If girl was late to a date why would it make guy very rude and mean to her?

[Anonymous]

I was 40 minutes late to our first date. He did wait for me. He was very rude to me after that. After the date he didn’t want to talk to me or see me again. He told me” I don’t want to waste time, I’m looking for my soulmate and good wife”. I tried to apologize to him but he wasn’t having it. He denied being mad when I asked him if he was angry … His words crushes me.

He ignored my last message which I asked ” what are you upto” . After that I went no contact.

[Aerissa_Jade]

You were 40 minutes late, I'm surprised he waited more than 15 minutes... but then again I personally waited over an hour or two for someone and yeah the longer it is the more upset I get.

He was upset, even if he wouldn't admit it... and he is looking for someone who is responsible and respects his time.

I assume you let him know you were running late and why, and that it wasn't something silly like you over slept or forgot?

Best to be on time for a first time, you only get one chance at showing how the rest will be. Actions speak louder than words, for both of you.

You appear to be late and will be going forward and he appears to be angry that your late and will be in the future, doesn't look like you two would be a good match.

[Alesha92]

What do you think about him telling me that he’s looking for his soulmate and a goodwife and he doesn’t want to waste time

[Aerissa_Jade]

@Alesha92 Fine by me, but not on the first five dates, get to know someone first... saying that too soon is like, uh okay... buh bye.

[Alesha92]

What do you think made him say that?

[Alesha92]

He said after the date

[Lynn7dsd]

To be honest it sounds like this guy is too type A. You guys WOULD NOT be compatitble and that is ok. Some people are usually late... and some people are usually too sensitive or they are always on time. The two wouldn't match because research says it is usually SIMILIARITIES that make a relationship last.

[WagyuMoo]

Honestly just try to be communicative when you're late the next time you are in that situation again. If he lashes out instead of being understanding end the date there. Do not offer a second date either. The soulmate/wife thing is kind of funny. He's going to be single a long time with that approach. Relationships and by that virtue marriages take patience and effort. a lot of it to boot.

[Asker]

Do you think he was hurt?

[Alesha92]

? :D

[AviatorTom]

There's and old say, "You can only make a first impression once."

You messed up your first impression by being late, probably without a good excuse, and he correctly views that as not the kind if person he wants to date. Time to move on.

[Asker]

I didn’t thought that he would hate me for being 40 mins late

[AviatorTom]

I doubt he hates you, he's just decided that you're not the one for him

[Asker]

Can he changes his mind?

[AviatorTom]

I doubt it. You blew the first impression. Just move on!

[Asker]

He was also running late 20minutes.

[tzdc21]

He probably thought you were just lying about being sorry to try and get yourself out of a bad light. I don't know much about your situation or why you were late. Personally, if my date showed up 40 minutes late, with no warnings, no text updates, no calls, I may have reacted the same way. Plus a lot of guys perceive girls flaking on dates as a sigh that she doesn't respect his time or attention, so that's more than likely why he was being rude to you. Not saying it was right, but I can see why he would have a problem with it.

[Alesha92]

What do you think about him telling me that he’s looking for his soulmate and a goodwife and he doesn’t want to waste time

[tzdc21]

@Alesha92 Well that goes back to what I said before. He probably thought you did not respect his time and attention. Personally, if I were with a woman and she was do not show up on time for a date and doesn't even bother to update me, I'm taking that as she is not all that into me and is taking me for granted, and doesn't respect me or my time. And any guy with common sense would not take a girl who does not respect his time seriously for a long term relationship, and ESPECIALLY a wife. I don't know all that occurred with your situation and why you were late, or if you even updated him, so I am not gonna automatically assume that you were not respecting his time, but I am just telling you what a guy is going to perceive that as when it happens. He probably had other things that needed to take care of and he chose to take some of that time he could have used to accomplish whatever goals he needed to spend time with you. And then this happened. If a woman flakes or is late on a date, and doesn't give him a heads up or an update, he's gonna think you're just wasting his time and don't respect him.

[Alesha92]

I kinda pleaded him after he ended things. Wouldn’t that show to him that I infact liie him a lot? What would guy think in that situation?

[tzdc21]

@Alesha92 Well actions speak louder than words, so just because you SAY that doesn't automatically mean it's believable. Now it might work for some guys, and for other guys it won't. If he does give you another chance, you make damn sure you're going to be on time. OR, you give him updates if you are running a bit late.

[tzdc21]

And in addition to that, do something for him. Make him a gift or something to show that you're really into him and that he's on your mind. Because like I said, he probably thinks that you are not taking him seriously.

