Went on a 1st date, he accepted my offer to pay?

I know I'm probably going to get some criticism for this question, but I met up with this guy from online dating for brunch, and it went really well. We had a really good conversation and I really liked him.

However when the bill came he put down his card, and I offered to split and he just shrugged and said "sure" (he also ordered something more expensive than me). It's not that I'm "using" him, I'm working full-time at a decent job so I'm definitely not strapped for cash. I was just a bit surprised because I've gone on a ton of 1st dates and usually the guys will wave it off and say not to worry about it when I offer.

He asked me out again but I'm slightly hesitant.. I don't know am I being too traditional? Or would other girls feel slightly weird about this?

Updates:
2mo Also he was the one who asked me out
2mo I'm not saying it's a big deal or anything! I'm still going out with him again! Relax people
1mo How do i close this question, I'm being called an idiot by hundreds of people and this needs to stop

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Most Helpful Guy

  • Wait... so you PRETENDED to want to pay half, when you REALLY wanted him to say "never mind" and just pay the whole bill?

    #StopPlayingGames

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Most Helpful Girl

  • Good grief, I feel sorry for men.

    Why offer if you didn't mean? Don't "test" people you're interested in! Why do so many girls, take note I said girls as women don't do it this, like to "test" guys?

    Had he said no, then you'd have complained that he didn't take your "independent" self seriously.
    And now that he let you, of course it's making you hesitate.

    Next time, don't offer if you don't mean it. Save the poor guy some judgement

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    • 2mo

      Ladies throwing us a bone for once? Oh my thank you!

    • 2mo

      @Sublime45 I don't. Only when it's justified

    • 1mo

      There was a picture I saw, that was awesome it read.

      "Some women play more mind games than professor X & than wonder why they have so many X-Men. " 😄

What Guys Said 165

  • Maybe he was worried that he would offend you if he didn't accept your offer. Guys are in a damned-if-you-do, damned-if-you-don't position these days.

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    • 2mo

      I was thinking that as well. If you decline your sexist, if you accept your cheap. Then women wonder why guys are so cautious about dating.

    • 1mo

      Try selecting MHO for both genders. It will give you the opportunity to close the question.

  • I think this pretty much proves the point that women don't want to have to pay no matter how much they claim otherwise. You offered he accepted that's on you. You don't offer unless its genuine, you cannot offer to do something then get upset when they accept that offer. I personally don't care if a womans traditional so long as she is fair about it i. e. I have to follow my traditional roles but so does she, it becomes an issue when she is traditional only when its convient for her that's when their is a problem. As for feeling weird again, women want the guy to pay stop pretending like you want things to be fair clearly you don't or you wouldn't be upset that he accepted your offer. Admit what you want and be willing to do what he wants so things are mutually beneficial and their should be no problem.

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    • 2mo

      The first time My partner and I went out, I paid. I asked him out, so I always planned to pay.
      We've been together just over four years now and we either split the bill when we have nights out, or we take it in turns. We always have.
      It doesn't matter who I go out with, whether it be my partner, my friends, my sister, either of my brothers or my mother... we always split the bill. I'm happier like that. Most people are.
      I couldn't let someone else pay for me. When they do insist, I make sure I pay next time.

      Many people are like that.

    • 2mo

      @EmiliaB No most people are not. Over 80% of women surveyed stated they want the guy to pay, many more women claim its the person who asks the other out that should pay (fully knowing that it will almost always be the man) and other women, like the asker claim to take the high road and offer to pay or split the bill but again as the asker has pointed out the second he accepts she gets upset over it. Women want a guy to pay, this is really indisputable. Sure their are exceptions (their are always exceptions) but in general this is what women prefer which again is fine with me either way but she must also put in equal effort if she isn't paying. Its not fair to claim traditionalism when it benefits you and then claim sexism when its time to give as good as you have gotten that's my only issue with so called "traditional" women. If splitting the bill works for you fine but that is not the majority of womens feelings, its an exceptions.

