My partner criticizes my cooking is he trying to be helpful or an asshole?

[Anonymous]

Everytime im cooking when he's around or home , he tends to either come up to me and say something or i say does this look good and he says no or yes if its a no he comes and tells me why its not but with an attitude. Let me give y'all an example today , i was making pancakes , simple right? But the “pancake pan” they use is not really my favorite but i felt like if i used a different one he would complain. So the pancakes were coming out lighter than expected and i asked him hey do this look good? He said uhh and ripped the pancake open and i said great u ruined it and he said yea but it looks like this and that then came to the stove and proceeded to just talk down on my cooking like “ why is there so much butter oil” “ u need to leave it longer” “ there's not enough water in the mix” “ thats why your pancakes look like that” and i start getting offended and tell him with a joking face “ your judgy “ and he dropped the mixing bowl and said you know what since im so judgy you do it yourself. And i was like no no help and he said no do it yourself. Then i made another and he criticized it too and said tell me when your done so i can make mine. I was like wow okay. And just turned off the stove and left. Am i being immature? Or is it just he's being an asshole?

[hahahmm]

You're deep in your feelings. Whether a meal is good or not isn't about your feelings. It's about whether you put in the effort/attention to learn & the care to make the meal any good. So asking someone how your cooking is.. isn't asking them if they feel like it's fun to see someone cook or if they feel like the fact you cooked was good/bad. It's about the actual meal you made.

Unless they're too scared to every speak the truth.

I'm a great cook. I started cooking in kindergarten. Simple things but still, I started. I can cook things in my sleep that most people just don't get hot to do. If you do a crappy job cooking and then you ask my opinion I'm going to give you the truth. Not, 'oh, baby, you make the best food.'

You being sensitive about sucky cooking is your problem. If you don't want somebody who can cook to say anything then don't cook sucky food for them. Learn how to cook better on your own time. I mean, I'm not saying I will nitpick every detail if you don't even want to learn how to cook. But if you claim to want to learn how to cook better or I think you have the brains to be a better cook, I'm going to give advice. Less if you can't handle any words. More if you can.

Oh, and I've known women who sucked at cooking because they were lazy. They were great cooks when cooking for their family, just not for me. If a guy sees that... he's not going to be in the mood to be nice about your cooking either.

[Asker]

The fact of the matter is , i dont wanna be sensitive about it nor do i think i am being sensitive i want someone to tell me hey its wrong but seriously he needs to go out of his way to pull my stuff apart any meal I've cooked he has something bad to say any and every meal. As far as cooking ground beef all the way to just heating up a tortilla. Trust i can take criticism and i can respect knowing im not the best cook but i know how to cook pancakes even my own family says omg your pancakes are rlly good while he's just being an ass and saying um no they taste bad like that like he just likes it his way? But he needs to understand that his cooking is not always the best I've tried his cooking and its good but its not the best. I just tell him oh its good. And leave it at that. This man has the mindset that he can cook like gordon ramsey he watches his videos and even uses his phrases and words im like dude wtf?

[hahahmm]

Well, it sounds like he gets off on making you feel bad if you actually cook okay/better pancakes and he complains. I knew a guy who did that to his wife. She'd make beautiful cakes and he'd complain about them. In his case, I think he was up to shady stuff (cheating in her face) and it was his way of trying to get her upset so she wouldn't think about the stuff he was doing.

[Asker]

Omg that makes a lot of sense its like deflecting from the actual problem….. smart but messed up. He likes to degrade me a lot tbh i always ask him what things he likes about me all he ever says is uhhh you carrying my kid uhhh like he has to sit and think. Im like dude u suck at being romantic he got offended by that 🙂 but its true because instead of being happy making/cooking things together he always finds a way to make me upset or angry

[Overmind]

I remember when my best friend met his future to be wife. She tried impressing us by cooking up some chicken paddy sandwiches. The only problem was she couldn't cook for shit (not her fault, guess no one taught her).

They looked cooked but were still frozen in the middle. We found that out by trying to take a bite & almost broke a tooth! We sometimes still tease her about that to this day even though that happened over 24 years ago. In all honesty it's one of the things he fell in love with though he's never told her that.

I still have the speech I wrote at their wedding along with the corsage (was made of silk). She ended up becoming a good cook later & even took it as a profession. She works at the university as a cook for the college kids.

[jennifer_bloom]

Constructive criticism can be motivated by good intention but it should be delivered in a kind and respectful way but I also know people who invent reasons to get angry when none exist because criticizing others gives them an ego boost.

[HOAAH]

He's trying to be helpful but he is giving you unwanted advice. Maybe next time you should remind him that you would appreciate it if he only gave you advice AFTER you asked for it.

[Birdlegs]

She gave an example where she did ask for feedback. He’s just being an ass about it

[OlderAndWiser]

He sounds like an ass. What's the attraction?

[Anonymous]

It's disrespectful and discouraging. I imagine he'll end up cooking if that's his attitude which is either what he wants, or he's in for a wake-up call.
Since I hate cooking, I am very thankful that my partner cooks and am positive and non critical when she does.

