Is it bad to complain about other weird guys I dated whilst on a date with a new guy?

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

I know I shouldn’t but I’ll start talking about the clingy/weird/overly interested guys I’ve had to deal with and usually they’ll listen as if they’re taking mental notes but they almost always seem annoyed and confused that I would even bring it up. It’s like I can’t help myself then most of the time that particular guy I told becomes a story to tell the next guy, however I realised because I complained about the clingy guys, the chasing types, wanting to hold my hand early on etc being a bit all over me. they tend to not show much interest in me

[Chazmatazz269]

Reverse the roles. How would you feel if a guy talked nonstop about other girls he dated? A date is time for you to get to know each other. If he doesn’t ask about your dating history, don’t offer it. If he does, make your response concise and bring it right back to him. Also, don’t complain at all, ever. That leaves a terrible impression. Learn to flip the script. If you found a guy too clingy, then YOU appreciate your own independence. If a guy chased to hard, then YOU prefer a subtler approach. You can learn from your past dates, but what you take with you shouldn’t be about them. It should be about you. And the next guy wants to know about you, not them.
That revelation also works in other aspects of life, by the way. It’s pure gold in job interviews.

[Avicenna]

That’s something you do not want to mention on a date with a new guy. You focus should be on him rather than making it look like it may be elsewhere and when you’re on a date with a new person, that person doesn’t want to hear complaining, however justified. Keep the mood positive and focused on him.

[kylee2437]

Complaining about stuff like that I’m sure makes others afraid to make affectionate moves on you in general. Everyone is afraid of rejection and you are focusing too much on the “do nots” to the point where it makes it difficult for men to test their limits (which many men try doing)

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

Well I guess if I really liked a guy and wanted to ask him out and he was complaining about woman asking men out I would likely never bother trying it because if he’s brushing off others high chance he’d do the same to me I guess that’s how they see it

[kylee2437]

100% especially when complaining about men that chase. How can you expect him to make a move when you told him you don’t like that?

[Anonymous]

Yeah, it is bad. Keep that for your therapist or close friends. If you're starting to date someone you want to meet that person and enjoy, not listen about the ex. I think those "mental notes" are they trying to figure how to cut that annoying conversation asap.

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

I realised too a lot of these guys will then start telling me about their ex’s! I guess you recieve what you give. Because I definitely don’t enjoy it been done back to me it’s super weird and makes me think they have some obsession w the past. Damn that’s how I must seem..

[maximumpower]

Discussing "exes" is a sure way to tube a date.
You're SUPPOSED to be getting to know each other, not crab about former relationships.
Doing so makes it sound like you're not over it and therefore only dating for your self-esteem and personal gain.

[Crafteroon]

You are essentially badmouthing others while on a date. That is not a good look. You are talking about others while on a date that is supposed to be about you two. That gives the impression you're not that into the guy you are with.

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

A friend said I’m the cause of my own problems doing this and asked if I’m self sabotaging maybe she’s right because I’m thinking how I feel when it’s done to me and honestly it makes me feel shitty and makes me feel inclined to try to find someone new

[Crafteroon]

If you are pre-emptively sabotaging any new relationships in an effort to protect yourself from getting hurt, maybe take a break and just try to be happy alone for a while.

[bowenw]

I'm really not interested in hearing anything about past relationships unless it's to make a brief point.

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

Do you think it may seem I was playing games to even bring that up? Because often times they will then tell me about their ex / things their ex did wrong

[bowenw]

I wouldn't call it playing games, but they may worry that they aren't going to be able to meet your expectations.

[Guy13]

Yes, that is a bad strategy... you know why?

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

okay. Do you think the guys think I’m trying to make them jealous or playing a game or do you think it just makes them think I date around a lot and also now they’re reluctant to make the same mistakes the other guys did so they don’t try?

[Guy13]

They think that you have no value because no one wants you. It is best not to talk about past relationship until later on. Do you get that? What do you talk about?

