Would you tell your partner your dirty secrets before you get married?

Question

I mean secrets like how you lived your live when you were still in high school and in college.

If you were the party type of person would you air it out to your partner.

Girls would you like to say it to your husband-to-be.

FeminineHSP · Accepted Answer

I don't care about getting married. But if I am gonna get married, I'll probably have to tell everything. I won't even care if she leaves me for the truths.

SteveSmith1985 · Accepted Answer

You better tell your partner all of this. Otherwise you're 100% not ready to marry them. Going into a marriage with secrets is a bad bet. 🙂

caring__1 · Answer

Patterns tend to revisit us in the future, so it's a good idea to share patterns of the types of things you did, along with the reasons for those choices, how they worked for you and what you've replaced those patterns with, but there are no reasons to share specific details... unless those details directly impact your present relationship. If your partner could possibly learn about your past, it's best that knowledge comes from you, so it doesn't appear you've been hiding anything. When partners discover things that have been withheld, it plants a seed of doubt, as they'll wonder what else has been withheld.

Guy13 · Answer

I see no reason to introduce doubt, “not who I thought”, or “have to keep my eye on her” into the equation unless asked for Past. Short of immediate effects like STD, not able to make babies, and etc.

Good thing to do would be to do criminal, credit, and medical physical records exchange. It does not get anymore transparent than this.

Pinay_ako · Answer

Oh I’d tell him who I am before even getting serious and see how he reacts and if he’s still there after a few months, years and I haven’t scared him away yet. Then I guess he’s the one 🤣

SecretsofKB · Answer

I'm currently engaged. My partner knew all about my dirty laundry and college life long before we got engaged. And I knew all about her's a long time ago too. None of it was unexpected though.

jennifer_bloom · Answer

My list of secrets would be less than a paragraph long.

AviatorTom · Answer

Maybe some of them. But save the majority for sharing after you're married.

Anonymous · Answer

I don't have huge skeletons in my closet thankfully so I don't think I have that big of secrets to reveal in that sense. Like sexually I am a virgin waiting for marriage.

But I come from a really unhealthy environment with my dad. My dad and I have a bad relationship and I wonder because of that will my future husband see that as mental baggage and not want anything to do with me.

Because you know there is that question when women ask men "how is your relationship with your mom?" And they say if it's a bad one then to run away even though you aren't taking into consideration if the mom is a bad person and abused him.

But for guys asking a girl "How is your relationship with your dad?" It's the same thing that applies. I don't want my future husband thinking I have daddy issues or I hate men because my dad treated me horribly.

Or if that will come up later when we are married and fighting or something. It's honestly embarrassing to reveal that too because it's not my fault my dad was someone who didn't want kids.

Alessa13 · Answer

I think it would better before getting married, if you plan to keep it secret forever any way you can guarantee it will never come out?

If it comes out in the future could it end up with a divorce?

If telling them before you get married could end the engagement would it not be better to end the engagement then rather than deal with a divorce later if it does come out?

I can't comprehend someone wanting to wait until they are hitched to tell all the secrets. It seems more likely to me that they would either tell before or have no plans ever.

ObscuredBeyond · Answer

I'm a pretty open book with gals I'm attracted to. Then again, most of me that counts is already out in the world, or has concept art for works I still plan to write and publish.

My high school life would bore most women to tears. College? Rarely went anywhere there either. Life after has mostly been paying bills and putting up with BS.

No STDs or drugs. Some food allergies and pet allergies. A few old grudges against some hardcore psychos that did me wrong. One serious girlfriend that got physical. One. And she turned out to be a total whack job. Broke free from her spell 9 years ago, and never looked back.

Now, I just have to get past my own family enough to land a better job, and get my own place. Before the Florida housing market gets too impossible. They keep me afloat, but also hold me back. A lot.

nitsuj86 · Answer

I would say only if you feel like it will affect your future together.

I've had women tell me things they did in their past that made me look at the differently for sure. Most of them I probably wouldn't end the relationship over though.

