He disrespects me in front of his friends, how can I change this?

[Anonymous]

There are good qualities about him, that's why I haven't given up on him yet but I feel really hurt when he argues with me in front of his friends. He gets mad for the smallest things.. things that don't really matter. I want to talk this out but I feel like he will get mad at me for bringing it up. How can I tell him that what he is doing is not ok? What I usually do is stop talking to him until he comes with a half assed apology... he never says he is sorry he just brings me cookies or pizza or he starts being ''nice'' again. He has really douchy friends, the kind that flirts with your girl behind your back and yet he picks them over me. Don't get me wrong I have never made him choose between his friends and myself. What should I tell him? How do I approach this?

[SammyGurl]

You need to sit down face to face and talk this out. You need to communicate to him that his constant disrespect in front of his friends is hurtful and just plain mean. You need to ask him how he would feel if you did this to him in public, not right in private either. Then if he can't or won't answer those question, you need to put the final question to him; "Do you want this relationship to continue?" If his answer is yes, then you need to tell him straight away that he (not you) has to change in regards to him disrespecting you. If you don't get this stopped now and forever then it's only going to escalate. Maybe even to the point the abuse (that's what it is) becomes physical. If he can't or won't discuss this then he is too immature to be in any relationship where he is responsible for his own behavior. If he gets mad about his own behavior that's his problem and yours if you allow him to get away with it. I am sorry you are in this situation and this kind of relationship, it's not normal.

My aunt was in the same situation you are. She wouldn't stick up to the abusive loser until he put her in the hospital. By then it was out of her hands and into the legal and court system. Don't allow or stand for any of this to happen to you. ( Sorry I got a little wordy, as you can tell I feel strongly about this subject.)

[Asker]

Thank you. I'm worried he will turn abusive. I knew his friends were shady but I trusted him to be around them, now I don't feel that safe anymore. His friends are disrespectful towards me and when he yells at me in front of them it gives them a clear message that it's ok to abuse me. That's why I asked this question here. I don't want things to escalate. I was wondering if I should talk it out and give this guy one last chance.

[aWes0MeNeSs]

I had one just like this. Seriously, he is an immature douche. It's ultimately up to you, but I wouldn't stand for that at all. That is a huge reason of why my ex is now my ex.
Bring it up to him, and if he gets mad, he gets mad. You are only hurting yourself and your relationship by not communicating with him about how you feel about these things. If he gets mad or tries to turn the tables on you, you know he is too immature for a relationship. This is what happened when I confronted my ex about disrespecting me in front of his friends, and really helped me make my decision of whether or not to leave him, among other reasons.
He has no right to disrespect you in front of his friends and you don't have to sit there and take it. That is not what someone who loves someone acts like.

[Asker]

Part of me wants to leave... when I was single I would say the same thing now I'm kinda getting used to this which kinda worries me. I have lost my self esteem etc. Now every girl I see is a threat because he flirts with everyone. He will also say things like ''the most beautiful girl I saw came from this country''. A country I am not from. I just feel so worthless when he says that. I know he is doing it to make me think less of myself. I'm gonna talk to him if he gets angry then I know what's up.

[aWes0MeNeSs]

It sounds like he is trying to break you down and that it's working. My personal opinion is that leaving him would be for the best, but that is completely up to you. I know how the low self esteem thing goes too, as I have suffered with that for years. :(

[Deepblue11]

You're teaching him how to treat you and what he can get away with by accepting this behavior. He knows what works and what you'll put up with already so he's probably content with how he's treating you. You can't change his behavior but you can change how he treats you by walking away and deciding you will no longer put up with it. While he may have a few good qualities like you say, how he treats you is you're biggest concern here and that far out weighs the random times he's sweet to you. Don't bother wondering how you can fix him, chose your self respect here and self worth and make it known you will no longer deal with this. You deserve better.

[Asker]

Thank you. He knows I'm kind and forgiving, instead of appreciating this he chooses to walk over me but men like him don't understand that there is always a turning point with every woman. He can't play with the bitch switch for too long. I've been patient so far, I'm gonna release my inner bitch.

