Are there people who stay single because they want to? Why?

[Nirmroth]

I get the vibe that most people here are single not because they want to. What is with those that do want to stay single and why?

For my part, I just felt like I need some time to focus on me, having no one to hold be back before I grow to old or to tied down with responsibilities. Its been great so far but I do sometimes miss having a close partner to share my life with.

[Anonymous]

when i was a teenager i developed these little red bumps on my arms and legs that i had not even noticed before in my life. then one day a kid at school noticed them and said DAMN! what's wrong with your arms? are you cold? i looked down to my arms and saw all the red bumps and got flushed red, i didn't even like the guy, he was a chubby short kid that i had never even noticed before but he made such a loud comment that everyone turned to look.

that day i couldn't wait for school to be OVER!

when i got in my mom's car i asked her to look at my arms and asked her why i had that, she thought they were pimples and started to pinch at them. they only got worse. she took me to doctors and they never knew what i had and would prescribe ointments like creams to treat it but nothing worked. She would then randomly take me to pharmacies and expose my arms there and ask if they know what it was and what could help me get rid of it, and almost every time they would say "use this!" as they handed over my mom some cream or soap. NOTHING WORKED.

before i had these red bumps, i was very extroverted and really always felt i was the BEST anywhere, maybe i was maybe i wasn't but i felt i was and that's important! I don't care if people say that's a bad trait and it's too stuck up etc, it's BETTER. LIfe was better, everyone wanted to be myfriend because of my personality, i was the best beccause i believed it, without mal intentions toward anyone, i just really felt very confident.

AFTER i discovered i had this on my body because of that kid's comment, i became a closed shell. I didn't want to talk to anyone, i started covering myself. I told my mom i had to go buy long sleeve shirts and only pants, no more skirts or shorts. My entire wardrobe was skirts and short sleeves mostly. I did a full complete makeover, covered from head to toe and became silent! i didn't want people to talk with me because they would notice i have something wrong i thought.

eventually i found cute clothes that would still cover me and became somewhat "normal" so i started to get attention again with friends and boys. BUT i was scared to have a boyfriend because they would one day see i have this and would be disgusted or just not like me anymore... so when someone would become interested in me i would pretend i wasn't.

i always really wanted a boyfriend, but i thought eventually you have to be naked with them and this is too ugly they will not want me.

all my friends had boyfriend's and i became outcast again.

they eventually started to think i must be lesbian because i was pretty with nice body and was never interested in boys.

I used to think they only say i have a nice body because they don't know i hide my red bumps

when i was 21 I met someone online playing games.

there he only saw my photos and we talked a lot! it became almost every day, then eventually ALL DAY every day.

when it became too serious i got scared thinking if this becomes serious, then it means he will eventually see my red bumps and will see i'm ugly too...

i started to talk about my defects to him to see if he would accept me, he said he didn't like i have so many complexes, because i always said i was so awesome and never talked about negative things about me because it's internet, why talk about bad things? but i decided to do it because i wanted to be serious and see where it can go and not be so obsessed with this.

eventually my negativity always talking about it how he would not like me because i have this drove him away. we stopped talking for about 2 years and i cried a lot.

in this time i still didn't get the courage to overcome my skin insecurity and remained single.

we started to talk again a few years later and finally MET!
i still tried to hide my red bumps and he examined me lol and said it was BS and he can't see anything. I don't know if he lied or just didn't care about it or if maybe the lighting helped me in those moments, because sometimes you can't see them a lot really, but othertimes it's like they're all out ready for a picture and they all wanna come out in it lol

Anyhow, because he said he didn't see anything and didn't care about it, made me feel i love this guy!

BUT nobody knows about him because i feel if it doesn't work out in the end i dont want people to think i met someone online and was played and look like a fool. yes this matters to me, i wish it didn't because it seems really stupid, but it matters to me. i feel awful having to say i met someone online and didn't work out type of thing.

He lives on the other side of the world and speaks a different language.
he can't leave that country because of his mom. she is sick and just went blind a few months ago and they have no other family it's just them 2.

i don't speak their language so it would be soooo difficult for me to live there and i woudln't be able to work anywhere like that.

i still talk with him but nobody knows. Everyone in my real life around me think's i've been single my whole entire life because i must be "lesbian". Most of my family don't even know i have red bumps because i hide them all the time. Only my mom knows but even she doesn't know that THAT is the reason why i am scared to be in a relationship.

I hate people think that. and it's sad that all my young years passsed and i am still basically alone. Only i know i have someone but it's like if i have no one. he's not with me here, i have no hugs no real hugs, no real kisses,.. and even if i had never met him, i'm almost sure i would still be single because of my skin problem that changed me completely and feel ugly because of it. Anyone can see me and say i'm stupid for feeling like this over that, or you can't even see them, OTHER people have WORSE things than you, some don't even have legs or arms, or serous horrible skin conditions that don't compare to yours, etcc etc. a million reasons for me being dumb for this but even with all that how do you change how someone feels if that's what they feel? trust me i want to not feel this but i do.

i was naturally a different person but this changed me. I'm not single because i want to. I wish i was normal and had a family by now, i wish i didn't have these red things or not care that i have them, because like some say, others have worse problems.

