. I agree with the other guys here. The creepy thing is constantly being thrown around with no reason at all. Perhaps a guy is a bit nervous! Have you ever thought that all don't have confidence brimming out our ears? That doesn't mean we're going to rape you and put you in a dumpster. Being called creepy left and right certainly reduces a man's desire to approach a woman.
Also, a lot of women at least here in the U.S. are really overweight. That means the few desirable women are in high demand, and don't they know it! Having a skinny/average girlfriend was a common thing in the 60's and 70's. So many women are fat these days that they expect you to respect and enjoy having a fat girlfriend. No thank you! That means the thinner, more attractive girls are also very super picky about the men they want in their lives.
If you aren't a hot hunk with lots of cash, trying to find a thin, attractive or even average cute girl is a very hard slog. As the other guys stated, women have priced themselves out of the market, which is why most men don't approach any more.
Read this:
link
Overwhelmingly, guys are approaching girls less than ever before. Outside of drunken hook ups where "liquid courage" comes into factor, most guys just don't seem to enjoy approaching or talking to new girls any more. I think that's sad for both guys and girls. -
I'm just an average looking guy. I've approached and been shot down by more than one woman who has called me creepy. I don't have bad posture, I smile, I dress well, etc. Like many of the other guys have said here, we get called creepy for the least little offense! It is getting ridiculous. It has me discouraged. Girls need to stop calling men creepy unless they actually grab your ass. We're the ones putting our pride on the line every time we approach. If you aren't telling your girlfriends to stop calling men creepy every time you shoot a man down, you're part of the problem.
Honestly, it really, really hurts to be called creepy when you've never stalked, groped or raped a girl in your life. I'm just an average man, and several of my male friend have been verbally attacked in the same way. The "creepy" thing is out of control with girls these days. Girls don't know how to give polite rejections, so guys are too scared to approach after having our courage dashed on the rocks too much. -
It depends on experiences and/or lack of for each person, but at least for my generation 1990-2000
the issue lies in two main facts. One, men are far more likely to get shot down immediately for any of numerous reasons, it doesn't feel good when you want to have a conversation and are shot down immediately over and over with out never knowing why, it ruins what little confidence some guys have. Two, the threat of false accusations. Trying to court a women is seen by many as harassments or can be misconstrued as such, its terrifying. Who wants to talk to a woman at the risk of being labeled a harasser, very few women are like that but you wouldn't go pulling the pins on grenades when your told only one of them in the box is active. Men are less likely to turn women down for conversation, or be offended that a woman is coming to talk to them. If women want to engage in courting they will have to become the initiators, at least if its in public. I only ever try to find some one to date either at an event for finding a date or on a dating website, its not successful but I'm not afraid of being accused of harassment, as a false accusation can ruin ones life forever. -
Im not "afraid" really, I used to be shy when I was 17 or 18, but after that I decided I just HAD to approach cause i really loved women, and I tried a lot. But I was either rejected, got phone numbers that didn't go anywhere, I had long talks with women short talks, I tried flirting and stuff... and in the end. Nothing really ever happened, no relationship or friends with benefits . Women would not respond, or play mind games. I was vulnerable at first and got depressed about it but eventually I just became more self-validating and relying on myself for good emotions. I'm happy without women now. I've genuinely lost my attraction for women because it caused me too much pain. I don't feel that same "intimidation" or "awe" in a beautiful woman anymore, in-fact her looks never phase me. I never expect anything to happen with women anymore. So even if they offer me their number, or even if she smiles at me, or tries to dance with me. Or even grabs my crotch on the dance floor. I simply don't care, I just don't feel anything lol. I'm happy just enjoying my life being alive and healthy. I'm not afraid of women so nowadays I can easily approach them and I do that everywhere, cafes, cinema, street, clubs. Not because I think she's attractive, but just to pass time and talk to people. But if you're asking why don't men approach with romantic intent? Well it's simple, women play games that men can't deal with, not forever.
