If only being in love (infatuated) stops you from cheating, do you really have values?

[Danielle93]

I always thought that if you don't cheat it should be because you're not a cheater, out of character, morals and values.

If you need to be madly in love with them in order to not cheat on a partner or husband/wife, then once the passion and intense attraction wears out, your true colors are revealed. So if the only reason for not cheating is because you're in love with them, does that even count as having values?

Updates

11 mo

I've heard and seen several cases like this, where couples are madly in love with each other, they think that's love but once that wears out, all of the sudden they cheat.

[ohsheeT]

You can have all the love in the world but if you have no morals values or ethics it really doesn't even matter love is very very powerful it's very beautiful but if you don't understand yourself and if you have no morals values or ethics then you really don't have any love because you have to love yourself first in order to have morals values and ethics cheating is a choice you can still have all the above but to what degree is a choice

When someone cheats it's because they're selfish they only care about themselves

I don't care what excuse they have I don't care how drunk they are I don't care what they even say before you cheat you make a choice and with that choice you justify it by any means possible except for the truth the truth is your selfish truth is you don't care about the person at home the truth is you think you're smarter than everybody else and nobody will find out the truth is you're a liar because the moment you go home you act as if nothing has happened and you play a game until the one day you get caught all cheaters get caught

And then now that they're caught they don't want anybody to know who they are really because they don't want people to look down at them and say you pig you cheated on your husband or your wife so they cry they say they're sorry they'll never do it again because they don't want anybody else to know who they really are so they try anything to get back

I could almost accept that but then you add for everyday they cheated they came home they looked you in the eye knowing that they just got done doing what they just got done doing acting is if they still love you acting as if nothing is going on your life is perfect and it's a big lie thinking that they're getting away with something thinking that they're smarter than everybody else thinking that they're never going to get caught thinking that it's okay to come home be your lover your friend and taking you as a fool that's more powerful than the cheating itself that's the part where I say goodbye if you have no morals or values or ethics you really have nothing because it's all about you and nobody else and that person is very selfish person and should have never ever got involved with the person that they're married to or dating because it's a big lie

[Danielle93]

Exactly they're selfish people. Even the ''I fell out of love with my husband/wife'' excuse is BS. Then ironically when they're about to lose everything, suddenly they fall in love once again, beg for another chance and say it'll never happen again. LOL

[ohsheeT]

It should have never happen in the first place.. it's one thing they cheat. But it's another when they do it. Keep doing it and playing there partner as a fool all the lies call the manipulation and all the fake love that they give to them in those moments is worse than the actual cheating

[OlderAndWiser]

I have never cheated because I hold myself accountable for immoral behavior.

[Danielle93]

Exactly. It's about having basic standards and not just because you're excepting love.

[Danielle93]

expecting

[OlderAndWiser]

Right. If my standards for my own conduct depends on how someone else is treating me, then. . . I actually have no standards at all. The rules remain the same, regardless of how others are acting. That is my understanding of morality.

[OlderAndWiser]

Thanks for MHO!

[DaveJord]

Social values are defined as standards, which individuals and social groups employ to define personal goals and essentially shape the nature and form of social order in a collective i. e., what is acceptable and not acceptable, what ought or not to be, what is desirable or non-desirable

Personal values are those beliefs we hold most dear. They can be desirable goals that motivate our actions and guide us through our lives.

So no person on this planet lacks in values. We all have values no matter what.. it's a question of what that person values in regard to what you think they should value.

I place a high value on love, because it is so rare to find in the world today. But love comes in many forms, shapes and sizes. I place a high value on a person that I can find, love and be happy with. But at the same time in order to find that, the other person had to place some value on me, and the things I value.

But to answer your question, having different values than you, or in what you value, still counts as having values. Its just a matter of if you agree with them or not, or if it contradicts with your personal values.

The Moral conflict is when we have personal values, that contradict with social values...

Example here. Social Values say that we should love our partners and be loyal to them. But individually ever relationship is different and our hearts desire what it desires... so personal values come into conflict with social values. This essence of moral conflict.

So, my personal value on this subject is that I think society has created a rather false construct of what love, marriage and happiness is supposed to be and how you are supposed to achieve it. To me moderan society has a rather nonpragmatic approach to it love and marriage... were as 100 years ago it was very pragmatic and society by and large understood what the roles and expectations were.

So, there is this traditional concept of love, relationships and marriage... that essentially does not exist anymore... it's all been thrown out the window... because woman no longer subscribe to the traditional model and therefore neither do men. Which is fine, until someone want to project their personal values on to another, when socially values pretty much in the modern context has reduced marriage and love down to a legal contract that does not require love or loyalty.

So love is literally where you find it, inside or outside of the relationship. We value the concept of love more than, we value the process to achieve it and then maintain it.

[Danielle93]

Then in other to have love, one must love themselves first and be the person with personal values. Just knowing cheating is wrong is enough reason for me not to cheat. I don't need to be reminded every day how much I love him in order to not cheat.

[DaveJord]

Well maybe he does need to be reminded everyday, no matter how much shit you put him through... maybe he needs to be reminded and treated better.

