Is it fair for my fiance to expect me to pay his credit card bill?

Question

My fiance and I live together but have separate bank accounts. Recently he has been griping about money and how I have more savings than him. He makes 6 times more what I do a year. I can only work part-time right now because we have 2 toddlers. The cost of daycare is unaffordable at $400/week if I were to work full-time. With part time hours I qualify for the childcare subsidy so that's what I use to be able to work. I alone was paying that cost out of pocket for 2 months despite it being my entire paycheck until the subsidy kicked in and I was reimbursed with tax refund. We don't have any helpful relatives or free babysitters so that's not an option. He refuses to work any shift other than morning so I offered to work a full-time afternoon shift if he would be willing to watch the kids while I work, so that we don't have to worry about childcare, but he wasn't on board with that. I said if he was willing to stay home with the kids, then I would be willing to work full-time. He doesn't want to do that. The thing is, he travels for fun out of state 4x a year. I can't afford to travel so I'm stuck at home all the time and even if I did have the money, he always wants it to be without the kids. We don't have anyone willing to watch our kids. I said that maybe he should cut back on his traveling if he wants more savings because traveling isn't cheap and he got mad. Between that and his expensive photography hobby, that's where a good chunk of his money goes. He owes $700+ in credit card bill and wants me to pay it. I have a higher savings than him because I do not live beyond my means like he does. Is it fair for him to expect me to pay his credit card bill?

Finchie40 · Accepted Answer

Not at all , and honestly you should really
Reconsider being in that relationship with him , He is clearly not on the same page with you when it comes to finances , and the fact that he is traveling without you all the time? is a huge red flag that he is more than likely being up to no good. I hate to say it , but he only likes the convenience of you, if he truly loved you and cared about you, he wouldn’t hesitate to work as a team with you. Your fiancé sounds like a selfish person that only really cares about himself , whether he is the father of your kids or not , that’s something he should of really considered before getting into a relationship with you , understanding you are a package deal. It sounds like he just wanted to be with you for sex and considers you just a friend with benefits People like him can have a relationship all by themselves because they only care about themselves. When a guy truly loves a girl , he wants to be by her side as much as possible , he barely ever excludes her from anything , he looks at her like his partner in crime , he will climb mountains to be by her side , so I hate to break it to you , you are being fooled if you think this guy actually loves you , you are sadly just an option to him , his way or no way. Do yourself a favor girl and kick this selfish asshole to the curb , you are wasting your time on someone that just likes the convenience of you. You said he makes 6 times more than you? then that’s his problem if he can’t pay his credit cards that he is more than likely racking up on stupid shit , probably other girls’ Tell him you want to see his credit cards and what he is spending money on , tell him You aren’t going to help him , until you see what he is blowing money on , if he gets scared to show you that? That’s you answer to kick him to the curb where he belongs. Put your foot down to his selfish ass.

ohsheeT · Accepted Answer

Sorry but it's the moment that's your money.. 🤑 your the boss of you and what you do.. . He can gripe and bitch about it all he wants and then he can do something about it if he wants to.
He can bitch bark and bite about it all he wants but it's wrong for him to ask you for money if you offer it to him that's a no a whole other thing.
just because you have more than him doesn't mean diddly.
It's not a competition and if he isn't smart about it.. that's could be why he's in the position that he's in.
But . If he expects you to and you do it there's going to be a lot more things coming up than he's going to expect you to do too you need to really have a talk with him about that one

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

here's what you do for him to actually step up. break up with him. move on. take him to court for child support, since he's being a very deadbeat father. get the money you can to take care of your children. and then live your life. this relationship will never work. also, don't marry a guy who expects you to pay his bills, nags you about your savings, (which is PERSONAL and should be kept to yourself), when he's the one who makes more money than you. never marry into debt!

LazerBean · Accepted Answer

Yikes, I'm sorry to hear that you have children with him. Definitely do not marry him, and start splitting all bills and chores 50/50.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

How tragic that you gave two children together. If you didn't, I would suggest you dropping this guy like a hot potato, because he sounds very selfish, immature, and I have no idea why you want to marry someone like this.

If your answer is the usual "but I love him," I will remind you that it takes more than love to make a relationship work. If love is all you have, go ahead and get married but know that the divorce will some within a few years.

Oliverlogan263 · Answer

No way, that is not cool of him at all to expect you to pay his credit card bill! You already work hard with the two kids while he makes way more money.

It sounds like his spending is the real issue here, not you not contributing enough. Travelling out of state all the time and an expensive hobby, that adds up quick. Meanwhile you're stuck at home doing kid duty so he can live it up. Not fair.

