Relationships

What should I do? (this will be a long story)?

So I’m in a relationship that’s lasted 2 almost 3 years now and the first year of dating my partner I regretted right away

So my partner is very toxic (gotten better now but still has their moments of toxicity)
When we first started dating my partner was very controlling he wouldn’t let me talk to my friends and told me to blocked/remove them because he’s more important and he was very jealous and self conscious and I was extremely upset about it he said that I’m his forever so he should come first and that if I asked him to do the same he would (which I didn’t ) now I forever have that in my head even though I was allowed to have very select few back I don’t get to talk to them and if I do it’s not much...(I only got them back within the beginning of 2nd year of dating)

Now another thing is instead of hurting each other in argument we would hurt ourselves so he would punch himself in the head or get under my desk and keep smashing his head into my table or just anyway to hurt himself which would upset extremely and he said if I ever break up with him he would kill himself so I stayed for the reason of not wanting that to happen he used to call me names like monster and heartless and bitch and so on

We also argue almost daily and I hate it I always try to avoid it or stop it but when I try it gets worse

To be honest I think I fear him not in the way of hurting me but hurting himself he’s changed me into a person I’m not happy with...
What should I do? (this will be a long story)?
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