He says that we are friends with benefits but he acts like my boyfriend?

Question

So I've been meeting up with this guy and we have been sleeping together but we also went for something to eat together and on a walk. We are only sleeping together but we get along great, open up to eachother, text everyday and are always around eachother in work. But he keeps asking me every night if I'm going out and if I've been with any guys. He asks me where I went on my days off and he checks my phone and reads through all my messages. He even saw messages from me and a good male friend of mine and we were sending hearts and telling eachother that we miss eachother and he wasn't happy that i didn't tell him about this male friend of mine and he looked really upset. He also start asking if I ever kissed this male friend and he was disappointed because I was friends with this particular guy and he was saying that I could "do better".

He also holds my hand when we are together and kisses me before he leaves me. He also always asks me if i missed him and he said that he missed me too. He also said if I got a boyfriend that he would be jealous. Is he my boyfriend but labelling it as friends with benefits since he's too afraid to commit? Does he have feelings?/

BigGuy8 · Accepted Answer

I've done this with a few FWBs. The first time, we were basically just taking it slow making our relationship official. But she asked me one day what will be different if we are actually "dating", and we realized nothing would change. We held hands, kissed, had sex, fooled around in public, cuddled. We were falling in love, but I had been bouncing relationship to relationship with no gaps in between, so I was trying to slow down and stop that pattern. Nobody bought into it, but we said it anyway. One other rejected me when it was time to choose serious or not, and the most recent is the woman I am with now. So 2 out of 3 times, this situation turned into a serious relationship for me. I will tell you what I think is going on in his head, because it's possible he's doing what I did. He may just be waiting until he's 100% sure you are who he wants to "date" before he makes it official. He may just want to keep you from wanting to meet his family just yet. He may just be commitment-phobic. He may just not like labels. Clearly he has feelings for you, as he wouldn't act the way he does if he didn't. You can either ask him if he has any intentions of making your relationship something more or if this is all you can expect, but don't be too harsh or critical. If he's just taking baby steps, you may scare him away.

SirRexington · Accepted Answer

Im sorry i CANNOT understand this culture. You are having sex with a so called "friend" but sending heart emoji to some other guy? I don't understand, and neither does he i don't think. I think he agreed to being a friends with benefits with you just so he could justify sleeping with you and being with you more to persuade the relationship to go further.

Also when i asked a poll about whether or not friends with benefits should sleep with other people besides their friend the answer for both male and female responses was overwhelmingly, no.

lumos · Accepted Answer

Don't be fooled. On the surface this might seem like boyfriend behavior. But if he stresses that he doesn't want something serious and that you're not in a relationship, then he's def not acting like a boyfriend.
What you see in his behavior is mainly just jealousy, which shouldn't be confused with him having actual feelings for you. He might be jealous and he might not want to share you with other guys, but that does not mean he wants to commit or sees you as his girlfriend. Think of it as him seeing you as his property instead. Incredibly hypocritical and selfish thinking, usually found in guys who just want to fuck around. Like, they want you to be available to them 24/7 and have you give them your full attention, but they are free to do whatever they want and see whoever they want. This is very possessive behavior that, like I said, shouldn't be confused as him having feelings for you.
If you're unclear about where you stand with him, simply have a talk with him and ask him what he wants, as well as explain what you want.

lopan17 · Accepted Answer

Either he wants to be your boyfriend but maybe was hurt and is afraid to commit in that sense or he wants all the benefits of having a girlfriend without the commitment so he's free to do whatever he wants on the side. I'd have a good long talk with him about the status of your relationship and set some very real boundaries so that there's no misunderstandings going forward. I would imagine it's hard to have a sexual relationship without feelings getting involved at some point but you have to make sure you're both on the same page.

Lavinnykins · Accepted Answer

He absolutely has feelings for you as a boyfriend! Noone who is just a friends with benefits would act like that... next time he tries to pull you up on it, call him out and just jokingly say 'you're acting like my boyfriend!' and see how he reacts... he's got to come clean as it seem like he's either testing the water as he's afraid of commitment, or he's stringing you along.

Rini18 · Answer

comfront him!! nothing is better than a frank conversation.. tell him what you've written... his reaction will give you the answer you are searching... then up to you :)

ChristianFriis · Answer

Not uncommon for guys to fall within the jealous type, and sex is a lot more emotional and about intimacy for guys than most people think.

NiGHTSintoMemes · Answer

He really wants you to be in a relationship with him, but society has told men to never share feelings. He's afraid opening up and telling you the truth would make him look weak.

r4ngeF · Answer

Welcome to: "How to have a boyfriend when you're single" tutorial.

nickwb · Answer

This is your fault. Blunt but true. All your fault. You werent clear enough. And now he's caught feelings. "Just fucking" doesn't involve long walks on the beach and holding hands lol

megumi_suzuki · Answer

He's ur boyfriend but is probably labeling it as friends with benefits

CindyRuns · Answer

Maybe he's a bit commitment averse. Sounds like a boyfriend to me !!!

Surely · Answer

Sounds like a jealous boyfriend to me. Why would you allow him to read your phone messages anyway? Don't get hurt by this guy.

Mrblueballs42 · Answer

he's all messed up but he is jealous he doesn't want to lose sleeping buddy

Anonymous · Answer

He's using you to get everything he wants, sex and companionship, while not having to give up the pursuit of other girls. He's having his cake and eating it too, and he is trying to manipulate you into continuing to provide him with this sweet deal.

vanrap · Answer

That means he is a nice guy and a little bit committed to you.

luminarada · Answer

Abort, he's getting clingy and paranoid

Parasiempreparaiso · Answer

He loves you. Period.

CrazyyChick · Answer

sweetheart you are obviously in reltionship

Danny_dan92 · Answer

Wants you to be wrapped around your finger hun

YouCantStopRedJacket · Answer

So go fuck with him! What are you waiting?

rockrewls · Answer

He wants you all to himself...

dragon9669 · Answer

Sounds like a boyfriend

Davidtrammell · Answer

Maybe he's afraid of open commitments

mitchelford · Answer

That's because he likes you

JULIANCOLE007 · Answer

Ask what you to have-nots

He says that we are friends with benefits but he acts like my boyfriend?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

He says that we are friends with benefits but he acts like my boyfriend?

Most Helpful Opinions

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.