Why would a boyfriend tell you you don’t get him hard?

[Anonymous]

hi, last night my boyfriend was drunk and he called me to ask if i wanted to go out. i said no bc it was 11pm. than i asked him why he thought i was boring and why he thought our sex life was boring. he rambles on for a minute then told me that i don’t get him hard and how every other female does besides me. even though i was sad of this answer i knew he felt this way. bc i’ve seen him follow bikini and butt pages on instagram. it makes me sad even though i’ve always felt this way. we have been together for 8 years and he’s the king of saying the most horrible things to me when he’s drunk. he doesn’t have the nerve to say those things while being sober. i wanted us to workout but now i’m not sure i want to. i can’t keep being disrespected. i know in a few days he’s going to contact me and try to apologize.

[KelseyGrace]

Talk to him when he's sober, explain what he's says and does when he's drunk and how talks to you and how that makes you feel, remain calm, that is the most important thing, heightened emotions and yelling fixes nothing.

Personally in my opinion, this is what I would say if he jumped on the defence for his actions, I would simply tell him "if you can't understand how it makes me feel and work on it I don't think we have much more of a future together". It's not fair on yourself to stay with someone who makes you feel horrible. Love isn't enough, You need respect, a bestfriend, someone who builds you up and supports you're every decision.

But remember your his support too, remind him you'll help him in anyway you can to break this horrible habit of his.

No one has the right to put you down for anything, especially not the person you love and who is ment to love you. I've never been a big going out person, especially if it was a random invite at 11pm, like hell no, that's bed time 😴

[watercolor_lions]

You are a queen and deserve an equal king.

Bodies come in all shapes and sizes. I didn't think I'd find someone who likes my size because a former boyfriend told me all guys like skinny girls, and if a guy said he didn't, they were lying. Yeah. Just shit running out of his mouth. I gave him up and now have a husband that loves my curvy little body.

You are so much more than HIS words and HIS opinion. You can find someone that you get hard. Stop settling and find someone that loves you for you. He's obviously proven he isn't worth it.

[OlderAndWiser]

If he told you the way that he really feels, I wouldn't call that being disrespected. Would you prefer that he lie to you?

The problem is that he told you something that you don't want to hear and it is something to which you should respond. . . but you don't want to respond. That responsibility is on you, not him.

[FilmGuy93]

I don't understand what you're trying to ask here. The guy said something disrespectful because he is a disrespectful person.

[crystalmoon36]

Yikes, I know a few guys on the thread are saying well he’s being honest but it doesn’t really make it acceptable to say when he’s drunk in a rant. It’s all about the context. I think you should have a conversation with him when he’s sober and ask him honestly if that’s how he really feels. If that is the case and you really want to make it work with him then you can ask and have a discussion about how you could spice things up but I would make it clear it’s not okay to say that to you when he’s drunk and tell him how it made you feel. Best of luck x

[Staximus]

Sounds like the both of you are over it. Give him the boot. What is wrong with going out at 11pm on a Friday night? Stop being such an old lady.

[spartan55]

So... learn how to get a dick hard...🙄

[Asker]

why would i want to learn to do that to him if all he does it make me feel ugly and worthless?

[spartan55]

So why are you with him then?

[Asker]

i for sure have dad issues. i hate my dad, he was a horrible father, he never did anything for me growing up it was all my mom. she worked so hard that i never got to see her. so when i met this stupid kid i wanted to be with him bc i wanted a guys approval. i wanted a guy to be there for me, to love me. to me, at the time, he was everything my dad wasn’t. i’ve stayed this long with him bc when he’s sober i would ask him if anything he has ever said to me true and he’ll always say no. he always said the right things to me. now i’ve come to the realization that he said all the right things to justify his shitty behavior. like DMing girls, liking their pictures on instagram, recording a porn starts ass while working for her. i’m so tired of being disrespected and being talked down on.

[Guy13]

He is bored.

[Guy13]

Porn and the like images rewires the brain. If he continually looks at those things then “only perfect” will get him hard. Your concern about the Insta activity is legitimate. I do not see him “getting hard” until he starts focusing on you and not internet. Sorry!!

[Anonymous]

As they say, a drunk speaks a sober mind.