[Alesha92]

He denied being bothered about me being late

[tzdc21]

@Alesha92 I call cap on that. I don't buy it. If he wasn't bothered, he wouldn't have responded the way that he did. Perhaps he's not letting it ruin his day, but he may have already disqualified you from something serious... or maybe not. I don't know. But understand this, a lot of men lie about stuff to women because they don't wanna deal with a woman's emotions about their brutally honest perspectives. So he may have told you that just to avoid any further drama with you.

[Alesha92]

Would he react that way if he jusy wasn’t into me?

[tzdc21]

@Alesha92 He WAS into you until that date occurred. Now I don't know where he stands. But he reacted like that BECAUSE he was interested in you, and he thought you weren't reciprocating. He thought you weren't as interested in him as he was with you based off your actions. I also have a theory that he has experienced this type of behavior before with another girl who clearly wasn't interested in him, which may be the reason why he instantly went to the "I'm looking for a soulmate and a wife" and "I don't want to waste my time" thing. He doesn't want a repeat of that experience (assuming that my theory is correct). Maybe I could be wrong with that, but that's my little theory about this situation.

[tzdc21]

When I said to avoid further drama with you, I meant so that he would not upset you to the point where you would be lashing out at him. If that's where that last question came from. Just for clarification.

[Alesha92]

Thanks for your thoughtful answers. I have one more question. Me and him have been no contact for little over 4 months now and I noticed that he deactivated his Facebook and Instagram. Me and him weren’t even following each because I removed from my followers months ago.

[tzdc21]

@Alesha92 Happy to help. As for the Instagram and Facebook thing, I'm not sure what your question is. If you're asking me why he deactivated it, I don't know. Maybe he wanted a break from it, maybe he was trying to get rid of some people in his life, or some other reason. I don't know.

[Static_In_The_Attic]

Better late than never as they say & although you were 40 minutes late hopefully you reached out & gave him a thumbs up. On the other hand by being late you learned a little about the guy you went on a date with & if you think about your future you just got a sneak peek.

[jennifer_bloom]

My friend would purposely show up 2 hours late for dates to communicate that she was hard to get and her loyalty was earned, a guy who hates you that much for 40 minutes does not want an equal and has probably never been challenged in his entire life by a woman he was dating

[ChiTown33]

Sorry that's some twisted thinking. A woman deliberately makes a guy wait two hrs. To "test" him and he's supposed to just accept that as "well that's just what women do". That's being rude for no reason. I wouldn't accept that. I can't imagine any guy who had any respect for himself would.

[Anonymous]

This is the 2nd post you have made about this. It is absolutely rude to be late. It shows you have zero respect for someone time and if I'm not mistaken in your last post you said you were late because you were getting ready. Well you should have started to get ready an hour earlier. I to would be rude because I would make it known it is rude to be late and to waste someone time

[Asker]

His words literally crushed me though…

[Rockstarrrrr]

Well if he decided to wait then he should have acted normal and given you a chance... If he was really that pissed he should have just canceled but he probably waited so he can scold you face to face and gain some of his dignity back... he took it too personal and judged you too fast... he also ignored you after you apologized... Those are not good signs to me

[Asker]

He said those hurtful things after the date. During the he looked kinda pissed. Does it show that he has anger problems?

[Rockstarrrrr]

Maybe.. And maybe he just took it very personally...

[Asker]

What does it mean if he took it too personally? That it really hurt him?

[Rockstarrrrr]

Yeah he probably felt offended or not taken seriously... That's why he's still mad even after you've apologized...

[Asker]

What about his hurtful words?

[Rockstarrrrr]

Lol I'm not taking his side... I'm just saying it's understandable... Like I said he should have been more mature and cool about it

[Asker]

So you think he got hurt?

[exitseven]

I amn really sorry it ended up like that but at least you know what he is really like. Everyone has issues amd I might have been a little annoyed but it would not be a dealbraker for me. If it was something you did all the time it might be a different story.

[Anonymous]

I really wish men could be rude to a woman without it being called “hostile.”

He can not see you again for whatever reason he wants. You’re not entitled to his time. In fact you wasted it. Did you even contact him to tell him you were running late? No, of course not. 🙄

[Asker]

I did but ge didn’t know how much I’m going to be late

[darkoflights]

I think if you did like him you wouldn't make him wait for 40 minutes. I wouldn't even wait for someone for 40 minutes unless it was something so urgent

[Asker]

So he really took it personally? He denied being mad byt his actions says other..

[darkoflights]

yep he must have been hurt and mad

[maximumpower]

Did you have a good excuse or were you just nonchalant?
If the latter and you didn't bother to communicate, you shouldn't wonder why he was pissed.
Neither of you appear to have been very gracious about the whole thing.