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

Wait why would they think I have no value when I’m telling them these guys where super interested in me but clingy/weird is it Because I’ve went out with different guys and I’m still single? I’ve told them I’ve never been in a relationship. As I have not. Does that make me seem value-less?

[Guy13]

You are digging a deeper and deeper hole... Super interested guys would mean you would not be available. Never been in relationship but super interested guys and still single. TALK LESS and listen more ;-)

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

So what makes you think they believe I have no value cause no one wants me?

[Guy13]

yes Mamm.. You are either Delusional or Lying about your Past and probably Present from their point of view. Does that make logical sense to you given the facts and dynamics discussed?

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

So they think I don’t get many guys and I’m making up stories because I want to seem desired? I mean none of it is lies

[Guy13]

They really don't go that deep. She F-in crazy and stupid because any sane person with a brain can seed it does not add up...

[Guy13]

Inside guy heads

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

I went on dates guys in person had weird ass personalities or where overly affectionate wanting to hold my hand (online dating) so I didn’t like them. Hence why I’m single but they would still try with me. Make sense?

[Guy13]

Yes that makes sense.

[DarkWinterNights]

Yup. Pretty bad. In fact it’s one of worst things to do

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

What makes it so bad? Should I make it my business to remind myself before dates to not do that under any circumstances. I’ve did it probably on 7 dates thus far (since January)

[Smoothing]

Don't talk about your past in dates unless asked about it.

[Jamie05rhs]

It's not the time or the place. It's a turn-off. Save that for your girl friends.

[Curiouslad123]

Don’t worry a good guy wouldn’t think less of you. I wouldn’t I would like to see what type of person you are. Also going by your profile pic you are stunning

[TallAnon]

Yeah, we generally aren't interested to talk about guys when we talk to girls. Makes it seem like you're more interested in them than us.

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

I think I need to start imaging how I’d feel if he said that to me about other girls before I open my mouth

[TallAnon]

Essentially, yeah

[fonduegirl]

Yeah, it can give the impression off that you either attract the wrong men or are cocky

[Guardian45]

It would turn me off if my (first) date started complaining about the men she dated.

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

Is it possible after listening to that someone may not take me as serious anymore )

[Guardian45]

I don't know about others, but if I'm turned off, I tune out, and make excuses to leave or end the date early.

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

I think I would listen but just because I would want to see the date out as we both made the effort to come and show up but i’d be disappointed and think it’s a red flag

[TroyDT]

Avoid talking about other people you have dated while on a date.

[dolemite89]

that’s literally the definition of a red flag u should not do that lol

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

I’ve did it on probably about 7 dates it is probably part of the reason why sometimes I feel I’m not taken as seriously I don't know. but I need to stop…

[Anonymous]

What do you think? Do you like hearing a new guy complain about past b****es? Well then, you have your answer.

[crossdressingrihno]

It is if you want a second date

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

Is it an insult to them?

[crossdressingrihno]

Sorta

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

So it’s like how I’d feel if they talk about another girl? As if like why are you doing that are you trying to date me or just vent this is boring

[crossdressingrihno]

Both of those

[FilmGuy93]

It's definitely a bad thing.

[pizzalovershouse]

Of course he thinks your being vain

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

What is vain about it? I remember once “they all seem to want to hold my hand” slipped out and how I did it cause I didn’t want him to feel bad but I was thinking kill me now. he probably thought I was a superficial bitch didn’t he :/ ughhh

[pizzalovershouse]

Yes he thought you were being a bitch

[Zolly99999]

Probably not a good idea.

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

Would you think the girl is making up things or just that she’s talking about other guys, maybe wouldn’t take her as serious?

[Zolly99999]

I can't speak for all guys. But I'm not interested in hearing about past boyfriend..

[Bekaaaaaaaahhhh]

I get it. I feel irritated if they talk about another girl from before me

[Zolly99999]

Exactly.. there are lots of better things to talk about.

[Bklynbadboy12]

Nope not at all