Men, would you feel pressure if you're in a new relationship w a girl in 20s and she tells you she's never been on a date?

Question

one of the minor reasons why I don't date is because im embarrassed of the lack of experience. i did have someone but i pretty much held him at arm's length. do you think guys would be rude if i ever date in future? is it a red flag, elaborate?

Part2603 · Accepted Answer

It's funny, I'm talking to an inexperienced girl like you. And she's so hung up about it that she dished about her previous experience super early.

I'd say it can be an issue if you're deeply insecure about it, if it's an issue and you feel really weighed down by it. But from my perspective, it's not that I would feel differently, it's more that I would respond to her issues and I wouldn't find that attractive.

Like, I have my own issues, and I don't want to be compared to past boyfriends, or I don't want a girl projecting on me past patterns of behavior that I had nothing to do with. I want to have fun and get to know somebody, and dealing with baggage is not exactly my idea of a fun dating experience.

If you held him at arm's length, then well, you really shot yourself in the foot, and I can understand why that wouldn't be something that most guys are gonna be into.

If you want to date, you have to put yourself out there. And that doesn't mean spilling the beans on all your baggage, and spotting lighting all your red flags on the first date. It means being willing to do your best and be as optimistic as you can, to really try to be your best self and to be an entertaining date.

You can worry about your personal truth later, be charming at first, okay?

And as for being inexperienced and awkward or whatever, that's totally okay and not nearly as big a deal as you might thing it is. Just don't talk about it too much, try to have a good time. Most people will excuse a little bit of craziness. It's only when people double down on their craziness and refuse to step out of their comforting dysfunctional patterns of behavior that other people get annoyed.

Don't be trouble. Be brilliant!

OpenClose · Accepted Answer

That's, like, a huge relief. Same if she's a virgin. Same if she hasn't left her hometown or something. Those kinds of things aren't really red flags to me. Hell, I would feel a little honored to get to be with her while she experiences these things for the first time. It's like, I'd get to experience things with fresh eyes again, because I often feel others' experiences more than my own. That sounds amazing.

I do hope you find a guy who appreciates this for what it is. I'm sick of people who are jaded and take things for granted. Like the thing I worry about with my own somewhat lack of experience is "I've played in Christian Grey's basement. Your excitement at holding hands is pathetic." Like no. Holding hands will always be exciting to me.

But I'm probably more likely to experience that as a guy, since girls are always going to expect me to be more experienced in everything than she is, while expecting me to be no older than her, and thus had only the same amount of time to experience these things.

WhitneySnow · Accepted Answer

I don’t think most guys will care if you’re inexperienced

Hulk30 · Answer

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dynamicyandere · Answer

Not at all. I enjoy planning dates and making sure my date has a good time. I don’t mind showing them the ropes because I genuinely enjoy guiding and leading. But, I also don’t date casually, so I only invest my time in someone that I see true long-term potential with.

The way I’ve dated is first to see if we have great chemistry. Then, if the attraction is there and I feel like there may be long-term potential I may start dating them. Then, I keep an eye out for red flags while I get to know them more.

IMuser · Answer

There is a first time for everything. Personal preference: choose a date where you are doing something together, like amusement park or any sports club

Rather than talking awkwardly in a dinner date, playing badminton or any sport will lead to much more natural conversations

JamesDiaz11 · Answer

Some guys wouldn't know how to take it, but for me that would just take the pressure off. I don't have to compete against hypothetical former guys when it comes to doing things for you, meeting your parents and being compared to the ex, etc.

This would generally be a good thing, unless you were just kinda strange and cut off any guy who pursued you before anything could happen. I was talking to a girl a month ago who hadn't dated before, and she wouldn't agree to a date because of her anxiety, and eventually she deleted me from snapchat.

Ihatethewill · Answer

Im not saying that this is an excuse to date, but the only way that human beings gain dating experience is by dating. Not everyone has it. I think it's rude to judge your potential boyfriends like that. Of course, this is coming from me who had no romantic experiences through high school until I turned 18.
Would I feel pressured if my new girlfriend had no dating experience? No. In fact, I'd give her the best first date possible and encourage her that going out together isn't as scary as she thinks.

FriendlyDrugDealer · Answer

Not really but you’re really young so I don’t think you should personally worry. So many people start dating around your age so that’s kind of normal. Some start earlier than you but not everyone did. Just be yourself and understand you have something to offer anyone you’re interested in

MrOracle · Answer

Some guys might be nervous for that reason, but plenty of guys would be nervous even if you had an extensive dating history, because THEY don't have a huge dating history themselves. Really, I think YOUR lack of dating history is really only a tiny favor in the equation - HIS history and level of confidence is 100 times more likely to impact the date than yours is. Most of the pressure is on the guy, and some guys just don't handle that pressure as well as others.