[Asker]

It took me long to get ready. Would that cause guy to be really mean and rude to a girl after the date?

[maximumpower]

Did you consider his point of view?
If you were late bc you failed to adequately plan, then I can understand his point.
I consider his waiting to have been more than adequate. The fact that you just didn't/couldn't/wouldn't set the time to be ready in time for something on your schedule means that he isn't high on your list of priorities.
Bottom line: I don't agree with his being rude; however, I would have listened to your explanation and then just walked out and not said anything to you again.
Don't make this about HIS being rude, YOU earned every bit of it.

[Asker]

So he was hurt/upset?

[maximumpower]

No reply I can give will be more clear than that already posted.

[FilmGuy93]

You disrespected his time by being late. He didn't handle the situation well, but you should have communicated better.

[Asker]

Would that cause guy to be really mean and rude to a girl after the date?

[FilmGuy93]

Not normally, no. I don’t think you’re dealing with someone who is very emotionally healthy. It doesn’t seem like this is a good fit

[Asker]

What would cause him to be so harsh? Was he really hurt?

[FilmGuy93]

Who cares? He’s an uptight asshole.

[Asker]

Some guys are saying that his his reaction was justifiable

[FilmGuy93]

It wasn't. Even if you think his initial response was understandable, the fact he is continuing to give you shit is a total overreaction.

[Asker]

I guess he just wanted me to leave him alone:..

[FilmGuy93]

Probably; you are dealing with an asshole, after all.

[Asker]

Do you think he will calm down at some point? I thought that men don’t really overreact usually…

[FilmGuy93]

If you were dealing with an emotionally healthy person, this wouldn’t be a conversation. You aren’t dealing with a healthy person though. That’s why I’m telling you to just forget about him.

[Asker]

What makes you think that he isn’t emotionally healthy?

[FilmGuy93]

His reaction

[Asker]

It was too strong in your opinion?

[FilmGuy93]

I don't know how I could be any clearer about that without insulting your intelligence...

[Asker]

Please tell me :/

[FilmGuy93]

I've already said that I think he overreacted multiple times.

[Googlemyahoo]

Pretty disrespectful especially if you had reservations for something or had to be somewhere for a specific time & you’re trying to shift blame to him lol. Bullet dodged for that guy.

[Dingsbums]

Coz its not nice to be late. U can be happy he was still waiting so long. At least he isn't a simp. Just move on

[Asker]

But why he was so harsh and cruel…

[Dingsbums]

He probably thinks u r a spoiled brat

[Asker]

So he intentionally wanted to hurt me?

[TroyDT]

No. In my experience with women very few have been on time. 15 to 30 minutes is the norm, 45 minute to an hour is not uncommon. I tend to account for it.

[Wise4myage]

First impressions are very important, so never forget that.

[Asker]

I didn’t thought that he would hate me for being 40 mins late
His words crushed me…

[Wise4myage]

Put yourself in his shoes and ask how you would feel if a guy was 40 minutes late for a date.

[Asker]

But why he denied that he was mad at me?

[Wise4myage]

Because he want's women to be punctual.

[Asker]

Wht not say that it pissed him off instead of lying?

[Asker]

Why*

[9inchestrong]

Being late is rude, but that doesn't mean a person should be rude back.

[Asker]

I didn’t thought that he would hate me for being 40 mins late
His words crushed me…

[9inchestrong]

40 minutes late? Shit. At least he stayed. I would have ordered my food and left. You would have showed up there and I would have been gone. Would have thought you stood me up.

[Asker]

I did let him know that I was late. That’s why he waited for me. Afterwards he rejected me in a harsh and mean way..

[grega239]

You being late implies that you dont value his time. I'd be annoyed too

[Asker]

But why he was so harsh and cruel…

[grega239]

Because he took the date seriously and you didn't.
If i had to wait 40 min for my date to show up im gone after 20 min

[Asker]

But he did wait for me. Also he denied being mad about me being late..

[grega239]

His mistake to wait. Im off.

He denied it probably to calm things down.

[Asker]

He said hurtful things to me…

[grega239]

And? Dont be late next time

[Asker]

So he decided to hurt me because he was hurt?

[grega239]

I guess he did

[Idontknowtoo]

40 minutes? Damn, how are you shocked? 😅

[Asker]

But would that cause a guy to be hostile towards a girl? I did like him…

[Alesha92]

? :D

[Ryan1979]

It shouldn't unless it was like 2 hours late

[Celticwolf78]

That's just an excuse for him to act that way

[Asker]

What do you mean?