Females can have male friends, males can not have female friends?

Question

Basically I just want your opinions on this. This is generalized and in no way fitting for everyone, just the majority of people in these situations. I’ve had several people tell me in conversation females can have friends of the opposite sex and males cannot and here’s why. WOMEN SET THE BOUNDARIES, and if given the chance men will break them. The way women see connection and friendship is universal, when women want a male companion they are capable of setting boundaries. Men on the other hand will follow those boundaries of the female counterpart to keep them as a friend but if given the chance will seek more from them. While females are always given the chance but choose not to act on it because they actually value you and view you as a FRIEND. Men see the friendship as an opportunity and women see the opportunity and use it for a friendship. While in relationships it is POSSIBLE (not guaranteed but possible) for women to have male friends because women set the boundaries, (that’s not to say they can’t decide to change them) but not possible for men to have a female friend because as soon as a women decides to give him opportunity more than likely he will take it. by the way men, women are aware what all men want, we’re not naïve. However not all females want that and are capable of having a non-sexually motivated relationship with men. What do you guys think?

MrOracle · Accepted Answer

As you said, there ARE rare exceptions to this, but the key word is RARE. And some people (many women in particular) spend far too much energy hoping for an exception and tend to ignore the rule, and that's a losing game. So... let's talk about the vast majority.

You can divide men up into two groups: men who get laid more-or-less as much as they want (most of these will be men already in healthy romantic relationships, and some of them will be the really attractive guys who can get women easily), and men who aren't getting laid or not nearly as much as they want.

The first group CAN be "just friends" with women, but probably won't be. In their case, it's not a lack of sex that's the problem - for the relationship guys, it's their girlfriends, who don't want them to have close female friends, and for the really attractive guys, they're dealing with too many women already, and so they're only going to spend time with girls they can bang.

The second group - the guys who aren't getting enough sex - THEY AREN'T GETTING ENOUGH SEX. And for men, this is a lot like not getting food: if you can't eat, then after a couple of days without food, eating is all you can think about, and you can hardly concentrate on anything else, and even the slimmest chance to eat is immediately going to be your first (if not only) priority. Men who aren't getting sex are CONSTANTLY thinking about getting sex, and when it comes to relationships with women, sex is their primary priority. It's not that they're being jerks, it's that they've got a biological reality called TESTOSTERONE that is SCREAMING at them: GET SEX!!! And you ladies know what your hormones can do to you, right? Try to imagine 10 days of hunger and the motivation that would give you to eat food, and you have some idea of what testosterone does to us when we aren't getting laid.

All that is bad enough, but many men will become friends with a woman even though he knows that he's mostly in it because he's hoping to get laid, and he's biding his time, waiting for an opportunity. Your boyfriend is mean to you? Come cry on his shoulder. You're feeling lonely? Come talk to him. You get into a fight with your man? He's right there telling you to break up. Well, even if he's actually giving you good advice - and often he is - there's still a part of that that's him trying to create an opportunity for himself to get laid (and, yes, sometimes, to get a relationship with you, because even though it's ALWAYS about sex, sometimes it's not ONLY about sex).

Make no mistake, though - the guy you Friend Zoned is NOT "just friends" with you and never was, and never could be. And his desire for you is going to affect how he treats you and how he thinks about you.

There will be guys who say "I'm not like that", but most are either already in a relationship, have low sex drives or are asexual, are gay, or who see you as "off limits" for some reason, such as you already dated his best friend. But the vast majority of guys cannot be "just friends" with women unless they don't find them attractive - and most men don't WANT to be friends with those women.

Thus, women should not have an expectation that they can be "just friends" with guys - not because she's incapable, but because HE's incapable, and she shouldn't ever assume otherwise.