    • 1mo

      You're right. I'd offer, and I have split things on the first date etc. But secretly, i liked it more when the guy paid for me. I won't even lie there. I love when (now) boyfriend, pays for my dates and offers to buy me things. But on our first date/meet up (met online), he bought some food, and movie tickets, and bowling alley, and we got along and wanted to spend more time together and decided to see a second movie, so I insisted I paid for that to be fair. If he had of fought me to pay would I have been upset? No, I probably would've liked it. But I also didn't think "I won't date him again now". Because as you said, I made the offer.

      But I guess in the traditional sense, I am kind of the traditional woman whereby I cook dinner most nights and do the washing for us both so maybe we are kind of traditional. But I don't see it as "tradition" it's just what I want to do.

  • How about you be the adult you are and owe up to your decision. You offered to split - accept the consequences of your choice. If you don't like splitting then why the hell even offer it? If anything, that guy is a keeper since he doesn't have any insecurities about his masculinity over spending money.

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  • Why would you offer to pay and then get upset when they let you?
    That seems asinine. "I told my boss I would work on Saturday and then he said ok." "I told my mom I would go shopping with her on Tuesday and she said yes!"

    Does that not seem a little weird?

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  • One thing I notice about women (and most don't realize themselves) is that a lot of you constantly test guys. If you OFFER to split then that's what guys will take it as. We'll take it at face value. She offered and I will make a decision based on that offer. It's like those guys who say they aren't looking for sex but then go home and bang a guy the same night or don't want a relationship and then a week later they have a boyfriend. Long story short, if you ask something or say something, that's what we'll think you mean. Guys are generally straightforward with their intentions and if you do things like that then you can expect a straightforward response.

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    • 2mo

      But wouldn't he want to make a good impression by just paying for it? At least just for the 1st meeting? It wasn't even expensive at all

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    • 2mo

      I personally offer to pay up front but if she offers to split the bill then I'd take it too. It's the 21st century. Men don't support women anymore. Men and women both work jobs and both bring in income so I see no reason why I should pay. As I said, I'd offer to pay upfront but if she offered to split then I'd call it fair. For a woman to expect me to pay I think is an extremely antiquated viewpoint.

    • 2mo

      Toad1 is right. You are focussing so hard on the fact that you guys split the bill and ignoring everything else good in the date. You women focus too hard on these superficial prerequisites which is why you always end up in such bad relationships. You can meet a perfectly good guy but if he doesn't "approach" you the right way or "pay for a date" then he's no longer qualified to be your boyfriend. That stuff shouldn't matter. If you like him, he likes you, you had a good time, who the hell cares if "everyone else paid for your dates before." Are you broke now? Did he make you pay? No you offered.

  • You offered to split the bill but somehow he is at fault?

    He put down his card and was prepared to pay. Apparently you didn't like that and offered to split. He shrugged his shoulders because he thought that's what you wanted to do. Do you think he is a mind reader? When you say you want to split he assumes you want to split. How is that his fault?

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  • So he says he'll pay the bill, then you offer to pay half, then he agrees since you were the one who offered and you're surprised that he agreed? If you want a guy to pay the bill why would you ask to split it? And now you don't even want to date him because of that? Girls are so damn cunfusing nowadays I swear.

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    • 2mo

      Because even though we want equality in the work place, a lot of us are still very old school in terms of courtship. I personally don't see a problem with going dutch. It seems to be the more sensible option when you're just getting to know each other, but when it comes to dating (believe it or not), we actually want an old school courtship. Some of us were taught (as I was) that the man should pay on the first date, but out of courtesy, the woman should at least offer. If the man insists, then we think he's a nice, decent guy (just watch out for the chicks who take advantage). If he just lets the woman pay, we see it as a sign of complacency on his part, which is a huge turn off because to me it's an indicator of what he's going to be like in the relationship.

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    • 1mo

      @navychick2006 So you believe that women should get equality in the workplace and that things should be equal in all forms of life, but when something benefits women and doesn't benefit men, women want to stick with that. Ain't that some shit.

    • 1mo

      There's also a reason for that. Because every time either myself or one of my women friends to meet the guy halfway, he still ended up choosing the girl who treated him the way you just described. When asked why, he said she was more of a challenge. I'm not saying you're like this but a lot of men complain that they can't meet a girl who will be straight with them and then they do and still choose the chick who plays games. After a while I started to think that most guys like the women who play mind games.

