Would you wait over 6 weeks and over a dozen dates without sex?

[DaveJord]

I think most men, or a majority of people would not wait... they live by the 3rd to 5th date rule.

When to Start Having Sex in a Relationship, According to Science (businessinsider. com)

www.businessinsider.com/when-to-start-having-sex-in-relationship-2017-2#:~:text=Based%20on%20the%20findings%20of,time%20to%20start%20having%20sex.

I will be honest 90% of time I was all about 3 to 5 dates, because I am not wasting my time playing games with a woman. But as I got older, with failed relationship after failed relationship, I started to think maybe it's time to try a new approach.

No later than the 3rd to 5th date.

I believe in love before sex, 6 to 8 weeks.

Never before Marriage

Results

Updates

+1 y

It was 6 weeks, and 12 dates before we had sex. I waited 6 months with my first wife and that lasted 22 years but was terrible marriage. I usually am a 3 to 5 dates, but those are with women where I might want more but were not sure. This woman wanted more from the start. It was not about sexual insecurities or hang ups, it was because she wanted love. I was totally impressed and taken by her, so we spent a lot of time together in those 6 weeks and it was amazing!

[Cynicaldreamer]

"I think most men, or a majority of people would not wait... they live by the 3rd to 5th date rule." - Which is one of many reasons why dating is so terrible!

Most women require an emotional connection to men before sleeping with them. Otherwise, it's just meaningless sex... or a "hookup."

And last I checked, it takes weeks, even months for that to happen- obviously this depends on the individual.
So some guys may think I'm not interested in him, or I'm "friendzoning" him if I'm not ready to sleep with him after three dates. In actuality I'm still getting to know him, feel comfortable around him, and make sure he isn't going to jump ship the moment we eventually do have sex.

That and some women are afraid if you put out too early, the guy won't respect you as much.

And if that weeds off or offends some guys? Good. Just keeps me from wasting my time and getting hurt.

[DaveJord]

Can't argue this point, because you are probably right, for as far it goes. I mean 3 to 5 doesn't mean you can't or won't fall in love but honestly, it's hard to see past the sex once you get that first taste. So as a guy, I can wait if I really truly believe in my heart that she could be special to me. Others I am kind of looking for the sex 3 to 5 and then see how it goes. But if I am not getting that special feeling early on, I am not waiting.

Which speaks to your point and why I can't and won't argue or disagree with you.

[Lynnfriend]

If a guy starts pressuring to soon, then that's probably all he wants. So as a woman it think you have to wait it out and see what he is all about. But sex should be mutual and believe me we want it just as much as men do. Somehow it's better if you let it build up a little.

[DaveJord]

@Lynnfriend Agree! 💯 you are correct, but as the guy I have Bern take advantage of many times as well. So when you think you have met someone you believe could be something to you... you don't press it... and the timing of sex is very important.

[aoihewgf]

While I agree with the emotional necessity first in a lot of cases, I think these days we are seeing that this archic (biologically assumed) necessity isn't quite accurate. There are many women who enjoy the thrill or who post online their desire for discrete ONS even though they'll make sure to mention, happily married.

[aoihewgf]

Though this may not be something the woman sustains for large periods of time.

[Aerissa_Jade]

3 to 5 dates could be a week for me, no way to have love in that short of time. Infatuation, sure... but not love.

Since there are so many guys going straight for sex, lying and manipulating, I say 3 to 6 months minimum. Get out of the honeymoon phase, get to know him better and see how serious he is.

I'm good with breaking up with someone who insists on it in less time than that.

[DaveJord]

I think in this case 6 to 8 weeks is very reasonable and I agree, in regards to this women. Other women I would say definitely not.

[WhiteBoyChill]

I think you’re still being too generous. Unless you see a future with somebody, why have sex with them at all? Sex is for marriage only

[aoihewgf]

3-5 days could be a week? Damn! The guy is not showing scarcity and I'd assume you eventually feel things moving too fast

[DaveJord]

@WhiteBoyChill Sex and marriage is important, but I do not think they have to be synonymous with each other. Marriage is a legal contract recognized by the state or church, but it has nothing to do with the true meaning of love.

