GUYS please help me! Things were great then he pulled away? Help!?

[Anonymous]

Okay so I have been long distantly dating this guy for a month and a half now. And I am server lay in love with him. I'm turning 18 in a few weeks and he's 21. I know it's love, don't tell me it's not. Anyways, things were PERFECT until about 4 weeks ago. He like suddenly pulled away. Like very suddenly. One night we were fine, the next morning things were different. I talked to him twice about it because he has just become so distant and he says it's not me and he promised me it isn't. He said he's just been busy studying for finals and everything. So I trust him and believed him. But now I'm not so sure. He messages me sometimes but like now it's been 3 days since we've talked and I messaged him yesterday. and when we talk, were usually very intimate and sexual but we also have nice casual conversations as well. I am just wondering, what makes men pull away in a relationship? When you say it isn't the girl, is it really you... Or is it really her? What things can I do to real him back in?

Updates

+1 y

And before he pulled away we talked about a whole future together... And he still calls me his occasionally but still. I just need help guys. Another question: what do you think might be running through his head?

[Anonymous]

So much teen angst in this one...
Yeah, you said not to tell you.. but hey, the truth must be spoken -
You're only 17, you don't know what love is, and THIS certainly isn't it.

Yeah yeah yeah, dismiss that all you want, it's what most girls your age do, but you'll know better when you're older and look back and laugh at your younger self for being so... childish and naive. You will, I promise.

Second, Long Distance Relationships are not worth a damn. Relationships require a physical presence. What LDR's do is allow you to try out the mechanisms of what a real relationship will be like, but safely and from a distance. LDR's almost always end because one partner cheats on the other, and that's because no matter the emotional bonds, physical presence always wins. Always.

To answer your actual question - guys pull away a little because we need time away from the relationship from time to time. Being in a relationship is not our default state, and many men find it draining. We need to spend time alone or in the company of other men, to recharge as it were. Sometimes that means throwing ourselves into work, or our hobbies or the latest computer game, or whatever. It happens. It's in our nature. And as such, 3 days without contact might seem a lot to you, but it will have seemed like the blink of an eye to him.

And now the down side part - the future. He's 21 so chances are he's going to have opportunities come his way. Or maybe you will. But most likely him. And when that happens, he'll pull away for a different reason. You on a computer screen or phone, will not be enough anymore and you won't be able to compete with a girl who is there with him in the flesh.

[MadeInAmerica]

He could just be doing more things in his city. Studying seeing friends etc. Sometimes people just tire of doing lost distance relationships. They tend to fizzle out quicker than in person.

[Asker]

That's true :-( I just don't want this to end...

[Grimmgirl15]

that happened to me once and we broke up a couple days after that. Sometimes when a guy you are dating (and it could be long distance or here together relationship) and when he doesn't text you a lot, and he says "Im busy a lot now because I need to focus on school/college. For me, that sometimes means he's breaking up with you BUT I could be wrong it is rare for a guy to say that and not want to break up with you. Keep in mind I could be wrong. Don't ask him and see what he says because he might think you are breaking up with him and please do not get sad about my opinion.

I hoped this helped!
Good luck

[Asker]

Thank you so much! And thank you for not insulting me or my relationship with him. A lot of people seem to be doing so. I appreciate your honest opinion. I don't really see him breaking up with me anytime soon, I do think he is busy, but I just need to make sure it's not something else as well, you know? Thank you very much for your opinion! You've been the most helpful so far :-)

[Anonymous]

By just reading that I can see why he pulled away. Give him some space because you sound really clingy and desperate.. by the way your very naive and childish:

"long distantly dating this guy for a month and a half now."

" And I am server lay in love with him."

" I'm turning 18 in a few weeks and he's 21."

" I know it's love, don't tell me it's not"

[Asker]

Server lay? Before you go insulting someone maybe you should learn how to type right.

[Asker]

On the contrary I do appreciate your brutal honesty. I suppose you're right about being clingy. I Am going to give him some space.

[Opinion Owner]

Okay, you understand thats how you wrote it -_-
I just quoted exactly how it was written hence the quotation marks. Anywhoo...

Read this (I can't add links yet so add WWW.):

anewmode. com/dating-relationships/reason-men-lose-interest/

What your going through does not have a quick fix but through experience you can learn what NOT to do or how to approach a situation in a constructive manner.. The article I linked is a great head start.

PLEASE READ IT , Im happy to answer any questions you may have.

Good luck =)

[Asker]

Lol XD
Thank you! I appreciate it, I really do!

[Tdieseler]

"i know its love, don't tell me its not"
really? define love to me. Im still trying to figure it out and I've thought the same on many more occasions than you. plus if it were love, you wouldn't have questions now would you?
to put this simply.. you are being clingy and he can sense it and he is pulling away. (if you don't believe me, read my first line again). You don't know what love is... you are in love with the prospect of being in love. and thats not healthy... not now anyway. He is backing up because you are too forward... and like @kambo_trick3y said.. you may be in for some shit if you don't open your eyes soon. Looks like all you guys have is a sexual tension... sorry to burst your bubble hon, but there's no "Love" here.

[kambo_trick3y]

...

https://www.troll.me/images/mah-nigga/my-nigga.jpg

[Tdieseler]

@kambo_trick3y.. you got jokes.

[Blackhat2k]

Oh, it's not you. It's definitely him. Odds are he's met somebody and is going through an infatuation phase where he's trying to figure out if what he's feeling for her is real or not. Especially at that age. Infatuations are a severe hazard to those in your age group as you don't know how to deal with the conflicting emotions. "If I love this person to death, why am I having these type of feelings for someone else" give him a couple more weeks to work through it. If he's the same way, quote the song: "Say something, I'm giving up on you"

[BertMacklinFBI]

that's a cliché, "its not you its me" means its you not me. if he suddenly pulled away then let him have his space, don't trap him, you will make him pull harder.

[Asker]

Okay. So in other words no more messaging him until he messages me?

[BertMacklinFBI]

try that. because you pestering him will not help.

[Asker]

Okay. Thank you!

[kambo_trick3y]

"I know it's love, don't tell me it's not."

*Reads and translates the situation into guy code*

Boy oh boy girl, are you in for some shit.

[Asker]

What does that mean? I'm exasperated here lol

[Tdieseler]

my nigga... i was just about to say that asshole lol... i one upped you

[kambo_trick3y]

Just putting in that work my Tigga

brazenandtenured.files.wordpress.com/.../tigger.jpg

[kambo_trick3y]

@Tdieseler

[Hyped_up_on_coffee]

Maybe he just isn't that into you

[Asker]

But he is, trust me he is. When we do talk, like Sunday we talked and he's definitely still into me.

[Hyped_up_on_coffee]

give him space then , all men need space