FTnWo · Accepted Answer

Well my wife is okay with me having a female friend if she is ugly or old but I'll tell ya what every time she sees me drop my partner at work at her vehicle we fight when I get to ours... she is extremely jealousof this female and I know why it's because my partner is really pretty and my wife heard her batching about her piece of shit husband so she assumes that if my partner wants to fuck that it's gonna happen and it pusses me off that she thinks I would do that to her but we don't hit on aechother at all... she did tell me that she doesn't know how to flirt or hit on someone because she been married twice and can count all the guys she been with on one hand but yeah.
So my wife on the other hand was friends with a guy we knew that we both worked with and he is madly deeply in love with his wife and it was fine, later on she became friends with an old friend of ours but the only thing he really does is bitch about his wife when he comes over... Anyway I decided to watch and see where this goes because she had already cheated on me with a guy friend of hers and so I quickly noticed how happy and interested she was with him like when he playing a game on my ps4 she would ask him questions about the game where when I played she never even looked up from her phone, I noticed that she always smiling and that she was always more the. Happy to male some food and invite him over, she always invited him to places we would go, then I noticed when he would leave she would have to get up for something and head out side real quick with him, so one day I left my mp3 player on record when I went into the gas station to pay for gas and anyway when I listened to that shit these motherfuckers were being shady as fuck and planning a camping trip amd then said hear he comes don't say anything about it... and then she was saying later that she didn't want to go home because I would be mad about some other shit and she doesn't want to listen to it and all kinds of shit she was talking and then when I asked her about it all she denied it and when I asked dhim he said I must have him confused hahaha what a couple of fucking idiots I said it's right fucking here and he still denies and I was gonna send it to his wife but it mysteriously disappeared... my wife swears she has never seen it and she is lying about that even now that I think about it... Anyway I left for two days and then she was crying and begging me to stay swearing up and down that they were just high and talking but he hasn't been back since so uhh yeah women are not great with boundaries... I think that's why she thinks I'll fuck any decent looking female at my workplace and that isn't true but maybe that's what she does. Anyway I think she may be a narcissist and I'm with her still but can never fully trust her and for real I'm thinking about my work partner and I know I can get with her because she tells me now all the time that she is about done with her husband because he won't stop drinking and treating her like shit and she also has asked me if I want to stay with my wife and like I couldn't find a couple if my shirts that I left in the car and she said yeah your wife probably threw them away and I say hell she could have dude at our house now for all I know and she says yeah probably and yep sorry I went off track again haha.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

how about just not having an opposite gender as a friend, since its difficult for it to stay just friends, because they're a guy and a girl, and that stuff doesn't always stay as friends, you slowly always catch feelings. no matter what. I wouldn't want my husband to have female friends, and id not have any either then

CaliSixx · Accepted Answer

I mean 92% of my friends are guys (gay and straight) and I think it's cool that they wanna hang out with girls

Anonymous · Answer

Playing devil's advocate, the major problem is there's often NO direct communication. The "boundaries" often aren't set (communicated) directly. And while there are some, I would disagree that "most men will take the opportunity". There's a lot of things involved in that. I would say though that if he's single, and finds you attractive, then the thought of potentially more will likely cross his mind (and that's not "bad", relationship should be based off friendship). But often women are equally to "blame" because (in my own experience, especially when I was younger in high school), women don't specify they are only interested in friendship because in my belief, even though they aren't interested, they LOVE the attention (assuming he's not doing anything inappropriate). And also, even if the guy is interested in more, it doesn't necessarily mean that he doesn't also see you as a friend (I think women a quick to assume he's not, and true with some, but not all).

I had a female friend in high school and she very much knew I liked and wanted her romantically, but instead of being direct with me and honest, she strung me along for a few years. Years later (we've still remained friends to this day even), she admitted to me that she not only liked the attention but even though she didn't want me, she didn't want anyone else to have me either claiming to "protect me". I was quite upset by this as I had a few women that I think were interested in me and then quickly "shut down" and now I know why, she got to them and turned them away (however she did it? Claiming we were a couple? Not sure).

Of course every guy is different and sometimes what you say is true, but there are cases like this as well.

Zenpanda · Answer

I'm bisexual, translated to that line of thought that would mean I'd always fuck all my friends given the chance.
I do not.
I have both male and female friends.
Not dates
Not friends with benefits
Not potential fuckbuddies
Friends
There is a clear difference.
I can have female friends, seeing as I have many.
I'm not going to randomly fuck them if given the chance, that's weird.
Sure feelings can develop, but the trigger for that is not having the opportunity to sleep with them.

MCheetah · Answer

Wrong! Gay males can have female friends!

Also, yeah. Most men generally don't want to be "friends" with women, and don't generally have much in common with them. A female friend among a group of males is usually either going to be a lesbian, dating/married to one of the men, or one of the men wants to f*ck her. It's rare for this to not be the case. Like I said, most men and women don't have that much in common to hang out platonically like that. I don't mind female friends, but we're not like FRIEND-FRIENDS. More like, internet friends. Or, "I hope she has a cute gal pal who's single."