MLBHct1P · Answer

Nope, I’d probably feel a bit relieved, if I started dating someone and they mentioned they’d been on hundreds of dates THATS when I’d get worried, how the hell am I gonna take her on a date she’ll remember then?

In all actuality it’s not a big deal and def not a red flag, they’ll probs ask and be curious why but I doubt they’ll care, everyone develops at their own pace and it’s nothing to be ashamed of.

Kaneki05 · Answer

Would be my 1st date kinda so would be in a same boat. But I feel like that would always be a pressure anyway just the fact of going on a date with someone.

HawkPerception · Answer

I think most guys would agree that they have no issues dating a girl with no experience. If anything it's better in a sense because the girl isn't jaded from past relationships. I would say the only downside is that if it's their first time dating then they don't really know what the world has to offer in terms of what guys bring to the table

Fireguy17 · Answer

No pressure, but I would try hard to make sure you had a good time. Wouldn't want to make your first time dating a bad experience, whether we got along or not.

Wsx2wsx2ws · Answer

You got to start somewhere girl. And it does not matter. Life is going to add all kinds of extra drama if you compare people. So even if you dated 500 men, if you start comparing them to each other thats going to add drama.
Take each person, each moment as its own special thing.

TwinTonyz · Answer

I'd feel at ease. The more women experience dating the harder they are to please. You must be the very best at every single thing she has ever experienced in her life before having known you, or else you're not good enough. It's a war of attrition, and she will leave eventually, but you're better off being her first for most things than trying to compete with every single man she's ever been with.

Yusuf_lazar · Answer

Don’t be embarrassed, the guys are usually embarrassed because that don’t know what to do with you. What u like to do, where u like to go and don’t forget it needs to be romantic so I don’t think ur in a position to worry. Unless the guy u dating is careless and unprepared

Turtlewax1994 · Answer

No, I think I’d be too critical to someone for not ever being on the dating science. I’d just take it real slow with the person especially if I liked them  Mine please?

nawtee_me · Answer

I really would think nothing of it. To me it is just going out to eat and having some conversations. Or, to a movie and talk afterwards. A date is spending time with someone to find out what they are like. To get to know them. Sometimes that can take a little more time than wit others. That is okay though. People try to make dating more than what it needs to be.

lightbulb27 · Answer

no if she's pleasant to be with, who cares, probably better. Most everyone has "skeletons in the closet"... that's dating discovering each other.

stop making up things to worry about... focus about what you want.

ImJustSomeGuyLol · Answer

No, men won't be feel negatively towards you because of the lack of experience. As long as you're willing to try and not hold him back you'll be fine. I had my first girlfriend at 21, your age, I was her first boyfriend too at 20.

Don't be embarrassed, some of us didn't get everything we wanted, but that doesn't mean it's the end or too late to try.

Paul_in_Indy · Answer

I would feel a responsibility to do things right, be gentle, take it slow, etc. It would be a good reminder to me that I should treat every new relationship that way.

Khronuskeeper · Answer

I'd be relieved, because same. If I wasn't, I don't think I would feel pressure, because there would be no real expectations from previous experiences.

Whatever2929292 · Answer

You should not worry about that. As long as you are a good woman I don't think it is a big deal at all. (there are many men who are the same way, and they aren't ugly or creepy or anything like that)

Sixgunsound · Answer

Not necessarily a red flag, it would beg the question why you haven’t tried earlier, but if your reasoning makes sense than not a problem. It is more a big responsibility not to screw this up and lose someone who doesn’t have all the modern feminist problems or hang ups and who is still a whole person.

The_Shadow_Dweller · Answer

Nope, I would not feel the pressure. In fact, I would try to teach her what can be looked in a guy, while dating. I would be understanding and other things.

MysticDevice · Answer

Pressure? Not at all. I actually like being the one she get the experience from.

I dated a girl like that. We were both 20, I only had a little experience and she had none. As in barely kisses anyone. But by the time we split she was a master kisser.

We never had sex and she never gave handjobs or blowjobs but we did a LOT of dry humping and groping and such.

RavVid · Answer

I don't see why it would off putting to a guy. I guess you won't have your boundaries as worked out at this point as a girl who has dated a lot. You have to start somewhere Girl!

