Why am I so ugly that I can't even look at myself in the mirror without crying?

I've always has self esteem issues. Ever since I can remember. I've always been bullied for being the ugly kid. My friends think I'm stunning but that's what friends are for really. Telling you your beautiful etc. All throughout high school I got bullied so bad. I got food chucked at me. My friends would get it too because they was with me. We always just used to eat sat in the corridors of school hiding from everyone. It sucked. I'm now at college and I every single girl i see is so fucking pretty. They all have boyfriends and a life I've always longed to live. And me? Well I'm just a ugly and fat potato. Walking around trying to be someone I'm not. I'm single which says it all really. Everyone of my friends are in relationships. I'm not. It's now got to the point that I can't even look at myself in a mirror without crying at my ugly face. But I have to look in the mirror to put makeup on. It doesn't even make a difference personally. I've seen people over my self harming and I've happily stopped but the urges say otherwise. Sometimes I even agree with the bullied when I think back to what they have said to me. And I'm like "I totally fucking agree with you" and I just... I just really hate myself and I wish I was a pretty skinny girl that gets boyfriends. I can't even wear a cute denium jacket without thinking I look fat from the behind of me. It's oversized and baggy and cute and from the front of me it looks like I'm skinny but the back it literally looks like I'm so fat and yeah. I just wasted a bunch of money becuase the whole back of me looks fat. I fucking hate my life and I hate fucking society.
Why am I so ugly that I can't even look at myself in the mirror without crying?
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