I caught my boyfriend on tinder by making a fake account. I left but I don't know what to do now?

[Roxigirl123]

I caught my boyfriend on tinder by making a fake account. He matched with me and I started the convo. And he was all flirty and calling the fake account cute and stuff and when I found out he was at work and I packed up and left and called him and I was so upset and mad! And he's been calling me and texting to come home and talk or if there's even a point if I want to or not. I want to go see him and talk but I'm scared he'll talk me back into staying. But how could I trust him anymore? We've been together for 2 years and rent a house together. I do miss him and love him like crazy but also so so hurt by it! Why would he risk our relationship if he loves me?

[guilly18butnot]

If he had that account from before but was not really active, well I think you might have overreacted. Even I had an account on a dating website before I met my actual love, and I have to say that though I totally stopped using the app, I on occassion checked what was going out in there, at least during the first stages of my new relation. Perhaps more of a morbid curiosity, as in my case I was never even thinking on cheating neither looking for someone else.

I did erase my account not long after, as I found it unnecessary and some sort of betrayal to keep it, even if my intentions were not bad at all. Having that tool when in a commited relationship not only can hurt your significant other if she finds out (not matter what you do with it), also it can affect the mutual trust in which relationships are built upon. And evenmore, in some cases of emotional weakness, like going through a rough patch in your relation, could be a temptation that will only lead you to further worsen your differences by taking the path in the middle.

[guilly18butnot]

by the way, you did the right thing by leaving him.

[Roxigirl123]

I made the fake account to see if everyone who was telling me he was on tinder was telling me the truth so I would leave him or if he was telling the truth saying he didn't have it. But I found out the truth. He said he only had it for a week. And was only talking to me. But he didn't know it was me behind that fake account till I told him. so that's bs!

[guilly18butnot]

So as I told you, you did the right thing to dump him.

He's immature on the emotional level and can't be trusted, his acts prove so with no sign of doubt. You don't want to be with someone you don't trust, that's too much of a toll for anyone to endure and would make your life miserable. So don't have doubts on your decision, no matter how much he loves you (and probably he does, that is not incompatible with being a cheater) he is not relationship material. At least not until he grows up and becomes more selfaware of his acts, and has more empathy towards the people he cares for by not hurting them or betraying them.

[Roxigirl123]

Thank you!

[lovelyhoneybones]

Dude, he was flirting with some chick that he thought wasn't his girlfriend... that isn't overreacting.

[OlderAndWiser]

"Why would he risk our relationship if he loves me?" A. He doesn't love you. He will say that he loves you but his actions clearly indicate otherwise. He will tell you whatever he thinks you need to hear to stay with him and, in his heart, he won't mean a word of it. No, you can never trust him and, if you can't trust him, you will never feel right being with him, so the only thing you can do is leave him, go no contact, and eventually move forward with your life. Maybe this will help:

www.girlsaskguys.com/.../a11176-a-practical-guide-for-how-to-get-over-your-breakup-how-to-get-on

[1988fido]

Give this man mho

[Justacatlady]

He wouldn't risk it if he cared. I suggest talking but not at your house. Go to a coffee house or something and listen to what he has to say. If he is telling you he will change and he is so sorry call him out on his bullshit.
2 years is a long time but what he did is going to be almost impossible to get over. You will never trust him again. Are you going to monitor all he does, because that will make you crazy, but if you don't, you will always wonder if he is telling the truth. It will be a never ending circle of whether he is being honest.

[fabulouspancakes]

Honestly, the trust was gone as soon as you made the fake account. And your suspicions were confirmed. Since you are obviously very upset by this, I would say there's no point in trying to get back together. You'll never trust him again. He might still want a relationship with you, but obviously not the same type of relationship you want, or he wouldn't be on Tinder. Time to move on.
And please be safe, never be alone with a man while in the process of leaving, and let friends and family support you through this time.

[Sasha-M]

did you make the cake account because you didn't trust him? And if you don't want to go back because you think he will talk you into staying, then it sounds like you want to leave... please don't take this as me minimizing your situation because it really does sound like you care about him... but maybe you can get some time apart to clear your head, find out where you want the relationship going, and then hear him out. you probably shouldn't meet up when you are emotional #clear head first.
good luck!!!

[vonasaurus]

he obviously doesn't love you as much as he says he does.

if you felt the need to create such an elaborate ruse just to catch him in the act, you clearly never trusted him to begin with and should have just left him.

that's not to say he isn't a scumbag though, because he definitely is. and you need to have some standards and ask yourself if that's someone you want to be with.

[coachTanthony]

Nobody makes a Tinder account for fun especially when they have an SO. If they do they are stupid and deserve to be left in the dust. My opinion he is bored as shit with you and wants something new. So leave... and don't ever go back. He is not ready for a commitment. You have to know deep down in your soul that you are a high value woman and deserve better. So call him and tell him that.