[Finchie40]

We can only give what we want to receive , we can’t force someone to love us , we can only treat them the way we want to be treated , if the relationship turns one sided , where you feel you are constantly giving without receiving , you are best to end that relationship , cuz the way I look at it , your partner is already cheating on the foundation of the relationship , The only way a relationship can survive and for love to grow , is both partner’s need to make each other their top priority , if you can’t make your partner your top priority , they will not be able to do it for you , the number 1 thing that destroys most relationships is selfishness , if you can’t remove selfishness for your partner , they will not be able to remove it for you , Cheating usually occurs when the relationship turns one sided , when you choose other’s over your partner , you already cheated on the relationship so don’t be surprised when your partner ends up with someone else on their arms you already cheated and dug your own grave when you turned the relationship one sided , so always wear your partner’s shoes like you expect them to wear yours , understand you can’t always be right and they are wrong , understand you are no longer single , Most people don’t grasp this concept and then they wonder why they keep continuing in failed relationships, if your partner is telling you they don’t care for one of your friends , distance yourself from that friend period , Choosing your friends over your partner is you being selfish and only caring about yourself. Fuck your friends, fuck your family and fuck your co workers , your partner needs to come before all of them , it isn’t control it is respect for each other , you will not experience true love if you can not sacrifice for your partner like you expect them to sacrifice for you

[MrOracle]

You are absolutely correct - choosing to cheat or not is a reflection of a person's morals and values. Unfortunately, most people are far too superficial to choose partners based on their morals and values - most people make no effort to even find out what those might be prior to committing to them, and the more physically attractive they are, the more true this is. The last thing most people want is a reason NOT to be with someone they find attractive - even though that's exactly who they should be most concerned about.

[Anonymous]

Here's what I think. Love is not a fairly tale! You can hate your partner while still loving them. You can find someone else physically attractive but not still not cheat. I can't speak for women. But for loyal men it's not that we don't find other women physically attractive. But when a woman has your heart the volume simply gets turned down on all other women. You may see and even talk to another woman. But you remember all you and your partner share. All the good things you know couldn't be replaced.

[Billlewis]

We're apparently in an era in which a lot of folks think it's their responsibility to weigh in on whether or not the behavior of others is morally acceptable. The sooner this comes to an end, the better, in my opinion.

[Danielle93]

Yeah your own personal values shouldn't be measured by how someone treats you. Otherwise it would mean you don't have values at all.

[Crankor]

Being in love is just what sparks sexual intimacy. Loving the person in this context is more about admiring the person to maybe have a charm for them. To me for someone to ditch because they don't feel in love is a but immature. You can repeatedly fall in love with someone and that's just one aspect of a relationship. So if someone was to cheat just because they weren't in love at that moment, kinda speaks for itself how you view them, what you want yourself and how you view things. I'd say if you fall out of love with someone, decide if you want to be back in love with them or not.

[ObscuredBeyond]

The only gray area is manipulative, one-sided relationships. She vanishes for months without a trace, then comes back equally out of nowhere like nothing happened. The guy, who felt abandoned, is made to feel horrible for having entertained the idea of moving on.

If you do, you're branded a cheater, even if nothing physical ever happened. If you don't, you're a simp. No win condition.

[NathanDavis]

my loyalty is not conditional...

it just is, that's faithful to the core... requires no effort

cheating is just not a thing

[laraWM]

Yes it makes sense. I think it probably helps to feel better or less guilty if you don't love the other person

[Danielle93]

That would also mean the person is someone that lacks character and will cheat any time the opportunity arises for any reason. They have little to no value themselves.

[Vegasrunner]

@Danielle93 Men are only as faithful as there options. Most men don't have many options so they stay faithful but given the opportunity they would cheat.

[slatyb]

There's no "really". There is only behavior. People who cheat are cheaters. People won don't are not.

[KrakenAttackin]

I never cheated while I was stuck in a miserable marriage, now I regret not banging the hoes who offered themselves to me.

[Danielle93]

Don't feel bad. It meant you had standards at least. Having basic standards shouldn't have to depend on how you get treated or what rewards you get. It means you're true to yourself and if they're not faithful then that's on them. You have no control over someone else's actions.

[KrakenAttackin]

No, it means I stupidly passed on some seriously good sex. My biggest regret is getting married, my second biggest is being faithful.

[Danielle93]

Good sex is short lived and then comes emptiness. Then you would want that again but once again it's just short lived.

[KrakenAttackin]

Still better than no sex.

[Danielle93]

Then you can get addicted to it to the point you think your whole life means nothing without sex. So basically you would be indirectly putting pussy in a pedestal.

[KrakenAttackin]

How about just a regular out of sex.

[Sunssong]

Love doesn't stop people from cheating. What you said stops people from cheating.

[Molly1997]

Yeah that’s not right, it’s what you said first. It’s a moral thing

[VikingWarLord]

Read the book "SEX AT DAWN" by Cacilda Jetha and Christopher Ryan

[In_Trance]

That's not how it works

[Danielle93]

It shouldn't. The ''If you love them you wouldn't cheat'' shouldn't be the reason. It should be ''If you have morals and values, you don't cheat regardless''.

[In_Trance]

Morals don't exist.
People's values will always vary.

[Danielle93]

There isn't change of values when it comes to not cheating. Either you cheat or you don't. If they cheat, well they lack the ability to work things in a committed relationship and were relying on just lust and attraction, which shouldn't be the sole foundation.

[In_Trance]

You're correct, the values won't change, however, people have different senses of value.
For example, someone gets cheated on and wants to work it out. Someone else might not.
Neither are right or wrong; it's a different value

[EVERYONEDIED]

I do not believe in love

[Anonymous]

You can fuck why not?

[Jamie05rhs]

I agree.