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I think it's multiple factors to why a lot of men aren't approaching women nowadays. But I think the most common reason is because women nowadays just aren't that appealing unless we're talking about women from foreign women. From my experience, American women have no idea how to attract a man or how to treat men. I have had my fair share of success when it comes to pulling the females. But there were many times I tried to talk to a woman, and get shot down in the most humiliating way possible. I don't even know a guy who haven't had similar experiences.
Three years ago I went to Berlin with a good friend. It was there I met my girlfriend/baby mother/future wife. When I first met my girl, I would have never thought she would be interested in me. She got beautiful blonde hair, blue eyes, big pink lips, nice shape, and huge booty. I thought she was completely out of my league. To my surprise, she turned out to the most down earth woman I have ever encountered. Three years later we have twin boys and about to married next month. Unlike American women I have dated, her number one priority is the my happiness. In return I have given her all of my love, loyalty, and respect. I realized this is how a relationship between a man and woman should be. From my experience, foreign women are more easy going, approachable, respectable, and beautiful.
In conclusion, American women just don't have much to offer outside sex. They don't appreciate or respect men. Their values are completely distorted. Many of them have no morals. On top of that many of these women feel like they are too good for normal guys. I don't think I realized any of this until I actually got a chance to meet women outside of the US. Women who genuinely love and respect men. I can understand why a lot men aren't approaching American women. Why risk being humiliated for women who are nothing special to begin with? -
From my experience, women usually say they would like to be approached, but when it happens, they suddenly become the most picky creatures ever and it doesn't lead anywhere, not even to small talk.
Since I am not the type to try over and over and over, after a while I just stopped.
It takes two to tango. -
Because women are unapproachable these days. You're all entitled, all deserving of "the best" and the "richest" and the guy with the best jaw line. Judgment of the approaching male is all superficial, from what he drives to the size of his wallet. Any single minor flaw is built up to be something major. Look, we all want the best in a partner but it's gone too far. Everything isn't about looks, money, status. It should be about personality, brains and will power. I understand attraction is what hooks you in, but no one is physically perfect and good guys are very hard to find.
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I believe it is a byproduct of the times. There is this social introversion going on that may be tied partially to technology. Fear is also heightened, and I hear so many guys that cannot deal with rejection. The fear of being shot down overrides their desire.
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because girls throw the phrases creepy, weirdo, stalker, etc., around way too much, they have been doing it more often in recent years, I've spoken to middle-aged men and they say like 20 or more years ago, it was less common for women to use those phrases, so women have become more paranoid, and a lot of men are reluctant to approach because they don't want to accidentally scare or make the woman feel uncomfortable
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Because it's the new trend, the new world.
The old world where we had clearly defined gender roles is gone - today more women become aggressive and upfront, making them more intimidating & less desirable to be approached. -
Can you blame them? Look at all the psycho bitches running around today that'll have a guy thrown in jail on a rape charge just for looking at a girl a certain way!! Even if that WASN'T the case, look at how often girls reject guys! And that's BEFORE she even gives him half a chance!! Rejection DOESN'T feel good!! If 90% of the guys you went after rejected YOU, YOU'D give up, too!!
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People are spending a lot less time talking to each other or spending time on their own, it seems like there are more and more people who are awkward socially.
Especially in guys, girls are naturally social but I don't think guys are. -
cause many girls just plays intressted to TEASE the boy so that makes us afraid to approach you girl, we don't know if your playing with us or really likes us... we don't want to get turned down and laughed at we lose our dignity
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Well I've known men to get arrested, lose their job, or get restraining orders taken out on them for asking a woman out. So I guess you can thank feminists.
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#Me2 for example. Like walking a fine line, men are supposed to pursue women only when it fits women’s specifications. I’ve asked a lot of women out: shot down many times. Change my approach omg!!! Never used to be this way until the last 10 years or so. Gets old: rejection.
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i agree with anon, I honestly think this whole gender equality thing f***ed us all over, I even read all these articles about it
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Because in most cases the risk vs gain makes it a bad idea. Women have priced themselves out of the market and 9 times out of 10, they are not worth the risk and effort.
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It's a cultural thing, a lack of clearly defined gender roles, and a lack of social interaction brought about by technology.
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I have 62 news articles with links explaining why. can't post here for some reason. Think there is a way to send through DM if interested.
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