I'd say a big sexual past would be the hardest thing to overlook. If you have had sex with a ton of people, or group sex, things like that. If she was ever a stripper, prostitute, or sugar baby.

You better have really good reasons for all of that, and your behavior better prove that you are over all of that shit.

If it happened TO you, then you are probably fine. IF it's something you actively CHOSE to do that I don't agree with, and didn't give a fuck about the consequences. Then I'd consider leaving you.

NZGirl07 · Answer

Definitely. I remember watching an episode of a show with all these couples who had been married for ages. They said if you share your whole life and secrets with someone and they still want to marry you, that is a strong foundation for a successful marriage.

My partner and I have always shared everything, and while sometimes it caused us to feel jealous or hurt, we could talk it out and grow as people. It only made us closer and I think it's necessary for a good relationship.

If you can't be yourself and honest with your partner who can you be that with.

Anonymous · Answer

I honestly do have regrets about not being up-front and honest with my partner early on in our relationship. I wasn’t confident or comfortable in my own skin when her and I started dating, and even though there were a few occasions where she asked me point-blank questions about me, I still was not completely trusting nor transparent.

Luckily, when more of my past and who I am did come to light, she actually showed me that she’s still here for me, even opening up about herself as well. But still, things could have been much better if I had just confirmed and expanded on my own history. Although honestly at the time, I was deathly afraid of losing her, and I kept my mouth shut for years.

humanearth · Answer

Yes I did I told her I was a crossdresser before we got seriously invold with each other Last August we just had our 30 the wedding anniversary. So ethings y u ju t don't hi e

lightbulb27 · Answer

I told her everything including some stuff I repressed. That is where the secret sauce is that is controlling hte person. I didn't just spill it out, we talked as questions came up. it helped build connection and trust.

Not everyone can be trusted with yoru heart...

Potteplante · Answer

My past is no joke - alcohol, drugs, sexually active at a very young age.

My late fiance knew all my up and downs - heck he knew me through a lot of them, due to his little brother who overdosed before we got together was my best friend.

My past doesn't contain dirty little secrets though - since none of what I did as younger is a secret. And well, I just finished my bachelor last year - so not much happened there.

VanillaSalt · Answer

That’s like asking a bank to lend you money then during the interview you go on about that one time you borrowed money and didn’t pay it back… I’m not saying hide it so much as don’t mention it if they don’t ask. It’s easier to deal with a lifetime of bad choices over a lifetime rather then all at once.

katiesmuff · Answer

Yes I think we both pretty much spilled the beans on what our lives were like before we met.

DermalPunch · Answer

Bits and pieces but nothing incriminating. Guys are very judgmental where women are more likely to accpet thebpast is the past. its foolish because men are more likely to fall into old habits. women should be more judegemental and cautious of men's past behaviour.

weysally · Answer

yes, I did, it will come out sometime, so why not at the start, a man told me one time, if a woman he was dating told him that she had been a sex worker, then she is giving him the chance to make a choice, that's the right way

SomeRandomGuy89 · Answer

A person doesn't need to everything in detail in order to understand the plot. Even if you for some decided to tell someone everything, you wouldn't be able to.

How much of our lives exist beyond words? The bigger part.

petitedollbabee · Answer

My partner knows everything about me and my past. I’ve been completely transparent and open about everything, and he has done the same with me. Best to truly know who you’re with before sticking around long term.

tinydiva1991 · Answer

He knows I am a very sexual women already. If he asked and genuinely wanted to know I would tell him. He has the right to know what kinda of girl I was before.

LazerBean · Answer

Yeah I did. Couple should always disclose everything to each other so that there are no surprises.

Anonymous · Answer

I'm not sure. I did some things I'm not exactly proud of in college. I'm not sure if I would want to tell my husband to be what I did because I have no idea how he would react to it.

Anonymous · Answer

Yeah, we already talk about all that stuff actually, and if I'm marrying someone, I want them to know me well and I want to know them well too. I want no secrets and no fear to talk about whatever.

