He disrespects me in front of his friends, how can I change this?

Question

There are good qualities about him, that's why I haven't given up on him yet but I feel really hurt when he argues with me in front of his friends. He gets mad for the smallest things.. things that don't really matter. I want to talk this out but I feel like he will get mad at me for bringing it up. How can I tell him that what he is doing is not ok? What I usually do is stop talking to him until he comes with a half assed apology... he never says he is sorry he just brings me cookies or pizza or he starts being ''nice'' again. He has really douchy friends, the kind that flirts with your girl behind your back and yet he picks them over me. Don't get me wrong I have never made him choose between his friends and myself. What should I tell him? How do I approach this?

SammyGurl · Accepted Answer

You need to sit down face to face and talk this out. You need to communicate to him that his constant disrespect in front of his friends is hurtful and just plain mean. You need to ask him how he would feel if you did this to him in public, not right in private either. Then if he can't or won't answer those question, you need to put the final question to him; "Do you want this relationship to continue?" If his answer is yes, then you need to tell him straight away that he (not you) has to change in regards to him disrespecting you. If you don't get this stopped now and forever then it's only going to escalate. Maybe even to the point the abuse (that's what it is) becomes physical. If he can't or won't discuss this then he is too immature to be in any relationship where he is responsible for his own behavior. If he gets mad about his own behavior that's his problem and yours if you allow him to get away with it. I am sorry you are in this situation and this kind of relationship, it's not normal.

My aunt was in the same situation you are. She wouldn't stick up to the abusive loser until he put her in the hospital. By then it was out of her hands and into the legal and court system. Don't allow or stand for any of this to happen to you. ( Sorry I got a little wordy, as you can tell I feel strongly about this subject.)

aWes0MeNeSs · Accepted Answer

I had one just like this. Seriously, he is an immature douche. It's ultimately up to you, but I wouldn't stand for that at all. That is a huge reason of why my ex is now my ex.
Bring it up to him, and if he gets mad, he gets mad. You are only hurting yourself and your relationship by not communicating with him about how you feel about these things. If he gets mad or tries to turn the tables on you, you know he is too immature for a relationship. This is what happened when I confronted my ex about disrespecting me in front of his friends, and really helped me make my decision of whether or not to leave him, among other reasons.
He has no right to disrespect you in front of his friends and you don't have to sit there and take it. That is not what someone who loves someone acts like.

Deepblue11 · Accepted Answer

You're teaching him how to treat you and what he can get away with by accepting this behavior. He knows what works and what you'll put up with already so he's probably content with how he's treating you. You can't change his behavior but you can change how he treats you by walking away and deciding you will no longer put up with it. While he may have a few good qualities like you say, how he treats you is you're biggest concern here and that far out weighs the random times he's sweet to you. Don't bother wondering how you can fix him, chose your self respect here and self worth and make it known you will no longer deal with this. You deserve better.

pr3ttybr0wn · Accepted Answer

Leave him alone. if he can't be respectful then let his ass go. birds of a feather flock together. if all his friends are douches then obviously he is too, especially if he's being rude to you in front of others and not even saying sorry for it.

and dont be scared of your boyfriend either. you wanna bring it up but you're scared he'll get mad at you? but he isn't scared you'll get mad when he gets mad at you in public.

if you tolerate disrespect you'll never get a guy who treats you right.

slatyb · Accepted Answer

What you do is you set some boundaries so you don't let guys like this walk over you. You can't be in a relationship where you "... want to talk this out but feel like he will get mad..." You can't be in an relationship where "he gets mad for the smallest things..." That is no way to live. Do not stay in a relationship where you are afraid that your partner will get angry at you for telling him how you feel. This guy needs to grow up and get over himself and learn that if he wants to have a girlfriend he needs to treat her with respect. Surely you can do better.

Dober198504 · Accepted Answer

You should just tell him how you feel and if he loves you he would apologize and if you really did love you he would not be like that towards you and if any of my friends they would not be my friends anymore and I do not let anyone disrespect my woman at all and I would choose her every single time for everyone else and that's how it should be

lumos · Answer

You should just break up.
1. He disrespects you. In front of his friends.
2. Over minor things that don't even matter.
3. He doesn't even apologize to you.
4. He expects you to just forgive him because he got you food.
5. He picks his friends over you.
6. You feel like you can't even talk things out with him without him getting mad at you -> he can't take constructive criticism and it seems like he's not open to change -> NOT GOOD when a relationship is about communication and making compromises when necessary.

For me, personally, those points are enough to break up with someone over. Why be with a guy who thinks it's ok to disrespect you? That's the biggest red flag there. Who knows how that'll escalate in the future.

OjosOscuros2 · Answer

My husband did this during the first months of dating and it got to the point where I was fighting back while he was being rude to me in hopes it would embarrass him. Then when his friends left I told him the way he was acting and he didn't realize he was acting that way towards me around his friends. After that it never happened again.

zombiebabe · Answer

been there before; when a guy is tryna make himself look like a damn boss in front of his friend and think that he can disrespect you in front of them means that he's immature af... and trust me.. he won't change... this type of guy ain't boyfriend material

DandelionGirl · Answer

Sorry, he sounds like an asshole. What you need to do is tell him what you feel and how he acts around his friends with you. Guys aren't supposed to bring down their girlfriends. And this guy is a number one twat. I'd say if his attitude doesn't change soon I'm leaving you. I don't play that nice shit with morons like him.

XxilovewinterxX · Answer

When you ignore your guy, he will never know whats wrong. If you want to attempt to get over this issue then you're going to have to tell him, try and approach it in a gentle way. But if he keeps doing it after you told him it hurts your feelings, then don't keep him around. You can do better if he chooses to act like a douche.

oldanddecrepid · Answer

If he starts the next time then just give it right back to him and leave. I would say something... wait a minute am I dating a man or child if he starts to have a hissy! If he come with cookies and pizza just say your respect is not for sale, especially at such a low price!.

If he does not like it, he is not worth the effort.

madhatters4 · Answer

you simply have to address it or perhaps don't hang out with him when he's with his friends and if he asks why you don't explain

Tenseven · Answer

Simple: you just tell him straight up that it's not ok and you won't accept that behavior.  How long have you been dating? I hope it's somewhat new so you can set that particular boundary right away.

BellePepper · Answer

Find a new boyfriend. If he thinks it's okay to treat you poorly in front of his friends it's only a matter of time before he treats you like shit when they're not around.

abundantlyrich · Answer

Did you tell him about this? He doesn't sound like he's loyal to you.

Cowboy6666 · Answer

Tell him leave this routine or you're gonna leave him for @cowboy6666

FlutteringFeelings · Answer

You can't change him but only change the people you choose to spend your time with.

kakarotto · Answer

Dump him infront of his friends and never EVER look back.

WillowTree · Answer

There's no talking out of this one. Dump him in front of his friends and walk away.

annie2016 · Answer

Never allow him to do that to you. FInd a better boyfriend

3percentGuy · Answer

just be direct with him on your problem, he will respect you for that

starryeyedkitten · Answer

give him a California sidewalk stomp and never talk to him again

Anonymous · Answer

Tell him how it makes you feel, he should awknkwledge it and change his behavior

BigRed64 · Answer

kick him in the balls and leave.

Red_Arrow · Answer

You can't. So either get used to it or get out.

He disrespects me in front of his friends, how can I change this?

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