Why did he ask me this during first date? Was he attracted to me if he asked such a serious question?

[Anonymous]

He asked me “ if you had kids would you like to stay at home or work?

I wasn’t expecting that question..

I asked him first what his future plans were I don't know if that was also bad question

I asked hin first what his future plans were I don't know if that was also bad question

After the date he told me our life goals are not aligned and we shouldn’t continue to see each other. When I asked what plans didn’t align he said just in general level they’re not align. p

[EricSummer]

He is taking the playfulness out of dating, but on the other hand he seems quite serious. It is worse when a guy plays endless games. I think the right balance is important.

It's fair to ask if a woman has kids. She will then almost certainly also reveal her plans, for example that she has none so far, but still would like to have kids.

The topic of staying at home with the children is not for a first date I think, though once you are on the topic you could find out if she's comfortable talking about that.

The guy is clearly looking for a woman to have children with and he has some plans about how to handle the split of responsibilities.

[Asker]

I first asked him during the date what his future plans are. Was my question odd?

[EricSummer]

You mean you asked if he wants kids and how he imagines who stays at home? For an intrusive question I think it's fair for him to go first. Of course, it's more inconvenient for him.

[Asker]

No. Before our first date when we were texting he asked how many kids I want. During the date I asked him what his future plans are. After that he asked me that question about if I would like to be house mom or working mom

[EricSummer]

These are all valid questions, no worries. A bit too serious for a first date, but it's a matter of taste.

[Asker]

It’s confusing that he was asking that question and was quick to cut off things when we didn’t align in some of the plans. Also he didn’t say what exactly didin’t align. In that long pragraph he sent me after the date he said ” I believe fervently that you’ll meet more compatible guy soon” he also said ” it was very nice to get to know you. You’re very nice person and you have a good heart

[Asker]

During the date I told him when they’re little I would stay at home and when they’re bigger I would work. But maybe when I told him Inwsnt to continue my studies at some point and get better job it wws contradicting. I also said after 10 years I would like to move abroad

[EricSummer]

Forget the incident and meet more candidates. I recognize the word "fervently" from an earlier question. Please do not overthink this event.

[Asker]

Do you think his reason was genuine? Also would he asked me that personal question about if I want to be housewife if he wasn’t attracted to me?

[EricSummer]

He was just ticking off a list he made beforehand. He was not attracted enough to want another date. It does not always work out.

[Asker]

Why do you think it was about attraction and not purely about future goals? Mind you we come from conservative culture where people date to get married

[EricSummer]

That's quite possible, too. After all he did ask about a future with kids. Impossible to know.

[Asker]

Why would he ask that he didn’t find me attractive?

[boggboss]

Ahe has been asking this for months for some reason shr is under the belief the only reason he didn't want to date her is because of her looks apparently everything else he said was a lie just to hide that fact

[Asker]

@boggboss so you don’t agree with that?

[EricSummer]

It could mean nothing. The guy is on a mission and will ask this same question on every date.
I agree there must have been at least some attraction as it does not make sense to go ahead with the questions otherwise.

[Anonymous]

He is clearly trying for to jump into a serious relationship quick. That sounds like it not what you want (and in my opinion you shouldn’t.)

That was him pretty much asking, “When WE have kids, what do you want to do?”

First dates shouldn’t be thinking like that. If you move too fast you could find out your not really that compatible and then have a kid involved.

[Asker]

It’s confusing that he was asking that question and was quick to cut off things when we didn’t align in some of the plans. Also he didn’t say what exactly didin’t align. In that long pragraph he sent me after the date he said ” I believe fervently that you’ll meet more compatible guy soon” he also said ” it was very nice to get to know you. You’re very nice person and you have a good heart

[Opinion Owner]

When you said “first what are your future plans?” His thoughts probably were, “I just told you my plans are to get you pregnant.” Then he probably was thinking your not on the same page.

[Asker]

I asked first that question. Earlier when we were texting if I want big family and how many kids I want

[Asker]

He asked me *

[BlackJeep]

It's a fair question. It's going to come up eventually so might as well deal with it sooner as opposed to later

[Asker]

It’s confusing that he was asking that question and was quick to cut off things when we didn’t align in some of the plans. Also he didn’t say what exactly didin’t align. In that long pragraph he sent me after the date he said ” I believe fervently that you’ll meet more compatible guy soon” he also said ” it was very nice to get to know you. You’re very nice person and you have a good heart

[BlackJeep]

It's better to ask this earlier earlier than later. He didn't want to waste your time or his

[Asker]

So he could’ve been otherwise attracted to me?

[BlackJeep]

I would say so. Unless he didn't have an answer when you asked about future plans. Which is also a good question. Avoiding these types of questions can lead to communication problems

[Asker]

He said about his future plans during the date

[Nikki1989]

Well avoid that jerk then. Only a real creep would ask such a question on a first date.

[KrakenAttackin]

This is a great first date question if he is looking for a serious partner.

[Asker]

It’s confusing that he was asking that question and was quick to cut off things when we didn’t align in some of the plans. Also he didn’t say what exactly didin’t align. In that long pragraph he sent me after the date he said ” I believe fervently that you’ll meet more compatible guy soon” he also said ” it was very nice to get to know you. You’re very nice person and you have a good heart

[KrakenAttackin]

He is looking for a woman to be a mother to his children and he found you lacking.

[Asker]

He didn’t even try to see if I’ll compromise/ change my mind?

[KrakenAttackin]

Asker... He was right not to. He wants a woman who wants to be a mom her kids, not one "compromised" into being a mom. Good for him, he had the balls to move on.

[Asker]

I told him I want big family too. Why would he think I don’t want to be mom?

[KrakenAttackin]

So, what was your answer to his question?

[Asker]

I told hin when they’re little I would stay at home and when they’re bigger I would work. But maybe when I told him Inwsnt to continue my studies at some point and get better job it wws contradicting. I also said after 10 years I would like to move abroad

[Asker]

?:))

[KrakenAttackin]

If you are planning to have a family, just suddenly moving abroad isn't realistic.

[Asker]

Even after 10 years? I didn’t say want to move away right away?

[KrakenAttackin]

Having a family requires (ideally) a support system, preferably your and his family. Raise your kids, save your money, and retire overseas.

[Asker]

I understand that it’s kinda hard to do that but why didn’t he tell me what exactly didn’t align?

[boggboss]

Fuck your still asking this months later