I wouldn't pay that credit card bill if I were you. He's a grown man, he can handle his own finances. Maybe it's time you had a serious talk with him about budgeting better and figuring out childcare so you can both work if needed.

His money problems are not your responsibility. You already work part time and take care of the kids - that's a huge contribution on its own. Don't let him guilt you into bailing him out when he's the one going overboard. Stand your ground sis!

deus_ex_sisyphus · Answer

Thats a difficult question. On one hand, you're in your late thirties / early forties and you are engaged with the father of your two kids. Whether you deal with them now, or after marriage; his issues will also become your issues (including the debt). Your APY from a HYSA / SA will never be greater than the APR on credit debt - it would make sense to pay it off now, so youd be better in the long run. However, you portrait your future husband as being immature and reluctant to take on the role of a father. That characterization aside, you should find out what the charges were for on the statement he wants you to pay off. If this is an uncommon request, either he was venting, is truly in need of help, or he feels like the charges put on his credit card should belong to you. Dig deeper find out the reason.

Anonymous · Answer

Is there a reason why you two have separate accounts? I mean reading your narrative I could say yes that would be a good reason. But what was the reason for that as far as what you two decided? in my opinion he doesn’t know how to manage money. I mean hell if all I owed was 700+ on a credit card I’d be ecstatic. The simple fact that $700 sounds like it’s going to kill him financially again tells me he doesn’t know how to manage money. Which isn’t a good thing for you or your kids. Exactly how much in bills do you two have? You work part-time so maybe you’re helping w what you can. He needs to have an awakening. I’d be happy to have $700 in credit card debt.

Anonymous · Answer

Whoa whoa whoa hold up... I do photography as well and I bought most of my equipment used practically new and have some prime lenses and few zoom lenses it cost thousands but I never put myself in massive debt doing it and I always tried to forgo the luxury line of lenses and stuck with kit lenses regardless if it was prime or zoom unless the company didn't make a kit lens and only a luxury lens in which case I still got it used. It's not cheap but it's not overly priced expensive either. I saved up and did it all cash and waited for sales or prices to drop significantly and i never bought the newest modelit was always the previous used model i bought. the traveling though can be expensive between airline tickets, hotel reservations, transportation, food that adds up

andreasderjuengere · Answer

Isn't he rather your " financé"?
Anyhow - we don't know how much he also contributes to a life standard that you could not afford on your own?
Facts are missing for me to have an informed opinion.
But if he's indeed wasting "family funds" to only have his own fun, then --> drop him.

Wiredone · Answer

And you are still with him WHY? If he makes more than you why isn't he paying for more household expenses. If he doesn't want to be flexible with helping out, find someone who will and get rid of him. I think if you marry him you will be miserable and the marriage will end in divorce.

To answer your question, no you should not pay for his credit card bill. That is his responsibility, not yours

Surely · Answer

If he was this way when you two first met. The red flags should have been waving! Now there are children involved. You need to come up with a solution to an immature person to get him to take some responsibility and be a good father instead of a sperm donor!

Anonymous · Answer

This is why I'm single 😆😆😆

I want to answer your question but there are to many unanswered questions that would affect my answer. And I don't think they're questions you'd want to answer. Nor is it my business to ask.

But no, I would not pay that CC bill.

So I'm probably the not the best person to respond to this.

JacobJordan · Answer

He is an idiot. And you can tell him I said that. He is a man or supposed to be. And yet he can't even manage his damn finances. That is embarrassing.

Staximus · Answer

Tell him stop wasting money and pay for his own stupid shit he wastes money on. The guy makes more money than you, you shouldn't have to pay when he can't manage his finances right. You're not his mommy.

Mikeysoda · Answer

Yes and no. Depends on your philosophy of marriage and togetherness.

Doktorpete · Answer

Jeez, 2 kids and still not married. Any chance those kids ain't his?

OddBeMe · Answer

Nooo no no. And I would stipulate he fix his shit finances before you tie your wagons together.

Anonymous · Answer

Leave him, those kiddies will have a horrible existence with such a worthless sperm donor for a father

KrakenAttackin · Answer

Marry before you carry and you won't have the idiotic problems.

shortster · Answer

Nope, until you are married you shouldn't pay for the bills of your partner.

laly520 · Answer

what r u still waiting for to leave him?

jahaims · Answer

You chose a weak man to raise kids with

Peter_Penetrator · Answer

Fuck no.

Is it fair for my fiance to expect me to pay his credit card bill?

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