[Asker]

Yes its so discouraging , it makes me not wanna cook anymore another example was he wanted burgers the other night and he said to shaping the meat into the size of the bun i think yk what i mean I don't know what they call that lol, but i started doing so , and then he said okay cut me slices of cheese and in the process of doing that , he said the lettuce too and tomatoes i got upset and said okay hold on! I can only do one thing at a time , and he said okay nevermind ill do it myself i said no i can do it just give me a second. And he proceeded to do it when i told him i could , then i said can u teach me to cut tomatoes for burgers and he explained but weirdly because his method was not working and i said does that one look good he said no its too big on this side and small on that side and i kept trying but it just wouldent work! And he's all like just cut the cheese , and i continued and while i was cutting it i sensed him looking at me which makes me nervous bc i feel like he's gonna say something , and i accidently cut it wrong he said ugh my god and i said im sorry! Its because u make me nervous !!! And he's like you dont listen! And i said sorry…. And i said its not my fault u keep being mean he said yk what if you dont wanna help dont and i dropped the knife and everything and just went to the room to cry , he trys to act like chef gordon ramsey but doesn't even cook close to what he cooks? Like I don't know if he's getting this attitude because he thinks he can cook like him or something because he's over here using big words like “ oh this and that needs a consistency “ “ make sure this is cooked to an extent” like wtf. ?

[Opinion Owner]

Sounds like you're sensitive and he's undermining you.
It's likely when you're older, you'll have the confidence to tell him to back off and leave you to it, or the tomatoes won't be the only thing getting cut.

[Asker]

Oh yes i have become very sensitive no doubt about it , im carrying a whole child probably plays a part into it , & people encourage me like my family to be an asshole to him but its almost like nothing phases him

[MTC29]

There are polite ways to deal with this sort of thing, and ripping open the pancake in front of you is not one of them. It shows that he's a jerk. Let him cook his own damned pancakes.

[Asker]

When i wanted him to just like bite it and say mm it needs a bit more time let me help he literally looks at it with a face , and opens it up touches it and says uhh…. I mean i guess its ready? But uh. And im just like omg here we go again. he's someone that tends to think he's good at anything and everything he does I've learned that about him. Yet while he started cooking he dropped something with pancakes batter on it and it splattered all over me and i got even more angry and said alright gordon ramsey…. ( he honestly thinks he's like him ) and he's like it was an accident and i said yeah but when i have an accident its a problem your just being clumsy …. And im the bad cook huh? And he says clumsy is something u keep doing over and over. Like you. I was like i wasent the one that just dropped pancake batter all over the floor and over someone?

[MTC29]

You seem like a very nice young woman. Why are you with such an inconsiderate guy? I ask, because I have responded to similar questions from women older than yourself, and what you described with the pancakes, snowballed year after year until it became an abusive relationship. I'm a retired civil engineer and not a couples counselor, but I advise you to step back and REALLY look at this guy, because he won't change.

[Asker]

I question myself that exact same thing …. My whole family does. i try to think he's trying for us , because we have a kid on the way. I've learned he's a narcissist and puts everyone else before me. All he cares about is his games cousins , and family i can't even plan a baby shower with him without us arguing we used to be so happy but he says i ruined it in the beginning and now the universe is just working its ways with me? Whatever that means. I guess in a way it means i deserve it to him? I don't know. Its hard to be reasonable when it comes to my thoughts telling me this man excuse me … BOY, tends to just treat me like this only reason i haven't left is because i wanna detach myself emotionally first and when this baby comes , i wanna give him a taste of his own medicine. Not as in revenge but just not care anymore.

[MTC29]

You're being pregnant makes his behavior even worse. He should be making you pancakes! or rubbing your feet, or supporting you any way that he can. That is what a normal guy would do for the woman who was carrying his child. No, you don't deserve him, but you've put yourself in a bad spot; basically you're painted yourself into a corner. Your situation beyond any advice that I would feel comfortable giving you. I do suggest that the two of you get professional counseling before the baby arrives. For your sake, and your baby. Good luck.

[najekim]

To put it simply, he's being a prick. When necessary with the wife I always put it like a suggestion. Like "Have you thought of trying this or that? It could make a difference."

[Asker]

See ! exactly! Thats what i want him to say something along those lines he just tends to say i can't take the truth or he's just telling me how it is im like no dude your like close to yelling at me just because im not cooking it the way you do?

[Yourfriend2021]

Find someone else that likes your cooking, he sounds like a jerk.

[Asker]

Lordy I've cooked for his family even they like my cooking he didn't say anything that one time because if they all liked it what could he say.

[Yourfriend2021]

I'm sure your cooking is great, don't worry about what he says and make him cook and then you can be the judge, lol

[JustAGenie]

Generally no, how you're describing him is just him being an asshole

[Asker]

I don't know what to do with a person like that tbh like i just hate i can't ever cook with someone and joke around with them while cooking , not to mention when he started cooking he dropped pancake batter all over me

[2021biguy]

He sounds like an asshole, tell him to do the cooking then, lol

[Asker]

Omg you have no idea how much i just wanna throw the food at his face and tell him to cook it himself instead i just decide getting upset is a better option bc it controls my anger

[2021biguy]

Try not get upset and let him make you mad. Just don't cook for him anymore, and see what he says.

[fred_durst]

many guys are actually just suck at sugarcoating

[Sassa74]

Unless he cools, ASSHOLE