Girls, Do girls truly know what they want in life for relationships?

[Anonymous]

Over the last 15 years+ I have gotten advice from my older sisters, from girls on GAG or other forums, read the articles and magazines about a guys flaw's about not finding a girl. Is he a loser? Does he not have goals? Does he reek of desperation? Is he negative? Is he too controlling? Is he too passive-aggressive? Does he have an awful taste in fashion? The same generic responses, input usually is said.

Breakdown for me -- I have my own condo in the city, I have been pushed down and mocked far too often when I was younger and I worked hard with my academics, with my physical appearance, with my mental mindset. I don't want to hear I am "desperate". I'm a guy in my early 30s who's still a virgin and cut off girls who just wanted a one night stand from me. I have morals, ethics and standards. I don't drink/I don't party/I don't do drugs. I don't care about being known on social media. I am in grad school with my sights on a future in academics or law. I know when to give space but I'm not a momma's boy. I can go on and on and on but ladies and or girls what I just described is not a lie. But no guy, no man is perfect and vice versa for women. Am I looking in the wrong places? Maybe. But the idea from women or girls on GAG to guys is or other apps like Reddit is simple..."Don't fucking approach us". With that mindset why would I be pleased to approach a girl who has that mindset?

Updates

+1 y

I'm quite aware this question will either a) not receive a single response or b) rip me into shreds based on my comment. I didn't say anything sexist or rude. I was just giving my take and my experiences that's all. I feel like both genders (guys/men, girls/women) either hate each other, can't stand each other, despise each other based on this fixation of how we should live in a world with thousands of ideologies.

[Anonymous]

The most important thing for a guy to attract women is his personality. That he can make her feel at ease, keep a conversation flow, keep things fun and flirty and make her laugh. Sure many claim that his looks, what he does for a living, social status and so on are important, and yes they absolutely are to many, but the personality and how he interacts with women is the single most important thing. I don’t know you so I obviously can’t say for sure but in my experience guys like you are very serious, stiff and ”square”. Guys I’ve met that were like you come across in your post felt judgmental and our interactions felt forced and being on a date with them was like being on a job interview. They didn’t say or do anything specifically wrong but they created no positive feelings in me either, just radiated seriousness, judgement and stiffness. And sure, even if a guy has the personality and social skills down he will get rejected by a lot of women who don’t find him physically attractive but he will still be able to get girlfriends because there are always some women who’ll find him attractive or get attracted as they get to know his personality/social skills/ability to create a mood. So again, this is the single most important factor and reading your post I’m pretty certain it’s these things that you’re lacking.

[Katya98]

In any case, if you search, you will definitely find :)

[Asker]

judging from my experience when talking to girls they said im funny, honest, trust worthy and etc. But majority of these girls are so broken down by past guys where she doesn't have trust in guys but she will be in that same phase of chasing the same guys who hurt her or going after the guys with tats and piercings. I can't change that and I refuse to change or alter my appearance for a girl. You can say that I seem very rigid and serious thats fine. But that doesn't mean I am not caring or sympathetic. Look at art for example, a picture could look gross but there is art out there that is world famous. I am not referring to my looks because I think I am decent looking and in shape. But one thing about me is for some reason when it comes to school or work people say I am a hard working guy who communicates well. From my professors to my work colleagues and that means something. If a girl is quiet im not gonna be like oh she's such a bitch because that would be a stupid narrative. So as a guy, for future purpose just because a guy may be serious doesn't mean he's not fun to be around or not interesting or not smart or not funny. People who act like hot shot guys who have those traits may be the same guys once you're in a relationship then, then they get lazy and not appreciate her and I have seen that, heard that, read that many, many, many times throughout my life.

[Asker]

as the saying goes, dont judge a book by its cover. The reason why I take life more seriously is because I give a shit about people suffering around the world, I am in a field for grad school doing economics, politics and law so yea I am around serious things. But I also love watching comedy movies, going to amusement parks like Disney land, playing sports, doing something spontaneous like getting pizza at 3am downtown, or playing video games or whatever. It actually turns me off when I see girls who judge me that way as being "rigid" meanwhile they act like weird and wanna flirt with every dude and want his cock. As a believer in God, God knows my intentions and if I can't get my angel on earth, then I may as well strive for heaven and ask God then. Because nowadays, many people (both males and females) seem untrustworthy or disloyal.

[Katya98]

You have to find a girl who will share your views on life.

[Asker]

@Katya98 that won’t happen because like the girl said above I seem very serious. Girls and women go based off emotions and quick responses. This is what I don’t get about women. If women take longer making a decision and factoring in all these things on a guy or a man. Then why is a guy scolded just because he’s not rambunctious and super talkative? It’s cliche to say find a girl who has your morals. A girl who’s 5ft and acts like Ms. innocent and deals with the 6ft5 line backer bad boy most likely don’t have the same values. She most likely went after a dude like that based on physical attraction. One thing about me whoever says what about me. Hell people can say I eat shit on pizza. Even if I say no I don’t, people will staple their opinion about me when they don’t know me. Now going forward I know if a girl says omg you’re soo funny or omg you’re soo interesting…I will know now she’s just joking and I won’t take any girl seriously then for that matter. I will assume she’s playing my heart, she’s playing with my mind as a prank her girlfriends put her up to. No thanks. I guess that’s why I’m single because girls hate that I’m serious but don’t truly know me or how hard I’ve worked.. alright so be it.

[Katya98]

No need to generalize. All girls are different. I'm sure you're looking for a relationship in the wrong place.

[Asker]

here's the problem it seems to me girls only care about the glory and likes on social media for being recognized and deemed as "pretty" or drink and do drugs. I'm am wrestling with the difficulties of life where I am fighting my temptations. It's easy to go to a strip club and get a blow job but that's immoral. I'm trying to get closer to God but it seems to me girls don't care about God.

[Katya98]

A lot of girls really like drugs, booze, and the number of likes, but that's not all girls. Actually, I think you should start traveling.

[Asker]

whats traveling going to accomplish... ohh i see a girl in Turkey.

Me: "whats your name"
Her: _____
Me: Where you from
Her: ______

Problem: she lives somewhere in the world and is established and I can't move there because I am established down here with a job and grad school. Therefore, traveling is the biggest waste of time. All that would potentially happen is her asking me if I want sex as a one night stand. I've had girls ask me for dick pics and one night stands... I never took those girls seriously.

[Katya98]

I will keep my opinion. You are looking for a relationship in the wrong place. Because of this, you are disappointed in all the girls.

[Asker]

thats a generalization on your end, i didn't say all girls. But yea, I've had bad luck. If a girl says she's had bad luck and is annoyed by all guys why is that ok? I explained something clear, just because flings, drugs, booze and partying is normalized now, doesn't mean it will be 50 years from now. One thing I've learned about social media or life in general all it takes is one hash tag or something to ignite something in women that say... We shouldn't be this way. Yeah I am different but it doesn't mean I am bitter. I have standards in what I want in a girl. I don't need to be with a girl who's passed out on the couch and has a bottle of whisky in her hand.