Do you think most people's personal issues are really linked to their upbringing?
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I strong believe so and it may not always be the way that we even think. It can be so subtle sometimes that we may not even understand it. Also, other than family, school can also have an impact on you, as it had a big impact on me too.
I've been a total daddy's girl growing up. My parents have always taken very good care of me so technically I should be having healthy relationships without settling for people who aren't good for me, right? I also have an amazing older sister who taught me so much at a young age that I was ahead of everyone else around me and it's a big part of who I am today. Also a good thing, right?
Wrong. I grew up in a household where no one can say no easily. Nor can my father, being the wealthiest person in my family people can ask him for any financial favors and walk all over him and he wouldn't say no in their face. I have some relatives who are incredibly grateful and I am also happy that my father helps them out, like my uncle needed a surgery and I overheard him talking so positively of my father on a phone call with his friend it was really wholesome and touching. On the other hand one of my relatives in the country bought some building materials for his house and told the shopkeeper that my father will pay for it, without even letting him know, how fucking selfish and entitled of him to do that! It was a hefty sum of money too (if converted from our currency to US dollars it would be thousands!!!)
So here I am making the same mistake in my life, being too generous with other people at my own expense. Being walked all over by friends, dating subpar guys because I couldn't say no and one thing lead to another. Bottling it up when I'm bothered or irritated by someone just like my father does. And also being very paranoid if anyone else is secretly bothered by me too to the point that if the guy I'm dating is not communicating his feelings to me I legit get panic attacks.
While being ahead of my peers kept me from making certain stupid mistakes in my life, it also created a barrier between me and everyone else and it resulted in lots of bullying and alienation. I was unfortunately not taught to have empathy or being able to relate to others and that affected my sociability big time.
Often times with childhood traumas people like to "vilify" their parents but I don't think that's the right approach for everyone. Asians are not individualistic but rather collectivists, so anyone with a lot of wealth naturally feels a sense of obligation and duty towards the rest of their family. So he is simply doing what he knows is right even if he is sometimes bothered by it. Society progress by learning good takeaways from those who came before us, and leaving behind what is irrelevant or even harmful for us today.
It is only after realizing why I have the struggles that I do today I am learning to undo them bit by bit, and I'm at a point where I am getting better at drawing boundaries, having empathy for other people and realizing people doing things in ways other than my own aren't being stupid or bad. I think most people in my college who know me would agree that I'm a good person. As I set boundaries and cut off people from my life who aren't good for me, I'm making room for better people and I'm getting asked out by guys who are certainly better for me, I'm currently single and not interested in having a partner, and I still have my set of challenges to overcome but I like where things are heading in life right now.
Most Helpful Opinions
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That's a big part of it. Although for me, and lots of people, it's really just any big experiences you had as a child, like school. Probably about 80% of all my biggest insecurities came from school, friends, teachers, bullies. It's a bit scary when you think how moldable children are, and how easily just one event can start bending the course of their lives down a different road.
Not always; not necessarily anyway. I think that's absolutely true sometimes. But not always.
Sometimes people have issues. That aren't anything to do with how their upbringing. I'm an example of that myself actually.
Another random example, just because it was so recent: I spoke briefly with a woman whose brother is a total piece of shit. She's not, her parents aren't. But I won't even repeat what he had to say to his estranged sister when she called him up, to let him know she was pregnant. This guys is fuuuucked up. But his family isn't. And that's just the most recent example I've run into. I think it can really go both ways.
I think having a traumatic upbringing certainly contributes to anyone's personal issues. However I think issues can develop in certain individuals without it being related to their upbringing.
This is an excellent question.
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@ManOnFire Yeah, the answer you're looking for is called conditioning. You can condition yourself right now. People are doing it all the time and don't realize it. If you don't know how to prevent it, you're pretty much at the mercy of your environment which includes the internet.
What Girls & Guys Said
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13Opinion
- 368 opinions shared on Other topic.
Not always , but we are a product of our environment , so often the link is there but hard to see , I've some analysis on myself , and most things come back to a few small key , sliding door moments , so environment plays a massive role.
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I think childhood, adolescents, and adulthood all shape us into ourselves in one way or another. Deep seeded issues are usually from childhood. But everything we go through all our ups and downs, joys and pains make us who we are as individuals.
- 2.4K opinions shared on Other topic.
For the most part, yes, but you can definitely have onset issues as an adult due to your experiences.
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Yes I do. Because your upbringing establishes your value and values influence your decisions. Every decision you make changes the road you take. Advantages and disadvantages with every decision you make.
- 1.2K opinions shared on Other topic.
definitely a large part of it. stems all the way back to when we are infants and how our caregivers responded to our needs.
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Upbringing is only part of it. Experiences has a lot to do with it…. especially if not discussing issues /outcomes with your parents.
- 3K opinions shared on Other topic.
To some extent yes, but not completely.
This is an overdetermined, multivariate problem with no clear single or simple causes. - 1.3K opinions shared on Other topic.
Combination of upbringing, environment, but mostly what they have allowed themselves to become.
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Yes!! Almost all of them, we spend the first half of our adult life trying to unlearn them depending on how much there is.
- 303 opinions shared on Other topic.
Yes I think it is a big part of it, as its when you most easily effected
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Yes, the education you receive is different, the things you perceive are different, and the people you come into contact with have a great impact on you
- 3K opinions shared on Other topic.
Somewhat. I guess it's a mix of personality, upbringing and childhood traumas.
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That's a big part of it.
- 4.4K opinions shared on Other topic. u
Not all, but many of them.
- 4K opinions shared on Other topic.
That usually has something to do with it.
- 6.1K opinions shared on Other topic.
Yeap
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I would say a definite yes on this.
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Absolutely
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That and events away from family
- 2K opinions shared on Other topic.
Yes. I do.
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