My boyfriend is kind of distant since he started working?

[Anonymous]

I've been around my boyfriend everyday, I'm so used to having him around but recently he started a new job (after we got home from our trip) and now he works a lot. I have a job too but I hate being alone at home without him. I also think he's been a bit different since he started working, almost like he is more distant and tired. He has started being picky about the cleaning at home which he's barely cared about before, I usually do the cleaning. He's not really that cuddly either.. Like it comes and goes. It makes me sort of upset and he keeps asking me why I'm upset and why I give him evil stares. I'm just having a hard time adjusting to this and I feel like our relationship is a bit different. Usually he's the one who always wants to kiss and cuddle and he has actually told me he loves me once. I didn't say it back though I was scared.

[btbc92]

To be honest with you, you need to stop hiding behind your feelings and being immature and just tell him what's bothering you. Men aren't mind readers, I hope you understand that. If anything your making him feel uncomfortable and bad. If you living together, then yeah. I don't agree with it. But again, he's going to be overworked because news jobs are like that for the first few weeks to the next 2 months at least. At this point, who's house is it? If it's yours, he doesn't have that much of a say about being picky in the house. If it's his place, then your going to have to deal with since you chose that lifestyle. One is bound to change a little with a new job. This is how he's actually is. But you never noticed that before, because it's all an act until you see how they react to things in their lives. I'm not saying he's lying to you. But what I am saying is that this is his true personality, and he expects you to love him as he is regardless of the changes. But this is your responsibility to tell him what is bothering you. But just don't be unrealistic about it.

[ashleighpaige]

Stop giving your boyfriend evil eyes and be happy that he has a job, now you can go out instead of live off 2 minute noodles or rely solely on your income. People get their own independence and you guys should be building each other up not being dependent on each other's 24/7 affection/attention.. a healthy relationships is one that involves personal space and time away from each other, you need to have friends and connections outside of the relationship, have your own hobbies etc. being an independent person who doesn't need someone else's constant approval makes you more desirable - when you act needy towards a person it's normal to see them pull away. Do you think maybe you're also feeling a loss of power because your boyfriend is less dependent on you? Just be strong, be you and be upfront, don't hide your feelings behind evil stares, he's not running away just because he's got some new responsibilities :)

[Mary_June]

I have some what of the same issues. I'm home alone on week days from 10:00am - 5:00pm. He gets grumpy since he works construction, he comes home exhausted, and often just cleans up and heads to bed after a small meal. So, I don't get to see him while we sleep, I get to see him for about an hour before he leaves for work in the morning. I make him breakfast but he's too tired for any real talking or anything. Then it's the seven hours he's gone and he comes home beat. It stresses me often and it feels I'm constantly alone. But I love him to death so I take what I can get :)

[dukejohn2000]

Well, adjusting to a new job can be pretty stressing on the body, and honestly when I got home from a new job for the first couple of weeks I didn't feel like doing anything at all. And it isn't all that surprising in your case, when you get home from a hard day at work (not really sure what he does, Office job, Landscaper (that's what I do), etc) but when you've used up all your energy at work, it's really hard to do anything else, much less be "romantic" but you didn't mention how long this has been going on, several weeks? months? I'd say it's normal for at least the first week, by the end of the second week he should be back to normal, if that is the case though.

Also as a side note, have you tried talking to him about any of this?
I'm positive he could give you a much better answer than anyone on here ever could, but remember to do it calmly. Best of luck! :D

[Aghashie]

"communication" is the cornerstone of every relationship!

talk to him, communicate, let him know how u feel. don't make the mistake of being arrogant and start demanding anything. don't start yelling if he says something you don't like.

be calm and relaxed. your aim is to guarantee your message is received and understood.

once he knows how u feel, is up to him to act accordingly to his best interest - and hopefully provide a solution to the situation.

talk to him! don't wander around w that doubt on ur head.

take action and attack the problem!

😁

[Streamhopper]

You two need to have a sit down right now and work this out. And you both need to listen to each other. Not hear each other, listen to each other. Get it all out and figure out what you both want and how to get there. It isn't going to be a friendly convo, and it's not meant to be. But you need to have it to move forward from where you're at, or I can almost guarantee it won't work out.

[MistQueen23]

When my boyfriend went full time at his job he became more tired. Several nights in a row we will go without sex cause he falls asleep where as usually we used to do it every night or every other night. Its tough adjusting to a new job. I doubt this means he loves or likes you any less. He just needs time to get used to new things in his life. It can't be about only you 24/7. I had to accept that too and it sucks, but its life.

[kiki54262]

Maybe the pressure of having a new job and trying something new is getting to him. There's a lot of reasons to why your boyfriend may be distant, but this is the most likely one. If this is the only time this has been happening in your relationship, then it'll most likely be ok, especially is he resorts to normal after this issue. If you're really worried about it, then ask him what's wrong. He still cares for you (given the fact that he bothered to ask you why you were upset with him).

[schapman28]

just show him you understand ask about his day ask if it was hard and then comfort him give him a cold beer and a meal to come home too just understand his work might put a lot of pressure on him so just be their for him

[NathanStrat]

Work is stressing him, ask him what you can do to help ease his stress and tension (no im not referring to sex). He also may feel underaprreciated at home if he's coming home to a mess.

[Blonde401]

He's adjusting too you know? With the new job. Give him a bit of space and understanding.

[Anonymous]

When you have a job and you get home you're usually tired and don't want to do shit. When people our busy and have lives sometimes they just want to sleep or be lazy and not bothered. maybe you should get a job? Do something?

[Anonymous]

Miss... he is distant because he is working elsewhere, and work do make people tired. You are not man, you will never understand. I suggest you don't confront him about this, otherwise you will add stress on top of stress from work and he will break up with you.

[EvelynRose]

Wow, that's super sexist. "You are not man, you will never understand"? She has a job too, which is probably also tiring. 🙄

[Fukaroo]

Of course he would rather be home with you. He's got a job now so he's gonna be stressed out. Accept it and do some banging.

[frozenhorizon]

Sorry but all I have to say is "no shit". Working takes a lot of energy.

[Anonymous]

just started a new job myself, im the exact same way now. nothing to worry about

[rairai]

maybe a new colleague atttacted all his attention?

[singlebee]

Maybe it's just the new job... Maybe it's tiring

[Anonymous]

nothing new in this.

[Anonymous]

so you were dating a jobless man?