Would you tell your partner your dirty secrets before you get married?

[Cecinene]

I mean secrets like how you lived your live when you were still in high school and in college.

If you were the party type of person would you air it out to your partner.

Girls would you like to say it to your husband-to-be.

[FeminineHSP]

I don't care about getting married. But if I am gonna get married, I'll probably have to tell everything. I won't even care if she leaves me for the truths.

[SteveSmith1985]

You better tell your partner all of this. Otherwise you're 100% not ready to marry them. Going into a marriage with secrets is a bad bet. 🙂

[big_ben_007]

You gotta understand that some people take facts way too personally sometimes. Lets take a girl for example. Lets say she met a guy and they dated for a year. She loves him deeply, he loves her deeply. She has a feeling he wants to propose so before he does, she tells him her past as a cheerleader in high school and how she was getting ran through. She could regret it, feel ashamed, feel guilty and wish that she could undo it all but that man will leave her and never speak to her again.

I dont keep secrets. I had an ugly past when i was an ugly person, and after some losses and grief I changed my heart and my mind into being a different person. So my past is irrelevant to who i am now. Its gonna stay in the past where it belongs because I'm gonna accept my girl for who she wants to be, not who she used to be. I dont care about her past and she shouldn't care about mine.

[Cecinene]

@big_ben_007 You are saying this in your own perspective as a guy.
Thanks for the opinion

[SteveSmith1985]

@big_ben_007 I think we actually agree here. My point is more... if that guy WOULD run after knowing about her cheerleader past... then he's the wrong guy, and that couple should not get married. I think it's wrong for her to marry that guy and not tell him. He should have the choice to leave. Or, if he chooses to stay, he should know ALL of the person he is going to marry.

But I actually really really like the way that you put it. And I think that what you said here, is very much key. This is why I think we agree:

"I dont keep secrets. I had an ugly past when i was an ugly person, and after some losses and grief I changed my heart and my mind into being a different person. So my past is irrelevant to who i am now. Its gonna stay in the past where it belongs because I'm gonna accept my girl for who she wants to be, not who she used to be. I dont care about her past and she shouldn't care about mine"

That, to me, is exactly the proper attitude. To me, anyone who CANNOT look at it the way that you look at your own girl would be the wrong guy for her to marry. The right guy will know all your dirty secrets... and it WON'T be a problem. If your past makes someone want to run. Let them. They're not the person you should be marrying. 🙂

That's why I think people should tell-all to anyone they plan to mary.,

[Cecinene]

I support you

[big_ben_007]

@SteveSmith1985 very well said and yes we do agree

[caring__1]

Patterns tend to revisit us in the future, so it's a good idea to share patterns of the types of things you did, along with the reasons for those choices, how they worked for you and what you've replaced those patterns with, but there are no reasons to share specific details... unless those details directly impact your present relationship. If your partner could possibly learn about your past, it's best that knowledge comes from you, so it doesn't appear you've been hiding anything. When partners discover things that have been withheld, it plants a seed of doubt, as they'll wonder what else has been withheld.

[magiusX26]

hence the term lie by ommission

[Guy13]

I see no reason to introduce doubt, “not who I thought”, or “have to keep my eye on her” into the equation unless asked for Past. Short of immediate effects like STD, not able to make babies, and etc.

Good thing to do would be to do criminal, credit, and medical physical records exchange. It does not get anymore transparent than this.

[Pinay_ako]

Oh I’d tell him who I am before even getting serious and see how he reacts and if he’s still there after a few months, years and I haven’t scared him away yet. Then I guess he’s the one 🤣

[Light_beam]

who are you?

[Pinay_ako]

@Light_beam I meant who I am as a person. Party animal college girl blah blah the usual stuff but I’m no sleaze who sleeps around.

[Light_beam]

Really? you didn't sleep around? so how many man have you ever slept with till now?

[Mewzinc]

@Light_beam that's a personal question to ask 😶

[Light_beam]

@Mewzinc all of this is personal dude ! pm?

[Mewzinc]

@Light_beam no thanks. What country are you from by the way

[Light_beam]

that is a weird question , why?

[Mewzinc]

@Light_beam oh that's a weird question?

[Mewzinc]

@Light_beam vs the ones you have been asking women this entire time?

[Mewzinc]

@Light_beam I can tell you are from a different country by your English and just by the way you speak women. I want to know where your education came from.

[Light_beam]

@Mewzinc Fine.. but on pm

[Mewzinc]

Uh still no thanks

[Light_beam]

@Mewzinc I won't say personal data about my country and education on public.. Don't think i am trying to get you to some sexting or whatever !! And there is always the block button there , you know where?

[Light_beam]

And heeey ! what is wrong with my English !

[rsl67]

Don't sleep around... that is wrong

[SecretsofKB]

I'm currently engaged. My partner knew all about my dirty laundry and college life long before we got engaged. And I knew all about her's a long time ago too. None of it was unexpected though.

[Light_beam]

you are a lesbian?

[SecretsofKB]

@Light_beam Yes.

[Light_beam]

so what is the dirty stuff you did?

[SecretsofKB]

@Light_beam none of your business.

[Light_beam]

lol.. okay dirty girl

[jennifer_bloom]

My list of secrets would be less than a paragraph long.

[AviatorTom]

Maybe some of them. But save the majority for sharing after you're married.

[Anonymous]

I don't have huge skeletons in my closet thankfully so I don't think I have that big of secrets to reveal in that sense. Like sexually I am a virgin waiting for marriage.

