Why is he asking if I love him even though we aren’t together?

Question

I’ve been talking to this guy for three months now. We both have said we like each other, and we flirt a lot.
Recently he’s been asking me, out of no where, “Do you like me?” And I’ll say “yes” then he will say “Do you love me?” And I’ll say “no” (for obvious reasons) after that he will say something along the lines of keep it that way. Him asking that one time, okay understandable… but he’s asked it three times in two days. I’m so confused.

We aren’t together. Both of us have said we could very well be together in the future or we’ve hinted at it. At the moment we are “still getting to know each other more”. I am just so confused about this love question..

The last time he asked, I answered “I like you a lot” I think he freaked out a little to be honest. I then had to explain that “Love” was on a very very different level to me than “like” or “ like a lot”. I am very confused.

Could someone please help me understand why he is asking this or what could be going through his mind? Or if I should be concerned?

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

My old friends with benefits used to pull this type of shit. While I can't speak on why your man is doing this, I will give a run down on why my old friends with benefits was.

So basically, this started in highschool. We were super close. He didn't want a relationship and I respected that, but we slept together. He asked me constantly if I loved him and I would always say no. However, I did eventually love him, a lot. He continued asking this at least once a week and when I finally did say yes, he panicked at first. But eventually said he loved me too. He still didn't want to be with me however. I stuck by him in this limbo for almost 9 years. He was always saying "I love you but I don't want a relationship" and whenever I would say "I already know that", he would retort with "Good, keep it that way." But we were also the best of friends after awhile too.

Anyways, back 5 years ago I completely cut him out of my life because I was looking for something serious and he wasn't and I wanted him so bad that it hurt me to continue. So I ended it. He tried making me feel bad about it, saying "You said you loved me", "you said you would never leave me", etc etc. So I asked him straight up if he wanted to be with me and he again said no. "Maybe in the future". So I cut contact, met someone new and I'm now engaged to a man so fucking perfect it's gross. My ex friend with benefits called me out of the blue last year however and apologized for everything and said how much he missed me and couldn't stop thinking about me. He said he totally fucked up with me and no one else has ever "gotten him" like I do and said multiple times that he wished he had just given in and been with me. But it was too late and he knows it.

Anyways, to sum it up, he told me the reason he had always asked if I loved him was because he had already felt like he loved me at that point and he needed reassurance that I felt the same way. He said he knew it was selfish because he wasn't ready to settle but hearing me say I loved him made him think everything would turn out okay.

Sour-rose · Accepted Answer

To see if you will change your mind. I don't know what you call it but it's like telling a boy that he's trash and will never amount to anything. Tell him a thousand times and he'll start believing it. He keeps asking to see if you love him, you might say yes outta nowhere.

burlen · Accepted Answer

There could be many reasons why someone might ask if you love them even if you're not in a romantic relationship with them. Some possible reasons include:

They have feelings for you: If this person has romantic feelings for you, they may be hoping to gauge your interest in them by asking if you love them. By doing so, they may be trying to determine if there is a possibility of a romantic relationship in the future.

They need validation: Some people may ask if you love them as a way of seeking validation and reassurance. They may be feeling insecure about themselves and their relationships and need to hear that they are loved to feel better about themselves.

They are testing the waters: Some people may ask if you love them to see how you respond. They may be trying to assess whether or not you are interested in them romantically or if you are just friends.

They want to clarify their own feelings: It's possible that this person may be questioning their own feelings towards you and is hoping to get a better understanding of where they stand by asking if you love them.

OfMiceandMen · Accepted Answer

That is confusing as hell. Looks like he is into the game thing which to me is a huge red flag.

If he doesn't want you to fall in love with him, then it sounds to me like he just wants a friends with benefits type scenario. If so, say so, then you can make the decision to follow through. However, if you do say okay, do not allow yourself to fall for him or he will break your heart.

If he's not looking for friends with benefits, then he needs to grow-up and take it to the next level. You're clearly friends/friendly, so if he wants a relationship then have the balls and step up or get off the pot.

coachTanthony · Answer

only thing I can come up with is he lied about his age because he sounds like he is 13.

FilmGuy93 · Answer

Sounds like an immature ass who doesn't want to emotionally connect with you.

WanderingLoveWizard · Answer

Who's looking for a massive boost to his self esteem. He clearly has feelings for you and wants validation that you feel the same way.
Obviously he hasn't felt loved for a very long time, if ever. That could be a good thing or it could be bad. Either way, don't feel like you have to be his saving grace.
If it's creeping you out, tell him.

Guy13 · Answer

It sounds like a typical case of post Valentines Blues possibly spiraling into a psychotic breakdown.
All he is asking is, “Do you feel the same vibe I’m feeling?…. are we vibing in unison…I think our 🎵 and groove will make magical music 🎶 together, Bay- 🍯 🐝….

RavVid · Answer

I have known of a guy asking a stripper repeatedly every time he saw her 'if she loved him'. She would say yes in the sense that she loved everybody - even dropkicks like him. But in saying 'yes I love you' quite a lot engendered a feeling of love in her. There is good pysch in that - if you do the action, you will feel the emotion.

I'd say he is playing a game. He has got you from 'I like you' to 'I like you a lot'. So it is working to a degree.

D_Bone_Steak · Answer

I'm not even a chick but that shit sounds creepy. Do you think he might be going through some shit? Like maybe connected to Valentine's day or something?

I think you should be careful with this dude. It just sounds off.

FreyaRed · Answer

Say yes next time, if he is foolish enough to believe that it's not your problem.

spartan55 · Answer

No idea why he ask that. Yes you should definitely set him straight

Jamie05rhs · Answer

Because he wants to BE together, silly goose!! But he doesn't want to be in a relationship with a woman that doesn't love him, so that's why he's asking that question!

rabbitzzz · Answer

Modern relationships be like, we are having sex but we arn't together.

Ms_Facesitter · Answer

Maybe he's tired of just flirting and wants to proceed further.

katestar89 · Answer

Because he doesn't know that you love him. I've been through the same thing. Sometimes guys are are clueless when it comes to love. Life is not a romantic way.

malwins · Answer

u mean likee this 😅

Iron_Man · Answer

Why do you play hard to get now? What’s the purpose of that?

Anonymous · Answer

He sounds a little pushy. I would be backing off at this point.

Anonymous · Answer

I guess he feels more than you do and let it slip out

WhitneySnow · Answer

He’s afraid you’re falling for him too fast

Drumlin2001 · Answer

There's something odd about him. I'd run away

In_Trance · Answer

You'd have to ask him this

JohnK123 · Answer

Hmm to see how u feel I don't know

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