  • sorry to say it but you're being dumb. Why offer to pay if it is going to bother you when he accepts. If you don't want your hands dirty why are you sticking them in the mud?

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  • The way I see it is that I think separate checks are the best no matter what. You pay for what you ordered and ate including how much you want to tip, if you're even going to tip anyone at all.

    And the same goes for myself.

    I've had my fair share of getting burned by 2 of my friends that intentionally screwed me over with combined checks when they ordered something that cost much more than what I had ordered and then they also put in a much bigger tip than necessary. Then they ask me to pay them back in cash after the combined check had been submitted with a credit card charge, signature and tip. So these days I don't care who someone else is if they are going to dine out with me, the golden rule is we do separate checks or I'm leaving them there, because I got tired of getting fucked over by shady people like that. There are times I didn't even want to tip because the service there was just meh, but they would put everything in quickly and then ask me to pay the half of the bill later. Eventually I know that this is unfair to me and I had realized that I'm being ripped off because they are getting an easy discount on more expensive orders as I end up paying more than what I would have to pay if I only pay for my own order instead, and even if I had tipped. Eventually I ditched those shady friends of mines and cut them off permanently.

    There's nothing weird about it. If the other person wants to be generous, then they will, let them pay the entire bill if that's what they insist. But if you want to be generous, I don't see why not, even if it was only for once or twice. Otherwise, just have separate checks when the bill comes due, so everyone just pays their fair share instead without nitpicking about it, or have thoughts about whom is being taking advantage of when the bill comes due.

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  • You offered. He accepted. I really don't see the problem here?
    Also, think about it long-term. You aren't gonna go out for a meal when (if) you're married, and be like oh no it's okay, I'll pay. Like, better get used to both of you paying haha

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  • well why would you offer to split if it is going to be an issue for you later? it seems like you offered to split just to do it without any real desire to split. i think this is a bad policy. if you don't want to split don't offer. it is a significant moment early in dating as it sets a tone for things to come

    if you don't want to see him again fine but i think it's unfair that he is being faulted for accepting an offer you volunteered... not that he asked or required of you

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  • Don't make offers you don't care to honor.

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  • Women please figure out what you want. Do you want chivalry? ok be ok with him paying, Do you want equality? Then when you offer to pay dont take offense when he says ok.

    That having been said, if you expectation was that he would pay, then dont offer. I would have done the same thing in his shoes, id have been like, hey cool less money i am shelling out. Men are literal, you offered to pay for your half, he took it as literally, "Im going to pay my portion" He did not know he should have paid anyway. This is your fault not his.

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  • If you offer to pay you shouldn't be that surprised they won't reject your offer :P

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    • 2mo

      This!
      I don't understand what's so weird about it.

    • 1mo

      >> How do i close this question, I'm being called an idiot by hundreds of people and this needs to stop

      Well considering the preconditions it's honestly no surprise that happened lol

  • I mean cmon... you're the one who offered to split and he said yes. If you didn't want to pay you shouldn't have brought it up considering he was ready and willing to pay.

    I mean if a woman was willing to split even if I said I'd pay I'd say okay, I'm not gonna argue with that. If he's a nice guy, I wouldn't let this set you back.

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  • Why the fuck did you insist on paying if you didn't mean it?

    If he insisted, then you'd think that he's controlling. If he didn't offer to pay first, you'd think he's cheap. Now that he offered first, but then accepted your insistence to pay AND he followed it up with asking you to another thing... you're making up excuses to blame him. The poor guy didn't stand a chance did he?

    The problem is with you, not him.

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    • 2mo

      And more importantly, she would be setting the precedent that her word is basically meaningless. "Oh, I mean what I say... except when I don't."

      If she actually stops seeing the guy over this -- and TELLS him that's the reason (OP, DO NOT FUCKING TELL HIM THIS if you decide to stop seeing him) -- then he might even start thinking that ALL women are like this, where promises/offers mean nothing. Fffuuuuuuuuu woman.

  • He just respected your offer to split. It's not a problem.