[DaveJord]

@aoihewgf 3 to 5 dates could take weeks or day just 3 to 5 days

[WhiteBoyChill]

I would have to strongly disagree. Too many people are just marrying for the wrong reasons nowadays. Which is why divorce is so high

[OlderAndWiser]

Depends on the girl and how much I value being in a relatonship with her. I have dated a woman for about five months before we had sex, because I saw her as a prospect for long term. We dated for 2 years.

[DaveJord]

Agreed, and good for you! @OlderAndWiser

[coachTanthony]

If she is into you then she is going to want to have sex sooner then later. If you are going months without having sex the interest simply isn't there. Move on.

[DaveJord]

I agree coach... at some piont if the intent is not waiting until marriage and that's been made known. Then your opinion in my regard is dead on.

Why to you always get so many dislikes... these people really love to hate some @coachTanthony

[coachTanthony]

It's been like this for years. The amount of effort it must take to LOVE me so deeply is incredible. People are just simply peanut butter and jealous lol

[Sixgunsound]

If you tell the truth the snowflakes can't handle it, whether that is economic, social, romantic, political, etc. I started reading Rollo's first book today, and there is a lot of truth in there which makes it easy to see why he gets death threats and arguments and trolls all the time.

[coachTanthony]

Thanks for MHO

[DaveJord]

Got to keep the haters at bay!

[Summeroflove]

Not everything is about sex. Honestly yeah I would. I would go longer. Sex is something I’m not willing to give to anyone.

[Summeroflove]

*to everyone rather.

[NathanDavis]

I don't go around aiming to sex...

I do look for other more meaningful things

if I were after sex, then I would do things differently and then I would "get sex" on the first time we go out

but again, I am not into casual sex so I never date around looking for that

[DaveJord]

I have done both, looking for sex, with chance for more... and then meeting someone were there is distinct possibilities for more right away without immediate sex.

Really depends on the person, right?

[NathanDavis]

yes, to each their own...

and I have always respected that, live your best life... in the way you see it fit for yourself, and I'll do mine, of course

[ShadezMcgee]

Man, I don't know. I would ultimately respect the boundaries, but at the end of the day I got needs and want nookie too. In the past it seemed like if the guy didn't make a move or sleep with a woman early she would friendzone him. Almost damned of you do and damned if you don't.

[DaveJord]

So, if you think, she could be the one you would gamble and wait or not?

[ShadezMcgee]

I would wait, but I would also be concerned about sexual compatibility. If we married, get to the bedroom and find out then that we don't do it for each other, that is a big yikes.

My current girlfriend was a virgin and it took a lot of patience and understanding, but at the end of the day I don't think I can do that again. The waiting was worth it because it made us stronger on the emotional level as a couple, but helping her learn during sex was another long amd patient experience.

[DaveJord]

I totally hear that, at 20 or 22 I could wait on the virgin thing, but 46 I got no time for that either. But I have met people and just knew within the first 5 minutes that sexually it was there, and compatibility would not be an issue, some time you just know. But some time you can't really tell, so yes that would be an issue... but if she could possibly be the one, that means the sexual energy is there and I would wait.

[TheSpaceGnome]

6 to 8 weeks is way too soon to have sex.

Having sex after the 3rd or 5th date is fucking retarded unless you already knew the person for years.

If thats the norm, thats why the divorce rate is high.

That level of impatience and impulsiveness is insane, its a recipie for stds, single parenthood, divorce, child support payments, etc.

[DaveJord]

Yeah, in my experience the 3 to 5 dates thing is just a way of saying it's not a technically a hook up or one night stand. But it is rather soon, but if that is what you are looking for then 3 to 5 dates, leaves the possible of a longer-term commitment on the table... while still getting the sexual gratification you crave.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Sex without commitment is too dangerous to bother with. Better off just masturbating or buying a sex doll for commitmentless orgasms.