[Nirmroth]

Have you considered going to therapy yet? Lets be honest you have built this ugly duck self-image of yours way to long and to deep that its activly affecting your life and love life.

The difference between you and people with way worse skin conditions is that they have accepted it. You can't change it, it seems like it will stay for the rest of your life probably. But is that mindset how you want to stay for the rest of your life? This isn't a videogame, we likely only got one chance to play this ever and when its over its gone.

Get yourself help and try to attain a more positive mindset about yourself. Those red bumps dont make your personality.

[Opinion Owner]

the red bumps did change me. and i've never thought about getting therapy because i understand my problem, just cannot change a feeling. the few times i've worn short sleeves, someone has to comment on my red dots, this is what leads me back to covering them and feeling ugly. what's weird to me is i don't make comments on peoples physical appearance because i know what it feels like when people do it to me. One time i thought they're not so red as they used to be and wore a small shirt, and a cousin of mine said with a disgusted expression that she could still see them, she is one of the only people other than my mom that knows i have them because i didn't think she would criticize me for it, but she did! and what's strange is that she has a lot of stretch marks, very overweight and has very hairy arms, but she still made a disgusted face looking at me and saying i should cover myself. how do people who have bad thing about themselves and things they can actually control, still feel okay with making others feel bad with negative comments about their appearance? ... I felt i really wanted to say something back in regards to her appearance but i thought that would be mean i don't want to be like her, but she did it to me lol there is no way any therapist can change how she made me feel because it's an emotion, i can choose to say i won't care but at the end of the day it still affects me, depending on who says the words or how you feel inside.

Thank you for your advice though, i just feel it would just be a waist of time and money.

Sadly for me i feel my life is over. "how do i change a feeling? if that's what the person feels?" it's too late anyway.

[Opinion Owner]

waste*

[Nirmroth]

But thats exactly what therapy is supposed to do, change feelings or how you view yourself.
It won't happen instantly but slowly over multiple sessions.
Its never a waste of time and money to self improve.
Wasted time is time spent sulking in a corner doing nothing.

I go myself aswell for different issues.

Ye I mean come on, your cousin is really shitty and projecting. Some people try to pull you down so they can stay up float.

Its never to late, thats looser mentality and exactly the downspiral you're building yourself bec it is convient to do nothing. Otherwise it would mean actually loving your self like you am an putting in work and time to do so.

[Anonymous]

I wanted to stay single bcs I just got out of a long term relationship that held me back from doing what I wanted (in career, pursuing a higher education, getting closer to family, etc). I needed some time to really focus on myself and do what I want without having to worry about getting my partner’s “approval”. I wanted to pursue a master’s degree and move closer to my family but my ex stopped me. After we broke up, I managed to do all that.

I also felt the need to get to know myself some more. I basically grew up with my ex, I didn’t know what it feels like to be alone bcs we were always together from college up until our mid 20s. So it was nice to have that freedom. I’m in a relationship now but my boyfriend is very supportive of me and he wants me to keep growing so I’m very luck to have him!

[Anonymous]

The juice isn't worth the squeeze. I don't think most people "choose" singlehood so much as they just realize after a while based on what's out there kind of relegated them to si glehood being the best option.

I mean I know most women my age are old, run through, with lots of baggage. And most just view me as a revenue source. Well what part of that would be appealing to me?😆 most women today do not really want relationships at least not really anything lasting. And at my age I have little interest in something off and on. So if I get that feeling about her there's no reason to even start.

[OfMiceandMen]

I don't mind being single. I am content with who I and don't need to be in a relationship to be happy. I'm good either way.

Even though, I like spending time with someone, I love certain freedoms that comes with being single. For instance, last weekend I hopped in the truck and drove to Montreal. No explaining why or when I'll be back - just did it.

I like the idea of being able to do what I want, when I want, with no questions asked or feel guilty about leaving someone behind because they have to work on Monday.

[jennifer_bloom]

I think being single is better than being in an emotionally unsatisfying relationship. Some might choose to marry for money or manual support or so they can have a child to raise but I am not willing to compromise on the option of having a kind and respectful person just so I can fast track the side effects of an early marriage like joint bank accounts or mutual support with chores etc...

[provokeesmokee]

Oh for sure.

I'm choosing to stay single because I have things I want to do and routines I want to build. Those take my whole focus, alongside my career, so I don't feel up to the effort of establishing a relationship just yet.

I want to stay single for two years at least so I can work on my own shit without worrying. I figure it'll be more fun to date when I've got those systems in place. Plus I'll probably be more attractive then anyways, so all for the better.

