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If that's what you want to do, do what you like, it's your life man. What I will say is that you are very young and marrying a woman with children isn't just a commitment to her, but to them as well. The fact that you are scared alone shows your uncertainty of this whole situation.
How old is she? How did she have kids with two different men? How is her relationship with her kids and the fathers of her kids? Are they paying child support, sharing custody of the kids, or are you going to be taking the full brunt of it? Can you realistically support a potential wife and three step kids with where you are in life now? How long have you known her and dated her for?
If you are truly just 20, you have your whole life ahead of you yet. There are definitely things you should do and experience before settling down with a mother of three kids. How well do you know yourself and what you want? Do you even want to be married? Do you want kids? What are your longterm goals and aspirations in life you want to achieve? Can you achieve them if you marry this woman now? Can she even contribute to your life and help you reach your goals if you married her?
I am in no way trying to dissuade you from doing this, but want you to understand what you are considering and getting into. This can make or break a man your age early in life in many ways. Know thyself.
I personally wouldn't marry a single mom. Not because I hate them, but because of my personal beliefs and opinions and what I want in life.
You your 2o years old!!! OH NO DO NOT DO IT!!! Trust me my man do not do it. Marriage is tough, i got married at 20 with one kid and it was actually my own biological kid. A women at your age that has three kids from different men is a HUGE RED FLAG!!!
That is all I can say and I hope you take heed to my words of wisdom here... if she was such a great catch why did the other guys not marry her and if they did why are out of the picture now? Why is she pushing so hard for marriage, ask yourself brother, what could possible be an motivation for this women other than totally being in love with you? Is it possible that it could be any other reasons?
And if you do marry her, DO NOT adopt her kids... DO NOT DO IT!!! You adopt those kids and you are on the hook for paying child support on all them for the rest of their lives up to the age of 18. I have seen so many kind and good hearted men get rail roaded for falling into this trap. Trust me.
If she loves you then she would stay with you regardless of marriage... and if she starts insisting on marriage then you know that its not just about love.
Don't do it unless YOU want it and are sure of it. Don't do it if the thought scares you or gives you anxiety. Marriage itself is a huge responsibility, then comes having children and she already has three. Helping someone raise children that are not your own is harder than raising yours. Also, does she still have contact with her exes? Do they help her financially? Three kids are expensive and you're still very young, if you do marry her then you automatically accept financial responsibility for them. You're not only marrying her but adopting her children at the same time. I just think it's something that not many 20 year olds are ready for...
That being said - if her having 3 kids is a problem for you preventing you from EVER marrying her (which is totally fine and understandable) then you should let her move on to someone who can possibly give her that. I know it will be difficult but if you know that to be the case then that's the right thing to do.
If you were a little older, I'd see no big deal in it.. But at 20, are you not only ready to be a parent, but a parent to someone else's children? Being a step parent can in some cases be even harder than being a parent...
My advice would be to not rush into marriage, especially if it's just what she wants... Take more time to decide if this is what you really want, if you're really ready for the whole package because a single parent is a package deal... What you decide will not just affect you and her, but the children as well.
Whatever you decide, good luck!
Opinion
108Opinion
I’m not a man but I would love both my kids and other peoples kids.
The reason you are attracted to her is because she is prettier than single girls you can date. That is the tradeoff women with children make. They have to lower their standards because they guys they could get if they were single girls don't want them.
She is an expert at manipulating you and pretending to be nice to get what she wants. When she doesn't get what she wants, you will learn how vicious she can be. Before long she will tell you about this other guy she met, pretending that he is a great guy and wants to marry her and, to keep from losing her, you will marry her.
That will be good for about a year until she stops pretending. And, a year is all it takes for the courts to rule that you have been acting as the children's father. That makes you legally obligated for their support. She wants your money and maybe she has found a sexier guy or some other reason that she is not satisfied and divorces you. After all, she thinks she can do better than you and she could if she didn't have children. If you have a house she and the children get to live in it but mostly you pay 29% (almost 1/3rd) of your income in child support; 9.67% for each child.
Even living with her can result in your paying child support. Therefore, if you do live with her, have a cheap an apartment that you share will other men as your official and actual address. That way you can claim that you never lived with her and that you just visited once or twice a week for a few hours and all the your records show the apartment to be your official address. Even if you lived with her, it will be your word against her and your roommates will testify that you were living with them and sleeping there.
When her attorney calls, say you dated her but you never lived with her. Since you said you didn't live with her, he can easily prove otherwise. Therefore, he can't get you to pay so he won't take the case unless she pays and she a will quickly learn that is too expensive.
Hmmmm, I was about to write that my sister was a single mother and got married to a younger guy but then I saw your woman has three kids. (my sis only has one)
From two different guys!
Probably it would be a nice thing to say "everyone deserves love" and other BS but taking on three kids, even she wouldn't want you to be their father, is a very big responsibility, I would say a love-killing responsibility.
If I was you, I wouldn't marry her.
Especially if 20 is your real age. You should wait at least 5-10 years to get married.
So she has been with at least 2 other men prior to you. So what makes you think things WILL work out with you? She is a walking red flag.
I know this may not be the answer you seek, but it's best to give the harsh truth than to sugarcoat you into a decision that the majority of men who were in your shoes regret.
The reality is: RUN FOR YOUR FUCKING LIFE. If you actually value yourself and your future, you better choose the safety of your future.
How 'bout NO FUCKING WAY... for a LOT of reasons.
So, you wanna raise someone else's crotch fruit?
Listen dumbass, she's looking for a PROVIDER.
I guess there's a sucker born every minute.
Newsflash sonny: You will NEVER be her priority. EVER. NEVER EVER.
Those kids, her mom, her job, her friends, will ALL come before you. You will NEVER be king of your castle. EVER.