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  • I definitely believe in picking up the tab, especially if I proposed the date. Though you can't blame the dude here, you did offer to split the ticket. He likely was confused and didn't consider that his meal was more expensive. In our silly heads if a woman wants to split the ticket it normally means they aren't interested and wish to get out of this guilt free.

    At least that is how my silly head works. People rarely will upfront tell you how they feel about a second date during the first, so we learn to look for tells. As in if a chick suddenly has to make a call in the middle of a meal and feigns an emergency then ducks out, it is likely there won't be a second date. I actually laughed when this happened to me for two reasons: 1) she wasn't my type and I felt like I was doing her a favor with the date 2) I have used a similar tactic and was amused at how poorly she pulled it off.

    No worries on your part, next date don't offer to split. Just let it ride baby.

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    • 2mo

      "In our silly heads if a woman wants to split the ticket it normally means they aren't interested and wish to get out of this guilt free."

      May not always be the case, but that makes a lot of sense.

    • 2mo

      @mikemx55 absolutely, just one of the things that goes through my head.

  • Don't offer to split the check ever again if you liked the guy.

    Seriously, this is the dumbest thing that's discussed so much on this site.

    Its an insult to grown men when you offer to split the check or pay on a first date.

    These pussy ass guys who say otherwise have no clue what they're talking about.

    Masculine men want to treat you. If you ask to split the check, some will see it as if you just weren't into him during the date (in which case you should offer to split if there will be no other dates).

    This was a thing no one ever use to even think about.

    Failing species.

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    • 2mo

      Nice sexism. Seems like you're a little insecure about your masculinity? If your ego/masculinity is hurt by splitting the bill, then you never had any masculinity in the first place.

    • 2mo

      @Kirah

      Everyone, man or woman, with any sort of self worth has an ego. I'm not quite sure when having an ego became a bad thing. Afterall, we are not robots and it's not like I was talking about flipping tables in a fit of rage here.

      I explained to you what goes on through a masculine, traditional man's head when a woman he has asked out on a date offers to split or pay a check.

      You do with this knowledge what you want.
      Accept it, deny it, claim sexism, etc.

  • There is no need for this take. You already answered your own questions in your take.
    Your "hesitation" feeling is enough proof that this is not a man for you and you want a man who will disregard your offer and insist on paying.
    Please do not date that man again for both your sakes.
    You deserve a man who will look at "selective" equality and perceive it as that is what a "real" man should do.
    He deserves a lady who is simply a more mature human being than you are.
    So again, do not date that man again, leave him alone even if he is the one asking you out again.
    If he asks you out again and you felt like saying yes, the only case where YOU would deserve to date him again is if you show him this take of yours and how you felt and how you are asking people.
    If he sees this post of yours and does not change his mind about dating you again then go ahead.

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  • Go out with him, for Goodness sakes!!! You're a modern woman--hear you roar! If you don't want to split the check, don't offer but don't feel awkward about it. I'm a very old school guy who feels like the guy pays unless we agree to some arrangement beforehand. Next time you go out, tell him you're a bit uncertain and how does he want to pay for things. If he wants to treat, let him. Focus on being a proper lady, at least in public, and he'll very likely be a real gentleman if he was lucky enough to have been taught those skills when he was growing up.

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    • 1mo

      I'm not sure how to close a question. Maybe the icons in the upper right corner?

  • "I know I'm probably going to get some criticism for this question" Why would you?
    "It's not that I'm "using" him" It's pretty obvious that you aren't, don't worry. ;)
    "am I being too traditional?" Tradition expects the man to pay. So you're not being traditional, let alone too traditional. And who are we to judge you anyway? Haha.
    "Or would other girls feel slightly weird about this? " Why would they?
    "Also he was the one who asked me out " One more reason for him to pay. But it's your call if you want to cut his costs.

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  • God damn, then why did you fucking offer? Why can't women just be straight forward, just quit with the games and be direct. There's always some ridiculous "test"

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  • You're thinking too much into it young lady, will only result in things souring if you let it ferment :)

    I'd take it for this time that he was just respecting what you wanted to do.

    Nothing to this, just take it forward and see where it leads, good luck :)

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  • Honestly he's not really a gentlemen then and/or is broke. You don't want either one. I'm going to get downvoted but please listen to me. You don't need him.