[Lliam]

If there is chemistry between us and we begin to date exclusively, I expect her to want sex soon. But I can easily wait for 5 or 6 dates or a few weeks if it takes that long for her to develop trust.

If she wants to wait too long, I suspect that she has sexual hang ups or a low libido. She should want sex as much as do I. I'm not interested in dating girls who aren't into sex once we are in an exclusive, infatuated relationship.

[TemplarOrder]

If they have had sex with people first date before then now they are playing the wait game they don't really like you that way and your just being used , now if they are a virgin a real one not this born again crap then sure waiting months or years is a whole different thing..

[DaveJord]

You think so, what if she is like me and jumped into sex quickly in all previous relationship and they turned out poorly?

You wouldn't take the risk?

[Lynnfriend]

I also believe on the individual, in my case I have a couple of really bad experiences and I need to get to know someone first I have to feel totally comfortable with the other person

[DaveJord]

I agree, and if you need that and he really likes you then he will accept that with pressuring you. If can't accept that, then it's 100% easier for you to move on.

[letuswaltzforthedead]

No, not until we get married so that can wait for a while. It would be hard as i like the guy (clearly) but I don't want to be used and end up with failed relationship. especially not given how the dating market is today.

After that, the sex will come surely

[DaveJord]

I think you are 100% correct at your age you should be thinking that way.

[Juneberry91]

I can easily wait over 6 weeks. Not only do I like the sexual tension to build but I’m more interested in getting to know the man before I sleep with him.

That’s how I stay out of train wrecks to.

[es20490446e]

I think you shall know how the person truly is, and if both of you are really into each other.

Most of the time you can tell in a few weeks.

[DaveJord]

Can't argue that... it's true... you can't really know... but that's why most guys want the sex before she ghosts on him... lol

[Levin]

I've been on this god forsaken planet for 1964 weeks. Think I can wait another 6.

[DaveJord]

lol... I love this response!!! really puts things in perspective, right?

[Anonymous]

I normally date a guy seriously for about 6-8 weeks before having sex. However, if I ever felt like that was too soon I don't think it would be problematic to wait longer

[DaveJord]

Interesting I want to reply, but want to wait for more responses... what is that you think after 6 to 8 weeks would make you uncomfortable, but still wanting to date him without sex?

[FriendlyCanadianGuy]

Honestly, have never been in a relationship where the girl didn't invite me over on the first or second date and seduced me.

I think I'd find it weird if we didn't have sex right away, just because it would be outside of my experience.

[WhiteBoyChill]

That’s cuz Canadian girls are sl^ts

[FriendlyCanadianGuy]

Anywhere that isn't close to the main cities xD

[WhiteBoyChill]

Really? I would think the main cities would be worse

[FriendlyCanadianGuy]

I got that Impression when I moved to Toronto at 22. Girls I dated around my age were asking my salary and what car I drove...9 times out of 10, things quicky went sideways and there weren't more dates...
Much different in northern Ontario, no one cares and just wants to have fun... Just my experience

[FriendlyCanadianGuy]

wasn't really set financially as a new grad, found it weird that 20 year olds turned me down because of it in the city

[D_Bone_Steak]

LOlz, fuck no! If she's taking me out on dates, she better be wanting my dick. I guess it's a free meal, but she could just buy me some eggs and a loaf of bread.

[alcorriher]

i believe in waiting until marriage, but that could change. so i’ll see.

[DaveJord]

17 years old, defiantly wait for as long as it takes... no doubt about that.

[alcorriher]

the plan! 😊

[FunkyMonkee]

I was with my future ex-fiance for 10 years and the last 5 of those were completely sexless. But, she WOULD still let me change her tampons for her a few times.

[LiamJHayden]

If I enjoy her company I'll wait till she's ready. If I don't I won't have sex with her.