And no matter how much love and effort you put forth for them NONE of them will properly appreciate you - not her OR the kids. And you will NEVER have final say in ANYTHING. Even the dumb kids know this.
When I was 10 my 31 year old mother married a 20 year old man. Dont do it, for me as a child I could never see this guy as a "farther", he was 10 years older than me and very immature. Would smoke weed with his teenage friends, my mum would have to tell him to pull his trousers up or wear a belt because his crack was always on display.
I know that's not got much to do with you. Just because he was a certain way doesn't mean you would be, but I honestly think my mother was stupid as f*** to be with someone that young and try to force a farther daughter relationship. Not only is it weird for those kids for a 20 year old to suddenly farther them but also you're just too young to take on other people's kids, please don't throw your life away like that.
From looking at your previous questions she’s got more red flags than a Chinese parade. The fact that she has three kids with two different guys is bad enough, then talking about her ex all the time, being distant etc.
You shouldn’t be dating her in the first place. People speak a lot about older men going for much younger women who are more naive and easy to control, that could be what’s going on here too because she’s got to be older than you to have three kids.
It’s a terrible idea and you know it.
I did. If you want to talk lmk. There’s a lot to answer.
She is going to want that security and stability. Important factors… do you all have support… what’s the relationships like with the fathers? Can these kids respect you?
What is this love for her… why?
What do you want… you want your own kids and can she provide them.
Why two dads… she may be a hidden basket case by now you yet to find out… how well you know her and have you seen all of her?
How good is the emotional financial compatibility?
Do you want to save her… is that the love?
Etc etc. it’s not easy to see ourselves and what’s going on.
What we have is working well and my brother married a single mom and worked well. So it can work… don’t do it because of pressure do for the right reason… that is what you want.
Not a good idea to marry a single mother. Too much drama around her. Also, even if things are smooth between you, there is the awkward part of being seen as the lesser parent due to being a step parent. You will always be second to the kids. At least in a relationship that starts out with just the couple then kids come along, the couple has a chance to bond very well and develop a relationship before kids get involved. That is a bigger deal than you realize and you will be without that luxury. Also, in the event of a divorce, judges will assume you as having consented to support her kids which could get you on the hook for child support for kids that are not yours. In other words, legally you would have no case for custody yet could be on the hook for child support. The risk is not worth it.
Nope! Hell no! Impressing one person in a relationship is hard enough. I'm not changing anyone's diapers.
If you're 20 and if she's also your age, her having 3 kids already by 2 dudes is a big red flag. It's a sign of her having extremely poor judgement and making poor life decisions. If she's like 30, that's not so bad for a 30 year old. If she only had one kid and she's 20, it wouldn't really matter either.
If you really love this girl then go ahead, but I would give it some time. Whatever you do, don't get her pregnant. Date her for a couple years, then live with her first before marrying her. See how dealing with all those kids effects you before making any big decisions. Does she have a good job? Who is going to pay for all those kids? Wait and see if she's just trying to marry you so you can support her and her kids. Don't give her any money and see how long she sticks around.
You could ask yourself a couple questions:
What is the wise thing to do?
What does love require of me?
Is there a tension so this decision I need to address?
Am I being honest with myself... really?
What story do I want to tell?
It's as simple as thinking. Is it wise for me to marry a mother of 3?
Is marriage required for this relationship to continue?
Is the tension in this decision due to taking on the responsibility of others?
Am I being honest with myself that I want to be married this early? Really?
Is the legacy I want to leave going to be achieved or furthered by this decision?
There are inconcievable ways to perceive the questions, but that's my thoughts. Depending on where you are keep in mind common law marriage is a possibility. I hope this helps.
You have known she is a single mother since you started dating her, therefore you have to be okay with her having kids and with you becoming a dad. If you are not okay with this you should definitely leave and avoid hurting her. The fact she has kids with different men does not make her a bad person, life doesn't work out perfectly for everyone. If you find yourself judging her for this, it is not the right relationship for you or her.
Do you like her kids and are you prepared to be a father?
If the answer is not a genuine yes, don't marry her.
You're not just marrying her - you're entering their family. Make sure you're ready for that. It's the least you can do if you genuinely love her.
If you're scared, then be honest with her and don't marry. If she understands your feelings and handles it well, then there might be a chance and just give it time. If she gets upset, starts to pressure or guilt you, or use her children as leverage "They need a father, and they really like you," then no, that bitch is for the streets.
I won't read the opinions because they are usually just really mean and nasty. If you were sold on her as a person, you wouldn't care about her kids. You have reservations about her past and judge her for being unmarried with multiple baby fathers. In short, you don't accept her. That's fine. Please stop wasting her time and find someone you are sure about.
yes, but maybe if i were you i would wait a while because you are 20 years old, still too young. as long as the child is nice to me. and the children are all boys because I am a bit clumsy when I have stepchildren especially when I grow up. sometimes marrying a girl is boring so maybe I'll look for something different and unique.
If she's truly a "marriage material" woman, doesn't have baby-daddy drama, and gives me space to warm to the kid at my own pace and be involved on my own terms, then maybe. If she just wants any old father figure to finance the kid's upbringing and sees me as an easy out, then no.
Consult a lawyer who specialises in family law.
In terms of risk and legal liability, marriage is a bad idea. The odds are worse with a single mother.
Women have priced themselves out of the market.
Go to YouTube and listen to what some of the Manosphere content creators, such as Sandman MGTOW, Better Bachelor and Hammerhand say about single mothers.
If you continue with the relationship, at least you will be aware of the risks.
No, I would not! Not because she is a mother either. I would not marry a woman period! Now, if I did not have such an anti-marriage position her maternal status generally would not be the deciding factor. A parent with small kids is a total package. Fail to understand that at your own risk.
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