Why is he asking if I love him even though we aren’t together?

[Anonymous]

I’ve been talking to this guy for three months now. We both have said we like each other, and we flirt a lot.
Recently he’s been asking me, out of no where, “Do you like me?” And I’ll say “yes” then he will say “Do you love me?” And I’ll say “no” (for obvious reasons) after that he will say something along the lines of keep it that way. Him asking that one time, okay understandable… but he’s asked it three times in two days. I’m so confused.

We aren’t together. Both of us have said we could very well be together in the future or we’ve hinted at it. At the moment we are “still getting to know each other more”. I am just so confused about this love question..

The last time he asked, I answered “I like you a lot” I think he freaked out a little to be honest. I then had to explain that “Love” was on a very very different level to me than “like” or “ like a lot”. I am very confused.

Could someone please help me understand why he is asking this or what could be going through his mind? Or if I should be concerned?

[Anonymous]

My old friends with benefits used to pull this type of shit. While I can't speak on why your man is doing this, I will give a run down on why my old friends with benefits was.

So basically, this started in highschool. We were super close. He didn't want a relationship and I respected that, but we slept together. He asked me constantly if I loved him and I would always say no. However, I did eventually love him, a lot. He continued asking this at least once a week and when I finally did say yes, he panicked at first. But eventually said he loved me too. He still didn't want to be with me however. I stuck by him in this limbo for almost 9 years. He was always saying "I love you but I don't want a relationship" and whenever I would say "I already know that", he would retort with "Good, keep it that way." But we were also the best of friends after awhile too.

Anyways, back 5 years ago I completely cut him out of my life because I was looking for something serious and he wasn't and I wanted him so bad that it hurt me to continue. So I ended it. He tried making me feel bad about it, saying "You said you loved me", "you said you would never leave me", etc etc. So I asked him straight up if he wanted to be with me and he again said no. "Maybe in the future". So I cut contact, met someone new and I'm now engaged to a man so fucking perfect it's gross. My ex friend with benefits called me out of the blue last year however and apologized for everything and said how much he missed me and couldn't stop thinking about me. He said he totally fucked up with me and no one else has ever "gotten him" like I do and said multiple times that he wished he had just given in and been with me. But it was too late and he knows it.

Anyways, to sum it up, he told me the reason he had always asked if I loved him was because he had already felt like he loved me at that point and he needed reassurance that I felt the same way. He said he knew it was selfish because he wasn't ready to settle but hearing me say I loved him made him think everything would turn out okay.

[MadAndBankrupt]

Who do you really love now? Him or your new guy?

[Opinion Owner]

@MadAndBankrupt no where in my comment did I make any implication that I still love my ex. I don't love him. If he died it would obviously hurt but other than that, I have no desire to hear from or see him.

[Sour-rose]

To see if you will change your mind. I don't know what you call it but it's like telling a boy that he's trash and will never amount to anything. Tell him a thousand times and he'll start believing it. He keeps asking to see if you love him, you might say yes outta nowhere.

[Asker]

I’m not sure if I follow. Does that mean he wants me to say yes or he’s just making sure I don’t change my mind?

[Sour-rose]

Could be both. Either way, a bit controlling.

[burlen]

There could be many reasons why someone might ask if you love them even if you're not in a romantic relationship with them. Some possible reasons include:

They have feelings for you: If this person has romantic feelings for you, they may be hoping to gauge your interest in them by asking if you love them. By doing so, they may be trying to determine if there is a possibility of a romantic relationship in the future.

They need validation: Some people may ask if you love them as a way of seeking validation and reassurance. They may be feeling insecure about themselves and their relationships and need to hear that they are loved to feel better about themselves.

They are testing the waters: Some people may ask if you love them to see how you respond. They may be trying to assess whether or not you are interested in them romantically or if you are just friends.

They want to clarify their own feelings: It's possible that this person may be questioning their own feelings towards you and is hoping to get a better understanding of where they stand by asking if you love them.

[OfMiceandMen]

That is confusing as hell. Looks like he is into the game thing which to me is a huge red flag.

If he doesn't want you to fall in love with him, then it sounds to me like he just wants a friends with benefits type scenario. If so, say so, then you can make the decision to follow through. However, if you do say okay, do not allow yourself to fall for him or he will break your heart.

If he's not looking for friends with benefits, then he needs to grow-up and take it to the next level. You're clearly friends/friendly, so if he wants a relationship then have the balls and step up or get off the pot.

[Asker]

He has had other relationships like that before. When I asked him about it he said he genuinely wanted a serious relationship with me. That’s why is question confused me so much. Kind of makes me wondering if he’s just wanting me for a benefit relationship. Thank you for your reply.

[OfMiceandMen]

Welcome, good luck!

