Is it inappropriate for my husband to be snap chatting his female work colleague everyday?

[Anonymous]

He’s never mentioned her to me but her name constantly pops up on his phone for Snapchat notifications and there is a pink heart emoji so I think it means they’re each other’s best friends on SC.
If he spoke about her openly I don’t think it would bother me but this feels secretive

Yes it’s too much

No it’s normal

Updates

+1 y

Spoke with him tonight and he was baffled I was concerned about anything as they were just average chit chat usually after a snap she had sent to everyone on her list. He only uses Snapchat for a few people mainly me but we’ve been home together for the last 2 so I’ve dropped as a higher friend (the pink heart).
He completely saw it from my perspective once I explained how I was seeing certain things that made me uncomfortable and will keep communication with her more open instead of Snapchat

[CallMeDave]

I think it depends on what they're snap chatting about. If they're friends and chatting about innocent stuff and he's not spending time doing that instead of doing something with you, then my opinion is that it's probably fine. I have female friends that I interact with on social media or occasionally by text. My girlfriend has male friends also that she interacts with. Neither of us has a problem with that because we trust each other.

What's a little different with us than your situation though is that we know about the people the other one is interacting with and we're not doing it every day. It could be a few days in a row if there's something particularly interesting going on that we're chatting about, but it's not like 7 days a week.

I understand your concern if it really is every day and because of him being secretive. That does seem possibly suspicious. I think it's reasonable to let him know that you're aware that they're doing that and that it's bothering you because of the frequency and that he's secretive about it. If it's really innocent, then he should be willing to share with you what kinds of things they're interacting about. If he acts really defensive and gets even more secretive after you tell him you know about it, then that would be really suspicious and something you'd probably want to investigate more.

How is your relationship otherwise? Have you noticed any changes recently - like him seeming more distant or spending less time with you or being less interested in sex? If he's doing those things, then I'd be more concerned. If your relationship is good and he still seems as interested in you as ever, then it's more likely that his interaction with her is innocent.

[CallMeDave]

I just saw your update. I'm glad that there's no problem. I think it's great that you were able to have that conversation and resolve things without a fight and that he understands why you felt the way you did and is going to do something to be sure that doesn't happen again. It sounds like you both have good communication skills and a good relationship!

[Asker]

Our communication is normally great... I just didn’t want to sound like I was accusing him of something based on things I’d seen a handful of times and then I think I built it up in my head the more I thought about it. Thanks for your advice it was really helpful

[CallMeDave]

You're welcome. I'm glad I was of help and that everything's OK. I think it's pretty common for people to see things in their relationship and start worrying that it might be something bad even when it's really not so you're certainly not alone in building something up into more than it really was.

I think it's always good to start with a simple conversaton to find out what's really going on before jumping to conclusions and making accusations. If one person starts accusing the other of things before really knowing what's going on, it can create a problem when there wasn't one to begin with.

I think you handled it well. When you started worrying, you sought outside input to help get your thoughts together and then explained to him how you were feeling (rather than accusing him of something) and everything worked out well. It's nice to see a couple that can handle things that way and resolve concerns peacefully and respectfully without a fight.

If you ever have something in the future that you just want to get some input about, please feel free to contact me. I'll be glad to help if I can.

[LightEnd]

That sounds like good communication between both of you. Just because a guy is talking to other females does not mean he is having an affair.

I was once with a very jealous woman. Never cheated on her, but I couldn't even chat up the grocery store clerk, while she was present next to me without being accused of flirting with her. I was just being friendly.

I kind of got to the point where I wouldn't talk to any females.

Funny thing, I got suspicious of her because she was always chatting on FB messenger on her phone. (I wasn't allowed to have a facebook account by the way, didn't matter to me I didn't want one) This was when all that was still pretty new. She was deleting the conversations off of her phone so I got even more suspicious. I ended up checking online and saw the dirty messages they were sending because they didn't delete on the website back then.
She was going over to this guys house claiming they were friends.
Were divorced now and she still doesn't know that I know she was a little more friendly with him than she pretends.

