How to get over fuck buddy?

[Anonymous]

We had a really bad argument over my best friend and we've cut off the fuck buddy agreement.
Our agreement was to fuck eachother but only eachother and no one else until one of us wants to walk away.

The problem is I really miss him. I miss his hands all over my body, his possesiveness and playfulness and the sex was mind blowing. How do I get over him? I have to see him every day and we've already both started flirting with different people, but I do it just to forget I'm missing something I once had...

I mean, do you think I should get over him or try to fix the situation? I'm really stuck... help please, some advice? What would you do?

[Esplorare]

"Friends" with benefits is a huge disservice to yourself. First of all, if you guys were really "friends" then you'd care about each other more than to agree committing your valuable, limited time on Earth into a sleazy situation where you guys could get hurt. Friends have more respect and concern for each other's wellbeing than that. With that said, no, you should not try to fix this situation that is sincerely a waste of your time and bad for you. There's nothing healthy about a woman committing her time, energy, and parts of her mental capacity to a man who strictly intends on using her as a blowup doll with a heart beat. That is a smack in the face. All of the wonderful, noteworthy, valuable attributes about you and you only wish to be valued for your vagina? How well you can sexually gratify a penis attached to a man who would cut you off and flirt with someone else immediately after? Not cool.

Please do something better for your heart and spirit than this.

[Asker]

We are friends, because outside the bedroom we are still FRIENDS and we do care for each other, we just both have really big egos.

I've only been in one serious relationship that just simply got me so depressed and made me not believe in love, so friends with benefits you get sex without the pain, he's not using me, we're working together (using eachother) to get something we both wanted: sex but without the whole love, butterflies blah blah bullcrap. The agreement is that any of us could walk away at any time, so I could "hurt" him just like he would hurt me.

[Esplorare]

@Asker Sweetie, get real. I'm sorry, I mean that in the most loving, kind way possible. Someone who is a true friend to you will not encourage you to participate in a situation that may harm you emotionally, mentally, or spiritually. You guys may share some jokes and acts of generosity but a real friend does not do what he's doing to you. There are guys who like to pretend to be a girl's friend so that they can get what they want from her and benefit from selective parts of her presence, especially if they know she's "easy". No offense or anything, just keeping it real. A guy who was truly your friend would have refused to jeopardize the bond in the process of pleasing his d*ck. He is no friend.

[Esplorare]

You will be a lot better off if you humbly accept that your agreement is a sleazy, tactless disservice to yourself and the woman you could be. There is a woman inside of you who deserves to be treated like a queen. Adored and fiercely maintained the way a man takes care of a ship with utter entirety and selfless passion. You are so much more than what you can do for a guy's d*ck. There are so much greater skill, knowledge, moments, and experiences that you have to offer besides being willingly used for another's sexual gratification. You have been taking the potential you and sh*tting all over her. It's wrong. It's not right. It's not cool and it should not be acceptable even if you want to make it sound better by calling it an 'arrangement'.

[Esplorare]

Sacrificing a value system for orgasms and sexual pleasure is sleazy and it's an injustice to yourself.

[Asker]

I understand where you're coming from and you are very intellectual and well spoken, but friends with benefits is really the best thing for me. I don't want a relationship, I can treat myself like a queen, I can pamper myself, and he didn't force me into it or anything it was kind of me who brought up the subject so he suggested it, and he didn't really pretend to be my friend, we've been friends for one whole year, doing all type of things together and we've been friends with benefits for 4 months.

[Esplorare]

If it's the best situation for you then why are you in such distress right now?

[Esplorare]

I'll tell you why...
It's probably because you've developed feelings for a guy who is kinda sorta treating you like you're disposable. I mean seriously girl, there's barely any difference between you and a female escort except you do it for free and consider his d*ck "payback". That is not good for you. You've been heartbroken so you've probably told yourself a story that it is good for you but at the end of the day: it's not. You think you were heartbroken before? It's going to absolutely kill you if he find a girl he actually wants to date and be a boyfriend to...

[Esplorare]

Woman to woman: You need to stop working so hard to do something so bad for your spirit, mind, and heart in the long run. Simple as that.

[Esplorare]

By the way, it's wonderful that you take the time to treat yourself like a queen : ) Every girl should! Buy ourselves roses! Pay for our own professional massages : ) Treat ourselves to lovely things.
Yet the point is, you don't deserve to be treated like a step up from a female escort.

[Asker]

If you think it's not good what do you think I should do in this situation?