[pr3ttybr0wn]

Leave him alone. if he can't be respectful then let his ass go. birds of a feather flock together. if all his friends are douches then obviously he is too, especially if he's being rude to you in front of others and not even saying sorry for it.

and dont be scared of your boyfriend either. you wanna bring it up but you're scared he'll get mad at you? but he isn't scared you'll get mad when he gets mad at you in public.

if you tolerate disrespect you'll never get a guy who treats you right.

[Asker]

You're right. I do say something back but with him it escalates, he gets angrier and angrier to a point where I feel like it's better for me to shut up cuz people are watching. This guy does everything to break my confidence. He will also flirt with other women on purpose. I think his aim is to break me. I got myself an abuser :( I'm gonna leave his ass.

[slatyb]

What you do is you set some boundaries so you don't let guys like this walk over you. You can't be in a relationship where you "... want to talk this out but feel like he will get mad..." You can't be in an relationship where "he gets mad for the smallest things..." That is no way to live. Do not stay in a relationship where you are afraid that your partner will get angry at you for telling him how you feel. This guy needs to grow up and get over himself and learn that if he wants to have a girlfriend he needs to treat her with respect. Surely you can do better.

[Asker]

The craziest thing is he was respectful or maybe that was a facade I don't know. Now he is behaving like his friend who hates women. I feel like he's trying to show himself to his friends that he ''owns'' me. What he doesn't understand is his friends are disloyal to him, flirting with me behind his back, sealing his money etc. I can't tell him all of this because I'm afraid he will yell at me for bringing it up. I'm just gonna dump this guy and let him have a relationship with his friends.

[Dober198504]

You should just tell him how you feel and if he loves you he would apologize and if you really did love you he would not be like that towards you and if any of my friends they would not be my friends anymore and I do not let anyone disrespect my woman at all and I would choose her every single time for everyone else and that's how it should be

[Asker]

That's how it should be ... right now I feel like it's me against him and his friends. Time to break up I think.

[Dober198504]

Yes you should if he truly loves you he would have been doing from his friends no matter what

[lumos]

You should just break up.
1. He disrespects you. In front of his friends.
2. Over minor things that don't even matter.
3. He doesn't even apologize to you.
4. He expects you to just forgive him because he got you food.
5. He picks his friends over you.
6. You feel like you can't even talk things out with him without him getting mad at you -> he can't take constructive criticism and it seems like he's not open to change -> NOT GOOD when a relationship is about communication and making compromises when necessary.

For me, personally, those points are enough to break up with someone over. Why be with a guy who thinks it's ok to disrespect you? That's the biggest red flag there. Who knows how that'll escalate in the future.

[Asker]

You summed it up well. There is more... He flirts with other women on purpose to make me feel like shit. Everything he does is to break my confidence. I'm starting to think that he is abusive. He wasn't like this though in the beginning. Charming personality and all that. He tricked me and my family into believing that he is a ''good'' guy. I always thought to myself why does he have such douchy friends... why... now it makes sense.

[lumos]

Unfortunately people in general have a tendency of making excuses for someone's behavior if they *used* to be kind. We'd like to believe that they're really not like that and that they're still the kind person they used to be. Clearly that's not the case and clearly you don't feel good in this relationship. So I stand by my answer: end it.

[Asker]

Thank you! You are right.

[OjosOscuros2]

My husband did this during the first months of dating and it got to the point where I was fighting back while he was being rude to me in hopes it would embarrass him. Then when his friends left I told him the way he was acting and he didn't realize he was acting that way towards me around his friends. After that it never happened again.

[Asker]

I'm gonna tell him. I don't think I'm gonna marry mine though... too many problems, this is one of them. He fights with me over his douchy friend who tries to get with me behind his back and steals his money. I can't tell him about it cuz now I'm afraid he will pick his side.

[OjosOscuros2]

Uh that's so bad. Kinda makes you wonder though what kind of person he really is if he hangs around people like that. You'd be smart to break it off sooner than later.

[zombiebabe]

been there before; when a guy is tryna make himself look like a damn boss in front of his friend and think that he can disrespect you in front of them means that he's immature af... and trust me.. he won't change... this type of guy ain't boyfriend material

[Asker]

Yeah he is trying to show off in front of his friends. ''Look I own her and she does what I say'' type of thing. He also lets his friends be mean to me. One of them actually made a sexual remark about me in front of him, he laughed along. I've been so stupid to allow this to happen...