But anyways, it sounds like you two have a good relationship if you can communicate so well.

[LightEnd]

I guess what I'm trying to say is dont smother him. Give him space to live life, if he is doing anything wrong time will tell and you will find out. It's better to just find out than to constantly be worried about it when it's not even going on.

[Stacie3]

I would have some huge concerns about this and in the interest of keeping communication open would most definitely speak to him about it and let him know you are not comfortable with the snapchat interactions

[Anoniemus]

Just ask him about her. He might think that he shouldn’t say anything because you might get worried.

[Anoniemus]

Communication. Perfect.

[Account]

Eh. I think he definitely likes her and there is something off. He either wants to keep her around as another option in case your relationship fails, or the prospect of cheating has crossed his mind.

Is she pretty?

[Finchie40]

It’s disrespectful period , how would he feel if you were snap chatting another man with emoji hearts and having conversations with this guy everyday? It’s disrespectful, that’s the kind of shot that adds unwanted fire into a relationship, if he loves you and wants to save his marriage then he should stop having that type of relationship with a coworker , it’s nothing to do with insecurities it’s more to do with respect , he didn’t get married to be single , if he did then he shouldn’t be married cuz he has no clue what marriage means

[SongBird3]

he's not sending hearts. If you have a heart next to someone on snap it just means that your best friends on snap because you message eachother a lot

[Finchie40]

Ok well then he is having a lot of conversations with this girl outside of work which right there is a red flag , on top of that he is talking to her on Snapchat , meaning Snapchat deletes your conversations , so if it is work related stuff why isn’t the conversations through actual text messages? Right there throws a red flag on to why he has her Snapchat then her actual number if it is work related? Again the whole thing is disrespectful when you are in a marriage out of respect he shouldn’t really be talking to this girl a lot , this sort of thing more then likely leads into more I hate to say , happens a lot. You have every right to put your foot down to your husband and tell him that you aren’t comfortable with this friendship with this co worker , he will say you are being insecure and you need to say nothing to do with insecurity , it comes down to respect for our marriage , and say how would you feel if I had this type of friendship with a male co worker? It will turn into an argument but if he loves you he will get the hint to stop

[SongBird3]

Oh no dude I totally agree with you I was just educating you on how Snapchat works

[Finchie40]

My bad sweetie. I thought you were the asker but hopefully the asker reads this lol

[TonyBologna25]

Know that if you don’t use snapchat a lot, then someone becomes a best friend really fast. She honestly could be sending out harmless snaps to everyone on her friends list as a lot of women do to up their points and gain exposure. Or... this little bitch could be trying to flirt with your man. You know the situation better than all of us, so it’s your judgement call.

[zed-789]

I don't know. Most people that snapchat r snap chatting for sexual reasons. Since th pictures and msgs disappear instantly. If it helps, if u see th bubble blue that means texts, if it’s red that means pictures, if it’s purple that means short video clips. If u don’t kno much about snap chat... it’s almost always used sexually.

[19magic]

I never realised this I've used it for three years and only once it got used sexually, every other time it was a people are drunk let's record them and laugh at them... Shows what I know lol

[zed-789]

Maybe it’s because I’m a girl. I was more referring to guy and girl conversations based off my own experience and from other female friends and guy friends. Talking to th opposite sex on snap chat privately tends to lean more over to th sexual side of things because then like y even use it when there is regular text msging, insta or Facebook.

[19magic]

I've never really mad the connection before I had it because all my friends had it, I once connected to a guy on here and it was better as no names or phone numbers so that was the first time I realised after having it for 3+ years

[zed-789]

I don’t kno anyone that has ever use Snapchat just wit friends. Maybe it’s just my area but EVEYONE knows what it means when someone says to Snapchat them. I mean most guys on dating sights even off th bat try to get ur snapchat so that th conversation can move from tinder and get more “personal”

[Asker]

I do. Our friends with kids do. Our parents send us photos with our nieces and nephews when they look after them.
If you’re single I get using it like that but our friends and family are all in relationships with kids and we all still use it so unless you’re saying all of us are cheating?