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  • I'm 56 years. old. Over the years I have watched Chivalry deteriorate. You are living in an age that values "traditional values" LESS.

    When I was a teenager I watched the emergence of the Women's Liberation Movement (1970s). Today, women are behaving more like Men. Also, women even have MORE tattoos and piercings than Men!

    Check out this short video about splitting the bill.

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9Vmbsp9Fp9g

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    • 2mo

      SMFH... women are delusional as fuck. I was going to lose hope in men if he said anything mangina related.
      #faithrestored

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    • 1mo

      @tyber1 I agree. They are two-faced about it! Here is a video that I know you are going to like. Women deliberately use "dumb" Men to pay for things. She offers to pay for part of the dinner knowing that Men will NOT accept her money. Several women callers then call the Tom Leykis show and brag about how they use Men this way.

      https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SGwkRbChWxs

    • 1mo

      I'm not a user so I don't agree with him that I should lie and manipulate women but I won't let myself be used either. I agree with a lot of what he said beyond that. Marriage is for suckers. If you aren't happy with how things are, you can leave because I'm not changing.

  • (shaking my head)

    This is the problem with women nowadays...

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  • At first I read this wrong as if the problem was he wasn't offering and was going to let you pay for it all and were wondering if making him split was a problem. And I was like dont be ridiculous he should pay for at least some of the meal. But when I re-read this my thoughts are what you are saying is absolutely ridiculous. The guy kindly offered to pay in the first place. You were the one who offered to split. If you didn't want this issue then why did you offer to split? You could have offered for each to pay their own way? If you offer to split there is a chance he will say yes. And a split on the first date is reasonable this isn't the 1950s anymore. Dont offer something you are not ok with. Now you're holding it against him? So what you were just asking so youd look better? Do you feel entitled to a free fully paid meal because of your gender? I swear. People really brush off rationality these days.

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  • Ha! You're fake as hell. The old fake lets split it. I hope he firgures it out sooner rather than later.

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  • More from Guys
    135

4 private opinion(s)
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What Girls Said 129

  • If you didn't want to pay then why did you offer? It makes no sense to offer to pay for your half and then get upset that the other person accepts. If you really don't want to pay for yourself then don't go on a second date and find someone who shares your desire for more traditional gender roles.

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    • 1mo

      In reference to your update, please report any posts that violate our posting guidelines. If anyone is actually saying that you are an idiot, that is against our guidelines.

      You can close your question by clicking on the overflow menu (the 3 vertical dots in the top right corner of your question) and then click "close."

  • Well, you offered. Don't offer if you don't want to pay.

    We live in an age of gender equality. Splitting the bill is entirely fair, even if he's the one who asked you out.

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    • 2mo

      "Well, you offered. Don't offer if you don't want to pay."

      ^^ Yep yep
      d.gr-assets.com/.../3146618.gif

      "Good character" is about 95% NOT GOING BACK ON YOUR WORD.
      Bla bla bla bla gender equality bla bla bla bla splitting bills bla bla bla bla... none of that shit is even relevant.

      Yr word.
      You keep it.

      End of.

  • I take on board everything you've said.

    However. And this next part is partly aimed at you and partly at the gender as a whole.

    Why ask this question if you aren't bothered at least a small amount?

    Men nowadays have a tough thing - do they pay in full, do the cheque dance, go Dutch, or let a woman be "independant" and "equal" and blah blah blah.

    To be honest I feel sorry for men. You bitch if they do, you bitch if they don't, you bitch if they go down the middle.

    Quite frankly if you couldn't afford to pay you shouldn't have offered full price. It was his responsibility (as the person who asked without upfront saying by the way I don't earn much or whatever) to take the potential full bill.

    You might see that he pays for this date.

    When I go out with my boyfriend, even at the beginning when I earned peanuts I offered to pay. He knew I earnt less than half what he earnt (he was on about £19,000 a year I was on about £6,000, he worked 40 hours a week I worked 60-80) and when he said no I felt a little guilty but also felt like a princess. Someone treating me to a meal.

    Now, I officially earn nothing. Whatever my position before we go out I make it clear if I can or can't pay. It's the honest thing to do.

    I think intentions should be made clear before the cheque comes.