[DaveJord]

Agreed 💯

[Sparkie460]

I would wait as long as I have to for her to be comfortable. If I knew we had a strong connection and i saw myself living with her for the rest of my life, i would wait. My wife and I dated for 3 months before we had sex.

[Msputiton]

Sex is not at all important to me. So it wouldn't matter how long we wait.

Tbh. The longer we wait the better

[Anonymous]

No. 4 weeks tops. If she's been dating you that long and you haven't had sex, congratulations! She's having sex, just not with you.

[DaveJord]

You think so... humm? 🤔

I ain't going to lie, with other women I'd have no doubt about that being true.

[Anonymous]

I would wait. And until then I will not refrain from getting sex elsewhere. Blame it on my high libido.

[DaveJord]

I gave you a like because it is honest and legit in that way, but like that's the worse answer!!! But I have been guilty of it as well, once or twice... lol

[Opinion Owner]

Point is women can find someone to have sex with tonight. We don't have that luxury unless we are rich.

[WhiteBoyChill]

“I think most men, or a majority of people would not wait... they live by the 3rd to 5th date rule.”

And this is why I hate society. Modern dating and hookup culture is the downfall of humanity.

[Paul09]

I would definitely wait. If I'm looking for a serious relationship. It sucks, but needs to be done. I want to make sure In in to her mentally. Then bring on the sex.

[elizamichale1]

Yea only if i would be nuts... i hardly wait by 2nd date lol

[Likes2drive]

I might, depends on her on when she is comfortable but I think after 2 months it’s not going to happen and it’s just a friend

[DARKCLOUD1945X]

Sometimes it may be worth it to wait. She may be underage, or she just may be worth the wait till she is sure you're the one. to give her sex to

[Anonymous]

6 weeks is okay but a dozen date is too much, two dates in a week. If you are dating once a week and by a dozen, they don't think of you anything sexually then they don't want you, unless they are virgins.

[Anonymous]

I dont have time to wait on "love".

[DaveJord]

You're 18 to 24, what type of time are you short on?

[Kiran_Yagami]

No. I would not wait anywhere near that long.

[Pohjolan]

Compared to over a decade without sex 6 weeks is nothing.

[Anemone978]

I'd say 2 months is a good wait..

[DaveJord]

I agree, if you really think that they are worth it, then you invest the time.

[Nikki1989]

2, maybe 3 dates is my limit.

[DaveJord]

Nothing wrong with that, 90% of my relationships at 2 to 3 max... but to me I wasn't really and truly into any women that I felt that way about. But that does not mean we did not go on a keep dating if the sex was great... but after 6 to 8 months they all burnt out, and sex was not enough... but they were a shit ton of fun while they lasted!

[AsaKyo]

I wouldn't even go on "a dozen dates" with someone unless I was in a relationship with them lmao

Not some rando

[Anonymous]

3 at the most. If she really likes you then 3 dates should be enough before rocking her world.

[LovingJo]

It depends on who and why, I think?

[DaveJord]

I think you are right, when you meet someone, you know on some level if she could be the one, or just for fun. But regardless of if she is the one or just for fun, does having sex too early make a difference?

[LovingJo]

Not really, necessarily... I have smelt with someone the first night and spent years with them!! 🤷🏻‍♀️

[LovingJo]

Slept 😂

[DaveJord]

That has never happened for me, 1st date sex never last more than a month at most for me.

2nd date sex, 8 months top.

6 month sex, 22 year marriage and horrific divorce! 😆

[Anonymous]

I certainly might, but I wouldn't be exclusive with her until we were having sex. I need to know that she's interested in me sexually. It would certainly be fine not to have full sex for awhile, but we'd need to be doing other sexual things.

[BarryLiverstone]

Yea I will wait as my goals are long term

[DaveJord]

Sometimes you just know that is the best course.

[Preeti161101]

We waited three years

[Delphier232]

I kinda wouldn't lol

[Twalli]

I wait up to 2 years

[jimmy2]

Sure would