How can I get over my jealousy?

[Robertsgirl]

My boyfriend of three months and I have a great relationship. He treats me amazing, is very loving and physically affectionate. If I had any complaints it would be he doesn’t give me words of affirmation very much and his female friends. He has a two main ones that he has known for a few decades and I know one gay. The other one is the one I’ve met the most and she is the one I have the biggest issue with. Not because she has done anything to me but because of my jealousy. I know there is nothing romantic between them at all. She is a big girl loud and very manish. Yet I find my nerves irked every time her name comes up. She drops by his house a lot many times when he is not there to drop off stuff or pick stuff up. She will give him rides from work which he needs due to his car not working but then she will stick around and watch a movie with him or something. She will bring him dinner or buy him dinner. She also use to stay overnight sometimes sleeping in the guest room but I do not think she does that anymore since me and him have been dating. Not that I have seen or heard of anyways. When she comes over to visit when I’m there my anxiety goes into overdrive and I get fidgety or itchy which he notices cause he will snuggle with me or try to get me to stop my fidgeting. I have never told him about my discomfort with her but I’m sure he can tell due to my reactions when she comes aroundFrom what I know this is behavior she has done for a long time. Like I said I do not think there is any romantic feelings there, more like a brother sister relationship but it really bothers me. Also angers and annoys me when she comes to hang out for a bit on the one night I get to spend the night at his house. I don’t want to cause any issues between him and his friends so how do I learn to deal with my feelings of jealousy?

[Secret6620]

Honestly, sometimes jealousy can't be helped. Especially if it's a character trait.

I think you just need to remind yourself that you trust him. Trust and good self esteem will help with those feelings of jealousy.

And maybe you need more security in your relationship but I can't know for sure. But be reassured that he loves you and would never hurt you unless he gives you a reason to think so otherwise.

[Robertsgirl]

He shows me he loves me everyday with little things he does. He might not say it often but I have learned actions are more important than words

[Secret6620]

Then trust him when he's with his friends. And remember guys think confidence in a women is sexy.

Not arrogance but genuine good self esteem and confidence.

Good luck beautiful

[Robertsgirl]

I will try my best! Thank you for your advice!

[Secret6620]

Thank you for most helpful girl!

[DavidRaul]

Well she seems to clingy and disturbing your personal space. Jealousy is totally normal in a relationship and that is why you two need to sort those things. Just have a little chat with him and express how you feel discomfort when she's around. Its totally fine and i am sure he will understand.

[Avicenna]

If there is something that bothers you, tell him. Maybe he can reassure you or address it.

[Robertsgirl]

I would like to but I don’t want to seem like a whiny insecure baby. I want him to have his friends and his freedom without worrying about me getting upset cause he sees one of them.

[Avicenna]

Then tell him that before you explain what bothers you. Trying to cover it up won't make it go away and he'll probably be able to tell something is bothering you.

[Robertsgirl]

Pretty sure he does cause like I said when I’m around her I go from very chatty to silent and begin to itch or fidget endlessly. He will end attempt to stop this by taking my hand or pushing them away from my scratching.

[Avicenna]

Then you really need to discuss it with him before it spirals into bigger problems. Don't assume anything.

[BarryLiverstone]

It would be helpful if you make an effort to get to know her better and start to trust her. She is a friend of his so why can’t she be your friend as well?

[Robertsgirl]

I do try to talk to her and joke with her when I’m around her. I don’t ignore her. Of course when they talk about memories though I just sit back and listen cause I can’t say much to those.

[BarryLiverstone]

Good, keep trying. It may be helpful for you to plan a time to hang out with her one on one and share an activity also. Overall the closer you get to her as a friend the less jelly you should feel about her as a threat to your relationship.

[jimmy2]

Well I hear you.. you must tell him what you told us. If that no problem then there a big problem for you 2. So try to find out before marriage and kids

[UpdateGloomyNights_]

I don't know