[zombiebabe]

dump him.. you deserve a man that will treat you better

[DandelionGirl]

Sorry, he sounds like an asshole. What you need to do is tell him what you feel and how he acts around his friends with you. Guys aren't supposed to bring down their girlfriends. And this guy is a number one twat. I'd say if his attitude doesn't change soon I'm leaving you. I don't play that nice shit with morons like him.

[XxilovewinterxX]

When you ignore your guy, he will never know whats wrong. If you want to attempt to get over this issue then you're going to have to tell him, try and approach it in a gentle way. But if he keeps doing it after you told him it hurts your feelings, then don't keep him around. You can do better if he chooses to act like a douche.

[oldanddecrepid]

If he starts the next time then just give it right back to him and leave. I would say something... wait a minute am I dating a man or child if he starts to have a hissy! If he come with cookies and pizza just say your respect is not for sale, especially at such a low price!.

If he does not like it, he is not worth the effort.

[madhatters4]

you simply have to address it or perhaps don't hang out with him when he's with his friends and if he asks why you don't explain

[Asker]

Can't avoid his friends. It's like I'm sharing him with them. He pays for all their expenses that's why they won't leave him alone. I'm starting to feel like a third wheel.

[madhatters4]

then you have to decide if the relationship at the status quo is ok with you

[Tenseven]

Simple: you just tell him straight up that it's not ok and you won't accept that behavior.

How long have you been dating? I hope it's somewhat new so you can set that particular boundary right away.

[BellePepper]

Find a new boyfriend. If he thinks it's okay to treat you poorly in front of his friends it's only a matter of time before he treats you like shit when they're not around.

[abundantlyrich]

Did you tell him about this?

He doesn't sound like he's loyal to you.

[abundantlyrich]

i just re read it... ok just tell him, you find him rude that he has to embarrass you infront of other people.. if he does it again, it's break up time.

[Asker]

he has done this before and I told him ''why are you doing this in front of everyone?'' ''Why are you yelling at me for nothing?'' His answer is always :''It's your fault''. About loyalty, I have my doubts about that one too...

[abundantlyrich]

Well it seems like he intended to bully u infront of others. What a child. Is this worth putting up with?

[Cowboy6666]

Tell him leave this routine or you're gonna leave him for @cowboy6666

[FlutteringFeelings]

You can't change him but only change the people you choose to spend your time with.

[kakarotto]

Dump him infront of his friends and never EVER look back.

[WillowTree]

There's no talking out of this one. Dump him in front of his friends and walk away.

[annie2016]

Never allow him to do that to you. FInd a better boyfriend

[3percentGuy]

just be direct with him on your problem, he will respect you for that

[starryeyedkitten]

give him a California sidewalk stomp and never talk to him again

[Anonymous]

Tell him how it makes you feel, he should awknkwledge it and change his behavior

[BigRed64]

kick him in the balls and leave.

[Red_Arrow]

You can't. So either get used to it or get out.

[Sara413]

Get a better boyfriend...

[Iamweasel]

He is an alpha male. You are a female. It's the way it is. It's nature. It's the cycle of life. He must assert his dominance and superiority over you since you are the weaker sex.

[Anonymous]

if he's got douche friends then he's also a douchebag... Well the price you pay for going for the bad boy

[Anonymous]

Good qualities cannot overule his respect for u.. that's jus wrong he can't do this if he LOVES u.

[Jomer01]

Just tell him to knock it off. If he really cares he will. And not talking to him, pulling the silent treatment card is not way to deal

[SlightlyCrazy]

Drop him like a bad habit

[PrettyBama]

When he disrespects you disrespect him back lol

[singlebee]

Dump him? Seriously your deserve better

[apple24]

You can't change him only walk away.

[bcromartie]

Socially outmuscle him.

[BLondon]

You change it by leaving his ass.

[twisttheknee]

In my opinion you need a new boyfriend.

[IVoidWarranties]

Taser

[DottieS]

Dump him

[Anonymous]

simple... leave him

[Rocks_and_Lumber]

BE BETTER.