Fireguy17 · Answer

sure, it is all part of who I am. No secrets there. I always tell someone ask anything you want as long as you are prepared for the answers. I can tell you, but I can't untell you.

Jaximus-Lion · Answer

Aaaalllllllll of it. All my gaming, Sneakers, chef knives, traveling and sexual obsessions/secrets. Aaalllllll

BCRanger10 · Answer

Yes, those are conversations that need to happen. The other person ought to know what made you into the person you are.

Filthy_Immigrant · Answer

no shit!

I've told my friends my dirty secrets and I also never been married in my life yet I've already done all things I would consider dirty. so who the hell wants to wait till marriage? what makes marriage so damn special?

sheenagwapa · Answer

i've been watchinh a lot of porm before and so i'm not really ignorant of what people have been dounh this days

RavVid · Answer

I think we all have dirty secrets and it is to be expected. I think leave the past in the past in general.

d_e141 · Answer

I did it. I told her my bad side before I told her my good one. I did it because I didn't want her to tell my how she didn't know me well after we be together. But (and that's an important but), some curiosity and mystery should exist.

Static_In_The_Attic · Answer

I’ll tell her one dirty secret, I don’t plan on getting married.

KostasKouvalis · Answer

Yeahhhhhhhhhh, and I would expect the same from her. That's probably something you should know before you even get engaged to someone

Oldschool1981 · Answer

No, not really. Some things might be better left unsaid if they don't play into the relationship.

Jennz6 · Answer

I would tell everything and if he still wants to get married he can’t complain about it later because I was honest about it

TrillXHippy · Answer

How I lived my life isn’t worth talking about and neither is what I did in high school and college. I’m feeling like I wanna be sarcastic but I won’t do that

Anonymous · Answer

Only if it’s something that could affect their life/health yes. If not, then no. However, if they ask I will answer honestly.

ariadneR · Answer

My partner knows all my secrets. With the internet now it's hard to keep secrets

exitseven · Answer

I never really had much to tell. I told her what little there way.

DiegoO · Answer

I would rather don't reveal anything she didn't ask, nor say anything I don't want her to know. Secrets are secrets.

NostalgiaSenpi · Answer

I wasn't much anything than I am now. Had a couple of one night stands, but didn't care for it.

Bklynbadboy12 · Answer

Yes of course if you're gonna spend the rest of your life with the person there shouldn't be any secrets that way they won't be surprised by anything later.

riverrat3 · Answer

Might be a good way to find out how judgmental or forgiving they are

Anonymous · Answer

Share them sooner than later. I kept a few experiences secret from my S/O and ended up telling him (somewhat accidentally) after a few years. I could tell it hurt him.

TacosRAwesome · Answer

Yes of course. And I'll do the good bits again and twice over.

Becky316 · Answer

My husband knew me in hs, basically he knows my secrets

TaureanBull81 · Answer

Nope! What happened in the past stays in the past lol 😆

imfreeze95 · Answer

I am boring I have no dirty secrets. Just very personal thoughts, fears and feelings that I share with no one.

Kiran_Yagami · Answer

It's either that or have them come out after you get married, and then go through a very messy divorce.

LiamJHayden · Answer

I'm pretty much an open book on my f-boy past and regrets about living that way.

Jamie05rhs · Answer

You're going to have to. This is your life partner. They deserve to know.

PointTaken · Answer

Yes. I'll say anything and everything. No filter unless kids are around.

McKellar · Answer

I could, but no woman can handle the truth anyways.

Manuel2 · Answer

Better to find out secretts before mariage. Than afterwoulds Th

peedy · Answer

Some things are better left unsaid the past is the past makes no sense digging up old bones

Prince_09 · Answer

Mostly I don't have any Secrets buy i have some Fantasy.. I would not say it before marriages may after marriage I'll share with her..

midnightcavern01 · Answer

Absolutely, cheaper than a divorce 😂

mandyfire98 · Answer

Yes I'm honest and open about anything in my past.

Agape93 · Answer

Nope. My secrets die with me

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