I (F25) recently met up with this guy (26M). This was someone who I met 2 years ago at a friend’s birthday party and whom I reconnected with a few months ago for lunch, as I was interested in a particular location where had been stationed for work. Afterwards, I did not expect to speak to him again, as I was moving abroad to another continent for a few months. However, he messaged me a few weeks later when I was already away, and we kept up communication for 6 months, texting every few days. The communication was friendly with lots of questions but no obvious flirting from either side (except him telling me to let him know when I am back). Recently I have come back home (which is still 2 hours away by train from his city). As I was visiting a friend in said city, I said it would be nice to see him again and he agreed. We arranged to meet at a restaurant and walked home together afterwards, which was very nice, but again, largely friendly and it ended quite abruptly, with him giving me a half hearted hug and not walking all the way home with me. However, the next day he messaged again to arrange another meeting while I was still in town, and this time was much much nicer. He was far less awkward, and became very playful, humorous and sarcastic. We spent around 5 hours together, had tea in a tea room and when walking home, I was telling him about my insomnia, to which he replied that he had something which he could give me for it, so I went to his place to get it. There he made me two drinks and we talked for a while, and then he drove me home. Anyways, since coming home, I was hoping that he would text and follow up, at least asking about my trip or if the insomnia pills worked, but it has been 1 day and nothing. I have really started to fall for him a little and enjoy our communication, so my question is, do I message him myself or does that sound a little desperate? And how long should I wait if I do?
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Could he be interested and should I message him?
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Hmm it does seem like he might be interested based on the positive signs during your last meeting. A few drinks and chatting late at his place is definitely more intimate than your previous get togethers.
That said, it's hard to know for sure what he's thinking since he hasn't followed up yet. As for messaging him yourself, I don't think one text would come across as desperate. You could send something casual like "thanks again for the other night, hope you're having a good week!" and see how he responds.
If he engages positively, great! But if he doesn't reply or seems short, maybe back off a bit. Give it a couple more days then without contacting him. The ball would be in his court at that point.
He may just be a laidback texter too so I wouldn't read too much into the silence just yet. But if he remains aloof after reaching out, you'll have your answer that he's not that interested unfortunately. For now though, one small message shouldn't hurt to test the waters. Fingers crossed girl!
When it comes to love or strong feelings for someone, I personally don't believe one will come across desperate nor that there is any time limit. Ideally one would have communicated for a couple of months and seen each other more than once IRL to figure out if they like each other. I video chatted to my wife 6 months without seeing each other IRL, we then met over a 10 day holiday and at the end of it I purposed, she said yes, and here we are 2 years later.
If your gut tells you that you want to reach out, do so. If he turns you down, at least so would know. Surely a bit upset but you would get over it and move on (or he becomes a really close friend). There are so many fish in the ocean that if you do not, someone else might, and then you will regret it.
As for him not reaching out, could be a lot of reasons, mainly on top of my head that he doesn't want to come across too interested. If he had, you might have asked the same question here... Is it too fast? :D
Good luck and hope he reciprocate ;)
How would it be desperate? So that means if he texts you then HE is desperate. Stop being ridiculous.