[zed-789]

I never said anyone was cheating. I jus stated how most people that I kno of in my area uses it. I mean even my little brothers high school recently had a whole situation wit all th amount of sexting that had happened on Snapchat because of how much it’s being used sexually. kids was screen shooting private pics and convos to bully others if they had a bad break up or stopped being friends wit someone. A couple people even got fired from my job over Snapchat. I’m not saying everyone uses it like this but from my knowledge most do because of th convenience of dispersing msgs. So u don’t have to worry about having to remember to erase anything Incase u got caught by a partner or parent, or lose ur fone or for piece of mind especially wit videos... since u can’t ever save videos and u get alerts if people screenshot anything. There r even premiums u can pay for. Hella sexually content u cannot to take a peek at. U obviously asked ur question because u had some suspicion enough to come on here to ask ppls opinion. I only give th answer of what u may not kno it’s being used for is all.

[zed-789]

I ment to say “can pay to take a peek at”

[rachelminer89]

I hate to be the bearer of bad news but if there's a red heart.. they're BOTH messaging and sending pictures to each other more than they do to anyone else. If he's not receiving actual text messages from her? Then he's trying to keep it a secret. Also, what could possibly be the reason for colleagues to be snapchatting each other?

I would (as calmly as possible, which I'm sure isn't easy) address the issue with him face to face. This isn't behavior a married grown man should be engaging in.

[PrimalInstinct]

Inappropriate. If she is a work colleague anything work-related can mostly be covered at work. Unless he is some seriously important individual that is in charge of multiple high level customer accounts or important tasks that had to have been dealt with yesterday & she is his assistant (even then still too much) he has no real excuse.

[btbc92]

He's flirting with other women, how do you not see this? This is VERY inappropriate. He never told you who they are, you don't know them? They probably don't know about you. He is being secretive. You might as well say he's cheating.

[Asker]

Because not everything is black and white Christian crusader. Might as well be is NOT the same as definitely cheating. I know of her because I’m in his workplace often and everyone knows me. I’m all over his social media which she comments on.
Your assumptions are unfounded based on what I info I provided so what I see is something that makes me feel uncomfortable but I’m asking for opinions because I can be quite insecure

[btbc92]

Asker, you're the one with the cheating husband. It is not an assumption. And it is black and white, I am not a Christian crusader. I speak for what it is. You allow this as a wife, what do you expect? Men cannot respect you until you start respecting yourself. I know because I see it happen all the time.

[btbc92]

First, you say he never mentioned her to you. Now you're saying you know of her because you're in his workplace often. You know OF HER. You don't KNOW her. You don't know what goes down in the workplace when you are not there. People don't care. Most of them don't practice ethics at the workplace and even outside of it. It is very clear this is not some buddy-buddy friendship here. Something is going on and it's right under your nose. It's flat out obvious. My personal faith have 0 to do what is being talked about. Because even if I didn't believe in God, my observation and judgment still stands. They have an inappropriate relationship and it needs to stop. NOW. Not later. If you choose to do nothing, then don't complain when god forbid he has sex for real if he hasn't done so already. That's all I am going to tell you.

[Asker]

Hahaha oh sweetheart you’re either going to end up alone for the rest of your life or bitterly stuck in a relationship you hate because you can’t accept anything less than your unattainable idea of perfection.
Can totally see you have never had a long term relationship in your life weathering more seasons than a honeymoon phase. All the best with that 😽

[btbc92]

Oh, stop acting like your life is all handy dandy miss insecure!

I don't mind being by myself. And your fake attempt to try to make me feel bad is pathetic. I can read you, your easy to read, and you know damn well what is going on. Stop playing games with your marriage, psychological, emotional, sexual and mental health! You can pretend its not a big deal but you are the one posting your issues on here. I'm not stupid. Grow up. Nobody's stupid. I know better I see that crap, I would have a talk with my husband and that's that. It would not continue. You have no authority in your marriage. That's why he's going elsewhere.