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  • I did something similar but different on my very first online date. I went on my first date and when the check came, I did not reach for it. This is not normal for me. I am the person that picks up the check. And if people fight me over picking up the check, I am the person that wins the fight. But I did not do this here. I actively did not reach for the check.

    I physically sat on my hands so I would not grab the check. It was a very awkward moment, I am sure for me and maybe for him.

    I really did not understand why I did that. I just thought, if he pays then I know something good about him? I think?

    I remember after that date I talked to one of my girlfriends and told her I went on a date from online. One of her first questions was, "Did he pay?". So even my friend thought it meant something. lol!

    But as soon as my friend asked that question and I answered I knew it was so silly to do that. For one, it was against my nature and for two, what does it tell me if the guy picks up the check? Nothing.

    Seriously, a guy picking up the check may indicate that this is a man that enjoys taking care of and protecting his lady but it could also be a guy doing it because it is expected of him or worse, a guy doing it because he is a people pleaser/doormat type guy that wants people to like him.

    It really says nothing about the guy you are dating. If he picks up the check or not, says nothing about what kind of man he is.

    I think what you need to ask yourself is why it bothered you. What is it that you thought it would mean if he choose to deny your offer to pay and choose to pay for all of it? What are other things besides if he pays that may be a better indicator of the values/character you are looking for in a man and look for those things.

    What I discovered for me about this topic is a few things:

    1) Don't do something that is outside my nature. If I usually pick up a check, then pick up the check.

    2) Why I thought it meant something if he picked up the check is bogus. I can't tell anything about the person I am dating if they pick up the check or not. There are better indicators to watch for to find out if I am dating a good man or not.

    3) With edating, you need a different mindset. Men are still expected to be the ones to initiate a date and pay for the date but in edating, most first dates will not lead to a second date so this is especially unfair to men. So cut the men some slack. Offer to pay and pay it willingly. It will be a very nice surprise.

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    • 2mo

      Damn you really hit the nail on the head with this answer. I really think it's ridiculous when some people claim that it tells a lot about the guy whether he pays or not, when you literally have no clue what his motivation for paying was. It's just like you said, he could just be doing it because he is expected to do it, he might be doing it because he's a push over, or worst case scenario he could be doing it just because he's trying to get laid or something.

      And what I find even more ridiculous is that usually you've had the entire date to talk with him and find out what kind of a person he really is, but then instead of judging him based on that you would judge him based on something as meaningless as whether he pays or not? I just don't understand the logic there.

  • y'all grown ups right? You ate? he ate? perfect. Split bill right there

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  • Meh, I think what he did was fine. If you're not cool with paying, don't offer to pay or just don't go on the date, y'know? I'd be cool with it.

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  • Just curious... why did you offer if you didn't want to split it? Of course you'll come across guys who will want to split...

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  • I think it's a good sign, it shows he respects you and your boundaries. I'm a bit different, I hate it when guys I've just met insist on paying for my share. I'm an independent woman that works and can her own damn way. It's like they're trying to buy your affections.

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    • 2mo

      Need more women thinking like you. We are equal. Its a first date. Doesn't really matter. You both arnt even sure it so work. I so why does anyone have to pay for dates that don't work in the end?

    • 2mo

      @Paul09 Exactly and then if you do end up in a relationship or become friends, then take turns shouting each other for stuff. I really don't understand the mindset that some people have of where they expect the guy to foot the bill for everything. It's like GTFO, grow up and pay your share.

  • Seems like you're confused yourself. He was just being logical and rational, and apparently is not a traditional guy. You, how ever, seem to be confused. On one Hand you want to be modern and show him you don't need him, on the other Hand when he accepted that fact about you, you get all pussy and doubtful. Really. Make up your mind of what Kind of girl you want to be, and stick with it. Don't make the poor guy more confused.

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  • Wtf are you serious YOU offered to split the bill you're the one who decide to split it not him at least he was going to pay for it all before you even said anything I doubt you would of after reading this

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  • I don't see anything wrong with it. I usually prefer to pay for my half at least especially on a first date. I usually feel uncomfortable letting a guy pay for everything primarily because I can afford to pay myself and don't want all the pressure to be on them. He might have been trying to respect that you are an independent woman who feels like I do.