[Esplorare]

Well to be quite frank, willingly being a f*ck buddy is like proudly accepting a demotion rather than a promotion. You would be accepting a significantly reduced position and ranking in his heart. I think it's pretty clear that's not truly what you want. To be totally honest, it sounds like you were too afraid to acknowledge an emotional and mental attraction and take a risk of getting hurt so you just accepted the lack of true emotional risk with a friends with benefits . But always remember FWB's can get your heart broken too

[Esplorare]

I suggest you put yourself out there, take a risk (because without risk there is no advancement), and sit down and have a chat with him. These types of chats are best done in a beautiful place such as a nice day in the park or even at your home with incents burning or something... even just in the car with chill, charming music in the background. Get the setting right... it will calm your nerves and it's also a way to charm him. Then just tell him how you feel! Ask what he would think about trying to date!

[Asker]

I don't want a relationship with him but I want him around

[Esplorare]

That's selfish.
See now that's where you have become the asshole who toyed with your heart.

[Asker]

Ouch. You don't even know me and he got me into a really bad state, I quickly became more introverted than I was before.

And I don't understand your flawed logic, you think friends with benefits is really wrong but when I want him and I to go back to just friends I am a selfish asshole? Okay -_-

[Esplorare]

Sorry @Asker but wrong is wrong whether I just met you for a minute or have known you my whole life. It is wrong to essentially use a guy as a dildo with a heartbeat, occupying his time when he could be receiving better treatment from another woman or a different experience.

My logic isn't flawed: you just assumed that your misinterpretation was fact instead of asking me to explain what I mean.

[Esplorare]

The truth is there is no being friends anymore now that you guys have been screwing each other for months and you have feelings. -_- Just be real: YOU GUYS ARE NOT FRIENDS, you are friendly, playful people who share an attraction and screw each other. You guys will never have a healthy, true friendship because you have already gone too far. It will kill you if he gets a new girlfriend and she won't want you around leading him to choose her over you. It's just a mess.

So you can delude yourself about you guys just being friends, but I'd bet money that sooner or later you would f*ck him. -_- If you were to "have him around", occasionally sleep with him, while you refuse to remedy your heartbreak, just to benefit from his attributes and overall presence, then yes, that does make you a selfish asshole. Sorry to deliver the message, but it's true.

[Asker]

DO you know what? Fuck this I've had enough of being polite and trying to understand you.

First of you say he uses me but when I say I don't want a relationship with him a selfish asshole? THE WHOLE CONCEPT OF friends with benefits is to have NO RELATIONSHIP.

[Asker]

Who said having him around meant still sleeping with him?

[Esplorare]

You seem to be extremely self-absorbed.
I've taken time and energy out of my mind to attempt and help you with your troubles and that's the attitude you have? Wow.

[Esplorare]

You are not realistic with yourself, girl.

[Asker]

I really appreciate the time you took out of your day, I'm not self absorbed at all actually, I'm really insecure and just react that way when people just judge me or call me something without knowing me

[Esplorare]

I get that but one doesn't have to know the depths of your soul to realize if an action makes you look like a self-centered asshole.

If you intend on occupying his limited time on this Earth with the sleazy arrangement when he could be off enjoying a truly healthy relationship or focusing his energy on something more fruitful, then that makes you a self-centered ass. Sorry girl, but it's true.

[Asker]

I'm not wasting his time if he wanted it to happen and quite frankly still does as he just texted me apologizing and asking if we can go back to our arrangement as he was wrong? I'm not sure how to reply though

[Esplorare]

Well hopefully this little chat of ours got you thinking about some things...

[Asker]

Yeah, I asked him to speak in person as I can't say everything I want to through text.

[Esplorare]

Girl, you deserve better than that arrangement. Even if you are too afraid to even let your heart want anything greater. The reality is that tomorrow is not promised. You might die this weekend *knocking on wood* but that is the reality we face in this world. So for you to bullsh*t yourself about not being in a committed connection, yet committing your time, energy, creativity, and thoughts to a guy's sexual gratification is a disservice and a dishonor to yourself. There are better experiences and people for you to focus on in this life.

[Esplorare]

and if you truly do have feelings for him, well you're never gonna get anything better by setting for a 'demotion'

[Asker]

I guess you're right, he's coming to my house in around 20minutes, I'll tell you how it goes after

[Esplorare]

Do you need a pep talk? lol

[Esplorare]

Do you know what message you want to articulate?

[Asker]

Yeah I'm just going to tell him everything that's on my mind...

[Asker]

And I'll see how it goes

[Esplorare]

Good luck!

[Asker]

Thanks &also thank you for helping, it took time and effort, I'll tell you how it goes, I'm really nervous though

[Esplorare]

You're welcome : ) Every gal needs a sisterly presence sometimes. I could sense that you were really genuine, slightly misguided, and just needed some help.

Why are you nervous?

[Asker]

He just left mine's, he got a call from his mum :)

[Esplorare]

how did it go?