[btbc92]

I know to have respect for myself, my marriage and don't accept that crap. Not date strangers or people I don't know and have that nonsense. Perfection has 0 to do with RESPECT. He has none for you and you have none for yourself. You tolerate this. I ain't the one bitter. You're older than me you should know better than this. Obviously something is going on in your marriage or a sex life that you've been ignoring and it is not my problem "sweety". Thank GOD I'm single! I wouldn't give this marriage another 3 months from how serious this is sounding. I hope you have that arrogant attitude when you have to deal with divorce papers. Because I can see it coming if you don't fix it. Sell somebody else that BS lie. Why every time you silly women do this after getting caught is beyond me. Act like a grown-ass woman and own up already! Stop pretending like your fine! Stop pretending like your not in pain! Stop acting so arrogant and be humble! You're his wife. You deserve love, to be cared for and be respected. Not taken for granted or advantaged of. If you did that to somebody else, he would swear you're a whore and you're supposed to be his wife! I'm telling you this no different if I was your marriage counselor. I don't want to see you be another statistic. So either you take a stand for your marriage or watch it for apart before your eyes. It's not my marriage. Remember that. It's yours, not mine. Keep being sarcastic and watch and see if anybody else would help you.

[Asker]

I haven’t said I’m not hurt by his actions however that doesn’t mean always mean those actions are wrong. In this case they could be but your flat out refusal to see any interaction between men and women as anything but being unfaithful is tiring. It’s not helpful it’s not true and it has nothing to do with respect for myself or my marriage. I’ve falsely accused him before and have worked on my own insecurity due to an unfortunate upbringing and don’t want to put my marriage through another period of distrust and hurt unless it’s truly worth it.
You have zero experience to actually share and your rudeness to women who want to work on relationships that still have a good chance is horrible. Farewell Christian crusader let’s not meet again

[TonyBologna25]

“ Because not everything is black and white Christian crusader. ” 😂😂

[btbc92]

@TobyBologna25

Her lost, that's why she keeps erasing my post. Her marriage ends up in divorce I don't want Her whining and crying on here later. Acting like a child.

[TonyBologna25]

I’ve had this same argument with my girl. A girl I knew from college always sent me random snaps. She would send them out to everyone on her friends list just trying to rack up points. We ended up becoming best friends on snap because I hardly use the app and she sent me the most amount of things. My girl got upset and thought she was trying to get at me. I cleared it up, but I agree with the asker for this reason. It’s not always black and white. I never cheated or did anything wrong. The girl just sent me a ton of snaps tagged along with her whole friends list.

[btbc92]

This is not a black-and-white situation. I know what you're talkin about and that's not what that situation is. This is not the first time he done this. We read everything that she wrote, and read everything that she wrote in her original posting of the question. This guy done this before. And he never told her who this woman was. With the post that I posted up that she'll race twice I explain to her exactly what happens when you do stuff like that. My father done the same and so I told him her situation. And he said no different than me. "If she wants to keep being with a husband that's cheating, that's on her."

[btbc92]

No she just choose to be very rude and nasty because she don't like what I have to say regarding what he's doing in her marriage. This is not to do with just being insecure, this is about safeguarding your marriage. This is not about him not able to have female friends, or nobody it would have friends. But what is considered appropriate and what is not appropriate. And she's fooling around with her marriage I'm thinking she can shame me for my lack of dating experience. I have experienced this enough with my own parents life before my mom passed away, I had to help my close friend who just got divorced a year ago go through the same nonsense and the abuse. I have spoken to other people not only on here and other sites and offline about situations like that. And now all of them reacted the way she did. And my personal experience, and I had this plenty of times. When a woman all girl at arrogant and condescending that means they know the truth. And they do that so that way they can deflect from themselves. Even a professional marriage counselor would say she has a problem.