[burlen]

Permit me to play the devil advocate here.

What were you doing on Tinder in the first place: To snoop on your boyfriend? On a covert mission for proof of boyfriend cheating on you?

How come you matched with him if you both didn't mutually swip-right to each other's profile?

There isn't any proof of wrong-doing on his part. If there is any, you both are charged of the same wrong-doing: he was on Tinder as were you.

Did a wise person once said: women are gatekeepers of sex while men are gatekeepers of commitment?

Loving someone and committing to someone are two different things just as sexing someone and loving someone are two separate things. He may love you but not necessarily find you as a committing material, and vice-versa.

[sarath1997]

first 2 yes is a really long time and some men use to get bored... 😒😩 ... same with ladies too...😩 and it isn't right what he did I agree... but 2 year long relationship breaking over flirt talk , is too much and I know he would cheat on you if he gets the chance... so it is up to you now whether you want to get a future most probably a cheating boyfriend or leave him... and go after another boy... and continue the same pattern , then he will also get bored... and who knows...,
now my opinion.. leave him..., learn how to make a relationship more attractive and energetic first then go after another boy... , I don't know whether you will consider it or not... anyways best of luck , with current or future relationship...😎💑👍

[singlebee]

Good !! That you caught him..! You should have played him more! Like asking him for nudes or meet up for sex and see how far he goes!

But anyways if he really loved you he would have not be on tinder in the first place!
Don't meet him now cause he will definitely talk you into getting back with him...

He doesn't deserve your love all... you need to heal and get over him for your own good... You deserve a lot better

[BertMacklinFBI]

you caught him red handed and now he's begging you

he's only sorry that he got caught, especially by you.

if he never got caught, who knows what he would've done

go with your gut

[Anonymous]

I love when women do something underhanded to shit test their partner and then get all upset when it causes their life to shit the bed.

You likely get sexual attention from men constantly and without effort because you have a vagina. You also likely flirt with other men without even realizing you are doing it because women inherently do this and love the attention of other males. If he was able to dress up as a different male and act like a person at your work or something, I am sure he would have the same experience as you did with this fake Tinder account. But "it's different" right?

[Roxigirl123]

Yah that is true.. But I wouldn't ever go out of my way to flirt and try to hang out with another guy. He purposely made his tinder account and was looking and talking to I don't know how many girls

[Opinion Owner]

I am not saying that what he did was right, but his interest in female attention doesn't actually have anything to do with his happiness with you or how he feels about you. Even if his intention was to have sex with other women.

Men can love their partner more than anything, be completely happy in their relationship and the drive to have sex with other women is always there, we can also have sex with other people and it doesn't mean anything except it's a fun activity (like a female getting a massage by a guy masseuse). Which is why some married men go to hookers even though they are completely happy with their marriage and wife.
Most of us never react to this drive because we either have no options or are afraid of the social shame that would be given to us if we did.

But his intent was likely to test his ability. See if he "could" because that technology allowed him to.

[guilly18butnot]

Although your view on human interaction on genders is quite accurate, let me tell you that to me he clearly was on the path of cheating. I've got my own red lines I don't cross even if I engage into a flirting situation, which can happen and it is always nice to feel desired or wanted. But there are some lines you never cross, and actually a casual flirting that happens on your daily social interaction is one thing and another thing is flirting on a social media intended for it, with you taking all the necessary steps for it to happen (from creating the account, and so on).

Even if I feel rewarded by women who flirt with me, I try my best to hold up and not flirt back. Even when on alcohol I have a stop on my flirting once I see it could lead to further interaction. I respect my SO, and even when I'm not going through a good time with my relationship, I do my best to refrain from cheating.

This behavior of mine comes from experience, and actually from making the opposite.

[naturalgirl]

What if your boyfriend of seven months wants to record you giving him head and convinces you it's okay that it goes online and puts it on Snapchat and calls himself a ladies man under his profile he like strives to be one

[guilly18butnot]

@naturalgirl wow

your (hopefully ex) boyfriend has some personality flaws that are way too serious to ignore.

I, like many men, like the sight of recording a video of a sex act with my girl, preferably one that turns me on a lot. I, like most men, want it for our own sexual pleasure, mainly for masturbation purposes. It is rare for men to share those videos even after a break up, but the problem is that some minority of assholes do so.

Your case just went beyond the issue portrayed in this thread, and I advice you either write to me personally or to open a new thread regarding this issue.