    But seriously, don't offer if you are uncomfortable with it because it throws mixed signals his way. Not really fair. And yes it is ok if you are more traditional and feel uncomfortable paying.

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  • In my opinion you're being too traditional. If you offer to pay your half, then you can't get upset that he says yes. He's likely assuming that by you asking, you are one of the MANY women who prefer to be equal, so he likely didn't want to offend you by INSISTING he pay, or he is totally down to be equal as well.

    I wouldn't be hesitant whatsoever because I'm not of the mindset that because I have a vagina that guys have to pay for my time in the form of food and movie tickets.

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  • Well you kinda set the tone for it because he put his card down and then you offered to split the bill as a decent thing to do but fully expecting him to reject your offer. Lesson learned. Only offer to split the bill if that is what you genuinely want to do. There is no unspoken rule that a guy must reject your offer to split the bill. Secondly, you hit it off really well and there is clear interest from him. He may think you're a drop of fresh air, modern and doing it for yourself with the approach that you took. He could turn out to be a keeper as from the description, he seems very unassuming. He too may thought it unusual that you offered but equally found it refreshing and positive that you even bothered. Go on another date and see how it goes - there is nothing to lose from meeting up one more time.

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    • 2mo

      Exactly. She probably earned a plus from him, but it's the opposite for her. X)

  • Like, you offered to pay. If you didn't mean it, why say it? He probably thought you were trying to be modern and that you'd be offended if he said no. And like, he probably just isn't a traditional guy who wants to force traditional stuff on you. I don't see anything wrong, other than your reaction. I think things are ok.

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  • Don''t offer if you don't want to follow through.
    I think splitting the bill is tacky I just offer to pay. If he lets me I do and don't think twice about it. Not that I've ever had that happen.
    Why are you hesitant? He was willing to pay you offered to split he took you up on it. Feminism is huge right now. he might of thought he would offend you if he didn't let you.
    I wouldn't feel weird you offer you have to expect that

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  • I'm not trying to be rude but most female call themselves feminists 🙄 and they want equality but their version of equality is quit biased in their favour and it kinda sounds like you're one of those females (no offence). I mean if you didn't want to split the bill then its simple...' DO NOT FUCKIN' OFFER TO DO SO' i get that its kinda mandatory that a guy pays but don't offer to something just to seems nice when you're nor willing. If the tables where turned right now and lets say he offers to do the dishes and you take him up on his offer and he was to moan about it afterwards you'd expect everyone to be on your side and they probably will be but they most likely won't take his side in this situation (Sad/unfair but that's the world we live in) . So just for future reference if you want him to play for you with HIS money not your then don't offer shit if you're not willing to do it. Don't make it sound he HAD to pay instead coz you did him a favour when you agreed to go out with him, if its such as bother you could've said No. Hopefully i helped... Good luck.

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    • 1mo

      I would not consider this girl a feminist.

    • 1mo

      @lumos i didn't say that she was one i was guessing coz i have bitches at my college who claim they are feminist and are all about equal right when they've their so far up their ass and everything they say is biased in the favour of females.

  • I generally offer to split the bill, why should men be expected to pay for dates? You both wanted to go out. If you offer you cannot be upset that he accepts, be prepared to pay before you make the offer, simple.
    Hell, last time me and the guy I've been dating went out, so like... the thirdish time out for dinner, I actually managed to get him to let me pay, for the while thing! It kind of felt like a major win since he always wants to pay. Lol.

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  • I think he was trying to keep you comfortable. When he placed his card down he was expecting to pay. When you asked to split I think he agreed because he's aware some woman prefer that. He did the right thing and now it's up to you if you offer again. Or maybe ask him out for a desert or snack and say "my treat" when you ask him...

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  • If you want to be treated equally, it's only fair that you and all other women share responsibilities such as paying equally as well.
    Can't have your cake and eat it too!

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  • If you didn't want to pay for the bill, then why did you offer in the first place? That seems a little weird to me. You shouldn't have offered if you didn't feel comfortable paying. You could have at most split the bill instead.