[Asker]

When I texted him how I can't say everything through text he rushed to my house thinking I was pregnant. After we cleared the fact that I wasn't, he didn't even let me speak. He said how he's sorry, that he had probably hurt me and that his feelings are all over the place. I told him how I feel: how I never really got attached to anyone like him before... and things escalated into a deep conversation and now IT'S OFFICIAL. WE HAVE LABELS.
We ended up sleeping together too though (old habits never die) :) thanks for everything!

[Esplorare]

Whoot! Yay you : )
Thanks for MHO. Glad to help

[shesAcylon]

#1 never have a friends with benefits again cause you don't have the brain for it. The whole point is to not get attached.
#2 If you can't get over seeing him with other people, you will have to not be friends. Another reason you shouldn't have a friends with benefits .
Some people aren't made to have casual relationships

[Asker]

I've done it times before successfully, but I don't know why this time it's different...

[shesAcylon]

How long have you been friends? Could just be that he had the potential to be a boyfriend and your heart ran with it before you could squish it. Damn feelings lol. It will be hard to get over him if you put your self in a position to see him all the time. Distance will help and give a possibility to still having a friendship... if you can get over what you feel for him.

[Asker]

We've been normal friends for a year, and I never felt any type of feelings other than friendship, and then after that year we became fuck buddies, we've been so for a 4 month period. We go to the same college and are in almost all classes together, what makes it worse is he sits next to me in one of them, it's kind of unavoidable...

[Rcjh1987]

if it was just a fuck buddy there should be nothing to get over. .

[Strider90]

You shouldn't have had a fuck buddy in the first place, since you get so emotional like 99% of women. There are so many people agreeing that its not something good for women because you will emotionally bond with your partner, but you don't want to listen. Now keep whining about him. Even once you found someone else you will still think about your so called fuck buddy.

[Asker]

Well I've had 2 other fuck buddies before and I can tell you I wasn't at all emotional, when it ended it just ended... and he was somehow an exception..

[JSmuve]

I'm going to agree with @Kshppatel. This sounds like a relationship but without the relationship label. You may deny it, but you got emotionally attached.

[Kshppatel]

Thanks @JSmuve. But stop shooting so many damn 3's for the Rockets man just attack the basket lol

[Asker]

@JSmuve but what do you think I should do then?

[JSmuve]

@Kshppatel hahaha, you're the first person to get where my name came from!

[JSmuve]

That depends on what you want. Do you want him back?

[Kshppatel]

Lmao! Are you a Hawks fan or something? Or just a Josh Smith fan?

[Asker]

I do but I think that won't be good for me

[JSmuve]

@Kshppatel actually. My first name starts with a j and I'm a basketball fan so I decided to use josh smith's nickname

[JSmuve]

Why don't you think that won't be good for you?

[Asker]

I just think that it just won't work out in the long run but It would be good for me just in this moment

[Kshppatel]

@JSmuve Lol nice. What team are you a fan of? I hope the Rockets get past the first round this year.

[JSmuve]

Then you have your answer

[JSmuve]

@Kshppatel I'm a raptors fan. I'm pretty sure Houston will make the second round, especially since harden's been going ham all season

[Kshppatel]

@JSmuve Raptors have nice team. I'm a big Raptors fan

[Kshppatel]

@JSmuve Lmao I didn't mean to say Raptors. I meant to say I'm a huge Kyle Lowry fan

[MrHyde]

your in love with him i think, sit down n have a talk beyond fucking!

[Esplorare]

lol, this answer has it's charm ; )

[Asker]

@MrHyde... so you think I should talk to him?

[MrHyde]

Yes i do, but search your feelings first! even if your infatuated you need to get it off your system so be honest about how you feel! but dont keep up ever if he's gona fuck others! hope this helps

[Kshppatel]

The whole point of a friends with benefits is not to get attached. Lol at the condition to fuck only each other. Thats a relationship.

[Asker]

I know, but I don't understand why he's different, I've been friends with benefits with other people before and I absolutely felt no feelings for them..

[Kshppatel]

No you don't get it. This wasn't a friends with benefits . This was a relationship. Thats my point. If you only mess with one person and only one person eventually you will develop feelings for them.

[Asker]

Yeah but how do I just get over this whole thing?

[Kshppatel]

Just go no contact and try your best to move. Thats all you can do now.

[Asker]

We go to the same college :/ we even sit next to each other in one class...

[Kshppatel]

Well shit thats life. You gotta just let all them feelings go and not worry about it.

[Asker]

Oh okay, I'll try thanks

[hipsavvy]

you probably like him if you can't get over him.. also try to work it out and make it official lol if not just try to leave him

[Anonymous]

A newer, better fuck buddy should do the trick