But I come from a really unhealthy environment with my dad. My dad and I have a bad relationship and I wonder because of that will my future husband see that as mental baggage and not want anything to do with me.

Because you know there is that question when women ask men "how is your relationship with your mom?" And they say if it's a bad one then to run away even though you aren't taking into consideration if the mom is a bad person and abused him.

But for guys asking a girl "How is your relationship with your dad?" It's the same thing that applies. I don't want my future husband thinking I have daddy issues or I hate men because my dad treated me horribly.

Or if that will come up later when we are married and fighting or something. It's honestly embarrassing to reveal that too because it's not my fault my dad was someone who didn't want kids.

[Alessa13]

I think it would better before getting married, if you plan to keep it secret forever any way you can guarantee it will never come out?

If it comes out in the future could it end up with a divorce?

If telling them before you get married could end the engagement would it not be better to end the engagement then rather than deal with a divorce later if it does come out?

I can't comprehend someone wanting to wait until they are hitched to tell all the secrets. It seems more likely to me that they would either tell before or have no plans ever.

[ObscuredBeyond]

I'm a pretty open book with gals I'm attracted to. Then again, most of me that counts is already out in the world, or has concept art for works I still plan to write and publish.

My high school life would bore most women to tears. College? Rarely went anywhere there either. Life after has mostly been paying bills and putting up with BS.

No STDs or drugs. Some food allergies and pet allergies. A few old grudges against some hardcore psychos that did me wrong. One serious girlfriend that got physical. One. And she turned out to be a total whack job. Broke free from her spell 9 years ago, and never looked back.

Now, I just have to get past my own family enough to land a better job, and get my own place. Before the Florida housing market gets too impossible. They keep me afloat, but also hold me back. A lot.

[nitsuj86]

I would say only if you feel like it will affect your future together.

I've had women tell me things they did in their past that made me look at the differently for sure. Most of them I probably wouldn't end the relationship over though.

I'd say a big sexual past would be the hardest thing to overlook. If you have had sex with a ton of people, or group sex, things like that. If she was ever a stripper, prostitute, or sugar baby.

You better have really good reasons for all of that, and your behavior better prove that you are over all of that shit.

If it happened TO you, then you are probably fine. IF it's something you actively CHOSE to do that I don't agree with, and didn't give a fuck about the consequences. Then I'd consider leaving you.

[NZGirl07]

Definitely. I remember watching an episode of a show with all these couples who had been married for ages. They said if you share your whole life and secrets with someone and they still want to marry you, that is a strong foundation for a successful marriage.

My partner and I have always shared everything, and while sometimes it caused us to feel jealous or hurt, we could talk it out and grow as people. It only made us closer and I think it's necessary for a good relationship.

If you can't be yourself and honest with your partner who can you be that with.

[Anonymous]

I honestly do have regrets about not being up-front and honest with my partner early on in our relationship. I wasn’t confident or comfortable in my own skin when her and I started dating, and even though there were a few occasions where she asked me point-blank questions about me, I still was not completely trusting nor transparent.

Luckily, when more of my past and who I am did come to light, she actually showed me that she’s still here for me, even opening up about herself as well. But still, things could have been much better if I had just confirmed and expanded on my own history. Although honestly at the time, I was deathly afraid of losing her, and I kept my mouth shut for years.

[humanearth]

Yes I did

I told her I was a crossdresser before we got seriously invold with each other

Last August we just had our 30 the wedding anniversary.

So ethings y u ju t don't hi e

[Cecinene]

I love your opinion

[humanearth]

Sorry for the missing letters. I spilled coffee on my keyboard

[Cecinene]

Ohhh

[humanearth]

Computer keyboards must not like coffee. I had to break out the spare keyboard

[Cecinene]

Okay

[lightbulb27]

I told her everything including some stuff I repressed. That is where the secret sauce is that is controlling hte person. I didn't just spill it out, we talked as questions came up. it helped build connection and trust.

Not everyone can be trusted with yoru heart...

[lightbulb27]

but if you are marrying them, you should find out...

[Potteplante]

My past is no joke - alcohol, drugs, sexually active at a very young age.

My late fiance knew all my up and downs - heck he knew me through a lot of them, due to his little brother who overdosed before we got together was my best friend.

My past doesn't contain dirty little secrets though - since none of what I did as younger is a secret. And well, I just finished my bachelor last year - so not much happened there.

[VanillaSalt]

That’s like asking a bank to lend you money then during the interview you go on about that one time you borrowed money and didn’t pay it back… I’m not saying hide it so much as don’t mention it if they don’t ask. It’s easier to deal with a lifetime of bad choices over a lifetime rather then all at once.

[katiesmuff]

Yes I think we both pretty much spilled the beans on what our lives were like before we met.

[Cecinene]

I really love your opinion
Thank you

[katiesmuff]

You are very welcome

[DermalPunch]

Bits and pieces but nothing incriminating. Guys are very judgmental where women are more likely to accpet thebpast is the past. its foolish because men are more likely to fall into old habits. women should be more judegemental and cautious of men's past behaviour.

[weysally]

yes, I did, it will come out sometime, so why not at the start, a man told me one time, if a woman he was dating told him that she had been a sex worker, then she is giving him the chance to make a choice, that's the right way

[SomeRandomGuy89]

A person doesn't need to everything in detail in order to understand the plot. Even if you for some decided to tell someone everything, you wouldn't be able to.

How much of our lives exist beyond words? The bigger part.