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  • Why even ask if you want him to say no? 🙄

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  • Don't offer to split the bill if you don't want to split the bill. How hard is that? You can't offer to do something for him and then be surprised or judge his character when he accepts. If you don't want to, don't offer. You only have yourself to blame if it makes you uncomfortable. And instead of fighting with you over it, he decided to let you split the bill. Probably even appreciated you offering. I really don't see the problem here, except the fact that you apparently say things without really meaning them, and then judging someone else for believing you.

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  • Well given it was an online date splitting costs is appropriate until you decide if you like each other enough for a relationship. If it goes more than 2 or 3 dates you might want to clarify what rules you should have between you etiquette wise. Including when to meet family.

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  • I, Myself, who have "Tons" with Many a '1st date,' @Beach_lover88, Never have had to Pay that Day, it has Always been Him who Has... Put down his Card or even Cash.
    Now that you have Started the Ball and All rolling, he May expect You to Go in Halves with Him on every Date thereafter.
    It's niuce though that even though this Occurance has Not gotten your own Panties in a Twist, Perhaps I can Suggest that when the bill comes, excuse yourself and Tell him while he is Paying the Bill, you are going to Freshen up in the Ladies Room.
    This will Be your own Helpful Hint, and also to See what kind of Guy has your Eye.
    Good luck. xx

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    • 1mo

      Thanks for the Update, and please feel free to comment on mine here. In the meantime, continue yo Choose someone, hun for MHO and this will Help to Close the lion's mouth. If it is too soon to close this, keep trying. xx

  • Haha, you should only offer to pay when you have no issue with paying, not to test him and then be unhappy when he goes along with it. This is stupid.

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  • Went on a 1st date, he accepted my offer to pay?
    LMFAO in my opinion it's suited not to offer something you're not willing to give.

    Him talking you on your offer likely gave you the impression that he wasn't that interested in you to spend his money on you. No different to me than a guy fucking a gal on the first date and thinking she's not girlfriend material because she was 'easy'.

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  • I'm the opposite I feel weird when people pay for me, I feel guilty then and like I owe them. I haven't been on many dates though, so it's not a big worry lol. It shouldn't matter, don't sweat it. I would've just offered paying for my own and not split, but everyone's different. When dating someone new things like paying can get awkward and it always feels like virgin territory! Don't focus on it though.

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  • Your very confusing to me, when my fiance and I first began dating it was a pain in my ass to get him to allow me to pay for anything, it took me a long time to get it through to him that he didn't need to break his pockets to be with me, eventually I finally got him to ease up and now we take turns paying the tab. But you little miss thing I can't understand, you offered to split costs. Any rational person who offers it would be assumed they did intend to pay for their own cost or why else make the suggestion in the first place? I think that's why so many people are frustrated by your question because it's completely irrational and makes no sense what so ever therefore leaving hundreds of people scrating their heads in frustration over a question nobody can actually come up with an answer for. If you have the expectations of a man to pay for everything then never offer to pay. Me personally I've always been independent so I had to adjust to a man doing for me just as my fiance had to adjust to a woman doing for him as well. We compromised but as with your behavior I don't foresee any man finding compromise or middle ground with you as you seem to contradict yourself making you a person nobody can quite truly understand.

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  • Isn't a woman pretending to be nice by splitting the bill similar to a guy pretending to be nice just to get sex?

    After all, neither of them are genuine about their intentions. They're both fakes.

    If you're traditionally then don't pretend you're not by splitting the bill and then be offended that he accepted it. If he was going to pay it (before you open your mouth about splitting the bill), then be happy about it.

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  • Dude you offered. Just saying...
    I get why it feels weird. Men are only attractive to us if we feel protected, taken care of and guided (led/taught) by them in certain things. If their FUNCTION as men is missing, we cannot find them attractive based on looks like they find us attractive.

    But give the poor fellows a break. Young men are no longer breadwinners of society along with older ones. Not even at older age if we talk about unmarried people. To put the burden of paying for dates on a young man is not fair in 21st century.

    BUT... on the other hand... men as men regardless in situation Western feminism has put them in, still have the same desire to show off to the girl they really like. If he continues to do this, 95% chance he probably isn't interested that much. You're a "maaaaybe/bang only" girl.

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