SlickRick24 · Answer

I wouldn’t feel any pressure at all. It would be an honor to be real to take you on your first date. I would treat you like the the queen you are and call it a day! I think it’s a turn off to have too much experience and too high of expectations. You are so much better off waiting for the right person versus wasting your time with a bunch of pecker heads.

Lionman95 · Answer

No not at all I find it kind of cute 🙊 that you worry so much about that. Some people start early some date later, I don´t mind much.

Adam1978 · Answer

No that would been less pressure, if I was one that actually competeded in that stuff. It wouldn't affect anything, because if she is to focused on material things on a first date you know she isn't worth it.

NoUsernameSelected · Answer

There might be some kind of pressure as to have her first experience be a pleasant one. But I would do it anyway, because I think I could deliver and she chose me.

altdbob · Answer

there is an old saying, practice makes perfect. If you don't try it, how do you ever expect to get better at it? NO, books will NOT teach you what to do or when or how.

If you are saying you are also a virgin that is going to be a turn off for me. I don't mind teaching some of the finer points of sex but to start at the beginning with someone is not for me. Go get yourself laid a few times and then come look me up.

andreasderjuengere · Answer

I think that I could handle that :D But then - I'd wonder what she expects from an old fart like me. Heh heh.

TommyMountainFigure · Answer

Not at all.. I would be keen on finding out if it was a life choice, or just by not finding the right guy to go out on a date with..  Red flag? That wouldn't even enter my head!

Reaper1985 · Answer

if your up front with him about it most guys wouldn't mind.

ChiTown33 · Answer

No. Probably the opposite. I mean if the date goes bad she has no point of reference to compare it to. Lol

VV3ZZY · Answer

No pressure, I think that would be attractive and take some pressure off myself. Because I usually feel like I have lack of experience also.

ohshee · Answer

No I wouldn't feel any pressure but it would get my mind working fast to make sure she gets a very good experience from it

exitseven · Answer

There are all different kinds of guys out there. A lot of them would not even think twice about something like that. Most guys would be too busy enjoying your company to think about it.

zagor · Answer

I might act a bit different, but I wouldn't have a problem with it.

call_me_scar · Answer

Na I don't have the most experience either so I'd be saying the same thing

Jerre · Answer

No I would not feel pressure. I would do my best to make her feel comfortable, show her what a good time she can have with a man.

Juxtapose · Answer

I would probably think she doesn't know what she's doing and is going to quickly dump me. I get the feeling from more inexperienced people that they are flaky and want to explore more.

jasco · Answer

I am in the same boat so its fine lol, were both gonna figure it out

vald9inches · Answer

I honestly wouldn't feel pressured at all. She will come out of her shell when she is ready ☺️

Jalvantula · Answer

Personally no as I don't feel pressure then easily and I don't care of they haven't been with other guys or not of I am the first person she dates I will make sure it's a good one for a base, but wouldn't even pressured to do so.

Waldoe · Answer

unless you "Break" the ice... you will always be "frozen out" of moving ahead

shortster · Answer

Nope, that would be nice. Less baggage from past relationships is always a good thing.

Avicenna · Answer

No, because I've experienced this before multiple times. Relax- a date is supposed to be fun.

RealMarek · Answer

I actually went out with someone in her 20s who had never been on a date and did not feel pressure.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Nope. But I would be way more nervous about dating someone like that.

Stevefiveo · Answer

No, no pressure. Although, when I deflowered her, I'd feel like I'd have to marry her.

Kingofkings1992 · Answer

I don’t think that would bother most guys. Many actually probably feel some relief.

ArtemisSilver · Answer

No, I like the idea of dating a blank slate. Getting to show a girl the ropes is very rewarding.

Shy_Steve · Answer

Most of us Guys do not care about a Girls Experience, We only really care if we find her Attractive and if She is nice to Us and if She likes us.

Deku2009 · Answer

No not at all , especially want her to be happy and except me as I except her

IsoUser · Answer

I personally wouldn't but then again that's just me 😉

one1wild00 · Answer

It would be intriguing to me actually, nothing to be ashamed of.

Noodle_fan · Answer

i think it is the opposite , she never dated anyone , so there is nothing to compare

Luopio27 · Answer

No worries. I think girls are more to judge guys for their lack of experiance.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

No; I wouldn't. I would treat her with the same level of care and respect as I do with anyone.

anton_dee · Answer

Nah, for me it would be kinda exhilarating. And no it ain't no pressure on ya...

Men, would you feel pressure if you're in a new relationship w a girl in 20s and she tells you she's never been on a date?

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Men, would you feel pressure if you're in a new relationship w a girl in 20s and she tells you she's never been on a date?

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