[Asker]

Good lord Christian crusader you’re still going?
No, he hasn’t done this before if you care to actually read what I’ve said instead of making your own assumptions it clearly states I have falsely accused him previously. Meaning nothing actually happened and I was a total crazy person for no reason.
I’ve deleted two of your ranting posts after I finalised this discussion was over because your ranting is pointless and unhelpful. You clearly have an issue with anything but perfection and see the negative in every questionable action without actually clarifying the intent and due to your lack of experience you’re opinion matters not in this situation. You said your piece while essentially calling me an idiot for not seeing *it* whatever it is yet still want to keep coming back 🙄

[btbc92]

No, YOU got an issue with telling the truth and respecting other people. I have never ONCE called you an idiot! Show me where I called you an IDIOT! Don't pass judgment when you cannot be responsible for your own words being so disrespectful!

"Hahaha oh sweetheart you’re either going to end up alone for the rest of your life or bitterly stuck in a relationship you hate because you can’t accept anything less than your unattainable idea of perfection.
Can totally see you have never had a long term relationship in your life weathering more seasons than a honeymoon phase. All the best with that" <--- Projecting your issues on me.

[btbc92]

"I haven’t said I’m not hurt by his actions however that doesn’t mean always mean those actions are wrong. In this case they could be but your flat out refusal to see any interaction between men and women as anything but being unfaithful is tiring. It’s not helpful it’s not true and it has nothing to do with respect for myself or my marriage. I’ve falsely accused him before and have worked on my own insecurity due to an unfortunate upbringing and don’t want to put my marriage through another period of distrust and hurt unless it’s truly worth it.
You have zero experience to actually share and your rudeness to women who want to work on relationships that still have a good chance is horrible. Farewell Christian crusader let’s not meet again"

Who hurt you, woman! Who hurt you? Stop with your BS and lies and being prejudice. Because that's exactly what you are. Being prejudiced and discriminating against Christians! Nobody here keeps going. I am having a conversation with him. So unless you want me to talk to him privately about you, which I shouldn't have to do, I have every right to speak on here. You erased all of my past comments and it shows who you are. Come clean and come correct.

[Asker]

“He’s flirting with other women, how do you not see this” inferring to the fact I can’t see it because I’m an idiot when in fact I can’t see it because the situation doesn’t automatically make it true. Respect is earned and nothing you put on this website has earned you an iota in my book. I don’t have to respect you because you demand it. My assumptions are based on your many posts here and I’m allowed my opinion. Just as you were allowed yours I simply deleted three huge rants about how I have to respect your opinion and agree it’s right because your dad hated your mom. No I don’t.
My family hurt me. I have times I’m insecure in my value in my relationship and I don’t always want to bother my husband with that until I’m sure it’s a reasonable concern. I’ve worked on it for years with a therapist and still have twinges hence this question. Crazies like you do nothing to alleviate it because you’re constantly negative unless someone is perfect and it’s wrong. Like I said let’s not talk again

[btbc92]

You are a liar, you're not being honest with your problems, you're lying on me and that's that. My ranting has 0 to do with it. I never even ranted. I spoke to you as a woman to another woman and you showed NOTHING but disrespect. Maybe your husband is right. You sound DYSFUNCTIONAL, Go seek a professional. Now if you want to say I said something about you, now you can. You're dysfunctional. Never once brought my 'Christianity' to this post! Now I'm RANTING.

Practically Everybody HERE is telling you no different than me. BUT YOU had to target me to blow off some steam because I'm Christian? You're prejudiced. Be delusional if you want! Goodbye.