[naturalgirl]

@guilly18butnot I'm unable to message you for some reason something about users need to follow in order to message I followed you though but still can't message

[guilly18butnot]

@naturalgirl I have no idea on how this works. Anyway I just followed you just in case this works. I'll have to catch up on the issue though :)

[Browneye57]

He doesn't. You're just a shack-up honey to him. This is exactly why we tell young people not to do this.
Move him out, or move out yourself. All you're doing is prolonging the inevitable.
He's looking for a side chick or a backup plan. Either way it doesn't include you. And he'll lie through his teeth to keep you around, especially if you're having regular sex with him.

[MrOracle]

Most 22-yo guys frankly aren't ready to "settle down" and be in a serious, long-term relationship. Clearly he's not finished with his "parry years", so it would be a mistake to go back with him.

Most guys aren't ready for that until their late 20s/early 30s - and they won't be using Tinder. Factor that info any future relationships you may have.

[Roxigirl123]

He's 26

[Pinkpony1992]

Hold on. If you never knew your boyfriend had a tinder account why would you make a fake one? No, question is... WHY WOULD YOU MAKE A "FAKE" ACCOUNT IN THE FIRST PLACE? I'm very confused. Are you sure you wasn't trying to get on tinder yourself? That just doesn't make any since. You found your boyfriend on tinder, so that means you didn't know he had tinder in the first place. I hope I explained it well.

[Nyx_85]

He's not worth it hun. I know you've been together for 2 years but 2 years is such a short amount of time compared to the rest of your life. Do you want to be with him 10 years from now if he hasn't changed? You are still young and have time to find someone who will treat you better.

[TripleAce]

You should probably talk to him... sure he was on tinder but that doesn't mean he actually did anything physical... or got close.. maybe he was just testing the waters... sometime we have a need to know what else is out there to fully appreciate what we already have

Not saying that it's ok to do what he did... but it's also not as bad as it could be... At this point id just talk to him about it and see if you can move on this time and see where it takes you

[singlebee]

Nothing justifies him being on there for whatever the fuck...

He was there to cheat and nothing else

[Anonymous]

I did same thing on POF I had this gut feeling and I was right. It hurt like hell because this man was the first man I truly let him have my heart and fell in love with him. But I didn't deserve it. You gotta say goodbye because if you go back you'll always worry and you'll always be checking up on him. If I were you send him a screenshot of the conversation and then he'll know why you left.

[Roxigirl123]

I already sent him those screenshots. He's saying he only had it for a week and he never cheated on me and he was only looking.

[Roxigirl123]

I asked him how many girls was he talking to on there and he said none beside me ( fake account) I said yah but you didn't know it was me!

[Opinion Owner]

I would talk face to face. Texting gives them time to think of lies. So if you go talk to him write down your questions and watch for reactions. My first question would be why?

[Anonymous]

He was actively out there trying to meet people... it's not like he made a mistake he was trying to make one... and at that point can you even claim it was a mistake? You need to walk on top of all this he didn't even come clean to you, you caught him red handed cause he started hitting on you... God knows how many people he has tried that on. I know it hard... moving on always is but don't walk... run!

[Roxigirl123]

Thank you! That helps

[danceislife080]

I don't blame you at all for going out of your way to make a fake account to find out the truth. Accusing someone is always tricky, and you risk being wrong. But, I sport what you had to do. My ex wasn't on any dating app, but he was becoming a little extra friendly with his female coworker. I'm not proud but I did snoop through his phone and found out they were making plans that he kept extra secret from me. Anyways, guys can be hella douch bags.

[OrdinaryGentleman]

Communication in this instance is imperative. It is entirely up to you, if he is worth the risk. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being fooled again because you tried to make it work. The buck stops when reality becomes so obvious to you that you realized you wasted two years or 3 of your life with someone who could not reciprocate that passion. That being said. There are choices to be made.

[Words_and_Wisdom]

If you went out of your way to make a fake tinder account, no wonder why he had one. You were obviously way too needy, possessive, and paranoid of him to go to that length. You were the one who pushed him away. If you acted like a normal person he likely wouldn't have gone to that length.

[WhereIsMyMind]

Are you fucking kidding me, he was most likely acting suspicious and that's why she did it. And if she did have worries, she had every right to set up a fake account to see if her instincts were right, it just means she will no longer have to waste her time on him now she knows the truth.

[Nyx_85]

@WhereIsMyMind AGREED!

[abundantlyrich]

You can't be that weak now you know he's a player and he got caught by you. Just another guy stringing you along for the sex while he goes skirt chasing behind your back.

[Paultripps]

Run. Even if he wasn't doing anything then, it leads to it...

[AleDeEurope]

Stay strong, don't take him back. He's a cheater. Nothing good is gonna come out from a relationship after this. Leave and find yourself a man who is loyal.

[meatballs21]

There is no point in trying to continue this if it got to this stage. If you worry he will be able to convince you to stay, don't meet up with him - you don't really owe him this after what's happened.