[coachTanthony]

only thing I can come up with is he lied about his age because he sounds like he is 13.

[FilmGuy93]

Sounds like an immature ass who doesn't want to emotionally connect with you.

[WanderingLoveWizard]

Who's looking for a massive boost to his self esteem. He clearly has feelings for you and wants validation that you feel the same way.
Obviously he hasn't felt loved for a very long time, if ever. That could be a good thing or it could be bad. Either way, don't feel like you have to be his saving grace.
If it's creeping you out, tell him.

[Guy13]

It sounds like a typical case of post Valentines Blues possibly spiraling into a psychotic breakdown.
All he is asking is, “Do you feel the same vibe I’m feeling?…. are we vibing in unison…I think our 🎵 and groove will make magical music 🎶 together, Bay- 🍯 🐝….

[Asker]

We were each others Valentines. I’m not sure that’s what’s happening

[RavVid]

I have known of a guy asking a stripper repeatedly every time he saw her 'if she loved him'. She would say yes in the sense that she loved everybody - even dropkicks like him. But in saying 'yes I love you' quite a lot engendered a feeling of love in her. There is good pysch in that - if you do the action, you will feel the emotion.

I'd say he is playing a game. He has got you from 'I like you' to 'I like you a lot'. So it is working to a degree.

[D_Bone_Steak]

I'm not even a chick but that shit sounds creepy. Do you think he might be going through some shit? Like maybe connected to Valentine's day or something?

I think you should be careful with this dude. It just sounds off.

[Asker]

I’m not sure. He asked me to be his Valentine and I said yes. Other than the Love question I did not notice any out of the ordinary behavior.

[D_Bone_Steak]

It just sounds off... my alarm bells in my head are ringing. Maybe it was the way you wrote the question.

[Asker]

Is the off part the fact that he is asking the question? Or the situation in general?

[D_Bone_Steak]

I think it's the "Do you like me" stuff... maybe it's just me. I get that sort of green light from a chick and I've already banged her a few times and we're eating pizza together. Maybe he's really timid or something. ... It just sounds off to me... can't really put my finger on what it is that's giving me the red flags.

[Asker]

The only thing I can think of is that he doesn’t want me to “love” him right now because he says “let’s keep it that way”. At this point I think it’s because we aren’t together and he doesn’t want to go too fast. On the other hand we’ve gone decently far with 18+ things.. that’s what confuses me. He says he doesn’t want to go too fast but anything sexual is a green light for him. Not sure if that’s just a guy thing, but I for one want to know someone more before I give myself to someone. Hopefully that puts things into perspective.

[FreyaRed]

Say yes next time, if he is foolish enough to believe that it's not your problem.

[spartan55]

No idea why he ask that. Yes you should definitely set him straight

[Jamie05rhs]

Because he wants to BE together, silly goose!!
But he doesn't want to be in a relationship with a woman that doesn't love him, so that's why he's asking that question!

[cjtron]

Jamie, he did tell her he doesn't want to really be serious in the relationship (with her) so why he asking this question of love is beyond me... honestly, red flag, he's a little creepy imho, I'd be freaked out if I were here

[Jamie05rhs]

@cjtron What do you mean? When did he say that?

[cjtron]

sorry for being late, busy here. But to answer you, I';ll make a quate from her post, there u go:

"I stuck by him in this limbo for almost 9 years. He was always saying "I love you but I don't want a relationship" and whenever I would say "I already know that", he would retort with "Good, keep it that way.""

[Jamie05rhs]

@cjtron Where did you get that quote from? That wasn't in her post.

[rabbitzzz]

Modern relationships be like, we are having sex but we arn't together.

[Asker]

We haven’t done that before. I said I wouldn’t unless we were in a serious relationship.

[Ms_Facesitter]

Maybe he's tired of just flirting and wants to proceed further.

[katestar89]

Because he doesn't know that you love him. I've been through the same thing. Sometimes guys are are clueless when it comes to love. Life is not a romantic way.

[malwins]

u mean likee this 😅

https://www.youtube.com/embed/bYDlOFdLYpg

[Asker]

Haha no I don’t mean like that but that’s cute as heck.

[Anonymous]

He sounds a little pushy. I would be backing off at this point.

[Iron_Man]

Why do you play hard to get now? What’s the purpose of that?

[Anonymous]

I guess he feels more than you do and let it slip out

[WhitneySnow]

He’s afraid you’re falling for him too fast

[Asker]

Could you explain in more detail please?

[Drumlin2001]

There's something odd about him. I'd run away

[In_Trance]

You'd have to ask him this

[JohnK123]

Hmm to see how u feel I don't know

[Anonymous]

He has a crush on you

[Danny_dan92]

Cause he’s attached