[Asker]

I’m absolutely being honest about my problems you crazy twit. I’ve got no reason to lie given I’m the one who asked the question and there is absolutely zero conflicting information indicating a lie. You just sound angry that you made a lot of assumptions that were very incorrect and instead of admitting that you want to keep disparaging the situation.
I call you Christian crusader because of your lack of gray area in how people interact and your abundance of referring those opinions to Gods teachings. Men and women can’t be friends because God says one man and one woman for life blah blah blah. It’s nothing to do with christians as a whole it’s to do with YOU using your religion as a name and basis for your prejudice against imperfect people. But yes, good bye CC

[btbc92]

Don't bring your family in the middle of it. It's just you. That's probably why he's doing what he's doing behind your back. You're driving him away to other women that's what it sounds like no assumptions. Just facts. Be responsible for your actions instead of blaming others for them. You haven't changed one bit. You don't need therapy. You need a psychologist who can evaluate your psychological and mental. I'm not angry. You just need some psychological help. Go get one.

[Asker]

😂 oh girl. You’re like a comedy act.
You literally asked who hurt me and I answered and then you screech don’t bring other people into it.

Um... you DO know therapy is done with a psychologist right?

[btbc92]

They can over therapy as WELL as psychological evaluations and can even prescribe your meds if you are diagnosed with something, but is limited. A psychotherapist prescribes meds period and can even have you locked up or get some type of rehab. A therapist just talks to you. They do not prescribe medications. They talk it out with your problems in life, be it if stressed. A counselor counsels you through your problems and can offer you alternates, programs and if certified, medications. I think I would what they each do as many of them have said I should become one.

No, I asked who hurt you because you act like its all about YOU, with your poor me attitude. I said not to bring your family in the middle of it because your insecurities are your OWN. Your projecting things on me, your husband, and blaming your family for the issues you already HAD. And now you bring that same nonsense and messing up your marriage. Your the one with serious issues. I don't CARE if you find me funny. Your finding what I have to say is funny like a 'comedy act' shows your being an a*hole. Point blink.

[Asker]

Ok I’ll stop my husband says I’m being mean now. Have a good night girl

[btbc92]

I think your husband has more common decency then you'll ever have in your lifetime. Take your condescending judgmental lying self elsewhere.

[Asker]

According to you my husbands a cheater so that’s a conundrum

[Kiran_Yagami]

Very. It's dumb in general to be seeing colleagues outside of work. Business and home should be separate, and it's the dumbest thing ever to date someone you work with. It's exponentially more dumb to have an affair with someone you work with. You'll be nuking your life in its entirety that way. Both work and home will burn. What a moron.

[linds34]

It's not cheating but it's a little questionable, seeing her at work should be enough.

[Pineapple78]

Is this new behaviour? Are you used to him messaging female friends on other apps? If so then perhaps this is your equilibrium. If not the it is indeed inappropriate, which needs challenging.

[Woodsrdr]

I guess I'll be the first to state the obvious. "Snap chatting" with ANYONE is completely inappropriate for a grown ass man

[jenn11161986]

Lol how would he feel if you do the same on him. It's possible that they're flirting with each other.

[sd1223]

Yes it is that’s very unacceptable. Oh you’re better than me because as soon as I saw that, I’d be asking questions ASAP!

[Anonymous]

The fact that he isn’t honest about the is walking a dangerous path. Not everyone who cheats intends to. He should send a picture of you both together.

[Opinion Owner]

***it

[Opinion Owner]

She needs to know you’re his number one and he shouldn’t have a problem making that clear. If either of those create a problem then it’s very sketchy.

[Opinion Owner]

Response to update: glad to hear it.

[spartan55]

Looks like you married a 🐍 snake... so fucking stupid, Snapchat?

[Thatsamazing]

Third option, I guess-- 1) fretting about technology bullshit is dumb, 2) if your hubby wants to talk to a chick, he's going to do it, and you can just chill, and 3) emojis are retarded.

[John_Doesnt]

It's normal and you're too clingy. If your husband wants to have sex with strange women then it's his right as a man to do so. Your job is to sit at home, cook, clean and make babies.

[505error]

Snapchat is made for photos and chats to delete themselves, so I wouldn't trust this if I were you.

[SongBird3]

Thats pretty weird. He should at least tell you out of respect. Does he give u his password

[rose2020]

Yes that is very unacceptable, his flirting with other women.