[thegreenyogi]

Yes there are and one of the reasons is that their priorities in life are different. Not everyone's biggest aspiration is to get married and have kids or be in a long term commitment. And the reason for that is these kinds of people have other plans: a list of things they need to do and could not do if in a long term relationship because inevitably the relationship can become an obstacle to that. This doesn't mean that relationships are a terrible thing but it's the mental conditioning of it that doesn't allow one to feel like they're truly free to do what they want.

[Naruse]

So this isn't about me but my brother had this due to being in several long term relationships back to back since his teens. A lot of people want that freedom they've barely tasted and being in a relationship is kinda like adopting certain things from your partner so people like to rediscover their own interests and beliefs independent of someone else. Take this with a grain of salt though as I'm not him I can only rely what he told me.

[DarkLegacy]

Yes, there are plenty of men who are MGTOW because they get no benefit out of a relationship with a woman. Women control men, blackmail them, cheat on them and leave for unfair reasons.

[Nirmroth]

What is MGTOW in long?

That sounds like a pretty pessimistic worldview to me. Not every women I met was great but likewise not everyone was bad.

[DarkLegacy]

Men Going Their Own Way

[Smashingdoozy]

I go back and forth on whether I'm ready to get into a relationship again or possibly experience heartbreak again. It's a tough decision to make and not one to take lightly if there's the possibility of you not being in the right headspace.

[johnnydeeeep]

I just got bored and figured I would have fun at the expense of many whom likely wouldn't appreciate me. However I am also single and by choice at that and have been most of my adult life. I like experiencing lots of different women for short and meaningful times.
Being with one person for longer than a couple of months is like eating the same thing for dinner every night of your life or only having one friend lol

[Smashingdoozy]

@johnnydeeeep I disagree but you do you

[johnnydeeeep]

I'm hoping you can find a creative means of posting your fully articulated statement. You have me intrigued by where you could be going with it, it sounds like you actually thought about what you were seemingly attempting to convey...
Further, per usual protocol I checked out the profile photo of the woman replying to me...
... and I could look at you all day long

[Nirmroth]

Bro you're even giving me the creeps

[johnnydeeeep]

I appreciate your thoughts. I'll look over what I've wrote and consider it again, but honestly you kinda seem like a bit of a bitch so considering context of source, I'm not all that worried about it.

[johnnydeeeep]

Yeah, read it again, you're a straight-up punk bitch

[Nirmroth]

Thanks for confirming my point.

[Smashingdoozy]

What the actual fuck 😂😂

[johnnydeeeep]

X🖤🏴‍☠️

[love_conquers_lust]

Haven’t found someone I like enough and I’m too lazy to do anything about it until I fix other aspects of my life. This site is entertainment in the meantime. I need to surround myself with people in the flesh I want to be around, that’s my main issue. I don’t have the vitriol towards women or racial majorities like others here do.

[SolitarySolace]

I’m staying single because I want to because my past relationships they’ve all cheated on me and 8 years ago was my last legit relationship and 5-6 years ago I was falsely accused when attempting to see where things would go with someone new. I’m now content being single and can’t see a legit relationship being healthy at all.

[ARC1092]

I'm single by choice. I just feel like a relationship is not something that I need in my life, plus, my standards for a woman effectively weed out a majority of modern women, so in my opinion, there's no real point in looking for a relationship, when I could better spend that time and energy improving myself and my situation in life.

[happyfoetus]

I’m single because I enjoy the freedom to be non monogamous and yeah spend all my money on me than unnecessary dates and problems.

I’m too picky with boys that I don’t enjoy their company.

[madhatters4]

i think most people would probably prefer to be in a relationship and so if they are single it is not a choice so much a result of circumstances

but yes i think there are people out their who truly choose to be single

[JHAYES317]

For a while I purposefully avoided asking anyone out because I wanted to wait till I was living on my own and making all my own money. So I suppose during that time it was out of choice. Now, it’s out of my control lol

[Anonymous]

A lot of people on this site are chronically single because they have to be. In fact, most chronically single men gather to this site to air their grievances about women.

[BoopBoopBeep]

I just got out of an 8 year relationship. I'm in no hurry to hop into another one.

[jeffend888]

95% of people are not single by choice. There are always exceptions, but those exceptions do not prove the rule.

[Nirmroth]

Were do you got that % from?

[Fuentes]

I stay single cause I want to I like money more then some chuck nagging about everything and having a emotional roller coaster and ruining my time and passing me off. Money doesn't do that.

[Anonymous]

Some people are single because we haven't find someone. As a single mum it's hard to find someone interested in dating me.

[Twalli]

There was a guy who was glad he was single because that allowed him to move and go to graduate school

[Anonymous]

I'm too busy to date and with MeToo statutes and chaotic new age dating I'm glad I'm staying well away

[LiamJHayden]

Being single is better than having a bad or mediocre relationship.