Anonymous · Answer

I think it is 100% possible for a guy to be freinds with girls.

I have a handful of girl friends who are nothing but platonic for me, no trying to get with them or push for anything else, I see them as friends the thought actually makes me uncomfortable, if they wanted more then friendship I would certainly say no. With a decent bit of girls I’m friends with, I would say the thought of being with them is there, but it’s the same as everyone, many people think: what if I was dating them, the thought fades really fast personally. Sorry a bit confused:

That last bit were you saying that all men want sex? If so: blasphemous, there’s a handful who don’t honestly myself included.

if not could you explain to my stupid self what you were meaning as I monke brain is confused.

NetSapien · Answer

Nah, I don't agree with this as it pertains to me anyway. There may be some truth to this, but this don't work with me.

Nearly all my friends are females. Majority of them worked with me when I was working in the Strip Clubs. They all know, that I'm in no way going to attempt a relationship with them. They haven't needed to set boundaries, if anything, I've had to put a couple in their place thinking they had a shot.

There's been a few that I've had sexual relations with, but we all know that's as far as I will let things go.

ChrisMaster69 · Answer

I have girls as friends, I have guys as friends,

my social group is a mix of sexualities.

my gay mate definitely does not want to shag me.

ditto with my lesbian girl friends they do not want to shag our straight / bi friends.

it is possible to have really close friends and not actually want to jump their bones.

bamesjond0069 · Answer

If you want your relationship to last decades nobody should be having any opposite sex friends that you both aren't friends with together.

That being said. Your nuts if you think girls have boundaries! As a guy who has slept with plenty of guys gfs and wives... women have no boundaries from my perspective. Even the ones that won't have sex, act completely inappropriate. One of my employees who is married by the way would just sit on my lap and talk about sex and accidentally flash me and stuff. Who gives a shit there was no sex? Id be humiliated if i was her husband and dump her ass. Im very hot so i get to see a lot of bad behavior and i dont even go looking for it.

The_Maphio · Answer

Absolutely not true. I had several female friends even before marriage, and my current partner hauls from that very bunch. Any man can very well interface with any amount of women without having to fuck them or marry them.
Even though I admit I fucked at least two of them before getting with her.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

Generalized = wrong.

I have female friends.
Some of them have hit on me, others have not.
I've never hit on any of them.
Men set boundries too.

If you are hot, and like the same stuff as them, and they are single, and not surrounded by like-minded women, you might find it harder to find "just friend" guys.

Wester1967 · Answer

My ex wife told me that it was OK for her to have male friends. The marriage was over in 7 months. I won't date women with male friends. Life is too short to simp on that level. Leave me alone and enjoy your friends. I'm never gonna date you. Bye.

Anonymous · Answer

Sure, as long as they aren't attracted to each other whatsoever

Paul09 · Answer

I do not know, this world is based on sheep's following the herd. I have female friends. A lot are attractive, but I keep it in my pants. Self control and respect.

NathanDavis · Answer

I like that you differentiate between males and actual men

Dayman343 · Answer

I've always had female friends and still do. Just because I'm male doesn't mean I'm incapable of platonic relationships

LegendaryIcon · Answer

neither can have "either" It just doesn't work hun. There is no such thing as "just friends". I GUARAN FUCKING TEE IT

Hulk30 · Answer

there's some truth to this but it's not a 1 size fits all type deal suckers and dumb asses are the only kinda men that want sex from women with out makin em have to bring more to the table than sex

Anonymous · Answer

Your rant is based on the false assumption, and tired old stereotype, that men are sexually attracted any woman. Stop flattering yourself, and stop generalizing men.

Anonymous · Answer

I have female friends and maybe they are just trying to get into my pants, but I'm not trying to get into theirs, because I would rather just be friends with them.

Anonymous · Answer

I don't think it's gender based. It depends on the individual person

dolemite89 · Answer

the only men that actually want to be friends with women are gay guys

Females can have male friends, males can not have female friends?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

Females can have male friends, males can not have female friends?

Most Helpful Opinions

What Girls & Guys Said

We're glad to see you liked this post.